Unexpected weight-loss reactions...?
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I have no use for the naysayers. I disassociate myself from them, they are a drag on my well being...
Dan the Man from Michigan
Blog #13 DittoDan's Milestone's, First's And Good Changes Since Starting the Ketogenic Diet
My Blog: It's Ketogenic or Bariatric (How I found the Ketogenic Diet)
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I have had experiences like this with co-workers. At the end of the day, I realize not everyone has the tools in their toolbox to build a happy life- regardless of how old they are. Criticizing, the need to always be right, attempting to drag you down with the negativity -- what a drain on the resources you need to achieve your goals. And the thing is, those people need more help than a good friend can give most times- because the issues are just too deep.
I think you can forgive her- and at the same time set boundaries and limit her exposure to you and limit her freedom to impose her opinions on you. In the long run, you'll be better off, and maybe she'll recognize that her actions have repercussions.0 -
The delete button is there for a reason. Prune negativity out of your life.0
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BetterBalancedMe2015 wrote: »At the end of the day, I realize not everyone has the tools in their toolbox to build a happy life- regardless of how old they are. Criticizing, the need to always be right, attempting to drag you down with the negativity -- what a drain on the resources you need to achieve your goals. And the thing is, those people need more help than a good friend can give most times- because the issues are just too deep.
I really needed to hear this today. Am having troubles w/ a friend who's been a friend since we were both middle-schoolers...so, like 30+ years. She is truly a psychic vampire at times and can be SO much work that it leaves me wondering, "Uh, WHY do I need this friendship??" The analogy of the toolbox rings so true. Most of us by this age have managed to accumulate a Craftsman Deluxe Set, while she keeps trying to make do with dollar store screwdrivers. I have to just remind myself that she may never be able to put together a working toolbox, and replace my annoyance with compassion. Her issues are just that, hers...I don't have to take that on to still be a good friend.
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Perhaps there is something else going on with her, in her personal life, that you are not quite aware of, but which is impacting her ability to be empathetic and caring? I mean, you've said that a few months ago you would have believed this was not in her character, so maybe something else is going on.0
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octobubbles wrote: »She's a carb. Reduce your exposure to her.
Ha haaa! Well said octobubbles!
It can be really difficult. Especially when it blind sides you like that. Someone you trusted to be on your side. Someone you trusted period. I'm assuming this is likely a trigger for her as she is likely struggling with weight loss as well. And as others have said, she just can't (subconsciously) bare the thought of you succeeding and her not. She HAS to be right on this one cause she's trying hard and it's not working for her. She's doing everything "right" like the "science" says. So it's not fair. Or some thinking along those lines. However, if she's not mature enough to support you no matter her position and/or simply express her concern in a mature way... You already know.
I'm sorry you've had to experience this. I have a friend dealing with a similar situation ATM. She asked why this happens to her so often? Does she attract it? I don't think so. I think it's just that there are far more "grown up children" as one poster put it. Far, far more people who are not totally mature and self aware enough to be truly supportive and accepting of another. So we, unfortunately see them more. Or perhaps we don't but because their behaviour is so mismatched from our own, they stick out more and cause us much more grief because we are definitely not on the same wavelength.
I am on my fourth go at a minimum 60lb weight loss. Never on LCHF. But every time I get under 160lbs there are 3 people in my life who change completely. And every time I have to simply give them the ultimatum to say something nice or nothing at all. This often results in them becoming quite distant. If you can simply compartmentalize it, seeing it as an insecurity in her, sometimes you can actually feel bad for THEM. I'm the one who feels free.
Just my 2 cents. Not sure there's much to help you work through the shock other than time.
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Oh boy, why can't people just be happy for you?? On the one hand, I've got my parents telling me I just need to lose 5 more pounds (no matter how much I weigh), and on the other hand, I've got my husband's family telling me I'm too skinny (As if that's condemnation. Lol.) for comparison's sake, I've been told both of these things at a size 8. EIGHT, people. Shees.
My husband says, "Just ignore it," but I'm not built that way. I try to avoid it. In fact, I've started telling the naysayers that I'm allergic to carbs. Lol. Most of them believe me! (And it's really not too far from the truth, when you consider the inflammation, high blood-sugar, candidiasis, and other unpleasant effects of carbery.)
Get away. Good luck!0 -
I've seen this happen no matter what diet I am on. Here's my opinion and it may be the kind of thing that people shrug their shoulders at and think "what's the difference?" Maybe empathy or maybe there isn't a difference.
I think that it is common to feel like one person's success is our own failure. Most people don't want others to fail. She isn't intentionally bringing you down. It's hard to watch others succeed when you feel like you're a failure. The problem is, somewhere along the line a whole bunch of us have learned or taught ourselves that other people's successes are our failures. Now, the logical, sane side of us says, "uhh... that's absolutely not the case and that doesn't really even make sense." But in some ways it does and it stems from competing with others instead of bettering ourselves. (I tell my daughter all of the time this is why swimming will forever be my favorite sport) In elementary school this type of behavior is encouraged. The winner, fastest, smartest, prettiest, best speller, best at math, best at kickball (you get my point) was acknowledged for being the best in the class or school. Now, please don't turn this political as I'm not encouraging that every child gets a ribbon. But what I am saying is that this behavior is inherent and I swear this will make sense at some point in all of this writing. All throughout our lives we try to find groups of people that are similar to us in someway. Yes, this happens well past high school. Don't think of it in terms of cliques or mean girls. Just people that share a similar mindset. Why not? It makes us feel better about who we are. We feel accepted. We don't have to compete with those people. But what happens if we find our person, we get comfortable with our person, and then suddenly our person begins to change? What if the thing we had in common with our person is that we both joke about how we're brunettes and how that is so different from the blondes in the office, but then one day our person colors their hair blonde and never looks back? Suddenly our person starts getting the attention we made fun of because they're blonde. We may feel sort of left behind, right? Well, we feel left behind only if we're not secure with who we currently are. We feel left behind if we never learned that the only person we should compete with is the person we were the day before. Just like in elementary school, we're so busy trying to be better than other people that we fail to recognize their success is not our failure. Other people losing weight faster, doesn't negate our weight loss. We're all on our own journey.
Ok, that was really wordy, and sh*ts about to get even wordier.
Your friend likely feels like she could never succeed at low carb. The sad thing is, she's too insecure to try. She has told herself that she "could never" do that, she would be too hungry and would miss bread. The funny part, she's probably a perfect candidate for the diet. But instead of trying something different she instead has decided to spend her energy proving that the weight you have lost is unhealthy. I've been there. I think it's crappy of your friend to bring you down. I have never said stuff like that to a friend's face, but boy have I been there. It took me 2 years of a coworker telling me about low carb to actually try it. Know why? Because I didn't at all understand the diet and I was tired of failing. I tried Weight Watchers and South Beach. I believed I couldn't do low carb because I was starving on both of those diets. When my mom started losing weight from a keto-esque diet (though she had no clue what she was doing) I thought she was unhealthy. Know why? Because that's what I had been told my whole life.
A funny thing about the low carb coworker, we never have been trying to lose weight at the same time. That means that whenever I'm losing weight, she has always tried to get me to eat something crappy. She's significantly smaller than I am. She bounces around within 10 pounds. I've gained 40 pounds since I met her. One time I called her out on trying to get me to eat something crappy when she knew I was trying to eat better. Her response? "Of course I am. It's natural for us to want other people to participate in the crappy choices we make so we feel better about ourselves." At least she acknowledges it. This is exactly why I don't talk to people about my diet. I don't tell people I'm trying to lose weight. I order my burgers with the bun and then I remove it. I don't need to hear anyone's opinion.0 -
THIS! ^^ So very much this.0
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I am nodding my head at so much posted here that I think I just jacked something, ow!Oh boy, why can't people just be happy for you?? On the one hand, I've got my parents telling me I just need to lose 5 more pounds (no matter how much I weigh), and on the other hand, I've got my husband's family telling me I'm too skinny (As if that's condemnation. Lol.) for comparison's sake, I've been told both of these things at a size 8. EIGHT, people. Shees.
Oh, so much this...and I think size 8 is where this happens a LOT!! That is right where I am. On the border of 6 and 8, depending upon the brand/cut.
I remember being about this size when my DH's grandma told me I shouldn't lose anymore, that I would get too thin. Nevermind the fact that on my <5'4" frame a size 8 isn't tiny. Even a 6 isn't exactly emaciated by any stretch. At my current size I could stay here and be healthy or even lose 10-20#s and still be at a healthy weight/size (I'd only lose 20 if I were a super serious competitive athlete, but at 42 that's not the case, so my goal is ~13#s from where I'm at). Size 8 is still smaller than the average American woman, but it's still deemed a size medium in some brands. On a short woman a size 8 can even be on the higher end of healthy weight/body fat. That's where I'm at. If I put on 5#s I'm nearing overweight, at least in terms of BMI. 5-10#s from where I currently am is pretty much right in the middle of the healthy weight range for my height. Still nowhere near "too thin." Right now I think my body fat is 24-25%, which is still nowhere near being dangerously thin...not by any standard.
In much of the world I'd still be looked at as overweight. In most European-made cycling apparel I'm a size large, even in club-cut, which is more forgiving than race-cut.
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