What would you do? (mostly for woman)
auntstephie321
Posts: 3,586 Member
Here's a little background: I work on a small town in an insurance office. So I sit at a desk all day. When the weather is nice which is only about half of the year, I use half of my lunch break to take a 30 minute walk in the park down the rd from my work. This helps me a lot to earn some extra calories and get away from the office a bit.
It's a very nice park with a 3/4 mile walking path, a playground, a creek, and small waterfall. It is set back off the rd and can't be seen from the street. There are usually people there walking dogs or playing with kids.
I routinely say hello to everyone I walk past as I know many of them from working nearby and always like being friendly.
Today I was walking and there was a younger man walking as well. I nodded as I walked by and he did the same. When I looped back around he was sitting at one of the picnic tables, this time he said hello as did I. He then asked if he could walk with me, I told him I was heading back to work so no. I was however at the back of the loop so there was the entire length back to my car left. He said oh I'll just walk the rest of the lap with you and started walking next to me.
I really didn't know what to say to that even though it made me uncomfortable, I made little casually conversation trying to be friendly, but it then became apparent that he was hitting on me. I let him know I don't come to the park to meet people. I then took a detour across the loop and said a friendly goodbye.
My dilemma is, do I keep walking there? Am I being overly paranoid? I probably watch too many forensic files type shows so everything benign may seem more creepy than it is.
It's a very nice park with a 3/4 mile walking path, a playground, a creek, and small waterfall. It is set back off the rd and can't be seen from the street. There are usually people there walking dogs or playing with kids.
I routinely say hello to everyone I walk past as I know many of them from working nearby and always like being friendly.
Today I was walking and there was a younger man walking as well. I nodded as I walked by and he did the same. When I looped back around he was sitting at one of the picnic tables, this time he said hello as did I. He then asked if he could walk with me, I told him I was heading back to work so no. I was however at the back of the loop so there was the entire length back to my car left. He said oh I'll just walk the rest of the lap with you and started walking next to me.
I really didn't know what to say to that even though it made me uncomfortable, I made little casually conversation trying to be friendly, but it then became apparent that he was hitting on me. I let him know I don't come to the park to meet people. I then took a detour across the loop and said a friendly goodbye.
My dilemma is, do I keep walking there? Am I being overly paranoid? I probably watch too many forensic files type shows so everything benign may seem more creepy than it is.
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Replies
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Tell him thanks for the offer but you enjoy walking alone.
He may have offered to walk with you so you are not alone.
That is just a bit odd for someone to impose themselves on you that way.
I would never do that.
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I don't think it sounds creepy unless he does it again. You were cautious and ended your walk with him, and he did not follow you. I would try walking my usual route again if it were me. I don't think I'd be scared in the daytime.0
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You probably won't even see him again
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I would not stop walking where you like but if you see him again be sure to let him know that you prefer to walk alone if he approaches you again. Don't make eye contact with him if you can avoid it. Carry a cell phone with you.
I do not think you are being overly paranoid.0 -
I always bring my phone with me, I usually read on my phone while I'm walking.
I guess I'll have to see how I feel about it Monday. It was really uncomfortable, I hate situations like that. It really sucks that for a minute I thought, I wish I was heavier still, no one approached me then0 -
Ugh that cut off half my post0
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@newmeadow lol good luck, white hair can be very attractive. I have inch and a half gray roots right now and that didn't stop him. I'll have to start wearing giant knit sweaters with pictures of my cats on it maybe0
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Aunt, just belch in his face. He sounds like such a horror movie caricature.
Lol you're making me feel a lot better about this. Thank you.
Part of my conversation with him was:
Him: I try to walk 10k steps a day
Me: Oh that's nice
Him: Yeah, so are you
Um yeah, weird. I'm also probably 15 years older than him.
What sucks, I feel bad thinking badly about him, what if he's just a nice kid. I wish this world weren't so full of evil making me suspicious of everyone.0 -
Roflmao did you just call us old hags lol0
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Lol I gotta work on that. Thanks for the laughs tonight, I needed it0
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Asking where he goes to church, if he gives blood, etc kind of stuff works in some cases. Personally I would be VERY aware. I can see how you gave him kind of a 'conditional' NO plus NO to most guys just means to try a different angle. Walking is important however.0
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GaleHawkins wrote: »Asking where he goes to church, if he gives blood, etc kind of stuff works in some cases. Personally I would be VERY aware. I can see how you gave him kind of a 'conditional' NO plus NO to most guys just means to try a different angle. Walking is important however.
Those are brilliant ideas. Thank you.0 -
Now that I started online dating, I am continually approached by younger men. I'm talking younger even than my son. I met a couple out of curiosity. There are a lot of men turned on by older women or maybe they just wanted a tawdry lay with an old hag. One liked my saggy t1*$. Another wanted to play mommy...EW
You are wise to be cautious.
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I say try walking there again and tell him that you prefer to walk alone as its a nice quiet break just for yourself, then tell him have a nice day and keep on walking. However, I definitely don't think you should convince yourself that your creeped out feeling was nothing. Follow your instincts on that. Be aware of your surroundings and don't walk into out of the way areas if anyone is creeping you out. Even in you have to turn around and walk back the way you came on the path to avoid going into an area more hidden. Also, carry something in your hand when walking. In a defense class I took many years ago, we learned that almost anything can be used to protect yourself. You can fend off an attack by punching someone in the throat. It only takes 8 lbs of pressure to collapse the windpipe. And you tend to have more force when gripping something in the hand. The class I went to was taught by a police woman. I actually went with my daughters Girl Scout troop, they were about 8 at the time. She demonstrated to the girls all the different ways to be able to reach a potential attackers throat area if being grabbed and had some of the kids try it out. It was pretty amazing how such a simple thing can disable a person so easily. At least long enough to run away. She also was adamant about listening to your gut. And not being so openly friendly to strangers. Especially when they approach you for any reason while your alone.0
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Carry pepper spray.0
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Carry on walking.....if you see him again say you're flattered but not interested and I'm sure your 6'6" just released from prison for abh on the last guy you talked to wouldn't be impressed either and if you want to meet him he's waiting for you at the end of your walk to go to lunch.....if that fails tell him to f off and take his picture0
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Great advice from all here! Always go with your gut on these things, and yes, take his picture. If he's up to no good he won't like that. It will tell you a lot. Walk with your ear buds in too. That tells others that your are engaged in something and approachable, sometimes it works anyway. Pepper spray for your keychain never hurts either. Arm yourself with something, but you deserve to be able to walk there too!0
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Please don't carry pepper spray unless you're trained to do so. It's very easy to get it on yourself and it does not affect everybody. I've been trained to use it, and I don't carry it because I know I have enough breathing issues that if pepper spray gets on me, I'll be down for the count for a while.
That being said, situational awareness is your best friend. Trust your instincts.0 -
Please don't carry pepper spray unless you're trained to do so. It's very easy to get it on yourself and it does not affect everybody. I've been trained to use it, and I don't carry it because I know I have enough breathing issues that if pepper spray gets on me, I'll be down for the count for a while.
That being said, situational awareness is your best friend. Trust your instincts.
I agree with this. The instructor I mentioned highly recommended against it because it won't affect a lot of people and can backfire so easily. If anyone ever attacks you, punch them in the throat. They will have to stop to regain the ability to breath.0 -
I was going to say, if he tries it again, tell him he reminds you of your son. Then someone mentioned the 'mommy' issues and I gagged....
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Is there someone from work whom you would trust to walk with you, as a further deterrent to this guy's approaches? I think I'd feel more confident telling this guy in no uncertain terms to leave me alone and never talk to me again if someone had my back.
The photo idea is a good one, too, in case you need to report him.
He could just be inexperienced with women, and tried a new approach with you. Let's hope he knows it backfired.
I know what you mean about not liking the new extra attention. I highlighted my hair blonde last year. Never again. Why is blonde such a signal for some guys? There are tons of blondes out here in Central Texas, too.0 -
My initial thought is that this was an innocent encounter, and too much is being read into this. It is wise to be safe, within reason however.
Here's a thought. I am reaching the point myself where I want people to approach me, but don't really know how to handle it emotionally. I am sure that I built a wall of fat around me to protect myself. That way no one would approach me, even though I probably wanted them to deep down. I want people to like me for who I am, not how I look. So the true friends would always be there, yet I'd write other people off for not being attracted to my appearance. I secretly hoped that one day I would be attractive for my outward appearance.
The last time I lost weight, I do not think that I was emotionally ready to handle compliments. I liked the extra attention, yet kind of panicked too. I did not have the self love skills to accept compliments even though I wanted them. We began to touch upon this in another thread a while ago. It was thrilling yet exhausting.
This time around, I am still working on building self esteem and self love, but think I am in a better place emotionally. Yet I worry a bit about how to handle the fact that I am more exposed without my layer of fat. I've still got a ways to go, but I have noticed already that I am attracting more attention from the opposite sex, including younger men. I find it flattering so far. I am not as scared as before. I still question their motives, but more along the line of reasoning that I wonder what they see in me ? I'm still working on my self confidence, but I want to be able to discern between men who are attracted merely to outward appearance and the ones who are also attracted to my spirit and who I am, and the slimmer figure is just an added attraction.
I don't like to assume that anyone has creepy motives. Use your gut feeling for the creeps and don't give them any attention to encourage them. But for me, I think I have to open my heart up a bit to let people back in to see who I really am. There may be someone special put there for me, and I might just meet him while out for a walk.
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Sunny_Bunny_ wrote: »Please don't carry pepper spray unless you're trained to do so. It's very easy to get it on yourself and it does not affect everybody. I've been trained to use it, and I don't carry it because I know I have enough breathing issues that if pepper spray gets on me, I'll be down for the count for a while.
That being said, situational awareness is your best friend. Trust your instincts.
I agree with this. The instructor I mentioned highly recommended against it because it won't affect a lot of people and can backfire so easily. If anyone ever attacks you, punch them in the throat. They will have to stop to regain the ability to breath.
Well the question was "What would you do?" I would continue to walk where I pleased and carry pepper spray. I would have a harder time punching someone...lol0 -
auntstephie321 wrote: »Roflmao did you just call us old hags lol
No not you. You're more than ten years younger than me. But with that said, you should still release your inner hag in situations like the one you describe.
You two are hilarious!
Release your inner hag
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Hey, the inner hag comes in handy sometimes, lol! You guys are learning some top secret stuff here, lol!
Just don't stop walking! You have the right to be there too!
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Speaking as a saggy old hag AND a cougar (ref profile pic! hehehe) I can say that when I asked my 18 1/2 years younger than me husband why he was attracted to me he said....I loved the life in you and that you enjoyed things and deal with things with humour! We have been married nearly 16 years so.......dont paint everyone with the same brush! Men see a lot more than we give them credit for(Cant believe I just wrote that!!lol) and its not just external pictures....despite how they may act in packs! I was much heavier then than now too and he has never said a word to me about my weight except worrying about my health! Its ME who was embarrassed on his behalf! He has just hit 40 this year .....maybe HE'S too old for Me now? (nah, I love him to bits) but ladies, please dont put yourselves down because of age or size. Its too easy to do and you never know what you could be missing out on. Take care and be aware for your own safety but who knows....you may just be brushing off your own future. BTW, before I met him I was married to a guy 5 years older than who spent 20 years demoralising me and putting me down when I gained weight!!0
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follow your instincts
if he seemed ok just a weird situation maybe wear a set of head phones/earbuds so it looks like your listening to music and "cant hear him" then you can ignore him without the guilt oh and maybe bring some mace and whistle just in case he gets bolder...
i hate to say i always assume the worst- because i dont- BUT i prepare for the worst Just i case
maybe too many cop shows as well0 -
Admittedly at first I thought this seemed like an overreaction. But then you quoted him and suddenly he became creepy to me, too. I wouldn't quit walking there permanently but I might take a break. Now, the question is what would I truly do. This is not what I advise you to do. I can be rather blunt with men. I grew up around a lot of guys and I tend to say what I'm thinking about them. Let's just say no one I know would be shocked if I told them I said, "you're creeping me out." The next time I ran into the guy I would probably say, "I almost didn't come back out here because of you. I would appreciate if you didn't talk to me, I have no interest in speaking with you. You're coming off as a (intentionally misspeaking because that's my terrible sense of humor) raper." Then I would smile, he would say something very mean to me and finish it up by calling me the c-word. Or at least that's how those scenarios always played out in my past. Go with your gut but don't let any man, ever, dictate what you do and where you go. Also, don't take advise from me about these situations hahahaha!0
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I typically don't make eye-contact in the park, I almost never say hi as I walk by anyone either. I'm there for exercise not to socialize, I make myself unapproachable. I mean really, do these ppl say hi to everyone they walk by in the grocery store too? The park I walk at lunch was alway notorious for cruising, so it's always a good idea to be aware of your surroundings.
I would go back to the park, I wouldn't be nearly as friendly tho. Maybe conveniently make a phone call if he approaches and not be available for any babble.0 -
Well I did go back to the park today. All went well, though it was nearly 90 with over 80% humidity in full sun, but I didn't see that guy there, so maybe he's decided not to go there anymore (I had never seen him there previously either) so could've been a one time thing.
I've had other guys approach me at times but this one really came of awkward and borderline creepy. I do hope it was just a young kids attempt at flirting, gone wrong, with no ill intentions, and I assume that is probably what it was. Sometime though I just get that feeling and don't want the one time I ignore it to be a big mistake.
I will say that this thread was hugely helpful for me. I'm usually fairly blunt in normal daily life but when situations arise that I'm not familiar with I tend to forget everything and not know how to respond. Your suggestions, particularly the question like "where do you go to church", and the punching in the throat, have helped me have a game plan in case anything like this happens again.0
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