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I always thought I was pregnant
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He had a genius midget with him everywhere went.
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She criticized me for being poor and getting food where I can :'(
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He just couldn't keep it going...
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I couldn't understand a single word she said.
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He said Poe-Tate-oh, I said Poe-tot-oh
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She was never around
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She used me for my body, then criticized MY motives!
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Didn't understand my addiction to the MFP breakup thread!!!
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Had an unreasonable hatred of beards
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He just didn't get it...
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She cheated on me with my dad. I mean, he's a charming guy, but still...
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She considered 5 minutes "hours"!!! Again, so impatient!!!
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She was too impatient
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She had *kitten* lotion and I got an Indian burn on my "football"
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She used me!!!
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She kissed her mother with that mouth...
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His standards were too high
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She didn't like to play games with my football
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She always made me take her to playgrounds. It was super weird
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She couldn't handle my mood swings!
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Don't worry, when I put up another happy picture, you'll see her again!
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She wanted me to look unhappy in a picture, but also with my daughter. But that picture doesn't exist!!!
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Fine, since no one can stand my morning happiness, I changed to a less happy looking picture :\ . But it was too little too late...
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She was paranoid I spent all my time at work breaking up with people
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She could handle my obsession with chocolate chip cookies
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She kept gallons of butter pecan ice cream to remind her of her ex, chip
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She blamed taco salads for gaining weight, when really it was her ice cream addiction.
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She used to date a guy named "chip". That says it all about why WE didn't work out
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She didn't acknowledge my preferred nicknames
