LisaWho32 Member

Thanks :) That's a great suggestion...he still wants me to visit, so I'm sure it would be the same in a few months' time. Keeping some distance, though not ignoring completely of course, would help me to clear my head and focus on my goals for a while. I'd hope that by that time I will be feeling better both inside and out…

Oooooh Sneaky Chef, eh? That sounds interesting! I've had friends suggest cookbooks to me that they use for their kids - the same idea, to try to sneak vegetables inside other things. Someone suggested to me Annabel Karmel cookbooks. They are for parents to feed their picky eater kids, but I can't see why they wouldn't…

I'm with you! I've even gone to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to learn how to get over my 'food phobias!' I got used to certain foods growing up and now being 32, I have still been eating like a 10 year old and it can be terribly embarrassing sometimes - mostly in social situations. Now that I'm finally ready to attack my…

Originally from the states, but in the UK for the past 11 years...in East London now :) I'll add you!

Wow! Well, first of all, that's the last time I write a post and then walk away for a few hours! I can't believe all of the conversation and debate this has started. I'm sorry if I've opened a big can of worms here (and on my first official MFP day)! But I will say that I completely respect each and every opinion that has…

Thanks Catrina! Sometimes it's good to get the male perspective. As much as I respect everything everyone has suggested completely...it's too easy to say 'he's a jerk and if he doesn't like me, then too bad' But isn't that just an excuse to continue on the way I am, even though I'm not happy with it? Thanks for your input!

Some others above have suggested that too! There is quite a bit of logic in it! It's all dreamy and lovely and surreal until it becomes real. We met in person at Christmas and in January things were okay...then February, not so much and so on. The thing is that he kept saying that he felt like a traitor or the bad guy…

Well said! And thank you for the man's perspective..much appreciated! This is where I'm coming from too. It's really easy to say 'screw him, he should love you for you' and where that is true to an extent...I think his reasons are, well, reasonable! Sure it hurts, but it always would have! He can't pretend to be attracted…

Thank you, Tiff! He sounds like a lovely man! :) I'm so glad for you that you found someone to support you and love you in that way! This is the first time in years that I've even seriously considered doing something like this - I guess because it is the first time in years that I have thought about myself! I'm definitely…

Sorry all, I have just changed my username as it JUST occurred to me that if he ever searched for the other one (also my email address), he may have seen all of this, and THAT would not feel good! lol

Hmmm that's an interesting thought. He does have his own demons, un-related to weight (don't we all!) and is struggling with coping with other aspects of his own life, so I never really thought he could see me that way - to be threatened by me. I'm not sure whether that is a possibility or not to be honest, but it's an…

That is true - one of the reasons I grew so close to him was that I felt comfortable with him, as he'd been overweight too and would understand what it felt like. But, maybe when you go from that to super-fit mode in 2 years, you forget what it was like 'back then.' Or, like others have suggested, he is afraid that my bad…

I know...the last thing in the world I wanted when I left my husband was to meet anyone. I wanted to 'do me' for a while...meeting him was by chance and although I don't regret any moment of it, I do realise that I might have focused more on just myself for the last year if I hadn't met him. He was just everything I ever…

Awwww, I totally respect your opinion and if I wasn't 'one of those' people, I would feel the exact same way you do! I understand when people think I'm crazy for spending so much time online...I think the fact that I feel so embarrassed about my appearance means that when I don't have to physically be near someone to talk…

Wowsa! Where have YOU been all my life?? lol Those are incredibly inspiring and motivating words to read right now. That is exactly the attitude I am striving to get to in life generally. Confidence has been such a massive problem for as long as I can remember and I've only JUST at 32 years old, reached the point of…

Oh gosh! I hope I didn't sound too generalising in what I said! :embarassed: Hindsight is a funny thing, isn't it? I was totally in that place you were when I moved to London! I was just out of university and was completely fascinated with England all of my life and it was like, my life's dream was right in front of my…

JTutz - Thanks for being honest with me...trust me, all of those thoughts have been flying through my head lately too. But there is more to him than that. I have been with men in the past who I could easily imagine would fit into the category you are speaking of, but I just don't believe deep down he is one of them. But,…

DebbieLyn63 - Wow! Your words have brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for putting all the thought and effort into replying that you have...it means so much to me! Thank you also for spelling out the possibilities of what might be going on in his head as I have considered all of these to be true at one time or…

leed12345 - :-) Interesting! And also that thought had gone through my mind! Given the situation he had with the mother of his children, commitment could be an issue. AND he had often said that he would feel terrible if I ended up in Germany, having learned the language, etc. and it ended up not working. The funny this is…

jayrudq - I completely see where you are coming from and at the risk of sounding like a 'blind' woman in love, I would normally be feeling the same way about it! But, his situation is such that he is raising the two kids alone, is very socially shy and doesn't really speak to any other adults apart from me and his mom! So,…

tekwriter - I know! That's the irony of the whole thing, isn't it? He would be a great inspiration (and has been) to help me on this path! So I would really value his input into the whole process....I just fear that whenever he suggests something a part of me will feel defensive and hurt...which is not the right emotion, I…

froeschli - LOL!!!! yes, well I have learned this haha...that was why he was so different. When we started talking, I had other people tell me the same...oooooh German guys aren't the most open with their feelings. True to an extent, but he's got a big heart and we have grown really close emotionally, so I guess he's an…

MommaRoseFitn - I'm so sorry to hear about what you must have been/be going through with the cancer treatments...I truly hope that they are going well. And also, to have to deal with both such serious health concerns AND then deal with the confidence issues (which can be as painful sometimes) is just plain terrible. You…

KTaje3512 - Thank you, trust me, I have completely been going through that same battle in my head 'if he loved me, then he would love all of me' and he knew I was overweight from day one as I make a point of it being almost the first thing I ever tell anyone! But at the same time, I don't love me like this and it has been…