julesboots Member

Yeah, I'd imagine low dating self esteem would be expressed differently by men and women. My ex always had a huge ego combined with low self esteem (plus insane charisma- people still comment on that years later) and he always aimed "out of his class." I'd imagine now his self image is even lower, but he seems to think…

I think this kind of situation might be more common for certain age brackets? I want a relationship, wait no, I want to have sex, wait- I want a relationship. How old are you guys? Also, are you sure he isn't interested in a FWB scene? That's probably what I'd take away from this.

I agree that in this case there's great potential for a betrayal of the friendship, and I don't advocate for anyone to do that. I'm just saying that I've let someone know I was interested without knowing whether the other person was interested. "Did he even say he likes YOU? Just because he is fat doesn't mean he…

I'm not sure the assumption needs to exist that someone likes "you" for "you" to declare your interest. I've quietly told people I like them without knowing beforehand whether they liked me. I'm not sure she assumes one way or the other- or needs to (although many- arguably most male/female friendships have a degree of…

Puppy love reflection is really important- if the lesson you learn is just that love=pain or that all boys/girls suck, or I can manipulate people - then you'll be set up for some disasters : ( My 7th grade love taught me that I needed to work on expressing how much I care by extending invitations and making myself…

I'm not really ashamed to admit that at one point in my life I actively targeted slightly dumb hot guys because I didn't want to form any attachments at a young age. Birth control= recreational activities for both sexes. The immediate advantages of technology?

Castadiva- Girl, I am totally applauding your effort! I'm feeling dumber by the minute today- you are awesome. I found my shoes (awesome brand new open toe Cole Haans) effing buried in my backyard this morning (thanks to daughter). I need to get off of the procreation/evolutionary train. I'm not passing on anything good.…

I'm a human that forgets about being an animal. Executive functioning sucks sometimes- I'm convinced my values override biology.

This is awesome. Half way through the process, and am now deciding how much I want to permanently leave/take off. SO much less maintenance than shaving or waxing.

I thought my list was short, but I didn't even consider follow through. Super important. My non-negotiables seem to be intelligence, subversive humor, kindness, and overall progressive attitude (although progressive attitude is a vague term). I'd prefer someone who's compassionate/empathetic, but I've been accused of…

I was also thinking about how quickly online dating is forcing the evolutionary hand of partner choices. It's sort of terrifying in a lot of ways, and I wonder if there will turn out to be some kind of societal threshold. Yikes. While a lot of women state a height preference, I'd suspect that it's nowhere nearly as strong…

It seems to be a matter of open to possibilities or closed to possibilities. Congratulations on being open enough to find potential love-that's awesome! I'd never begrudge someone their right to filter potential partners, but in the quotes above- it sort of has an objectification that does seem like ordering pizza. I tend…

I wonder if the question isn't "should I or shouldn't I seek out a relationship right now" but more just acknowledgement that you're feeling relatively independent and healthy relative to your past? You describe feeling basically satisfied. Satisfaction with life and emotional health are what might eventually allow you to…

So down with this statement, but it kind of takes the debate out of whether suggesting plastic surgery is misogyny if the person making the suggestion also used the term "feminazi."

I guess that's just reinforcement that despite representing a nice possibility- that guy sucks. Everyday communication for a month deserves a "I need to take a break- my life has gotten hectic" type of excuse, and if he couldn't give you that- he's a kid. I'm currently trying to ignore a really nice guy with whom I was…

This makes my stomach hurt; I'm so sorry. Even though a lot of people believe that individual states' mandated reporter laws are over-reaching, I don't think they do enough. I've had to make a lot of these calls over the years, and thankfully, instead of acclimatizing to horror- I've learned to become more sensitive to…

Reading the description of your day, you don't have a lot of extra time, but your children's school might be a possibility. This might be more true in an urban area than the suburbs, but I met a few single men at my daughter's last school. One being an awesome guy with whom the timing was very wrong- in line for an after…

Aww, thanks. I've been questioning myself on this friendship today, so this is nice to hear. I've put a lot of effort into him lately (helped him clean his garage, hosted a few dinners and kid play times) trying to coax him out of sulky hurt feelings, and I'm getting nothing back except an exhaustive ongoing disagreement…

Too many unfortunate acronyms in life lately, so here is mine: Love=lots of volatile emotions I think my favorite love is the rawness of teenaged love! Complete euphoria and utter despair to the power of 200. Intelligence and a slightly subversive humor are the biggest factors that will determine whether I can love…

This is a good point. I've know lots of men wanting that "wide eyed admiration." Usually musicians, visual artists, and professors, but could be anyone. The ones who do this tend to have a group they are/would sleep with, and another group that seems to provide hero worship reassurance.

I agree with your point, but I also feel like his actions were kind of predatory knowing my emotional state. I said I felt some mixed guilt- not that I just took his support and spit on him afterward. He knows me well enough to realize that I wouldn't jump directly from a year and half long relationship into his arms.…

I'm realizing, yes, they feel this way more than I had ever realized. I had a difficult early summer break up, a male friend swooped in to support and rescue, etc. and then he asked for a relationship. I didn't ask him for the emotional support, but I took it when it was offered, so I feel some mixed guilt because I sort…

The few serious relationships I've had have all started with guys in the friendzone. However, nothing anyone could say to me would impact when/how this change would happen. It was always on my terms- which I realize was hard for them, but reality. Confessions from male friends have actually made me less likely to change…

I think it just depends on the person and kind of relationship that existed. Even though we're all theoretically adults, I wouldn't dismiss the idea that someone would reach out this way to "test the waters." I'd say it's totally subject to how that individual uses social media, and only knowing them can tell you that.

I remember going with my high school boyfriend to the county health department. In no way can I imagine doing that now, even though it's no less important. This came up with my last boyfriend when he made a point to tell me that he'd been to the dr. before we had sex (he had a promiscuous period after his marriage) . I…

At one point in my life I thought it was important, but not really now. The last choice had to make between men was between a guy with a doctorate from a decent school and a guy with a bachelor's from a not decent school. I chose the latter. He was/is waaaay smarter, and less of a d-ck. Academic achievement sometimes/often…

Yes, have been so damaged that I didn't want to try. I didn't try for about 4 years. A total waste of time. Absolutely do not stop yourself from enjoying your life. I think above posters make a good point about not communicating too much too early. There are going to be things that you might want to share because you have…

Aww, this is so lovely! Just to be contrary: I totally cried the first time I saw a slide of Guernica, big tears.

Do not need butterflies. Initially with both marriage and last bf, I did not have them AT ALL. They convinced me to give things a shot, and I ended up loving both of them very very much. Extreme physical attraction scares me a little (and it's usually not the hottest guys I feel this for). Something tells me that when it's…

This is possibly my most favorite sentiment, ever. So freeing, ahhhh...