When to speak up?
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Please do. He is a sex offender and a pedophile.Call them now.0 -
I knew a girl in third grade who told us, her classmates, that her Daddy peed in her mouth. We all were: 1. too young to realize, 2. grossed out, and 3. told her she was a liar.
Years later, I'm still haunted by the thought that if any one of us had told an adult, she might have been saved from it.
Oh that's horrible. That poor girl. Poor everyone else.
I had a manager of my sports team who was skeevy and used to encourge us to all sit on his lap. It was a young team, and there were only two of us who were 11. We both avoided him because of how he creeped us out. At a away tournament he was found on top of one of the girls. Her roomate walked in and started screaming. The coach had to be pulled off of him because I honestly believed he would have beat him to death. (no females on the officials list. Even our scorer was a man. It was horrific, because me and my friend had to comfort the girl until her parents got there. She was understandably hysterical and I think it was worse for her because the entire team saw it. We managed to cover her up and talk to her, while a different coach took the rest of the team out. But at 11 it was a horrific experience to go through)0 -
As my 5-yr old granddaughter's karate instructor reminded with his drill to them this week, kids don't know how to communicate bad and uncomfortable stuff. They are extremely vulnerable. Adults who thoughtfully intuit something need to be the child's voice and appropriately air the concerns to the proper authorities. Those authorities then will follow through (hopefully).
Adults can or should be able to take care of themselves; children are vulnerable and cannot. The vulnerable should be our first concern.
Hope this turns out okay for the kid(s) in question.
-Debra0 -
I agree with others who have said that he needs to keep himself away from young children. I know of no cure for pedophilia. His behaviors are suspect, and I would at least make an anonymous call to a social worker with some experience with this sort of situation. As a parent, I would absolutely want to be warned about someone with child sexual abuse in their past.0
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Given that it has happened before, it's a no-brainer, I'd contact child protective services asap. He may possibly not even be allowed in proximity of children, depending on the terms of his earlier issues.0
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Here:
http://www.in.gov/dcs/2971.htm
1-800-800-5556
This is the Indiana DCS Child Abuse Hotline.
All calls are anonymous. Call them now.
This! I am not sure what state you are from, i am assuming it's the above. But in the state of Florida, unless you are a mandated reporter (counselor, teacher, etc) you are not required to give your name. You will want to have as much information as possible, I.e names, addresses, etc.
If he was prosecuted before it is an absolute must that you call. In either case,trust your gut! At the very least, If he is truly suspect and nothing comes of the call officially, maybe the attention will cause him to back off, if he was considering something.
The statistics for sexual abuse are staggering. Like almost everyone said or insinuated, better safe than sorry. Again, trust your gut.0 -
I would be dialing that number RIGHT NOW.0
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When in doubt, the safety of those unable to stand up for themselves ALWAYS takes precedence. ALWAYS. As an adult that has a reasonable suspicion of danger to children, you owe them your help.
As for pedophiles, the recidivism rate is ridiculous--example after example has shown us they don't age out of it or change their ways--even the remorseful ones. The family dynamics suck, but you bet your *kitten* I'd have warned the mom, and if she stayed with him anyway, i'd call CPS to keep an eye on them.
These are helpless kids. You owe them.0 -
Going with the Penn State example, since it's so fresh in everyone's mind, his wife obviously had her blinders on WAY past any point of rationality. Some people do that, and it's terrible. Good on you for taking a stand the first time -- I'm sorry it cost you, but the world needs people who will take action to prevent such horrible abuses. It's time to do it again.The child's safety is more important than any thing else. If I suspected something wrong, I would speak up. I don't care how unpopular I might become. It would suck to be wrong and cause that person so much trouble, but it would be far worse to be right and remain silent.
I know. I entirely know. But in the first scenario, so many people backed this person that it was unbelieveable. I was the one who brought it to light and the church, his parents, and some other members of my family didn't believe me. I don't know if it was because I was young or if it was because he and his parents are so eeply invovled with the church and I am not.
You see why I no longer go to that church and no longer trust religion.0 -
When prosecuted, many paedophiles are found to have histories of abuse that go back years, in some cases, decades, because people turned a blind eye or did not speak out, out of fear of not being believed or of creating family discord. It sounds to me like this person was not convicted previously because those older than you, and in positions of greater power, failed to take action. I'm sorry you had to experience that sense of futility and betrayal. Now, you are in a position to do something and have your truth heard. Call CPS - they should be able to investigate without drawing attention to the fact. Failing that, speak to the mother of the children, even if you aren't sure she'll listen - you may just plant that seed of awareness and caution that might protect these children from something that will stay with them for life. Have courage, and know that you are acting in the best interests of those who cannot protect themselves.0
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One name. Sandusky.0
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I would absolutely tell.
You say you know it for sure and then say you might be wrong. Which is it? Do you know it or not? If you know it, tell. If not, then you need to find out what happened.0 -
Always call. Always err on the side of caution for the kids. If I suspected something I would not hesitate to call CPS. They are there for a reason. They will investigate and they also cannot tell any information of the caller.
This just makes me sad.0 -
I'll be the devil's advocate here.In my situation, a relative who is about 7 years older than me, who I know molested at least two if not 3 young children in my family, is being very suspicious.
You know this. there was an investigation which proved this, or you have simply heard through the family that this happened?The family things happend 15-18 years ago, but he has consistantly been "close" to young, elementary aged kids at the Christian school I attended.
If in reference to the previous question, if there was an investigation and he was convicted of crimes against children how is he now in a position where he is constantly close to children? I find this confusing to say the least. If there was not, and he has been in such a position for the 15-18 years since and there has been no accustations of runors since, it's curious. Particularly since pedophiles, as mentioned elsewhere, have a very high rate of recidivism.His baby sister didn't speak for the first 5 years of her life when he lived at home, I'm convinced this has something to do with him abusing her. She is now 15 and has never said anything about it.
Because there could be no other reason whatsoever for a child to start speaking late.His neighbor, who also works with me, came into my office and asked me about him. She said someone told her to keep her kids away.
Whom was this someone and what exactly did they tell her? Are there more rumors/allegations about him aside from those within your family?He recently met a young, single mother online and has change two of his cover photos to photos of her two young kids that he has never met! I find this to be creepy, considering what it know.
Or he might find the picture cute or a million other possibilities, but you are going with it being colored by what you "know".Now do I mind my business or warn the mother? I have no evidence against him, other than wht happened 18 years ago. And of course, accusing an innocent person of child molesting has serious consequences. It could destoy his life/career if I'm wrong and tear apart my family.
Would you say something or leave it alone?
It's pretty clear that you believe this woman's children are in danger. I think you should take some action if you think that is true. Perhaps as Evan suggested. But you should accept that if you are wrong, there will quite possibly be unpleasant consequences for you and all around.
When I was growing up we had a priest as a family friend. One of my brothers once made a joke about him. He said, "Oh, if I screw up in mass he'll make me do pushups with my shirt off."
As kids, my father had us do pushups and situps every morning and every night and often as punishment for things. The Priest was a frequent guest at family gatehrings and as such had been around one time when one of my brothers had gotten in trouble and was doing some pushups and he commented on how strong he was. My brother had his shirt off at the time. My other brothers, keying off the fact that priests were celibate - and thus either aliens or *shudder* the gaysss - took this and ran with it that Father had a cruish on him. It became a joke among my brothers based on this single instance.
Based upon nothing more than overhearing this kind of joking, some members of my family became convinced that the priest was molesting altar boys. Despite my brothers' protestations to the contrary and the explanations proferred, word spread like wildfire and the priest was tried and convicted in the court of public opinion. He ended up having to leave the parish.
There was never a single allegation formally made against him and never a hint of controversy before or after. But in that town, he's known far and wide as a child molester.
So perhaps, I am a bit biased as well.0 -
When a child or children are involved caution should be thrown to the wind. I would confront him and would demand that he inform the mother of the children of his past or let him know I was going to do it .0
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I'll be the devil's advocate here.In my situation, a relative who is about 7 years older than me, who I know molested at least two if not 3 young children in my family, is being very suspicious.
You know this. there was an investigation which proved this, or you have simply heard through the family that this happened?The family things happend 15-18 years ago, but he has consistantly been "close" to young, elementary aged kids at the Christian school I attended.
If in reference to the previous question, if there was an investigation and he was convicted of crimes against children how is he now in a position where he is constantly close to children? I find this confusing to say the least. If there was not, and he has been in such a position for the 15-18 years since and there has been no accustations of runors since, it's curious. Particularly since pedophiles, as mentioned elsewhere, have a very high rate of recidivism.His baby sister didn't speak for the first 5 years of her life when he lived at home, I'm convinced this has something to do with him abusing her. She is now 15 and has never said anything about it.
Because there could be no other reason whatsoever for a child to start speaking late.His neighbor, who also works with me, came into my office and asked me about him. She said someone told her to keep her kids away.
Whom was this someone and what exactly did they tell her? Are there more rumors/allegations about him aside from those within your family?He recently met a young, single mother online and has change two of his cover photos to photos of her two young kids that he has never met! I find this to be creepy, considering what it know.
Or he might find the picture cute or a million other possibilities, but you are going with it being colored by what you "know".Now do I mind my business or warn the mother? I have no evidence against him, other than wht happened 18 years ago. And of course, accusing an innocent person of child molesting has serious consequences. It could destoy his life/career if I'm wrong and tear apart my family.
Would you say something or leave it alone?
It's pretty clear that you believe this woman's children are in danger. I think you should take some action if you think that is true. Perhaps as Evan suggested. But you should accept that if you are wrong, there will quite possibly be unpleasant consequences for you and all around.
When I was growing up we had a priest as a family friend. One of my brothers once made a joke about him. He said, "Oh, if I screw up in mass he'll make me do pushups with my shirt off."
As kids, my father had us do pushups and situps every morning and every night and often as punishment for things. The Priest was a frequent guest at family gatehrings and as such had been around one time when one of my brothers had gotten in trouble and was doing some pushups and he commented on how strong he was. My brother had his shirt off at the time. My other brothers, keying off the fact that priests were celibate - and thus either aliens or *shudder* the gaysss - took this and ran with it that Father had a cruish on him. It became a joke among my brothers based on this single instance.
Based upon nothing more than overhearing this kind of joking, some members of my family became convinced that the priest was molesting altar boys. Despite my brothers' protestations to the contrary and the explanations proferred, word spread like wildfire and the priest was tried and convicted in the court of public opinion. He ended up having to leave the parish.
There was never a single allegation formally made against him and never a hint of controversy before or after. But in that town, he's known far and wide as a child molester.
So perhaps, I am a bit biased as well.
To answer most of your questions, I was present at the incidents that took place about 15 years ago, so I know for a fact they happened. He was a teenage babysitter. They were never reported to police and he has no criminal history whatsoever. It's one of those bad family things that everyone just wants to forget and move on.
I only believe that his sister never spoke until she was older because she was taken to doctors and speech therapists and none could find any reason, medically, for her to not speak. It was voluntary. To this day she is very quiet and sketchy. She struggles to build relationships with family or friends.
I totally feel like playing devils advocate with myself, as I think I may be biased about his present actions...
I did bring this up to my family this weekend. We are working on figuring out what to do...0 -
If I may ask, how old was he at the time and how old were the two, if not three, young children mentioned?0
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If I may ask, how old was he at the time and how old were the two, if not three, young children mentioned?
He was 15, kids were 7 and 5-ish.. somewhere along those lines.0 -
Quick question.
You said it happened before?, so definitive proof exists that this person had done it in the past & this is an established fact?.
If so, then I think you are OK to warn the other person.
It's not like it's a random accusation against an innocent person (if they have done it before) - I'd be very strongly against it if the person had no history at all (as you may be ruining an innocent persons life) - but if they have done it before, technically they are not innocent.
If they certainly 100% did it in the past, I don't believe you have much (morally) to worry about warning them - it's not like it's a baseless random accusation - but the 100% certain thing is a must ^.0 -
Quick question.
You said it happened before?, so definitive proof exists that this person had done it in the past & this is an established fact?.
If so, then I think you are OK to warn the other person.
It's not like it's a random accusation against an innocent person (if they have done it before) - I'd be very strongly against it if the person had no history at all (as you may be ruining an innocent persons life) - but if they have done it before, technically they are not innocent.
If they certainly 100% did it in the past, I don't believe you have much (morally) to worry about warning them - it's not like it's a baseless random accusation - but the 100% certain thing is a must ^.
Would you take into consideration the person was a teen/minor when the previous incidents happened and now is a 30 year old man?0
