When does being acceptable turn to rude?
EvilPink
Posts: 94 Member
Since I'm still fairly new to lap swimming and the etiquette myself, I thought I'd seek more opinions before voicing my own to a person who is rapidly starting to irritate me and, what seems, every one she comes in contact with. Which, by their annoyance I'd say that my opinion is confirmed but anyway...
It's usually really crowded and every one always has to share lanes. On occasion I've asked people if it's OK for me to hop in with them and they've said no because they'd like to work on a particular form or some reason or another and they'd politely ask if I'd mind sharing with someone else. This has only been done when there is an option of another lap to be used. I completely understand and am totally fine with that. But, anytime all the laps are completely full with at least 2 people, no one has ever said no. People are pretty nice about sharing up to 3 people in a lane when it's really crowded so we all get the chance to swim instead of sitting around waiting forever for a lane to open up.
It's usually the same people every evening so we all get to know each other, maybe not well, but at least recognizing the usual faces and getting to know each others' experience levels so we can pair up or switch lanes with someone to make the experience as good as possible for everyone because there are no designated slow or fast lanes. Again, most people are pretty civil but, there's been a new girl coming for the past couple of weeks and she's beginning to grate my nerves.
The first time she told me no, I was cool with it. There were 2 other lanes with only one person in them so I just went and asked the guy next to her and he was fine with sharing. But, about 15 minutes later, 2 other people came in. One shared with the guy in the other lane and the other person asked the girl if she could share and she told her no. She ended up waiting for someone else to finish so she could share a lane. Then another person came and the girl told that person no as well. The lifeguard finally made her share a lane.
The night before last, she was there again and, as usual, it was crowded but every person that came out and asked to share her lane she told them no. The lifeguard let it go on until there were people waiting on the sidelines and then he made her share so that at least one other person could get in.
Last night she was really ignorant. It was super crowded and she had lane to herself, refusing to let anyone share. The other lanes all already had 2 people in so the first guy she told no came over to my lane and asked me and the girl sharing with me if we'd mind circle swim. No problem and we let him join in. A girl comes in about 10 minutes later and she told her no as well so that girl ended up circle swimming with 2 guys in another lane. Then, and I actually had to laugh about this one, this old lady comes in and goes to the lane and she tells her no, of course. The lifeguard again made her share. Then right after that this little old man comes in and the lifeguard made her allow circle swim and that's when it got funny. The old lady could at least keep the circle going, although she was pretty slow. But the old man, wow - he was all over the place, lol. She was getting so mad but I had to laugh and think well, ya know, maybe if you'd not be such a wench, you'd have 2 good swimmers to circle with instead of 2, 70 something year olds, lol. The lifeguard did come over and explain to the old man how circle swimming works and he finally got a groove going on but he was really slow as well so now she's trying to swim circles around 2 slow-pokes. She was getting mad and kept telling them they needed to swim faster or get out. She'd already been there for over an hour with a lane to herself so why she had to be such a hooch, I dunno.
Anyway, I get it, I really do. If you're a serious swimmer and want to work on form, speed, endurance, or whatever - it's nice to have a lane to yourself and I think it's perfectly fine to request that as long as there are openings for the other person elsewhere. But, this is the Y, not exactly high class, lol. You've got all kinds coming in and out of there and a lot of them are older and slower. But, the funny thing is that she's not exactly an athlete herself. She's wearing her nicotine patch, completely out of breath, over weight, and has the nerve to keep kicking people out like she's the grand aquatic master. I understand her situation, I'm there myself. I'm overweight, not athletic, but working on changing that and swimming is something I enjoy and will stick with so I don't begrudge her efforts at all and understand wanting to get in a good work out and lose weight but, at the same time, at what point does saying no repeatedly become rude?
She just seems to be really irritating a lot of the evening swim crowd. Hopefully, with staff stepping in, the situation will resolve itself but it's gotten to the point where someone gets into it nearly every evening over her lane hogging. It wouldn't be that bad to wait for her if she really wanted a lane to herself but she'll stay there for 2 or 3 hours at a time, sometimes taking as long as 15 or 20 minutes just relaxing in the shallow end while she catches her breath and takes a break - she just obviously don't want to lose "her" lane so she doesn't swim in it at times but won't let anyone else have it either. Is she entitled to that lane for as long as she wants if she got there first? The lifeguards have been stepping in and making her share but, if they don't, what's the protocol? Is it OK for someone to tell her to shove it and hop in anyway? I mean, what's she really going to do? Normally, I'd never say just go in w/o asking but it's clear that with her the answer will always be no and there are too many people and not enough lanes and it's really bringing down the rest of us when, instead of having our usual polite evening swims, we've got one person taking up the space of up to 3 and throwing out attitude with it.
It's usually really crowded and every one always has to share lanes. On occasion I've asked people if it's OK for me to hop in with them and they've said no because they'd like to work on a particular form or some reason or another and they'd politely ask if I'd mind sharing with someone else. This has only been done when there is an option of another lap to be used. I completely understand and am totally fine with that. But, anytime all the laps are completely full with at least 2 people, no one has ever said no. People are pretty nice about sharing up to 3 people in a lane when it's really crowded so we all get the chance to swim instead of sitting around waiting forever for a lane to open up.
It's usually the same people every evening so we all get to know each other, maybe not well, but at least recognizing the usual faces and getting to know each others' experience levels so we can pair up or switch lanes with someone to make the experience as good as possible for everyone because there are no designated slow or fast lanes. Again, most people are pretty civil but, there's been a new girl coming for the past couple of weeks and she's beginning to grate my nerves.
The first time she told me no, I was cool with it. There were 2 other lanes with only one person in them so I just went and asked the guy next to her and he was fine with sharing. But, about 15 minutes later, 2 other people came in. One shared with the guy in the other lane and the other person asked the girl if she could share and she told her no. She ended up waiting for someone else to finish so she could share a lane. Then another person came and the girl told that person no as well. The lifeguard finally made her share a lane.
The night before last, she was there again and, as usual, it was crowded but every person that came out and asked to share her lane she told them no. The lifeguard let it go on until there were people waiting on the sidelines and then he made her share so that at least one other person could get in.
Last night she was really ignorant. It was super crowded and she had lane to herself, refusing to let anyone share. The other lanes all already had 2 people in so the first guy she told no came over to my lane and asked me and the girl sharing with me if we'd mind circle swim. No problem and we let him join in. A girl comes in about 10 minutes later and she told her no as well so that girl ended up circle swimming with 2 guys in another lane. Then, and I actually had to laugh about this one, this old lady comes in and goes to the lane and she tells her no, of course. The lifeguard again made her share. Then right after that this little old man comes in and the lifeguard made her allow circle swim and that's when it got funny. The old lady could at least keep the circle going, although she was pretty slow. But the old man, wow - he was all over the place, lol. She was getting so mad but I had to laugh and think well, ya know, maybe if you'd not be such a wench, you'd have 2 good swimmers to circle with instead of 2, 70 something year olds, lol. The lifeguard did come over and explain to the old man how circle swimming works and he finally got a groove going on but he was really slow as well so now she's trying to swim circles around 2 slow-pokes. She was getting mad and kept telling them they needed to swim faster or get out. She'd already been there for over an hour with a lane to herself so why she had to be such a hooch, I dunno.
Anyway, I get it, I really do. If you're a serious swimmer and want to work on form, speed, endurance, or whatever - it's nice to have a lane to yourself and I think it's perfectly fine to request that as long as there are openings for the other person elsewhere. But, this is the Y, not exactly high class, lol. You've got all kinds coming in and out of there and a lot of them are older and slower. But, the funny thing is that she's not exactly an athlete herself. She's wearing her nicotine patch, completely out of breath, over weight, and has the nerve to keep kicking people out like she's the grand aquatic master. I understand her situation, I'm there myself. I'm overweight, not athletic, but working on changing that and swimming is something I enjoy and will stick with so I don't begrudge her efforts at all and understand wanting to get in a good work out and lose weight but, at the same time, at what point does saying no repeatedly become rude?
She just seems to be really irritating a lot of the evening swim crowd. Hopefully, with staff stepping in, the situation will resolve itself but it's gotten to the point where someone gets into it nearly every evening over her lane hogging. It wouldn't be that bad to wait for her if she really wanted a lane to herself but she'll stay there for 2 or 3 hours at a time, sometimes taking as long as 15 or 20 minutes just relaxing in the shallow end while she catches her breath and takes a break - she just obviously don't want to lose "her" lane so she doesn't swim in it at times but won't let anyone else have it either. Is she entitled to that lane for as long as she wants if she got there first? The lifeguards have been stepping in and making her share but, if they don't, what's the protocol? Is it OK for someone to tell her to shove it and hop in anyway? I mean, what's she really going to do? Normally, I'd never say just go in w/o asking but it's clear that with her the answer will always be no and there are too many people and not enough lanes and it's really bringing down the rest of us when, instead of having our usual polite evening swims, we've got one person taking up the space of up to 3 and throwing out attitude with it.
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No, she is most definitely being rude. Looks like karma caught up with her the other day when she had to share with the seniors. :laugh:
At our municipal pool, the pool has a slow, medium and fast lane as well as the lanes for the swimming club, which become free later on in the morning. It's circle swimming in all lanes and most folks will allow you to pass them at the end of their length and there is enough space for a mid-length overtake too.
At my gym pool, it's different. The pool's shorter (18m) and has one divider down the middle. Three people can swim lane laps comfortably in each half, but on the odd occasion that there are more than six people wanting to swim, then we have to revert to circle swimming. There's also an unwritten rule that the right half is for proficient, faster swimmer while the left is for plodders like myself, although that really depends on how busy it is.
There used to be this couple who came into the pool and if it was the case that two people were swimming in one half of the pool with me alone in the other half, these two would then insist on swimming circles rather than lane laps. They were very proficient and fast swimmers, but she was also pregnant and there was no reasoning with her, so usually I'd end up going into the other half of the pool and immediately they would revert to lane swimming. There is no life-guard or pool marshal at the gym, so you have to try and be reasonable and polite, but sometime you do get the odd one who isn't. Anyway, I presume she's had her baby now, because I've seen him on his own once or twice, but haven't seen them together for a few weeks now, thankfully.
Also I stopped going on a Saturday as the fair-weather swimmers are out in force. These are not your regular lap swimmers who swim to get fit, but who come down after using the gym to use the spa, steamroom and sauna and of course will want a dip in the pool too, but only stay for maybe 5-10 mins and then leave or go to the sauna and then come back again later :grumble:0 -
Next time Smile and say "I'm going to share with you and get in" She'll get the idea. That or she'll start swimming at a different time. Sounds like an entitled B*tch, I'm glad she got stuck with the old people :-)0
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You're nicer than me, haha - I never ask (unless someone is sitting on the wall when I walk up). I make it clear I intend to get in that lane by putting my equipment bag down and standing at the end of the lane adjusting my cap and goggles. If that lady had the nerve to stop me and tell me to move, I would probably need the lifeguards to restrain me from punching her!!! But seriously, even if she WAS an olympic caliber athlete, she's not entitled to any more space than anyone else. I'm faster than most people at my pool and I never expect people to go elsewhere and don't mind it a bit when someone at a slower pace wants to swim sides. When there's 3 of us, I just alter my workout plans to include shorter distances (so less passing).
Pools with slow - medium - fast lane designations are awesome, but not everywhere is like that. I think it's honestly an issue that the lifeguards need to address because clearly she isn't responding to what other swimmers are saying. Or perhaps the pool manager needs to have a private chat with her before she gets in the pool the next time, since she isn't necessarily listening to the lifeguards either?
Either way, I'm sorry you're having to deal with her - inconsiderate people are the worst!0 -
Oh yeah, she is DEFINITELY being rude!
I don't like it when people just jump in suddenly into my lane without so much as a hello or a warning, (that's just plain dangerous.) I'd like for people to wait in the shallow end of the pool for a bit so they're sure I can see them and know that they're there before they start swimming. But as long as ALL the lanes are being used... I shouldn't be able to disallow someone from getting into the pool or using the lane I'm in.
You're being very polite to not get all up in her grill. If I showed up and the lanes were full, I would just hop into her lane tell her I'm taking one half and let her steam. :P0 -
OK, glad it's not just me, lol. I'm going to try and start going in the a.m. anyway because it's all lap swimming during the a.m. hours so I don't have to deal with kids and families diving and goofing off and can really swim rather than having to fight for a lane and deal with people like her. But, I don't know how well that'll work out because, honestly, I'm SO not a morning person - I do much better working out or swimming in the evenings.0
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Definitely an unfriendly swimmer. I follow the following rule -- applies for a pool where all lanes are equal, i.e. no slow, medium or fast lanes, with 3 lanes that permit circle swimming in each: I circle swim (3 swimmers a lanes) only if ALL lanes have 2 swimmers already; So in your case, I wouldn't have asked if I could swim with the girl. Instead, I would have gotten into the lane, politely wait until she was done from her active lap, and said "Hi, I'm going to share the lane with you, enjoy your swim" and then start swimming. I don't ask for permission when I don't have to. We both pay for our right of entry and there is an implicit swimmer etiquette that says it's ok to share.
Ever since I started lap swimming again, I am discovering so much more about human nature, I sometimes wonder"...If we cannot share a pool, how can we possibly share a planet!
Wishing you continued success in your weightloss journey:)0 -
She's definitely selfish. Hopefully the lifeguards have caught on and won't be nice to her.
I'm glad I haven't had to deal with somebody like this yet. We do have slow middle fast lane designations so that helps. The only issue I have is I often don't know who's going to show up. I've been the slowest person in the pool with a dozen people there only to end up the fastest person there on another day. I just have to be prepared to move over if speeds don't match.0 -
OK, glad it's not just me, lol. I'm going to try and start going in the a.m. anyway because it's all lap swimming during the a.m. hours so I don't have to deal with kids and families diving and goofing off and can really swim
The fun part is when teenage boys jump in the pool and try to race each other for 1 length and this old fat guy (me) passes them at my 1 mile pace. They're out of breath after one lap and I just keep right on going ;-)0 -
You're nicer than me id just get in and start swimming. She's being really rude. I've actually never had anyone tell me no. Sometimes when people ask to share with me I ask them to be near the wall because I keep kicking it when I do breast stroke. Maybe someone other than the lifeguards should tell her how rude she's being.0
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I just discovered this group!!! Yeah, I'd head right for that lady's lane every time and claim my side of the lane. You pay your fees just like she does. If I may add though, at my pool we get these clueless people sometimes who get in the lane without 'showing' themselves and just STAND there...or swim right toward me....I admit at yelling at one little old chinese man one time(boo me) but I'm totally not looking to crack heads with someone. I'm not a big road rager...but I've had some lane rage...lol.0
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In my personal and professional opinion on this subject (I am a lifeguard and swim instructor) not sharing a lane becomes rude when the pool goes from empty to full. Empty being the number of people in the pool is less than the number of lanes in the pool.
I understand wanting a lane to oneself if working on butterfly or sprints, but then schedule shuffling may be necessary to get it.
I would say if there is a lifeguard on duty ask the lifeguard if they will do the asking for you.
This lady is being unnecessarily rude,and selfish, and needs to understand if she is going to swim for more than 45 minutes to an hour sharing for part of her workout may be required.
I am sorry lane sharing is such an issue especially when I know team practices often have 5-8 people in one lane circle swimming.0 -
Bumping this just because ... 0
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One would think a serious swimmer would understand and accept that lane sharing is simply often a necessity. None of us particularly like it, but there are only so many lanes in the pool. We gotta wait in line at Disney World, too. It's just a thing when there are a lot of people.0
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I wouldn't even ask to be honest. If the pool was full I'd just jump in. Not because I wanted to be nasty, but it would be unfathomable that the pool would be heaving and one lane is reserved for just one person - in a public pool! Unless it was Michael Phelps or something!0
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Oh jeez! I am terrified of people just jumping in. We had a young lady get a concussion from that lack of communication in our local pool last week!
Seriously, it ain't about getting permission so much as it is a social dance to let the person already there know you're there so no-one gets hurt.0 -
I don't ask people if they'd share a lane with me. I ask them if they'd prefer to split and swim side by side, or circle swim. Uness I'm the third. Then it's circle swim. I do ask them if they prefer a fast or slow pace, then I'll pause if their pace is faster than mine to make their life easier.
I'm not going to ask someone to share a lane when the rules are plain. f.dat0 -
I have set some of my best times sharing lanes, as it causes you to focus. I usually just dangle my feet sitting on the side to indicate, I am coming in.0
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I hate sharing a lane. It screws up my concentration something awful. But hey, we all paid to be there and unless we want to pay MORE for a bigger pool, it's what we have to deal with!0
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She is definitely the one who is way out of line. It's nice to see that the lifeguards there are willing to get involved, in too many places they don't & leave the swimmers to fend for themselves. If she really wants a lane to herself, she needs to get there during less crowded times. Were I to get there & need a lane spot I would have the courtesy to let her know that I'm there, but I wouldn't accept "no" as an answer. Everybody there is paying dues for use of the pool, so they are just as entitled as she is. I swim in the early mornings at my gym, most of us are regulars & know how to work with each other to make sure everybody gets in. I've told the regulars (& the lifeguards in case non-regulars come in) that all they need to do when I'm swimming is to put there feet in the water at the end of the pool, when I see that I'll move over to the side & they are then welcome to start swimming. This way, they aren't stuck waiting to get my attention (I do some long sets with all flip turns) & they aren't stopping me to ask if it's OK, but having them just wait until I see them prevents those unhappy surprise collisions.....0
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I wonder if this is a UK v US thing ? I've only come across 2 minor incidents of 'lane rage' at my pool.
Nobody asks if they can lane share, though only 2 lanes are very slim (competition style) - the rest accommodate overtaking very easily and are marked for suggested speed. We just seem to get on with taking turns / being accommodating/ moving lanes to find the less crowded one etc. It is just a friendly local council pool - with plenty of very keen swimmers who could get 'lane rage' I suppose, as well as no doubt the odd very selfish person and very mixed ability.
Perhaps it is the layout, perhaps the friendly atmosphere - or perhaps we Brits are just good at being polite and even better at queuing!
Today was total bliss tho - just before Xmas, and so whilst the town centre was heaving, the pool has just me and 3 other people in it....
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I don't know that it's 1 culture vs. another - I think it's just a case of 1 or 2 people with the wrong attitude showing up.....0
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Where I swim we don't even have lane dividers.
So if you come at busy times, you have people swimming width wise, others swimming round the pool in a circular fashion, kids waiting till you approach then jumping in front of you, and all sorts, especially during the school holidays!
So best thing is to come early morning or evening, when the pool is emptier!0 -
I have run into this a my local Y.... but as a regular I think I am very accommodating. and I think I do what others do... If the lap lanes (2-3) have 1 person swimming, I pick the one closest to my pace. I will sit on the edge until they touch/flip/etc. If they stop, then I ask, "ok to split your lane (never got a no)?".... if they don't stop, there's no way they did not see me... I am a big guy., I go on and get in and plan on splitting but start easy to give them a chance to acclimate. Hardly ever have more than 2 in a lane for long.... but I have had to explain what "circle swim is". there are a few older patrons that have no clue (one guy uses a 1-arm stroke we call the "flapper" that uses the entire lane and barely makes any headway.... his elementary backstroke is not much different.
I think I go out of my way to invite anyone "sitting on the bench waiting on a lane" to split my own. I know I do this maybe 1 time a week. I usually only have time for a 30 min. swim in the mornings.
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Since I do all flip turns when I'm swimming freestyle, it's very rare I see anybody waiting while I'm in the middle of a set - hence my asking the lifeguards to just let them know to put their feet in the water, once I see them I move to the side & then they can start swimming. While I don't want to see anybody waiting unnecessarily, especially since I swim some long sets, I also don't want to be stopped for somebody to ask. I have found this to be a great solution, the lifeguard explains to them that doing it this way is my idea & I'm good with it. Naturally, if somebody comes in while I'm on a set break & they need a spot I invite them in. Our morning "regulars" know they are more than welcome to join me & the safest way to do it, I have never had a problem & I am not leaving people waiting. I started asking the lifeguards to pass on the instruction because I knew I wasn't seeing people.....0
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I'm new to swimming myself, and once got yelled at for not asking before I jumped in. The man was swimming in a circle and didn't know I was there until we almost collided. So I always ask. I've also complained to a lifeguard before when people wouldn't stop jumping in without asking. Sure, I'll split a lane with that person... great, a third jumped in but didn't bother to confer so there's no circle! Then a little boy started to jump in (he would be the 4th), and I snapped at him and told him no, that was too many people.
I've also said no to a third party asking to circle swim before. It's not personal -- I'm a beginner (as in, learned 2 years ago and only began swimming in deep pool 6 months ago) and felt forced to keep pace with others and couldn't do it, even though they promised they'd swim at my pace. I explain that to people as politely as possible when I say no, but some still look ticked off. But I have no problem splitting with one other person, and I'm improving and will hopefully work up to sharing with two others when needed.0 -
This! I dangle my feet until they get to the wall. If they flip and keep going I know they've seen me -or my feet at least-and we're good to go. If they stop it's usually a very quick "split the lane, OK?". It hasn't happened to me but I doubt if I'd take "no" for an answer. I think I'd just start swimming and put it on them to complain to the lifeguards.NoelFigart1 wrote: »Seriously, it ain't about getting permission so much as it is a social dance to let the person already there know you're there so no-one gets hurt.
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I am with gentlygently on this - I am in the UK mainly use a private gym pool where there are 3 lanes for slow, medium and fast and we all circle swim. This morning there were 5 of us in the fast lane for a bit and it worked. Also used a couple of public pools in lap sessions and again, circle swimming with lanes for each speed are the norm.
The only time I have ever had proper swimming rage is when I was the only one in a lane and still someone thought it was a good idea to jump in just as I was turning. I let rip at the guy about how he could have knocked me out and used a few choice words when doing so.
Apart from that I tend to only get annoyed if someone waits until I am about to turn before they start a length and then they are slower than me so I have to touch their foot to get them to let me pass at the next turn (foot touching in the UK is the please let me pass indicator) or this guy that only swims every Tuesday from 6.50am to 7.20am, never acknowledges a hello and is quite aggressive and annoys everyone.
Also, if someone was in a lane by themselves swimming at my sort of speed I wouldn't even ask to join them I would just get in and swim. If they didn't like this I would make sure I joined them every single time I saw them swimming just to wind them up and spur me on.0 -
There is a process in place at most Ys where if a person is causing issues reports are filed. That's how management can track problems. Approach the lifeguard offline and preferably not while they are on pool duty. Ask that this woman's behavior be documented. Multiple issues can give management the right to ask her out of the pool. How do I know? I am a deck supervisor for my local Y.0
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Some guy jumped in my lane tonight while I was using the board on my back and scared the crap out of me. The ONLY reason I was going backward was because there was nobody there and I had the lane to myself. Had he waited (literally) 20 seconds for me to reach him, I would have happily said "Let's split" and turned myself over. I was almost done, so I didn't say anything, but sheesh!0
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Lol im really knew to the swimming adequate I never even thought about asking to join a lane I just jump in lol saying that if the lanes even have one person each in them I normally just swim around people in the main bit unless its mega packed. That lady is rude and I would have said sorry I asked to be nice but the place is busy and im getting in anway! If she has anything to say back go and tell the life guards who im sure will back you up from that you have said. Happy swimming
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