On-line dating favors men
Prahasaurus
Posts: 1,381 Member
I'm seeing a lot of messages here from women who are confused about the behavior of men with whom they interact through on-line dating services. Let me try to explain...
The access to many more women (by a factor of 1000 or more?) is a boon to men. Especially young men who are not looking for a serious relationship, but realize they may need to at least pretend to be in a serious relationship for sex - their ultimate goal.
Here's why:
1 - they can now date outside their known social circle. In the past, it was harder to date 3 women at the same time, simply because a friend of a friend would know. Now, that's a rarity. They are meeting women from nearby towns, even an hour drive away. It's much easier to lead a double, or triple, life. In fact, men seek out women who fit this profile: previously unknown, with zero friends in common.
2 - It's easier to communicate with multiple women through texting and email. The man can seem more active and involved with the woman with very minimal effort. It takes 2 minutes to send 3 texts to 3 different women, all saying the same thing: "Thinking of you!" Cut and paste functions save time on personal, intimate communication by email. He just needs to keep the names straight, add a personal detail or two, and viola: a romantic!
3 - Men can seek out women who provide the easiest route to sex with the minimal time/investment. They can start with 10 or so possibilities through basic conversation (chat, email), filter that down to a handful for actual dates, then lock on the 2-3 that are most promising for quick fun. And the process never ends. More women are being added to each list, and the filtering process continues.
4 - Men get serious when the time is right in their lives. Timing is everything. Men don't typically meet a woman and think: she's the one, just based on her wonderful features. Until men hit a point in their lives when they are ready to get serious, they prefer to maximize their sexual partners at minimal effort. Ergo, on-line dating is perfect for this.
Yes, many of these features apply to women who are also looking for short term fun. But they always had many more options previously than men. By increasing the pool of potential sexual partners at minimal effort, on-line dating has been much better for men.
--P
The access to many more women (by a factor of 1000 or more?) is a boon to men. Especially young men who are not looking for a serious relationship, but realize they may need to at least pretend to be in a serious relationship for sex - their ultimate goal.
Here's why:
1 - they can now date outside their known social circle. In the past, it was harder to date 3 women at the same time, simply because a friend of a friend would know. Now, that's a rarity. They are meeting women from nearby towns, even an hour drive away. It's much easier to lead a double, or triple, life. In fact, men seek out women who fit this profile: previously unknown, with zero friends in common.
2 - It's easier to communicate with multiple women through texting and email. The man can seem more active and involved with the woman with very minimal effort. It takes 2 minutes to send 3 texts to 3 different women, all saying the same thing: "Thinking of you!" Cut and paste functions save time on personal, intimate communication by email. He just needs to keep the names straight, add a personal detail or two, and viola: a romantic!
3 - Men can seek out women who provide the easiest route to sex with the minimal time/investment. They can start with 10 or so possibilities through basic conversation (chat, email), filter that down to a handful for actual dates, then lock on the 2-3 that are most promising for quick fun. And the process never ends. More women are being added to each list, and the filtering process continues.
4 - Men get serious when the time is right in their lives. Timing is everything. Men don't typically meet a woman and think: she's the one, just based on her wonderful features. Until men hit a point in their lives when they are ready to get serious, they prefer to maximize their sexual partners at minimal effort. Ergo, on-line dating is perfect for this.
Yes, many of these features apply to women who are also looking for short term fun. But they always had many more options previously than men. By increasing the pool of potential sexual partners at minimal effort, on-line dating has been much better for men.
--P
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Replies
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I sort of agree and disagree. Certainly online dating has increased people's options. But that has happened for both men and women. I still believe that women have the upper hand when it comes to finding someone to date, and men have the upper hand when it comes to converting that dating partner to a relationship or marriage.
As for dating outside your circle, if you don't use the Internet, you could certainly do that. You can trawl the bars, go to some social groups and then some hobby/interest groups. In my city of 400,000 there are approximately 7,000 single women within a suitable dating age range. If I date two women the chances of both of them knowing each other is really low.0 -
This also explains the "poofing" phenomenon. The man has 10 women (plus/minus) in play at any given time, moving them through various stages of interest at minimal effort, all towards one goal: sex. Once a woman seems complicated, too difficult, not the right match, etc., she's quickly replaced by another, more promising target. Poof. Gone. No need to invest any more time. He'll never see her again, anyway. So many more fish to fill the void, no pun intended.
I'm not condoning this behavior, just trying to explain it. Men realize the fastest path to sex is to convince the woman that she is somehow special. On-line dating allows this for multiple women simultaneously at minimal effort.
Yes, it was possible before. It just took too much time and effort. Trolling bars is costly and time consuming. At best you'll meet 4-5 women. Trolling POF means hundreds of women, one click away, at zero cost.
--P0 -
I will put it this way...While most things are possible that does not mean all or any are probable.
Sure,your points could apply to any given person but that does not mean they always do plus it also does not rule out that even if a guy is okay with casual sex he is still not looking for a real relationship with one lady either.
There are plenty of ladies that look at dating as a way for them to have fun,feel special and yet are interested in finding a life partner too.
Some are just in it for the fun and also sex,that is not a dirty word to every woman out there.
In other words I find the pretense behind this false as it accepts that men are looking for sex only and while some might be,others not so much.
As far as what you say about making it easier for those it does apply to well it takes two to have sex so maybe it is helpful to the female side of that equation as well. :laugh:0 -
I fail to see how a symmetrical benefit (for both men and women, i.e. larger pool thanks to online dating) can benefit men more... If both pools have grown, and people still adopt the same behaviours/want the same things, then technically nothing has changed on any side.
What I mean is: sure men are more likely to meet women for sex (and even then, I doubt that for a lot of reasons), but women are then more likely to meet men for relationships too (and that's assuming that's what each gender is after, because I would say that online dating favors the woman who wants sex the most -> more social pressure for women if they have sex around, but with online dating, their social circles don't know about it so they can have as much sex as they want without social pressure - which men don't care about on a side note cf your point 1, also women more or less just have to spread their legs to have sex, so their rate of success for sex online is probably close to 100%, especially given that a lot of men are doing online dating for sex).
Also, let's be honest, I'm not sure women are actually herding to dating sites given the reputation they have... Which means in reality women have a larger pool online (more men, I'd guess), which means more male competition, so less efforts for women, more effort for men.
I find I have to invest a lot more time (0 investment, my @ss!) to meet women online, and without the fun of being at a pub/nightclub with my friends (absolutely no pleasure here in typing messages to random mildly attractive women).
So anyway, it's wrong to say that on many levels... The truth is online dating is **** for men.
(Your point 4 is kinda sexist if you ask me :laugh: it's ridiculous to think that women women get serious when the time isn't right?)0 -
this made me alittle depressed lol0
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Sorry dude this almost laughable. I agree with floz.0
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Cliffs Notes Version:
Some guys use dating sites for sex. Shocker.
I think the thread title is misleading though, online dating can be just as frustrating for men as it is for women. I'm sure there are also women who use dating sites for sex too. I think some women do it just to built their ego. All it really does is increase someone's involvement with the opposite sex. Players have more targets to choose from, the weird fetish people can send emails to everyone just hoping they find someone that shares their same fetish, etc. It's that and threads like this that make it difficult for the normal guys to find dates. It's no wonder that women are so turned off by it now.0 -
Ehhhhh!!!??
What are you on about P?? :noway:
Perhaps you should speak for yourself only, because every guy I've ever spoken to about online dating finds it a PITA! And how talking and emailing and texting and going on a date and trying it on and failing miserably cos most women dont put out on the first date, equates to zero investment??? :huh: Why would anyone want to do that 10x per week??? Wouldnt it be easier to just pay for it??
Not only that, but I'm not sure why you would want to portray men in such a bad light? Men have relationships all the time!! For every woman in a relationship, there is a man!! They fall in love, they hurt, they get married, they get divorced, they want a partner just as much as women do! It's what humans do! To imply that all men do is troll for sex..............that's really just neanderthal.
Although, of course, SOME men do. But they are called players! And are by no means in the majority :noway:
Poofing is about NOT finding the person you're looking for. It's because you didnt really get the connection. And with internet dating, because the pool is so wide, the chances of NOT finding the one is far greater!! So poofing is more prevalent, for sure. A man that finds a woman that floats his boat (and vice versa), isn't going to poof!!0 -
wow.... thanks for making a post that scares away any decent women from trying online dating. I find your entire premise completely ridiculous. There are both men and women looking for sex on dating sites. I would hope that most of the men looking for sex are easy to spot because they are lazy. There are plenty of both men and women looking for an actual relationship too.
Your minimal effort statement kind of annoys me too. Unlike at a bar where it takes 2 seconds to say hello and get rejected. Now I spend on average 10 minutes between finding a girl, reading her profile, and crafting a message that involves something about her. When only 1 in 10 of those get a response (though my luck has been much better recently), thats a LOT of time invested/wasted.0 -
I do think online dating favors people who are trying to take advantage of others. I do think that tends to be men more than women.
However, I don't know if it really favors anyone outside of that. I find it HILARIOUS reading all the messages about men on here complaining how women never respond to them, and then also seeing just as many women say the same thing about men. That's all I've experienced myself. I've literally sent messages or winked at over 100 men in my first 6 weeks and never heard a word back from ANY of them. We've all read the complaints from men how women's profiles are all the same... yet that's all I see on men's profiles too.
All I think online dating really does is frustrate us. Not saying it can't work. There are far too many people trying to date up, take advantage, and become over picky because there are suddenly so many options.
You didn't need to scare away good women, P.... most smart good women figure out on their own that online dating is a waste of time. There truly aren't enough good people on there to dig through the muck to find!0 -
I think I just give up!:sad: :sad:0
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OP: your opinions/this post are my worst fears about dating coming true. Tell me, does your @ss get jealous of the shat that comes out of your mouth?
I'm going to need to hear other male's point of view on this.
It's a crock of ****. If this was the case I would of been killing it last year, yeah I got dates last year and met some nice girls online but nowhere near anything like the original post.
The multiple thing is the bit that irks me the most, I couldn't be bothered let alone wanting to actually double or triple up on the dates. I'd rather be spending the time getting to know the one person than splitting up so much, energy, time and money to date 3 ladies. Plus treat others how'd you like to be treated.0 -
Yeah. I think I agree with you here. Also, websites work but only if you're ready to invest enough time in them.I do think online dating favors people who are trying to take advantage of others. I do think that tends to be men more than women.
All I think online dating really does is frustrate us. Not saying it can't work. There are far too many people trying to date up, take advantage, and become over picky because there are suddenly so many options.
You didn't need to scare away good women, P.... most smart good women figure out on their own that online dating is a waste of time. There truly aren't enough good people on there to dig through the muck to find!
The underlying problem is that, in life, it's all about priorities. And I decided that being a happy single person by teaching myself how to play guitar, piano, reading books etc was a more valuable use of my time than throwing countless random and inventive hooks to single women on a dating website.
Whenever I learn guitar (for example) my ROI is 1:1 (I'm enjoying myself, learning new tricks for each minute I spend on it). When I'm trying to meet women online however, my ROI is 1:20, so yeah... Self explanatory.
And then there is this stage later down the line when you realise that because you went to the gym, read books, watched movies, travelled, know how to play guitar you're actually now officially a hit with all the ladies... :laugh: Double benefits? This is not a deal, it's a steal.
How did we arrive to this... I'm still wondering! This is literally a gridlock.However, I don't know if it really favors anyone outside of that. I find it HILARIOUS reading all the messages about men on here complaining how women never respond to them, and then also seeing just as many women say the same thing about men. That's all I've experienced myself. I've literally sent messages or winked at over 100 men in my first 6 weeks and never heard a word back from ANY of them. We've all read the complaints from men how women's profiles are all the same... yet that's all I see on men's profiles too.0 -
I do think online dating favors people who are trying to take advantage of others. I do think that tends to be men more than women.
However, I don't know if it really favors anyone outside of that. I find it HILARIOUS reading all the messages about men on here complaining how women never respond to them, and then also seeing just as many women say the same thing about men. That's all I've experienced myself. I've literally sent messages or winked at over 100 men in my first 6 weeks and never heard a word back from ANY of them. We've all read the complaints from men how women's profiles are all the same... yet that's all I see on men's profiles too.
All I think online dating really does is frustrate us. Not saying it can't work. There are far too many people trying to date up, take advantage, and become over picky because there are suddenly so many options.
You didn't need to scare away good women, P.... most smart good women figure out on their own that online dating is a waste of time. There truly aren't enough good people on there to dig through the muck to find!
I don't know but the doing site RSVP I use over here has a reply rate, which affects where you are placed in the search. Mine was 100%. I replied good or bad.0 -
Yeah, and I would guess that once you've found a girl that is OK to be your FWB, there is no need to date more women for sex.The multiple thing is the bit that irks me the most, I couldn't be bothered let alone wanting to actually double or triple up on the dates. I'd rather be spending the time getting to know the one person than splitting up so much, energy, time and money to date 3 ladies.
I think the "shortest and easiest" route to sex becomes calling your FWB then...0 -
Yeah, and I would guess that once you've found a girl that is OK to be your FWB, there is no need to date more women for sex.The multiple thing is the bit that irks me the most, I couldn't be bothered let alone wanting to actually double or triple up on the dates. I'd rather be spending the time getting to know the one person than splitting up so much, energy, time and money to date 3 ladies.
I think the "shortest and easiest" route to sex becomes calling your FWB then...
I don't understand, is this a dig at me :laugh: ?
Fwb are easy to find, someone to date and be in a loving relationship is harder.0 -
Seeing how it has been well over a year since I "got some" I must be doing it all wrong.
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I've met plenty of girls that I didn't click with that I didn't use for sex, and I like to think most guys are the same way. A few bad apples spoil the bunch though.OP: your opinions/this post are my worst fears about dating coming true. Tell me, does your @ss get jealous of the shat that comes out of your mouth?
I'm going to need to hear other male's point of view on this.0 -
Full disclosure: I don't use on-line dating. Tried it for a while and didn't like it.
And just to clarify:
1 - Yes, women looking for casual relationships can benefit from on-line dating, as well. My point was that men benefit more.
2 - Yes, women can find more men looking for serious relationships, too, as the pool of candidates expands. My point was a *relative* one: men who seek casual relationships (sex) and have no desire for a serious relationship benefit *more* thanks to on-line dating.
3 - Not going to respond to the personal attacks.
4 - Some men are interested in a serious relationship, and use dating sites to find a suitable, long term mate. Again, my argument was a relative one: men looking for casual sex benefit much more, because they have more tools to pretend they are only interested in one woman, and looking for a serious partner. Something they believe they need to do to maximize their chances for sex. I was not saying you can't find wonderful, sincere men on dating sites. Of course you can. No doubt all of the men posting here are in this category...
5. Initial reactions seem to be either (a) no kidding, welcome to on-line dating or (b) this is total BS.
6. I'm saying nothing about specific individuals. It's a relative argument. Also, I do believe age is a factor. Many 18-30 year old men (plus or minus) are not yet ready to settle down. On-line dating is a great way to have sex with more women until they are ready. It's simply more efficient.
I've always felt that most men never look to settle down until they reach a point in their lives when they feel the time is right. This can be triggered by a number of factors (hitting 30, wanting children, tired of sex without love, etc., etc.). But until it happens, many men are not going to settle down, no matter whom they meet. I don't think it works like this:
meet interesting woman --> decide it's time to get married --> marriage
But rather, this:
decide it's time to get married --> meet interesting woman --> marriage
Subtle, but important, distinction.
--P0 -
decide it's time to get married --> meet interesting woman --> marriage
Subtle, but important, distinction.
--P
of all the things you've said, this is the one thing I agree with 100%.0 -
This is actually the one thing I disagree with 100%. That might be true for women, but men don't just wake up one day and decide to meet the woman we want to marry. We actually have to meet that person before we decide we don't ever want to be with anyone else. Often we will say things like we aren't ready to get married, but it really means we aren't ready to get married to that particular person.
decide it's time to get married --> meet interesting woman --> marriage
Subtle, but important, distinction.
--P
of all the things you've said, this is the one thing I agree with 100%.0 -
Seriously, this has got to be a joke. Online dating favors women.
First off, an average looking woman or better is sitting on an inbox with hundreds of messages. Most men have to send about 10 messages out to receive one response. And not every response leads to a date. On average, I think most men have to send around 20 messages just to get one date. And a guy has to weed through many profiles just to send one message.
Most sites have more men than women.
Online favors women. The end.0 -
Generally speaking I'm not sure how I feel about this thread yet... hmmm4 - Men get serious when the time is right in their lives. Timing is everything. Men don't typically meet a woman and think: she's the one, just based on her wonderful features. Until men hit a point in their lives when they are ready to get serious, they prefer to maximize their sexual partners at minimal effort. Ergo, on-line dating is perfect for this.
However, this point is fairly true. A friend and I always discuss the taxi theory from Sex and the City because I've known it to be true on multiple occasions:
"Men are like cabs. When they're ready to get married, they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up, boom! they marry."0 -
A 41 year old friend of mine was a serial dater. He's tall, good looking successful. He was sleeping with just about everyone. Never married. I noticed about two years ago, just before he hit 40, he started to ask a lot about my children, how it must be great to go to hockey practices, etc., etc. Based on some other discussions, it was clear he was ready to settle down.
Soon afterwards, he took a long vacation to Brazil. He met a girl there, and 4 weeks later he was engaged. They just had their first child. When they met, she spoke almost zero English. He spoke no Portuguese (although he did speak a bit of Spanish).
After dating 200 women in the 5 years I've known him - all more or less supermodels - he coincidentally gets engaged to the first woman he meets after telling me he's ready to settle down.
--P0 -
I agree with most of #4 but think the rest is a bit of a stretch... I think a lot of young men wish they could be players and date that many woman. The thing is, what guy can deal with the headache of juggling that many woman?? If you want to sleep with a lot of girls do it the old fashion way, find the drunk vulnerable ones at the bar and have one night stands... lot less of a headache.0
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I've been pretty lucky with online dating. Well, at least in the sense that I've managed to stay clear of most of the jerks and guys looking for just one thing. So, I can't really say whether your list is true or not, I only know it hasn't been true for me.
But, this part, wow:
[quote
4 - Men get serious when the time is right in their lives. Timing is everything. Men don't typically meet a woman and think: she's the one, just based on her wonderful features. Until men hit a point in their lives when they are ready to get serious...
[/quote]
Very well-said. I've never heard it said this way, but I think it's very true in most cases. I think it also might be why I've had such a hard time finding "the one." The guys I've met have never been at "that time" in their lives.0 -
Yes, I agree with #4 in the original message. The rest of the arguments are based on flawed logic and assume that every woman is going to like a man. Women, especially your top tier women, eliminate men based on very little. An example of this was in here a few days ago when a woman stopped seeing a man over him not liking strawberry milk. Because she is good looking, she can eliminate on minutiae because she will have hundreds of options at a time.
The timing issue is very relevant for men though. Men are logical and linear, so often times a man decides it is time to find someone for something long term sustainable, and then goes out to achieve based on that goal that has been set.0 -
Generally speaking I'm not sure how I feel about this thread yet... hmmm4 - Men get serious when the time is right in their lives. Timing is everything. Men don't typically meet a woman and think: she's the one, just based on her wonderful features. Until men hit a point in their lives when they are ready to get serious, they prefer to maximize their sexual partners at minimal effort. Ergo, on-line dating is perfect for this.
However, this point is fairly true. A friend and I always discuss the taxi theory from Sex and the City because I've known it to be true on multiple occasions:
"Men are like cabs. When they're ready to get married, they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up, boom! they marry."
I would still disagree and expect it is just how men and women are different.
Most ladies here confess to dreaming of marriage in general all their lives and some say as soon as they are asked out they are fantasizing about it with the guy.
Men simply for the most part don`t do that...we don`t think about marriage until a person we want to marry enters our lives and that could be at any given age or time.
I really don`t think there is a marriage on/off switch as suggested here.0 -
Generally speaking I'm not sure how I feel about this thread yet... hmmm4 - Men get serious when the time is right in their lives. Timing is everything. Men don't typically meet a woman and think: she's the one, just based on her wonderful features. Until men hit a point in their lives when they are ready to get serious, they prefer to maximize their sexual partners at minimal effort. Ergo, on-line dating is perfect for this.
However, this point is fairly true. A friend and I always discuss the taxi theory from Sex and the City because I've known it to be true on multiple occasions:
"Men are like cabs. When they're ready to get married, they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up, boom! they marry."
this makes complete and total sense! men have a switch. sorry carl, u are the exception to many generalizations about men lol0
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