What would you do? (mostly for woman)
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GaleHawkins wrote: »
On the subject of pepper spray I would say if you think you should use it you should have already hit 911 and be running in the opposite direction. The greater force tends to win.
Ideally, yes. But if the person is that close and feel you are in such danger to use pepper spray, you don't have time to call 911 unless you have gotten away first. In seconds someone can grab you preventing you from using the spray OR the phone.
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KittensMaster wrote: »Sunny_Bunny_ wrote: »KittensMaster wrote: »This is interesting how women read so much in to a casual conversation
Makes me want to not talk to them
The idea I would be considered a perv for striking up a conversation is a bit off putting
It seems better to not even bother
I have an awesome gf so this thread is good reason to not speak to women casually.
Lol! I can see how that might make you question what kind of impression you might make. But, in this case she got a weird feeling about him. Must have been something in body language, behavior that made him seem creepy.
We always want to assume everyone is a good person and means no harm but unfortunately that's not the way it always ends up. I believe in instinct. If something seems off, I trust it.
The lesson is, don't be a creepy weirdo and you won't get throat punched! Lol
I wonder how that logic would be received if applied to women.
If a woman is creepy it is ok to punch her in the throat!
Well, the throat punching is solely reserved for self defense only. So he/she would be subject to full force throat punch only under those circumstances from whomever they may be attacking, whether man, woman or child.
But seriously, I am certainly not saying being spoken to by a stranger is automatically awkward or creepy or inappropriate. I am only saying that if I get a bad feeling about someone, I will go on my way. I will always be polite about it, unless I am forced to not be.
The impression I got from OP was that something was off about the interaction that felt creepy and inappropriate. Then I decided to share what I had learned in my defense class. Nobody uses self defense for awkwardness. I figured that part was self explanatory. Lol0 -
And... I can't be trying to figure out what a persons intentions are or if they are simply awkward. If I'm uncomfortable, I'm leaving. I will not apologize for looking after myself.0
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Sunny_Bunny_ wrote: »And... I can't be trying to figure out what a persons intentions are or if they are simply awkward. If I'm uncomfortable, I'm leaving. I will not apologize for looking after myself.
No one should ever have to apologize for protecting themselves in a reasonable manner!!!0 -
GaleHawkins wrote: »
Guys typically are dense so a sledgehammer approach often works best when time is short.
I know that most men are stronger than I am. Given that women in Australia die from attacks from men they know at the rate of more than 1 per week, it's prudent to be cautious. Having said that, I like to assume that most people are decent. There are some that defy all logic though. I was approached by a guy who wouldn't take a hint. So I thought I'd sledgehammer him. Apparently "Go away and leave me alone." wasn't direct enough.
The response was "You don't really mean that." Blithering idiot. There was a very large, muscular man standing only a few feet away. He was watching and moved towards us when I deliberately caught his eye. Creepy guy exited stage left and disappeared faster than Ussain Bolt. Yeah, some guys are just creepy but that doesn't mean everyone is and be damned if I'm going to let some creep ruin my outing. 0 -
Guys typically are dense so a sledgehammer approach often works best when time is short. If asking about church offends then you know a bit more about his mindset
Gosh, there has even been pastors convicted of child molestation.
I doubt you can really know anything , except your own reactions to someone.0 -
Some people just have nasty minds I think. There's nothing wrong with being aware, but assuming all men are perves or pedophiles is just disgraceful. Could you imagine if "all women" were branded as something equally disgusting?
We live in a world where unaccompanied men are not allowed to walk through a public park if there are children playing.
My Uncle sat me down when I remarried and told me very seriously to never ever leave my children alone with my husband (not their father) because all men can not be trusted to act on "certain urges". I suspect my Uncle may be the one with the problem if he thinks that.0 -
EbonyDahlia wrote: »
My Uncle sat me down when I remarried and told me very seriously to never ever leave my children alone with my husband (not their father) because all men can not be trusted to act on "certain urges". I suspect my Uncle may be the one with the problem if he thinks that.
Yeah, this. My Mum told me never to leave my kids alone with our friend who I've known since 1984 and my husband has known since 1979.0 -
Did you discuss this with your SO? Maybe he'd like to meet the guy.
I did, he said to bring pepper spray and a whistle if I keep walking there. I'm not sure what good either would do if no one else was around, and like suggested earlier I'd probably spray myself with the spray accidentally.If your instincts tell you something is off with someone then by all means avoid the hell out of them or that area. I just hate the automatic assumption that men are bad/creepy etc.[/quote]
I hope my posts didn't convey that I think all men are bad/creepy. His actions and behavior made me uncomfortable, I didn't automatically assume he was until he started acting that way. You do have a point though I hadn't thought about aspergers possibly being a factor.
Since I haven't seen him there since I can assume he was just looking for someone to walk with and being friendly but went about it in a way that was concerning to me.
I felt that saying "no" to him walking with me once should've been enough, that he brushed that off and decided to walk with me regardless was what caused my heightened concern. I can see that as you mentioned, he may not have seen that as being inappropriate if he does in fact have aspergers.
@GaleHawkins @knitormiss I too took it that way, asking someone where they go to church would steer the conversation in a different direction, and I think would also give the impression that I may not be an easy person to pick up on, depending on their intentions.
@kittensmaster I didn't think the throat punching was meant for someone being creepy. I took it as something to keep in mind if I need to defend myself should something happen. I would never punch a person in the throat just for coming off as creepy. as it was I was very friendly to him, even thanked him for the compliment and stated I was not there to meet people. Even though he made me uncomfortable and concerned about what could happen without knowing what his intentions were, I felt I handled it well. I was just nervous about going back there, should a second encounter turn to something else.
and I would absolutely punch anyone in the throat man or woman if they were attacking me.
I just want to be very clear, I do not assume all men are creepy. I love having casual conversation with people I meet. I work in sales and am very used to talking to others. This is one incident where I felt less than safe and nervous about the potential of something serious happening.0 -
I have a 20 yr old daughter entering her 3rd yr university. We tell her to listen to those feelings/instincts & remove herself from situation if necessary. Try not to alarm her just warn her to be careful. Pepper spray is illegal here so that's not an option. And even tho she's a 3rd Dan black belt in TKD hubby advises her flight not fight. It's a fine line between telling her to be careful & scaring her. Not all men are crazy/creepy but there are some weirdos out there. Auntstephie listening to your guts was the way to go, I think. Glad you've been able to walk there again.0
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auntstephie321 wrote: »I can assume he was just looking for someone to walk with and being friendly but went about it in a way that was concerning to me.
I don't think so. Maybe it's just me, but it's not something guys do. We walk alone or we walk with somebody we know. We do not ask a stranger to walk with us, and we do not offer strangers compliments on their "niceness" unless we're hitting on them.
I do talk to strange women in public settings. They often approach me. It's because I have a dog. We talk about dogs. Our dogs sniff each other's butt. Then we continue on our lone walks.
The guy was hitting on you, and what made it awkward was the lack of social lubricant and the timing. If he had a dog or if he had waited to compliment you after getting to know you, it wouldn't have been creepy.
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Delicate subject when it comes to defenseless kids.
If these stats are true, 1 in 5 of you were abused as a kid:
http://www.victimsofcrime.org/media/reporting-on-child-sexual-abuse/child-sexual-abuse-statistics
1 in 5 adult women are raped.
75% of which are by people the victim knows. Usually a family member, most likely a spouse or intimate partner.
There has been a 50-60% decline in physical and sexual abuse since 1990, so despite people being more paranoid about it now, "the good old days" were actually more dangerous.
Census says there are 16.4 million minors under the age of 18. Stats say ~400k reports of sexual abuse to minors are reported. Multiply that by 3.3 (only 30% of cases are reported) gets you ~1.3 million, or 8% of the population of minors. Again, nearly always, it's by someone the victim knows -- a family member or friend of the family.
http://www.nsopw.gov/en/Education/FactsStatisticsNo I have not but after writing that I happened to come across my previous post in this same thread. You may want to read it. I don't think your username implies a love for monogamy, but clearly I misread it. Though if my username were "CocksTamer" I wouldn't at all be shocked if someone assumed I liked to tame many *kitten*. Which is just odd because obviously it would mean I enjoy raising domesticated chickens. For what it's worth, I don't assume you're a pervert. I assume you've raised many baby cats. I also (mistakenly) assumed you had a sense of humor. No, for real, domesticating chickens is what I do.
Keep in mind that humor is often lost in text communication. If you were attempting humor, it did not at all come across the way you intended.
Also, if we go with what you did imply, and that he's into kink, that still doesn't make him a perv. Despite what 50 Shades of Grey depicts, such arrangements are actually explicitly consensual and have to be in order for them to work (because there's a metric ton of trust that has to go into such arrangements).
If you don't like the idea of such an arrangement, more power to you, don't partake in it. But don't judge others for what they do with other consenting adults as "perverted," because odds are very good that there are people out there who would also consider you a perv for the things you enjoy doing with your partner.No. Don't continue walking there. You told him no and he wouldn't take no for an answer. Also, what you describe is very weird and off putting. You could easily see him there again and then what? It's not worth it.
Also, I'm sorry, but you should not have been friendly to him or chatted with him even in the first place. Young men, I've noticed, are significantly more socially inept than ever before. A large percentage of them were raised in fatherless households and have been adversely affected by the seedier and more perverse aspect of cyber/electronic culture that they've been saturated with, versus men born before 1980.
Be very cautious around them.
I agree with BlackDahalia, this came off as quite offensive, especially the second paragraph. You make a number of completely unsubstantiated claims and use it to d@mn men in general (never mind the fact that while 1/3 of children are in single parent homes, only half of those are actually boys, statistically speaking, so 1/6 of children are boys living in single parent homes, and even less than that actually grew up without a father or father figure in their lives). And if you genuinely think that the internet was the pioneer in "the seedier and more perverse aspect of...culture" then you've clearly never seen any of your partners' teenage stashes (seriously, all it took was a little dumpster diving, and hell, for that matter, it doesn't have to be the obviously Playboy-esque stuff, have you seen those "romance" novel book-a-month clubs? Soccer mom pr0n).
Had the rest of the comments been on par with this one, I'd have shut this thread down and probably deleted it. As it stands, I nearly did so for the responses to the comments that specifically addressed this. Think before you post, and if you're going to make such scathing claims, particularly against half the population, back them up with research.0 -
On the Silver Comet Trail where I ride my bike is a cross and flowers
A girl jogging was dragged into the woods and raped and killed.
She fought and bit and scratched the rapist. He was caught and convicted because of her fight to the death
I ride by that cross a couple times a week.
Very sad reminder.
I should take a pic if I ride by today
I have two friends that were raped.
And today I heard Jared from subway fame is pleading guilty to being a pedophile
Sad world
I guess I don't relate to them at all.
I'm the guy that stops in the rain to help a woman change a flat. Done it a few times.
The 1 in 5 stat is just terrible
Life is just vastly different from a man to woman
I never ever get bothered. Maybe because I look like a biker and have tattoos and a beard. Not sure but it seems some women have a complete different life experience than I know.
Maybe if I was a woman I would relate to being spoken to as odd.
Women talk to me all the time. I think some just like the biker look
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Just thought Id share what happened today with you all.
I've been walking in the park with no issues daily. Today I was passed multiple times by a young boy on his bike, probably 8 or 9 years old. He said "Hi" each time he passed.
On my final lap around he turned his bike around and started riding back towards me, he stopped and said:
Boy: Excuse me, how many more minutes will you be here
Me: Oh this is my last lap around
Boy: Oh maybe you could stay for just one more
Me: I wish I could but I have to head back to the office
Boy: Aw bummer
It was very sweet, but struck me as really funny compared to the encounter I had there that made me so nervous0 -
You probably have a very approachable demeanor. My brother and friends say that I'm a magnet for awkward people because of it.0
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Delicate subject when it comes to defenseless kids.
If these stats are true, 1 in 5 of you were abused as a kid:
http://www.victimsofcrime.org/media/reporting-on-child-sexual-abuse/child-sexual-abuse-statistics
I don't know if the stats are true or not but of the women with which I am well enough acquainted to have spoken with on this subject I believe it's closer to 4 out of 5 have been abused. Since I have come to the realization that so many women have experienced unwanted sexual acts I have made it a point to ask whenever the topic arises and the women seems comfortable enough to answer.
I have not yet had a woman become upset because I asked. I am not exaggerating the 80% number at all. It makes me very sad. It has had an enormous affect on so many of the women in my life. And I am blessed to count many wonderful women as sisters, cousins, co-workers, friends, nieces...
Perhaps it is the area of the country that I live in. It is a silent epidemic that I want to hope is getting better, at least by the fact that it is reported somewhat more frequently.
@KittensMaster, I don't know if most of us guys can relate.0 -
On one hand, it is pretty innocent. You can't blame a guy for trying. If he didn't take a hint, be clear...again. However, I would be careful about telling him that you prefer to walk alone. If he did have sinister motives, this may confirm that no one will come to your rescue. I would just say "Thanks, but today, I prefer to walk alone. Have a nice day".0
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auntstephie321 wrote: »Just thought Id share what happened today with you all.
I've been walking in the park with no issues daily. Today I was passed multiple times by a young boy on his bike, probably 8 or 9 years old. He said "Hi" each time he passed.
On my final lap around he turned his bike around and started riding back towards me, he stopped and said:
Boy: Excuse me, how many more minutes will you be here
Me: Oh this is my last lap around
Boy: Oh maybe you could stay for just one more
Me: I wish I could but I have to head back to the office
Boy: Aw bummer
It was very sweet, but struck me as really funny compared to the encounter I had there that made me so nervous
it is nice that he appreciated the silent athletic companionship, but that he wasn't weird about it. It's also entirely possible that his parent is in one of the homes facing the park and told him - as long as I can see you, and/or as long as that lady is out there walking, too, you can ride. But as soon as she leaves, you have to come home!0
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