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What Week Is It?
This is: American Sand Sculpting Competition Week. I can't think of a better week to hold this than the middle of November. National Deal Week. This year Black Friday began on a Thursday. Better Conversation Week. Husbands, this week try to actually listen. National Farm-City Week. Please, city farmers, pick up after your…
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What Day Is It?
Married to a Scorpio Support Day. How tough can it be to live with someone who is manipulative, resentful, seductive, passionate, and intense? I'll take 2 of those. National Princess Day. If she's a Scorpio too, good luck. Push-button Phone Day. Do you still have your Princess Phone? National Vichyssoise Day. If a chef…
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What Day Is it?
Electronic Greeting Card Day. AKA, *kitten*, I almost forgot today's your birthday. National Unfriend Day. AKA, who the hell is this? National Baklava Day. Sugar-free, gluten-free, low cal, lite? I think not, but so sweet your teeth jump out of your mouth. National Take a Hike Day. Divorce lawyers love this day. Birthdays:…
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What Day Is It?
Have a Party With Your Bear Day. Big day for little girls and bigger day in Boys' Town. National Button Day. How long will you save the spare buttons from that shirt you trashed 5 years ago? National Fast Food Day. Free burgers, hot dogs, fries, onion rings, XL clothes, XXL clothes, and statins all day. Substitute…
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What Day Is It?
George Spelvin Day. No actor or playwright has been involved in so many plays as George or his cousin, Georgina. Pack Your Mom's Lunch Day. Here's your chance to get even with her for those bologna and mayo sandwiches she packed for you. I Love to Write Day. By the time today's kindergartners finish college, all books will…
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What Day Is It?
National Pickle Day. A hot dog without a Kosher spear is just undressed and shamed. National Educational Support Professionals Day. Send a bottle of booze to Lunchlady Doris, Otto Mann, and Groundskeeper Willie today. National Spicy Guacamole Day. Feel the burn not once, but twice! Spirit of National Speakers Association…
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What Day Is It?
National Indian Pudding Day. Of course, we should celebrate this. It's not a nationwide dish. It's not from India. It's not pudding. World Kindness Day. They've been pushing this one day a year for 20 years, and it still isn't working. Start a Rumor Day. After they've both been rumored dead, we now know that the King and…
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What Day Is It?
Happy Hour Day. Drink specials all day, what could be better? National Pizza with the Works Except Anchovies Day. This could be better. If God had wanted little dead, salty fish pizza, He would have made taste like chicken. Chicken Soup for the Soul Day. For when you don't have a cold, but your guardian angel has a hacking…
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What Week Is It?
This is: World Kindness Week. This is 7 of 52. You CAN do this. National Split Pea Soup Week. The reason God gave us ham bones. Geography Awareness Week. Without GPS, millennials could not find the United States of America. International Fraud Awareness Week. If it seems to good to be true, buy it with your credit card and…
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What Day Is It?
International Tongue Twister Day. "He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts." William Denbrough Singles' Day. For the survivors of yesterday. Had to go back and look, didn't you? National Sundae Day. This year Sundae day falls on a Sunday. World Origami Day. Have you ever tried this with…
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What Day Is It?
National Vanilla Cupcake Day. Is anything more exciting than vanilla? Yes. International Accounting Day. Think accountants are boring? Me too. Sadie Hawkins Day. I'm available...for now. I'm still available...for now. Still....Oh, hell. Sleep Dangerously Night. Switch sides. Switch PJ's. Ditch PJ's. Domino Day.…
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What Day Is It?
National Scrapple Day. Pennsylvania Dutch attempt at making breakfast sausage almost inedible and they almost got it right. National Chaos Never Dies Day. Embrace it. Wrap your arms and legs around it. Chaos is a constant. So enjoy the ride. Go to an Art Museum Today Day. If you don't have one near enough to get there…
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What Day Is It?
World Usability Day. If all food were packaged in those useless, indestructible plastic bubble packages with untearable cardboard backing, there would be no obesity in America. X-Ray Day. Charles, Bradbury, Milland, Bolger, Kroc. Abet and Aid punsters day. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh. Now laugh or groan.…
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What Day Is It?
Hug a Bear Day. This would be better done at Halas Hall or a gay bar than in the woods. Notary Public Day. This day honors the brave Notaries of America earning money performing a totally useless job with a rarely used and unnecessary rotary seal embosser. International Stress Awareness Day. Stress: Finally ready to ask…
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What Day Is It?
National Nachos Day. There exists no more American Mexican food. Marooned Without a Compass Day. Millennial: "Compass? What's a compass? Why is it spinning?" Basketball Day. A bouncie ball game for over-paid tall people who's endorsement contracts must be written in crayon with short, easy words. National Saxophone Day.…
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What Day Is It?
American Football Day. This is not take a knee and insult the people who ultimately pay you day. Job Action Day. Every minute you are sitting at your desk, standing on the assembly line, driving that work vehicle, or standing at your job site, do something to make it APPEAR you're actually doing your job...or just call in…
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What Week Is It?
This is National Fig Week. That's it! If you don't give a fig, just leave now! Urology Nurses and Associates Week. Now, there's a dream job. "Here, pee in this cup and, please, try to keep the outside dry this time". Winter Weather Preparedness Week. It's sort of like Trump. It's here. You don't like it. It's nasty. It…
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What Day Is It?
ths. Zero Tasking Day. This one I will handle with skill. National Waiting for the Barbarians Day. They're late again. We need them to empty the swamp because no one else can. National Candy Day. Because Holloween candy is finally gone, and if not, you're just sick and tired of the candy corn. Happy 176th Anniversary Abe…
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What Day Is It?
Saturday
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What Day Is It?
Look for Circles Day. If you really, really have nothing to do. National Deviled Egg Day. The only reason for the existence of Mayo. Plan Your Epitaph Day. "He's dead". National Jersey Friday. It's not New York. Fountain Pen Day. Hand one to a millennial and he/she will no idea what it's for. Love Your Lawyer Day. This…
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What Day Is It?
Give Up Your Shoulds Day. Face it. If you should, you won't. National Calzone Day. Make mine fried, please. National Vinegar Day. You can't make pickles without it, and would White Castle even exist? International Stout Day. Head to any Fuller’s pub today from 5pm and say ‘International Stout Day’ at the bar to be rewarded…
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What Month Is It?
November is: Banana Pudding Lovers Month. All 17 of you, rejoice! National Inspirational Role Models Month. Not recognized in DC or some NFL locker rooms. National Peanut Butter Lovers Month. I think this is just a bit perverse. National Pomegranate Month. Do you spit or swallow? World Vegan Month. More meat for normal…
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What Day Is It?
National Doorbell Day. Odd, that would fall on a day when uncountable thousands of short, disguised people will be mashing them. Day of the Seven Billion. That's how many times your doorbell will ring today. National Knock Knock Joke Day. Who's there? A broken pencil. A broken pencil who? Never mind...it's pointless.…
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What Day Is It?
National Checklist Day. Honey do lists for spouseless OCD'ers. Create a Great Funeral Day. When they close my coffin, play "Pop Goes the Weasel" and wait. (plagiarized) Haunted Refrigerator Night. Does your fridge wake you up in the middle of the night and command you to open the door and dig into last night's spaghetti?…
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What Day Is It?
This Week is: Give Wildlife a Brake! Week. No one savors the aroma of squashed skunk. World Origami Days. Carefully follow the instruction, making every fold in its precise location on the paper and when finished it looks nothing like the picture. Disarmament Week. Good luck with that in Chicago. International Magic Week.…
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What Day Is it?
Wild Foods Day. MMM, chocolate covered termites, crickets, pill bugs, maggots, grubs. National Chocolate Day. The only thing that can make bacon better. Cindy! Plush Animal Lover's Day. If you are over the age of 12 or a guy, and you have any plush animals, quit, just quit. Mother-In-Law Day. This comes once a year. Today…
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What Day Is It?
American Beer Day. I'm letting you all know early, so get started. You have less than 18 hours left. Boxer Shorts Day. No. Cranky Co-Workers Day. Make him/her smile. While the grouch is away from the desk, lower his/her chair and wait for the laughs when grumpy tries to sit. National Forgiveness Day. I have needed this…
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What Day Is It?
National Breadstick Day. The first breadstick was a loaf of french bread that forgot to rise and was served by the chef as an appetizer. At least that's my story. National Mincemeat Day. Does any human actually eat that stuff? National Mule Day. That's what happens when *kitten* are allowed to mingle with the heard.…
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What Day Is It?
National Greasy Foods Day. If your burger isn't at least 20% fat, if your chicken wasn't submerged in boiling oil, if your pizza doesn't make your hands slick, If your shrimp doesn't make the paper bag clear, you are not enjoying life. World Pasta Day. "The word “pasta” itself literally means “paste”. “Linguine” means…
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What Day Is It?
National Food Day. How can we celebrate this day? Hmmm. National Bologna Day. The Spam of sliced mystery deli meats, best fried. World Tripe Day. It takes guts to eat guts. Call me a coward now. National Crazy Day. Shouldn't this be moved to the first Tuesday in November? Share a Pop Tart With Someone You Love Day. But…
