How to deal with burn out (rant)

chaoticdreams

3 months today, that's how long I've been pretty much straight up keto minus one day to celebrate my granddads birthday. I started this to support my husband and I knew low carb worked well for me in the past and knew the ropes to speak. Once I started going strong, man it's been a breeze. I'm not losing weight as fast as I would like, which is probably what most people feel on any diet, but it is coming off so I'm not complaining and am pretty much frustration free. I"m siting here atm in a size I haven't seen since college. I am very happy with that fact, very happy with my progress, and I'm so terrified of eating one thing off plan that I have been super strict with food. So strict to the point, I woke up crying on Saturday because I couldn't have a Five Guys burger and fries, washed down with half a dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts...... The craving came out of nowhere and hit me super hard. I didn't cave, I didn't give in, I went to Outback instead and had prime rib with a salad and broccoli and later a skewer of grilled shrimp. 1200 calories of delicious food..... and I had to force myself to enjoy it.

I don't want to undo all my hard work. It's taken me 5 years to lose 51 lbs I have 63 left to go. For the first time in 5 years that number just doesn't seem so intimidating. So why in hades am I all of a sudden wanting to derail so hard the wreck will take months to clean up?

My husband lost 51 lbs in two months, which I think is astronomically awesome, but then he got completely bored. He's always been a burger and fries type of dude and getting rid of the fries is driving him nuts. He claims he never has anything to eat despite the fridge being stocked with eggs, bacon, cheese, and half the time left over steak. I married the one man on the planet that honestly hates bacon and gets tired of steak. How does one ever get tired of steak??? I want a burger, but I would never pass up steak.

He doesn't really like veggies, but I do keep the ones he does like in stock too. He knows low carb is helping him lose weight, but is miserable on it. I suggested just straight up moderation but he just flat out refuses to log food or count calories. I even offered to do it for him. I told him to keep a notebook and write down what he eats, and I'd plug it in for him. Even if he just did straight up CICO, he gets like 2000 cals a day to lose 2 lbs a week. That should theoretically let him have a burger and fries and then something sensible for dinner.

Nope, he refuses to do that too, and I do have to say that moderation really doesn't seem to work with him because even with minor cheats on low carb he wasn't even eating 1600 calories a day and still not losing. I suggested he try carb cycling then, and that seemed to perk him up, but I was like on your low carb days though you have to really stick with them. He started complaining about that and about how it was now just going to be confusing. Now he's back to being super strict Sun - Fri with a cheat meal on Saturday. We're doing a test run this week on that. I hope it works. I hate him being so miserable. It's just he wants me to cheat with him, and frankly, Saturday's cravings haven't gone away, the idea sounds fabulous.

BUT I don't want a cheat day. Up until Saturday had anyone mentioned a cheat day to me, I would have laughed and thought they suggested I'd should eat a bucket of spiders. I know what a cheat day, or heck a meal, would do to me other than make me feel like crap. It would make me cheat the next day and so forth and so on until I'm back where I started. I don't want to risk that. When I think rationally about things, I know I really don't want the bread and fries, it's just a psychological thing, but rationality only helps so much. Thankfully Five Guys and Krispy Kreme are a 45 min drive away and I'm lazy.

The things is, I'm honestly loving this WOE, but am I really going to spend the rest of my life never eating cake again? Once again rationality steps in and points out, no, you'll eat cake again, just not the whole cake in one sitting like you did before or cake every day, just on special occasions like it is meant to be eaten. And I respond with, okay, that's so reasonable and I can live with that. And honestly, the cake I ate at my granddad's party didn't even taste good and it made me feel bad. I don't like the way carbs make me feel.

And I am not going to cheat. I refuse. But then I'm like.... well Thanksgiving is coming up, whatcha going to do then? Break your grandmas heart? One day won't hurt.... Yes, yes it will. It hurts me every year because we eat like pigs the day of, the day after, and really up until the leftovers are gone. It's the South. We have more deserts than we do regular food. Then Christmas comes right behind it.....

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH What the heck is wrong with me????? How do you guys refocus on what is really important????

TL:DR - OP is a crazy mess right now and is likely stressing out for no reason at all.

Azuriaz

Have you tried Paleo? It doesn't work for me, but it works for some. And if he's miserable and you're going crazy, maybe it's time to give something else a shot.

Then you and your husband can have sweet potato fries with your meat and veggies, and you can even make rare treats from almond flour and such. You do have to give up dairy, though.

ambergem1969

This.

I completely sympathize and I've been there...and its derailed me before and might even do it again in the future. But stepping back and looking objectively, this is addiction speaking. Its the toddler inside all of us who WANTS and doesn't want to hear NO and hates how unfair it is that we can't have anything we want. And it is so frustrating when you try to feed it something else and can't enjoy it because it isn't what you really want.

I could give you all kinds of strategies (take a bath, take walks, talk to a friend, vent to us)...but maybe a good old fashioned temper tantrum is in order? Because it sucks that our bodies react to sugar the way they do, we didn't ask for this problem and yet we have to deal with it. And it isn't fair. And its really is okay to be completely pissed off about that.

But once the tantrum is over...take some time to congratulate yourself on what you've accomplished so far and let a corner of your mind accept that you ARE amazing and that you can trust yourself to make choices each step of the way, and if you mess up, you can get right back up again.

And as for Thanksgiving...bring your own LCHF dessert and munch on that awesome crispy turkey wing!

You've got this.

wabmester

First, congrats on your success so far!

The fact that you feel deprived is a danger sign, IMHO.

I only had one goal when I started this: sustainability. That meant I never felt deprived, never forced myself to eat something I didn't like, and allowed myself flexibility.

It's partly a matter of establishing habits, and if you've been at it for 3 months, you're there.

The cravings are natural. There is nothing like the smell of freshly made donuts.

You don't need a full-on cheat day, but give yourself a break. There is no need to be rigid. No need to feel deprived.

I eat a french fry once in a while. The key is to not go to Red Robbin and get their "bottomless" fries.

Honestly, I don't like them as much as I used to.

If you find yourself losing control or going down a slippery slope after allowing yourself a little treat, the key is to be AWARE of what's happening, and take control back. Lose the feeling of deprivation, but don't lose control!

Lillith32

Will your hubby eat avocados? I fry them in lots of butter and they taste like home fries to me. Also, deep fried zucchini sticks, crispy asparagus, radishes... there are a LOT of veg you can fry up. If that fails, I'm with @Azuriaz on the paleo diet.

Azuriaz

Just to mention, Paleo can still be lower carb, it's not just extremely low. Also, I'm going to try frying avocados! Yum!

sweetteadrinker2

I'm going to be honest and say that I've cried my way through cravings before. If nothing else sounds good except the craving I just don't eat. It'll usually pass.

saraphim41

My first line of defense is to postpone the "cheat." I tell myself I can have it next week or next month. By the time "next ___" rolls around I don't crave the treat any more.

DittoDan

Lillith32 wrote: »

Will your hubby eat avocados? I fry them in lots of butter and they taste like home fries to me. Also, deep fried zucchini sticks, crispy asparagus, radishes... there are a LOT of veg you can fry up. If that fails, I'm with @Azuriaz on the paleo diet.

Now that you mention it:

Have You Tried Fried Radishes?

I hope this helps,
Dan the Man from Michigan
Keto / Water Fasting / E.A.S.Y. Exercise Program
110 pounds down, 24 to go. 12 months 3 weeks on diet
It's Ketogenic or Bariatric Surgery! How I Found the Ketogenic Diet
Previous Discussions on the LCD & Keto Groups
Blog #10 Keto: Abbreviations, Acronyms & Terminology Used on the LCD & Keto Discussion Groups Updated
DittoDan's Keto Sub Groups Blog
Blog #13 DittoDan's Milestone's, First's And Good Changes Since Starting the Ketogenic Diet Updated
DittoDan's Keto Blogs
How I got Off of Diabetic Prescriptions Drugs Since I Started Keto Updated
Blog #11 Really Good Keto Websites
Low Carb Discussion Group on MFP (LCD)
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wabmester

sweetteadrinker2 wrote: »

I'm going to be honest and say that I've cried my way through cravings before. If nothing else sounds good except the craving I just don't eat. It'll usually pass.

This makes me sad. I agree with the hard-line carbs=poison approach in the beginning. It helps break old habits and establish new ones. But for people who have been at this for a while, haven't you found something not-so-bad that satisfies your cravings? For me, it's nuts and dark chocolate. Low carb, but they completely satisfy my urges for "evil" foods.

After 8 months or so, I can even eat some evil carbs without going crazy. They're mostly just a novelty for me these days.

AngInCanada

I have nothing really to add but I completely understand. My first 3 months I had NO desire to cheat, now its a battle...all....day.....long.

Fvaisey

Maybe this works??

nicintime

It shouldn't. Make you sad, that is.

So... since this is a rant thread, buckle up! :-)

For some of us carbs ARE poison, and a trip to Five Guys and Krispy Creme will find us waking up in a carb induced fog 6 months from now 50 lbs heavier. AGAIN! :-(

I can't do that again, cravings be damned.

Count the years you have left if you live to an "average" age (unlikely for those of us who are morbidly obese). Is that how you want to spend those years?! No thanks, I'm out. Can't do it.

Certainly nuts and dark chocolate are fine - for most of us. Make the effort to be creative in your low carb cookery. Sometimes we won't put that effort in, then conclude "low carb won't work for me because I'm tired of eggs and bacon". Not true! My laziness or lack of information is the issue, not the way of eating! Tell yourself the truth, then at least you're dealing with reality!

There are many of you who can "get away with" skirting the edges of low carb. That is wonderful, and I am truly happy for you and wish you nothing but success! Certainly the majority of our population would greatly benefit by just reducing their carbs to the 150 ish level!

If you're morbidly obese with serious food issues that is not you. The truth is your friend, and will set you free - though perhaps make you miserable at first.

We have a HUGE variety of folks in this group, which is one of its greatest strengths in my opinion. I really like appreciate those different perspectives, from carnivore to barely low carb. I have learned to filter advice from what I've gleaned from the poster's perspective - a good thing. Newbies of course can't do that. I'm starting to think it would be a cool idea to put in our signature line our chosen way of eating, perspective, etc everyone kind of like DittoDan does.

Good luck everyone! ....and color me morbidly obese, older, 20 grams or less total, and I can't go back.

mlinton_mesapark

Nothing to add, except to say, I struggle with this, too. And I'm determined to keep struggling and trying to find the moving target "sweet spot". Because I'm much happier struggling in the right direction than coasting down the wrong one.

wabmester

nicintime wrote: »

We have a HUGE variety of folks in this group, which is one of its greatest strengths in my opinion. I really like appreciate those different perspectives, from carnivore to barely low carb.

Agree 100%. And I realize I may be more carb-tolerant than some. But I think the psychological factors are important too, and the feeling of deprivation can lead to binges, IMO. It may be dangerous to ignore that dynamic.

The reason I still hang out here in "maintenance" is because I'm well aware of the lousy success statistics for all forms of weight loss, including low carb. I think we need to be hyperaware of what leads to success vs failure. The long term matters more than the short term for all of us.

nicintime

wabmester wrote: »

nicintime wrote: »

We have a HUGE variety of folks in this group, which is one of its greatest strengths in my opinion. I really like appreciate those different perspectives, from carnivore to barely low carb.

Agree 100%. And I realize I may be more carb-tolerant than some. But I think the psychological factors are important too, and the feeling of deprivation can lead to binges, IMO. It may be dangerous to ignore that dynamic.

The reason I still hang out here in "maintenance" is because I'm well aware of the lousy success statistics for all forms of weight loss, including low carb. I think we need to be hyperaware of what leads to success vs failure. The long term matters more than the short term for all of us.

Thanks Wabmaster - and I wholeheartedly agree.

I am SO far from maintenance..... but as I binge study and research I have become convinced that maintenance is THE most important stage of this way of eating. I watch with eagerness those of you who are there and those I'm seeing that are almost there. The plan for maintenance is every bit as important as the plan for getting there.

I know my own mindset was (without realizing it), "get skinny and then you'll be able to eat whatever you want". That sounds silly when I write it, but I'd bet a bunch of us have had that sabotaging thought lurking in the back of our brains. It is why I avoid the term diet (by most definitions a diet is something temporary), and try to talk about "Way Of Eating", or WOE, although that acronym leaves a bit to be desired as well!

Please don't stop hanging out! Talk about your maintenance, how you're doing it, what is working, what is not. Of course I've got to get there first, but I'm here because I will be doing some form of low carb for the rest of my life. That is one of the things I've appreciated about Phinney - he's been in maintenance for a long time (years), and he talks about it and what it takes to live there in a healthy manner.

wabmester

We should do a separate thread on maintenance, but I think you'll find that it's mostly about mindset.

I tried half-measures for years. Literally. Like taking half the bun off my burger. Useless.

Like you, it took research and an understanding of the mechanisms involved to guide me. A mental model, however flawed, is key. And believe me, all mental models are flawed, but it just needs to be good enough.

If you have a reasonable mental model of how this works, you'll stick with it. If you understand gravity, you won't stand under a falling piano. If you understand momentum, you won't walk in front of a moving train. If you understand your metabolism, you won't binge on Krispy Kreme.

There is no One Model. Mine is not the same as @FIT_Goat or @Foamroller, but theirs are both good enough that they are bulletproof!

Cravings are part of your mindset. For me, they simply don't exist. Or if they do, it's because I accept and embrace them.

DebraWilliams1

Something nobody's really mentioned, but I know from my own experience that when I get a craving for something that lasts for days, it's because there's something in that food my body needs. Ok, I'll crave bad examples (but good tasting) things in the category, but there is something about them that I need. For instance, if I drool over every steak or hamburger I see, I'm low on iron. When I add an iron tablet every day, my craving goes away, So look at what you're craving. Potatoes are reasonably high in Vitamin C, B6 and potassium. Could you be low in any of those nutrients, and your body's telling you to eat something with them? Donuts, I don't know, unless it's the B vitamins again in the flour. Maybe try taking a supplement or adding more foods with the same nutrients but lower carbs into your diet.

chaoticdreams

I guess I really don't feel all that deprived other than the crazy that overcame me this weekend. I do sometimes think about sweets, they were always my weakness, but until recently, I hadn't wanted a single one. I have some dark chocolate squares that I think I may dive into if the doughnut craving comes back. I am not the type that can sneak in a bite of something completely not low carb and not binge like crazy. That being said, I did manage to eat birthday cake on my granddad's birthday and get right back on plan the next meal. Maybe I'm finally working through that mental issue and a little dab here and there might keep me sane.

Since lunch, I've calmed down a bit.

I think I'm going to relax the calorie counting. I think the whole thing boils down to the fact I'm just plain hungry now for some reason. I'm in ketosis, but ravenous lately. 1200 calories just isn't cutting it anymore. I started out at 1500 and I think I'll set it back up there. I may slow down on losing, but that's okay. I won't lose at all if I start eating doughnuts LOL.

I will definitely keep reminding myself this is a permanent thing and not a temporary one. A little slip here or there really won't matter if I get right back on track.

This is a great group with many perspectives on low carb. I am so glad I found it. You guys are so very helpful. I'm sorry about my rant, but it helped tremendously just getting it out and in the interwebz. I did in fact throw a temper tantrum on Saturday. I found out you can gnaw on lettuce and steak with a great deal of vehemence!

AngInCanada

nicintime wrote: »

wabmester wrote: »

nicintime wrote: »

We have a HUGE variety of folks in this group, which is one of its greatest strengths in my opinion. I really like appreciate those different perspectives, from carnivore to barely low carb.

Agree 100%. And I realize I may be more carb-tolerant than some. But I think the psychological factors are important too, and the feeling of deprivation can lead to binges, IMO. It may be dangerous to ignore that dynamic.

The reason I still hang out here in "maintenance" is because I'm well aware of the lousy success statistics for all forms of weight loss, including low carb. I think we need to be hyperaware of what leads to success vs failure. The long term matters more than the short term for all of us.

Thanks Wabmaster - and I wholeheartedly agree.

I am SO far from maintenance..... but as I binge study and research I have become convinced that maintenance is THE most important stage of this way of eating. I watch with eagerness those of you who are there and those I'm seeing that are almost there. The plan for maintenance is every bit as important as the plan for getting there.

I know my own mindset was (without realizing it), "get skinny and then you'll be able to eat whatever you want". That sounds silly when I write it, but I'd bet a bunch of us have had that sabotaging thought lurking in the back of our brains. It is why I avoid the term diet (by most definitions a diet is something temporary), and try to talk about "Way Of Eating", or WOE, although that acronym leaves a bit to be desired as well!

Please don't stop hanging out! Talk about your maintenance, how you're doing it, what is working, what is not. Of course I've got to get there first, but I'm here because I will be doing some form of low carb for the rest of my life. That is one of the things I've appreciated about Phinney - he's been in maintenance for a long time (years), and he talks about it and what it takes to live there in a healthy manner.

It sounds funny to say it out loud but I have (yes....my old ways still come through) the thought that I can't wait until I hit goal so I can go back to eating what I want and not having to exercise. Its kind of like how I was always baffled at the thin people at the gym. I'd always think "WHY??? Your job is done, go home and veg on the couch". Its a sad mentality

NewSue52

have you tried any of the tasty low carb goodies that can be found at AllDayidreamaboutfood.com ? I find that most recipes are pretty good and go a long way to satisfy my cravings. Don't eat the whole pie, or cake or cookies or ice cream. And make sure that the macros in the recipe fit your plan. Sometimes a treat helps