Jennifer's Journal

jcaldwell0331

So...I've never really kept a journal or really did any journaling. I've tried and just like my last few diet attempts..they've always fell flat. Hopefully I can be successful at both this time.

Intro! My name is Jennifer and I live about 90 miles east of Dallas, TX. Eight or nine years ago I lost 30 lbs and looked and felt amazing. That weightloss was considerably easier than it is this time around. My husband was in the Air Force and was gone a lot. While he was deployed (8 month deployment) I went on weight watchers, had no children, no obligations, his whole unit was deployed so I had a free gym at my disposal, a free personal trainer (friend of a friend who was a massage therapist and they traded services), and absolutely nothing in the house that was "off limits". I know weight watchers doesn't really have off limits foods, but you know what I mean. Food that I knew I couldn't trust myself around. He came back from deployment to a "hot wife" (his words). Well, I gained a little happy fat and being from him so long I dreaded the weight watchers meetings. So I quit so I could be with him. I continued to gain happy fat until it became sad fat. Several years later I gave birth to a little girl who helped me gain 50 extra pounds. Fast forward 5 years....

She is now 5 years old and I'm still hanging onto this weight. I have been diagnosed with hypertension and my doctor is getting ready to put me on cholesterol medicine if I don't change my eating and exercising habits. However, I don't have a free gym, ample time, obligations, a free personal trainer, etc. at my disposal now that we are no longer in the service. I also can't afford weight watchers either. So, I am now trying to completely change my eating and exercising habits by keeping track and staying under a certain amount of calories. Since starting, I have lost 5 lbs!! I still have 75 to go so my journey has just begun! I'm hoping to be that I'll be that "hot wife" once again.

LottieStanley

For just starting out 5 lbs. sounds really great. A lot of us are second time around, myself included. I find keeping the journal helps me plus the comments helps too.

jcaldwell0331

Thanks! Do you typically journal daily, weekly, or whenever you remember? Like I said I'm new to journaling and I'm not entirely sure what to do past the introduction of myself.

LottieStanley

I've been trying to do mine daily. There are no rules. It's your journal, the only reason I try daily is I read other journals that way I can cheer them on and sometimes I learn new things. I also like the accountability. I'm glad you're here and hope we can help.

jcaldwell0331

Through some exercise and meticulously counting calories, I have lost 13 lbs total!!! I am killing it!!!

jessicakahn606

Wow!!! That is an amazing weight loss! Great job!!!!!

LottieStanley

Wow is right that's a big loss

jcaldwell0331

It's been a week now with no weight lost despite my efforts. It's starting to get aggravating but I refuse to give up! I've increased my water intake (before was almost no water and my daily goal is 80 oz) and I've cut out bread almost completely and try to keep noodles at a very small minimum. With all this rain, and it's spring break for my daughter, it's put a hamper on my exercise but next week I'll get back to it. We did get to go to the zoo on Monday so I was able to get a good walk in and hit my 10,000 step goal on my Fitbit. Here's to hoping for nice weather and another pound down!

50extra

Hey Jennifer, I had last week with no losses too and it can be really frustrating. If you want, open up your food diary and others can give you pointers if they see something that should be changed or modified.

jcaldwell0331

Thanks, 50extra! I will consider it if I get into a really hard plateau. I just needed to vent my frustration with the scale. lol I finally kicked that stubborn pound! I was so excited to see how I pushed through and didn't give up. That's usually the moment I give up....when I'm frustrated and it feels like I can't have this or that, I just get mad and being an emotional eater to begin with....its just spells disaster. But I conquered that pound! I still have a lot more to conquer and I know I can do it this time! I HAVE to do it this time.

jcaldwell0331

Well, it's been a long time since I last wrote and so much has happened. Between end of school year parties, vacation, a death in the family and numerous birthday parties we attended...I have successfully fallen off the wagon. Vacation was 2 weeks in the middle of the mountains with my in-laws (only get to see my husband's side of the family once a year) and the nearest store, including Walmart, was an hour away (I'm not exaggerating). My in-laws aren't the healthiest of eaters either. Just about everything is deep fried or extremely fattening. Don't get me wrong it is all so very delicious but doesn't help my waistline or my overall health any. It's almost like spending 2 weeks in the food venue at the Texas State Fair. So, I've gained but now that summer break is starting to come to a close and the routine of school, church functions, and alone time are getting ready to ramp back up, I am back on the wagon and eating better once again. I had gotten down to 209 before all the craziness happened and the last time I weighed I was 219 (highest this summer was 221). My first mini-goal is to get out of the 210's. And the weight loss journey begins again!

jcaldwell0331

Went to Allen yesterday shopping for school clothes for my little girl and according to my mom's Fitbit (I forgot to wear mine) we walked almost 14000 steps from about 11-6. I also ate real well at the restaurants we went to for lunch and dinner. Was pretty proud of myself. I've got to stick to it so I can get healthy. I know what I need to do but putting into practice sometimes proves itself more difficult. I have lost 5 lbs since I jumped back on the wagon. Woop! Woop!

jcaldwell0331

Monday morning I was up 2lbs from Friday. I hardly took in any water over the weekend and I think that was a good reason for the gain.

Well, I snacked a lot (and started back drinking my water on Monday) yesterday but still managed to lose a pound. I guess me eating such low calorie food had caught up with me. I've been getting just over a thousand calories a day. I have cut WAY back on my red meat and have increased my fish intake by a lot.

I can't wait to be under 200 lbs. I haven't seen the scale register in 100's in over 6 years.

WifiresGettingFit

keep going forward Jennifer! You've got this!

jcaldwell0331

Thank you, Wifires! I'm REALLY craving hamburgers and ice cream.

jcaldwell0331

All of what I wrote just disappeared. I guess I got to type it out again......

I'm REALLY craving hamburgers and ice cream right now.

jcaldwell0331

I don't know what's wrong with it. It's not posting my stuff correctly.

jcaldwell0331

Hopefully today won't be as hard as yesterday. Between fighting 6 year old attitudes and the journal not posting my stuff right, I went to bed a little stressed out. Like I said, I am really craving all the stuff that is packed with calories (i.e. hamburgers and ice cream) but I have to fight the urge. I must be successful this time. A couple weeks ago I was officially put on cholesterol medicine. High blood pressure and high cholesterol runs in my family so I may be on it for a long time, but I'm going to try and get off of it by changing my diet and exercising.

tcunbeliever

Ice cream is totally a weakness of mine...I try not to even keep it in the house because if it's there I will eat it...hang in there, you can do it, you got this!!!

WifiresGettingFit

What about finding some alternatives? Like for ice cream there is halo top or artic zero (I've never had either but I see them recommend a lot.) or fudge pops. I like the healthy choice ones, they are 80-90 calories a bar depending on the bar as I've never had one be the exact serving size. For hamburgers, you could skip the bun and cheese and add more veggies. Just a thought.

Of course if you aren't able to moderate them yet then going without them is best.
Don't get stressed, just do your best! Start making small changes and they'll add up over time and you'll see change! Keep going forward, never give up and you'll eventually get where you want to be!

jcaldwell0331

Thank you both for your kind words! I have tried to moderate before. 1 fudgcicle turns into several during the day. As for hamburgers, I used to eat them romaine lettuce wrapped instead of bread. After a while it just made me mad and frustrated. (Weight loss is such an emotional roller coaster). Right now, I'd rather plan my hamburger meal once I lose a little more weight. It doesn't stop the cravings but it does empower me to keep going so I can have that burger. I did real good today except I forgot my water part of the day. I've caught up a little on water. I've lost 6 lbs since I jumped back on the wagon 2 weeks ago. So happy to be going the right direction on the scale!!

WifiresGettingFit

I agree that the journey is very emotional. Generally when I want something I just try to work it in my day, if I don't have room for it I tell myself I can have it the next day. Sometimes I still want it, sometimes I don't. There are also times where I'll just have it anyway. The journey isn't going to be easy but it doesn't and shouldn't be miserable either.

Awesome job on the 6 pounds, keep it up!

jcaldwell0331

Well, I got my hamburger a lot sooner than I expected. lol The hubs wanted me to go get some after church today. I enjoyed every bite of it! Mmmm....

WifiresGettingFit

Glad you enjoyed the burger!

WifiresGettingFit

@jcaldwell0331 It's been a while since you've checked in, how are things going?

jcaldwell0331

Well, I fell off the wagon hard. To be honest, I jumped off, lit the wagon on fire and ran away. lol However I’ve recently joined a gym and rebuilt my wagon. I forgot that I even had this journal until I started a new one on an app that I don’t really care for but I’m too cheap to pay monthly for one that’s nicer. I am restarting from scratch. I am going to move my entries from over on that app to this journal. I hope to keep this up and really track my progress through the next year.

jcaldwell0331

I have decided to start a weight loss journal to track my highs and lows during this transition. I started working out at the gym a few weeks ago but felt something was still missing. My food intake hasn’t changed much since before starting my weight loss journey. I hope that this journal helps fill in the gaps and helps me see and realize how much I can truly accomplish. I conquered one fear a few days ago by singing in front of my mom. It was one of the hardest things I’ve done in a long time. It was freeing in its own way. If I can overcome that fear, surely I can conquer this weight loss thing! Tomorrow I will list some goals that I want to want to work on.

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Chris had a bad night last night. It was on of his freak outs. In turn, I didn’t sleep well and was very sleepy this morning. However, as much as my body wanted to resist, I went to the gym and worked as hard as I could for an hour. I had to slow down periodically since I either was hurting too bad or was starting to feel sick. I’m proud I went even though my body didn’t want to.

So far today I’ve had an apple and a p3 portable protein pack. I feel ok right now but I know I’ll be hungry again soon.

I can do this, though!! I can lose this weight. I can’t cave. If I’m truly hungry, I need to eat but otherwise I need to take a drink of water and preoccupy myself with something other than food. This is going to be a long, long road but I can do this! I can defeat this challenge!

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Goals!

1️⃣ My first goal is to be below 230 by Christmas. I’m at 235 right now so that’s only 6 lbs.
2️⃣ My second goal is to be under 220 by Valentine’s Day. 51 days to lose 10 lbs.
3️⃣ My third goal is to be under 210 by our anniversary. 46 days to lose 10 lbs.
4️⃣ My fourth goal is to be in the 190’s by the end of school. 61 days to lose 10 lbs.
5️⃣ My fifth goal is to be 180 by Maddie’s birthday. 32 days to lose 10 lbs.
6️⃣ My sixth goal is to be 170 by my birthday. 70 days to lose 10 lbs.
7️⃣ My seventh goal is to be 160 by Halloween. 48 days to lose 10 lbs.
8️⃣ My eighth goal is to be 155 by Thanksgiving. 22 days to lose 5 lbs.
9️⃣ My ninth and final goal is to be 150 by Christmas. 33 days to lose 5 lbs.

I can do this. I can resist the urge to just eat whatever is around. I have the ability and the right to choose what I eat!

jcaldwell0331

I did real good staying under my caloric goal today. The snacks I ate weren’t the best for me but once payday gets here I can get some more fruit and veggies. I ended up with 10,139 steps! I really feel good about the way today went. Tomorrow I will be weight training since today was cardio. I hope it’s an uneventful night for Chris tonight. These nightmares are no fun. I pray his sleep is sound and his dreams are good. Looking forward to heading to the gym in the a.m., but first...sleep.

jcaldwell0331

Oh last night was wonderful! We both slept and slept well!! Today at the gym I plan on working my back muscles and biceps. It’s strange to not get on the elliptical first but my husband, who was in the Air Force, told me I’m not doing myself any favors by doing cardio 5x a week. So, I’ll do it it his way for a while and see if alternating cardio and strength training and not combining the two does better for me. I have high blood pressure so I figured the more cardio I did, the better. I wish he was able to go with me and help me with the machines. I always feel so awkward using them. Haha.

jcaldwell0331

This morning at the gym using nothing but the weight machines was so awkward!!! Haha! I had to go through and really each machine to see what they did. I apparently looked lost because an older gentleman came over to me to see if I needed help. I was so embarrassed that I politely said no thanks and acted like I knew what I was doing. I know in retrospect that I probably should have allowed him to help me but I’d rather it be my husband since I’m a very timid person to begin with. However, after I ignored the other people there and focused on using the machines and texting my poor husband at work, I successfully worked out for an hour. Hopefully in time this will be a lot easier for me.

totaldetermination

Welcome back

I did much the same - gaining back about 1/3 of the weight i had lost.
It took a lot of work but i am (mostly) back on track and slowly losing again.

As you said in one of your posts - You can do this !!! You can lose the weight !
and before long you'll be an expert on those machine, too .

Good Luck !!