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What Day Is It?
Official Lost & Found Day. I need a lost and found department in my one bedroom apartment. Christmas Bird Count Begins. How do they know they haven't counted the same bird 16 times? Precalentines Day. Has anyone ever used this bizarre math outside of a classroom? National Biscuits and Gravy Day. Breakfast of Champions.…
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What Day Is It?
National Cocoa Day. Mexican hot cocoa; substitute the whipped cream, milk, and cocoa with Tequila. Pick a Pathologist Pal Day. You want a good autopsy, don't you? New Calendar Day. Stop! Just stop sending me calendars. How many charities think they are the only one sending them? National Day of The Horse. A horse walks…
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What Day Is It?
Festival of Unmentionable Thoughts If I mention it, is it still unmentionable? Really, I need to know for a friend. National 12-Hour Fresh Breath Day. Sometime before the end of the 12th hour, please think of the other people who might be in an elevator with you. National Ambrosia Day. It has fruit. Therefore, it is…
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What Day Is It?
International Mountain Day. In Chicago, this would be the pile of shell casings every Monday morning. Have a Bagel Day. Jewish donuts. National App Day. Why is it a program on your computer, but an app on your smartphone? National Noodle Ring Day. https://youtu.be/UChVuS_lj8s Birthdays: Frank Carlton Serafino Feranna, Jr.…
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What Day Is It?
Dewey Decimal System. What Google was before Google, and one more way to confuse millennials. Green Monday. Will be followed by Taupe Tuesday, White Wednesday, Turquoise Thursday, Fuchsia Friday, and Silver Saturday. National Lager Day. Would I be banal enough to say, "I'll drink to that"? You betcha. Human Rights Day. You…
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What Week Is It?
Seven more boring days in December begin today.
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What Day Is It?
International Anti-Corruption Day. The anti-anti-corruption forces have declared victory in DC. National Pastry Day. Please, this year remember the "r". Weary Willie Day. Men's version of headache. Birthdays: Howard Wolowitz, 38 Frank Edwin Wright III, 46 Donald Clark Osmond, 61 John Gavin Malkovich, 65 Richard Marvin…
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What Day Is It?
Take it in the Ear Day. Sounds unsanitary. Pretend To Be a Time Traveler Day. Dr. Who, Bill and Ted, or Rod Taylor? National Brownie Day. The best ones stick to your teeth and make your fillings sing. Gingerbread Decorating Day. Edible furniture and wall coverings? International Shareware Day. Welcome to China where…
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What Day Is It?
Faux Fur Friday. Far too many fauxes have given their lives for the sake of fashion and research. Letter Writing Day. Millennial torture. National Cotton Candy Day. That stuff's so damn good it's celebrated twice a year. Hang a Wreath Day. Shouldn't we at least have a trial, first? Birthdays: Edna Rae Gillooly, 86 And a…
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What Day Is It?
Mitten Tree Day. If you find one, pick a pair of black ones for me. Put on Your Own Shoes Day. It doesn't matter if she has big feet, guys, wear your own. National Pawnbrokers Day. Legal usury. National Gazpacho Day. Russian chefs aren't the only ones who want you to believe cold soup is good. Birthdays: Nobody anyone…
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What Day Is It?
Bathtub Party Day. Get to know your friends much better than you ever wanted., cared to, desired to, craved, wished to, and think of the ring around the tub. National Commute With Your Baby Day. Make the train ride fun for your fellow commuters. Everyone loves a screaming baby. World Soil Day. The one thing we all have is…
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What Day Is It?
Wear Brown Shoes Day. Wear 'em if you got 'em. If not, December 4 isn't a good day to go shoeless, but it is required. Extraordinary Work Team Recognition Day. If you can't recognize the people you work with, it might be time to go to rehab. Cabernet Franc Day. Ripple. National Sock Day. If you have more than one pair of…
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What Day Is It?
International Spirit of the Game Day. Spirit of the Game, an antiquated term that once described playing a sport for the love of it and doing so in an honorable manner. Let's Hug Day. Every December 3 a hug isn't assault (pending hand location). Green Bean Casserole Day. Make the venerable and good for you green bean into…
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What month is It?
National Tie Month. Who's up for tieing one on? Bingo's Birthday Month. This is a HUGE month in retirement homes and Catholic churches. Quince and Watermelon Month. Really? December? Watermelon, and has anyone in the last 50 years actually eaten a quince? Write a Friend Month. Another thing millennials won't understand. To…
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What Week Is It?
National Cookie Cutter week. It's the same every year. Tolerance Week. For these 7 days, I will try to tolerate Subaru, Volvo, Honda Odyssey, and Toyota Sienna drivers. National Hand Washing Awareness Week. Did your waiter who just left the men's room do it? Why do his hands appear totally dry? National Older Driver Safety…
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What Day Is It?
National Fritters Day. If it doesn't leave an oily footprint, it ain't a fritter. Safety Razor Day. Safety? I was a bloody mess with every shave from that old Gillette double-edged weapon. National Mutt Day. Are not the best dogs purebred mutts? Business of Popping Corn Day. We over-pay businesses to make the same popcorn…
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What Day Is It?
Global Fat Bike Day. Not exactly PC. Let's say weight challenged conveyance. Bifocals at the Monitor Liberation Day. Watch us bifocal wearers bob our heads up and down as we to try to read computer screens. Day Without Art. I'll miss him. Wear a Dress Day. Crossdressers, this is your day to shop Walmart. Well, I guess…
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What Day Is It?
Computer Security Day. The second you log on, everyone in Russia, China, Iran, and North Korea has your life's history, passwords, and dirty laundry, not to mention "those" pictures. National Mason Jar Day. Suddenly, I have a taste for moonshine. Cities for Life Day. Created in support of getting rid of the death penalty.…
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What Day Is It?
Customer is Wrong Day. All of us who deal with the public know very well this happens daily, but we are too afraid of some lunatic coming back with a fully automatic spork with high capacity clips loaded with hollow point mac and cheese. Throw Out Your Leftovers Day. If you were brave enough to keep them yesterday, what…
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What Day Is It?
Make Your Own Head Day. First, find it. It's Letter Writing Day. Two ways to totally confuse a millennial: 1) Use cursive B) write it on paper National French Toast Day. It's neither French nor toasted, but please when you make it from scratch, do not, I repeat, do not put in your toaster. National Package Protection Day.…
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What Day Is It?
National Electric Guitar Day. Without the electric guitar, Elvis' only music would have been Church Lady hymns. National Craft Jerky Day. Turkey Jerky is not jerky. It is a misnomer. It's merely a dried up old bird. Freckle Pride Day. Thank you, Alfred E Newman, for making them appreciated. National Bavarian Cream Pie Day.…
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What Day Is It?
National Cake Day. It's a NATIONAL day. You have no choice. Eat cake at every meal and between or be adjudicated by the 9th Circuit Court. Cider Monday. Your "I" thing products can be charged today by putting the end of your charging cord into the juice from Fuji apples. Try it. Trust me. Shopping Reminder Day. Don't…
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What Week Is It?
National Deal Week. Meh. Tie One On For Safety Campaign Begins. Meh. National Game & Puzzle Week. Meh. National Farm-City Week. Meh.
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What Day Is It?
Blasé Day. I'm tempted to say meh, but meh. National Parfait Day. Meh. International Aura Awareness Day. Meh. Women's Merrymaking Day. Meh. Shopping Reminder Day. Meh Birthdays: Katherine Evelyn Anita Cassidy, 32 Kelly Bundy, 47 Jillian Noel Hennessy, 50 Amy Lee Grant, 58 John Bernard Larroquette, 71 Benjamin Jeremy Stein,…
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What Day Is It?
Brownielocks Day. There's a reason for no brunette jokes. I know there is. They must have a sense of humor...soemehere. Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day. Mine is called Smart *kitten*. National Use Even If Seal Is Broken Day. So...you think you're brave? Prove it. National Sardines Day. The Spam of fish. International Aura…
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What Day Is It?
Fibonacci Day. Today is a huge day of frolicking, celebrating, and near-beer toasts for all of you fun-loving mathematicians. National Day of Listening. Today husbands and boyfriends get to, again, hear what we did wrong yesterday in front of her relatives. Six months from now this will repeat when you are actually winning…
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What Day Is It?
Start Your Own Country Day. Please, California, you can do this. Forty-nine states will help you. National Cashew Day. Cashews are usually prepared in facilities where nuts are prepared. Beaujolais nouveau Day. It's just Bali Hai wearing a prom dress. Go For a Ride Day. https://youtu.be/RIJIXMX2zw8 Birthdays: Scarlett…
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What Day Is It?
World Hello Day. Please, say "hello" like an old long lost friend to every person or animal you cross paths with today. It'll drive them nuts trying to figure out who the hell you are. Alascattalo Day. They are rumored to be extinct, but there is an occasional sighting near rural gin mills in Alaska. False Confession Day.…
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What Day Is It?
GO HARD (Globally Organized Hug A Runner Day). This can get you arrested, so choose wisely. National Absurdity Day. Days like this were made for how my mind sees the world. National Entrepreneurship Day. First proclaimed by a Liberal praising wealthy people. There's absurdity. Name Your PC Day. If it's named anything other…
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What Day Is It?
Have a Bad Day Day. "When you’re having a bad day, you shouldn’t have to suffer alone, so wish everyone you meet “Have a Bad Day”, but do it with the brightest, cheeriest smile you can put on your face." I couldn't have said it better. International Men's Day. We get one shot at this. Don't screw it up. World Toilet Day.…
