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Can you fit your bits into your bikini? Then you're not too big for your bikini. If you can't, buy a bigger bikini. You're not comfortable though. Would self-consciousness ruin your break? Go with what you feel best in, not with what you think people think you look best in.
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Maybe now that you've had the courage to step on the scale, and you know how you're feeling right now compared to how you felt 20lbs ago, will give you the motivation you need? Try not to be so hard on yourself.
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What's IIYFM, if you don't mind me asking?
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Mental illness, mostly. I'm not stupid, I have a PhD, I just... you know, some habits are difficult to break, especially when they're rooted in mental health problems. It's horrid. I'm sorry for making this about me.
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Well okay now I don't feel so bad about my post!
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I want to delete my previous post. I don't post here, because I know my habits are unhealthy and I don't want to pass them on. I can't figure out how to delete. I'm sorry.
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I'm a big fan of get it if you want it, but resolve to not eat it all. I cut off a quarter or something (usually by weight), then bin the rest (I know, it's a horrible waste of food and money). Bin it before you taste the rest! The bit you have, satisfies the craving. The bit you throw away, well, that's for your waistline.