So I am a stereotypical 'cardio queen' - I lost my initial 65 pounds by elliptical-ing, running, or pedaling away for hours a week. No strength training, because in my head 20 minutes of cardio burns waaaay more than 20 minutes of lifting. I would do circuits of some of the weight machines at the gym and felt like I was wasting time when I could have been running, etc.

Fast forward to now - after maintaining on 1500 cals and not eating back exercise cals for almost a year, I started increasing exercise and having binging episodes. I steadily went from 138 up to 147 from January to April of this year. This was likely due to the awful cycle - binge, overexercise, undereat, binge, overexercise, etc. In May, I got an iPhone and downloaded the MFP app. I was 148 with a goal of 145. MFP gave me a net calorie goal of 1620, so I'd eat that plus my exercise calories, putting me at between 2200-2400 a day (which, looking back, is near my cut value). Doing this, I gained 7 pounds. I started reset on June 10 at 154 pounds, the highest weight I've seen since losing my weight (I started in 2010 at 205 pounds. I'm 5'10, so my height is 'forgiving' - but not that forgiving.) I should also add that I don't have a fitbit or anything like that. I go primarily by what the machines claim I burn. I know it's likely an overestimate, but I was so hungry I would end up eating everything the machine said I burned back - which also could have played into my 7 pound gain... not sure.

I am entering my final week of reset starting this Sunday. I currently am eating at the strenuous activity level, doing 5 65-minute cardio sessions a week. And I. Hate. It. I dread each and every workout. Earlier this year I'd do this daily and never took rest days and now I plan rest days out a week in advance. I don't know if it's because I feel so fat and bloated or what, but it's unmotivating and, frankly, I'm not working out for the right reasons anymore. This week I ate a little under TDEE a few days and I could FEEL it - I was exhausted, practically lethargic. This makes me terrified of cutting because the purpose of a cut is to cut cals down. I don't think I could handle cutting with my current exercise regime.

I want to do two things: I want to lower to the moderate activity level of 3-5 hours and I want to start incorporating strength training. I have the NROLFW book but am a little intimidated by it. I was thinking of lowering my cardio sessions and starting Jillian's 30 day shred, or possibly looking at some of the Bodyrock youtube videos (I'd rather start strength training at home than in the gym since I've never done it before). I just know myself, and I know that if I do 30DS, even though it's 20 minutes of exercise, I'll be afraid to 'count' it, because the calorie burn won't be anywhere near as high as what I could burn on the elliptical or arc trainer. But 30DS 'counts', right? Or Bodyrock counts? I haven't weighed myself at all throughout reset because I'm not mentally ready to see a gain on the scale, but I know I've gained - my clothes don't fit right - so to lower my cardio seems so counterproductive. I'm also worried that I won't do the videos right and it won't be productive or show results.

Does anyone do 30DS or Bodyrock? Does what I'm saying make sense - or am I doomed to 65 minute cardio sessions 5x a week??