What would you do? (mostly for woman)
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My experiences walking daily for the last 15 years is that all sorts of people are around. some have no skills, some only want to have human contact.
My problem is I don't leash my 16 yr old dog..go to a paved walk on the bay, and have had horrible people complain "leash your dog lady"..when she is hobbling along beside me, and I use a cane or a walker on some days!!!! I was stunned at the meanness of these "rule keepers"…people with angry aggressive dogs do need to leash them..I live in a small coastal town.. fewer than 30,000 total scattered all over, there is no reason to turn it to big city rules…
I always leash her when I see a possible problem ahead..but to have some controlling people want to harass a disabled senior??? I wonder. ( also people with teeny dogs will yell at me- as if having a small dog gives them the right to demand 'protection' from a toothless deaf dog?
it stressed me out so much I skipped going there for 6 months..now I go at odd times when people are not likely, and do leash her…so mostly we go where she is free to run and snoop and enjoy nature.
I meet lovely people and dog owners too..but the stress is always there for that crabby one.0 -
If interested. This is the site for training I had. This lady is awesome!
http://surviveinstitute.com0 -
auntstephie321 wrote: »Well I did go back to the park today. All went well, though it was nearly 90 with over 80% humidity in full sun, but I didn't see that guy there, so maybe he's decided not to go there anymore (I had never seen him there previously either) so could've been a one time thing.
I've had other guys approach me at times but this one really came of awkward and borderline creepy. I do hope it was just a young kids attempt at flirting, gone wrong, with no ill intentions, and I assume that is probably what it was. Sometime though I just get that feeling and don't want the one time I ignore it to be a big mistake.
I will say that this thread was hugely helpful for me. I'm usually fairly blunt in normal daily life but when situations arise that I'm not familiar with I tend to forget everything and not know how to respond. Your suggestions, particularly the question like "where do you go to church", and the punching in the throat, have helped me have a game plan in case anything like this happens again.
You go to church and punch people in the throat? Lol funny0 -
No. Don't continue walking there. You told him no and he wouldn't take no for an answer. Also, what you describe is very weird and off putting. You could easily see him there again and then what? It's not worth it.
Also, I'm sorry, but you should not have been friendly to him or chatted with him even in the first place. Young men, I've noticed, are significantly more socially inept than ever before. A large percentage of them were raised in fatherless households and have been adversely affected by the seedier and more perverse aspect of cyber/electronic culture that they've been saturated with, versus men born before 1980.
Be very cautious around them.
Ugh ... offensive. On so many levels. "A large percentage of young men were raised in fatherless households and are therefore perverts"? No. Just No. It may have been perfectly innocent. To assume this guy is into weird *kitten* on the internet and is therefore a potential stalker/axe murderer is like me assuming you are a short fat angry lesbian just based on a comment you've made - without knowing anything about you at all. Probably completely incorrect and certainly nasty and judgemental for no reason at all.
What I do know is that it's hard to meet people. He was probably just lonely. He has probably been told to get out more, meet people, strike up a conversation. You're right about something - in this day where everything is text and facebook, it can be perceived as unnatural and even threatening if someone tries to talk to you in the real world. I bet before the internet it wouldn't have seemed nearly so weird if someone came up and made conversation or offered to walk with you in the park. It's not like he followed her back to work or threatened her in any way.
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I'm glad you went back. It sounded fairly safe. You walk there regularly, there are other people around, many of them you know or recognise.
Do the people you work with know where you walk at lunch time? It might be an idea to let them know so that if you are injured or a problem arises they know where they are.
Other than that, enjoy your lunch time walks.
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I'm glad you went back. It sounded fairly safe. You walk there regularly, there are other people around, many of them you know or recognise.
Do the people you work with know where you walk at lunch time? It might be an idea to let them know so that if you are injured or a problem arises they know where they are.
Other than that, enjoy your lunch time walks.
Yes, I work work one other person, he walks in the park on his lunch, after mine. I also have him a description of the guy just in case.
I honestly wouldn't have thought twice about it had it seemed like a normal interaction. I feel safer about it now, with everyone's advice and opinions. It's also helpful for me if I'm ever in another area I'm less familiar with.0 -
auntstephie321 wrote: »Well I did go back to the park today. All went well, though it was nearly 90 with over 80% humidity in full sun, but I didn't see that guy there, so maybe he's decided not to go there anymore (I had never seen him there previously either) so could've been a one time thing.
I've had other guys approach me at times but this one really came of awkward and borderline creepy. I do hope it was just a young kids attempt at flirting, gone wrong, with no ill intentions, and I assume that is probably what it was. Sometime though I just get that feeling and don't want the one time I ignore it to be a big mistake.
I will say that this thread was hugely helpful for me. I'm usually fairly blunt in normal daily life but when situations arise that I'm not familiar with I tend to forget everything and not know how to respond. Your suggestions, particularly the question like "where do you go to church", and the punching in the throat, have helped me have a game plan in case anything like this happens again.
You go to church and punch people in the throat? Lol funny
Lol
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I would walk somewhere else honestly. That sounds so creepy it kind of makes me sick so please be careful0
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@newmeadow....wow! You do seem to have some issues that seem to make you make aggressive comments! Sounds like you have been very hurt by things, presumably men! I sincerely hope you can find a way to heal and see better of them. Even with all the crap around now a days there are still genuine, loving. caring men who like the look of a person whatever the age difference. If it was men making the comments you have you would be really up in arms!!!0
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Can the back and forth stuff please stop. This thread was very helpful to me, with all points of view in it. I did not find anything @newmeadow said offensive, I know some of you did, and I'm sorry for that. I don't think that new was saying that all men are to be feared or looked at as poorly raised potential ax murderers, but that its a possibility and to be careful.0
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As an aside ... I dated a man (man child) 13 years younger than me for over a year. According to science our libidos were well matched (men peaking in their late teens to early 20's and women peaking closer to 40). It was fun. He was fun, it was a bit like having a puppy ... all the enjoyment and none of the hassle. Just sayin :P0
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Lol.....I am an open book and happy to hear all opinions as thats all they are...opinions....on any subject but at least I dont cut and run when someone expresses an alternate opinion to mine and comments on it! Thats what bullys do! As I have never watched Oprah I have no idea what she does so....I was just saying that I hope your issues get sorted and you can view mankind through kinder eyes.
Sorry to everyone...seems my concern derailed the help offered to Aunty due to newmeadow taking offence...despite her offensive comments. I sincerely hope you can happily walk wherever you to in safety and peace.0 -
If someone takes offense to something I might say, I would rather they let me know so I can try and tone down my opinions.
I know not everyone likes being warned that they are offending someone, but they should realize that on a public message board there are many opinions and they are not an island to themself.
I hope everyone has a wonderful day and no one has unwanted stalking admirers. ..lol..If you do just go to church or a karate class. Or a karate class in a church..ha please know I'm joking. Luv to all.0 -
This is interesting how women read so much in to a casual conversation
Makes me want to not talk to them
The idea I would be considered a perv for striking up a conversation is a bit off putting
It seems better to not even bother
I have an awesome gf so this thread is good reason to not speak to women casually.
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Men are from Mars...... comes to mind.
With that being said I do thank God I am not a woman. Life seems to be much harder for a woman in most all aspects. Some guys will read way too much even from a smile of a woman.
I tell my wife and daughter to remove themselves from a location ASAP if they develop a concern for emotional and or physical safety. There are a few weirdo's out there keeping concerns high. Guys and gals in 'mating mode' makes smiles and small talk harder to read I expect. After 35 years of being married and acting so I stay that way yet being a big talker I try to read if a woman does not want to talk. I doubt if I would ever be forward enough to asked if I could walk with a stranger in a park. Being 64 with clear physical limitations I expect makes me seem physically harmless to most.
Again I think it is only wise for most women to error on the side of thinking the worse about strange/unknown guys when walking in a park, etc. As a side note there are a few times when I wanted to run from a few women. It is not only men that can be weird.0 -
I pine for the simpler days when we could just hit women over the head with a club and drag them back to our cave.
Now they punch us in the throat and threaten us with church? How did the world get so crazy? I bet carbs were involved somehow. 0 -
KittensMaster wrote: »This is interesting how women read so much in to a casual conversation
Makes me want to not talk to them
The idea I would be considered a perv for striking up a conversation is a bit off putting
It seems better to not even bother
I have an awesome gf so this thread is good reason to not speak to women casually.
For what its worth. this wasn't the same as someone trying to make casual conversation. I'm friendly to everyone I pass in the park, I've had casual conversation with both men and women, young and old, some with dogs some with kids, some by themselves. None of those conversations have ever made me feel uncomfortable. I will never know what his intentions were, this post wasn't really about what was going on in his mind as I'll never know that.
My concern was my feelings on it and it made me feel nervous enough to not want to go there again. Multiple outside points of view have helped me feel more comfortable about it.
I don't think most women read too much into benign conversation, just being friendly in a park or anywhere.0 -
I would not stop walking where you like but if you see him again be sure to let him know that you prefer to walk alone if he approaches you again. Don't make eye contact with him if you can avoid it. Carry a cell phone with you.
I do not think you are being overly paranoid.
This. If it happens again after you make it plain twice, then that is creepy.
A self defense expert recommended a can of bee spray as an alternative to pepper spray.
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And for the record, I think the question about church was meant as a distraction technique. If he just had poor social skills, etc. or honestly was just oblivious to the reaction he was getting, the question could make him stop, shift his thinking, and maybe realize how differently he was coming across than he intended. Either that, or turn him off if "church stuff" is not the gear his brain was in... I don't think it was intended as aggressive or anything, but more a distraction/change conversation tactic used to get people thinking, give context, reevaluate their approach, or get to a safe topic...0
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KnitOrMiss wrote: »And for the record, I think the question about church was meant as a distraction technique. If he just had poor social skills, etc. or honestly was just oblivious to the reaction he was getting, the question could make him stop, shift his thinking, and maybe realize how differently he was coming across than he intended. Either that, or turn him off if "church stuff" is not the gear his brain was in... I don't think it was intended as aggressive or anything, but more a distraction/change conversation tactic used to get people thinking, give context, reevaluate their approach, or get to a safe topic...
@KnitOrMiss your take is on my suggestion is 100% correct.
Guys typically are dense so a sledgehammer approach often works best when time is short. If asking about church offends then you know a bit more about his mindset. If his thoughts are off color but he knows right from wrong he should see the need to hit the reset button.
On the subject of pepper spray I would say if you think you should use it you should have already hit 911 and be running in the opposite direction. The greater force tends to win.
Generally speaking ALL women should act on their instinct when it comes to interacting with men if there is even one red flag. If interested in getting to know more about any man will expose you to some risk. Driving to McDonalds, etc in separate cars and having coffee, etc would be safer than talking with a stranger in some parks.
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KittensMaster wrote: »This is interesting how women read so much in to a casual conversation
Makes me want to not talk to them
The idea I would be considered a perv for striking up a conversation is a bit off putting
It seems better to not even bother
I have an awesome gf so this thread is good reason to not speak to women casually.
Lol! I can see how that might make you question what kind of impression you might make. But, in this case she got a weird feeling about him. Must have been something in body language, behavior that made him seem creepy.
We always want to assume everyone is a good person and means no harm but unfortunately that's not the way it always ends up. I believe in instinct. If something seems off, I trust it.
The lesson is, don't be a creepy weirdo and you won't get throat punched! Lol0 -
KittensMaster wrote: »
The idea I would be considered a perv for striking up a conversation is a bit off putting
There's some irony in your name being "KittensMaster" yet you're taken aback by the idea of being considered a perv.
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Sunny_Bunny_ wrote: »
The lesson is, don't be a creepy weirdo and you won't get throat punched! LolKittensMaster wrote: »This is interesting how women read so much in to a casual conversation
Makes me want to not talk to them
The idea I would be considered a perv for striking up a conversation is a bit off putting
It seems better to not even bother
I have an awesome gf so this thread is good reason to not speak to women casually.
Omg I love that!0 -
The guy was hitting on you. You rejected the hit. Awkward? Yes. Dangerous? Who knows, but if he is, taking walks in a public space is probably not a risky behavior.
Did you discuss this with your SO? Maybe he'd like to meet the guy. 0 -
Jesus, if a man came up and spoke to me I'd be quite flattered! There is a local man who mows lawns for a retirement village, he's walked a little way up the road with me a few times and we have chatted. He's a little awkward but he's lovely and it's so nice to have a real conversation.
Sometimes people with aspergers can also try to strike up a conversation, it can come across as inappropriate or a bit odd because they lack the social skills or interpretation of your body langauge. My son is almost 5 and has aspergers so I can just picture him as an adult doing something like try to talk to a stranger in a park. Hell, he tries to talk to adults now and gets ignored already. Adults are rude people.
I really feel for men automatically being thought of as creepy or perverted, for the high crime of striking up a conversation or walking next to someone. My OH says women will cross the street to avoid him in broad daylight and it's really offensive and hurtful. My mother in law even got horrified at me once letting my son have a conversation with the man who runs the corner shop because "all men are pedophiles deep down", wtf?
If your instincts tell you something is off with someone then by all means avoid the hell out of them or that area. I just hate the automatic assumption that men are bad/creepy etc.0 -
I really feel for men automatically being thought of as creepy or perverted, for the high crime of striking up a conversation or walking next to someone. My OH says women will cross the street to avoid him in broad daylight and it's really offensive and hurtful. My mother in law even got horrified at me once letting my son have a conversation with the man who runs the corner shop because "all men are pedophiles deep down", wtf?
If your instincts tell you something is off with someone then by all means avoid the hell out of them or that area. I just hate the automatic assumption that men are bad/creepy etc.
That sounds like something my ignorant mother would say. When my daughter was little she was uncomfortable with one of my male friends because he was "ugly" and that probably made him desperate enough to touch a 2 year old. Ooh or the time she said I shouldn't let my gay male friend come over because he would probably molest my 2 year old daughter since he is gay. Pure idiot.
I have a tendency to not see men talking to me as a come on. When I was in my 20s I had quite the opposite experience. It started to feel like any man I spoke to thought I was hitting on him. The heavier I got the less of a problem this seemed to be.
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Delicate subject when it comes to defenseless kids.
If these stats are true, 1 in 5 of you were abused as a kid:
http://www.victimsofcrime.org/media/reporting-on-child-sexual-abuse/child-sexual-abuse-statistics
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Sunny_Bunny_ wrote: »KittensMaster wrote: »This is interesting how women read so much in to a casual conversation
Makes me want to not talk to them
The idea I would be considered a perv for striking up a conversation is a bit off putting
It seems better to not even bother
I have an awesome gf so this thread is good reason to not speak to women casually.
Lol! I can see how that might make you question what kind of impression you might make. But, in this case she got a weird feeling about him. Must have been something in body language, behavior that made him seem creepy.
We always want to assume everyone is a good person and means no harm but unfortunately that's not the way it always ends up. I believe in instinct. If something seems off, I trust it.
The lesson is, don't be a creepy weirdo and you won't get throat punched! Lol
I wonder how that logic would be received if applied to women.
If a woman is creepy it is ok to punch her in the throat!
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KittensMaster wrote: »
The idea I would be considered a perv for striking up a conversation is a bit off putting
There's some irony in your name being "KittensMaster" yet you're taken aback by the idea of being considered a perv.
How?
I enjoy a monogamous relationship and now I'm a perv?
Have you become some sort of morality police?
Please explain.
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No I have not but after writing that I happened to come across my previous post in this same thread. You may want to read it. I don't think your username implies a love for monogamy, but clearly I misread it. Though if my username were "CocksTamer" I wouldn't at all be shocked if someone assumed I liked to tame many *kitten*. Which is just odd because obviously it would mean I enjoy raising domesticated chickens. For what it's worth, I don't assume you're a pervert. I assume you've raised many baby cats. I also (mistakenly) assumed you had a sense of humor. No, for real, domesticating chickens is what I do.0
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