Hubby, Keto and the battle of the Scale
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One thing about low carb in general is that there is very little leeway given to carbs. If the general limit given here is 50 grams and you count about 40, it is very possible that he is not even reaching the low carb threshold. Also, you said he snacks a lot. Snacking is very hard to track for people who are serious about it. It must be damned near impossible to wing it.
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The big thing that I would focus on is no snacking. Full Stop!
If you are hungry, you must eat a full meal. Doesn't matter what time of day it is, you must eat a full low-carb meal. It should be large enough that you are not hungry for another 4-5 hours, at least.
No sweet things. Track all the carbs! And dang-it, no nuts. Nuts are snack foods and they are "keto" so people abuse the crap out of them.
It will be hard. He will whine, he will cry, he might even give up. But, this is how you do it and eat what you want.
In the long run, he might have days where he wants a snack. But, all day snacking is a good way to never learn your hunger signals. You just constantly eat, you never are full but you're never hungry either.
Edit: I used to be an all-day snacker myself. Once I started eating meals and really keto-adapted, I broke that habit. Now, I find myself comfortably eating only twice a day most days (sometimes thrice, but just as often only once). I don't intentionally force myself to only eat twice. It's just that I only get hungry about twice a day. I don't snack, except on rare occasions, and that brings my eating periods down to very small times of the day.0 -
Last night, I suggested to him just jotting down his foods so we could figure out why's he not losing and he already started complaining and responded with "Nevermind, I'll just be fat.", which of course, breaks my heart because I care for him and his health and would like him around for a long time.
Here are some of the points brought up that I can answer:
-Day eating; nope, he doesn't eat at all during the day less a coffee with cream. I've tried putting together a little lunch for him (some pepperoni slices, some cheese, a hard boiled egg) and he might take it but it'll take him three days to eat it. However, I don't want to make his lunch for him as he is an adult but if I'm making mine, I suppose it's not a big deal but I just know he won't eat it so it feels like time wasted.
-Eating Enough; I don't think so and i've been saying this to him for years. I see how much I can eat and he just doesn't. He was raised with some very warped ideas on food and they still effect him very much today (When he was a kid, if they got started to get a little heavy, their parents just wouldn't buy food). This is still deeply ingrained and I'm not too sure how to break him of this mindset of not eating will make me skinny.
- Water; No he doesn't drink a lot of water and he admits that. Again, part of it goes back to being a kid where soda was so forbidden. I've tried to not buy it but he has a job and a car and will just buy it anyways. I've tried to get him to try things like Mio or Crystal Light were he can control the amount or even fruit infused water but he hates it.
-Snacking; Yes, all night long and I know it. I will wake up to empty cottage cheese containers and empty bags of pork rinds. I'm a snacker as well but I count it and log it so I know what to cut back if I start stalling or gaining (Currently for me, its nuts!!)
-Health/Hormones/Pre-Diabetic; wouldn't know as he refuses to go to the doctor. I mean, just refuses. He needed stitches once (Just one or two for a very deep cut) and still wouldn't go. He just won't go. Hands down, won't do it. I have considered getting a blood glucose monitor for myself and testing him as well but with going back to the night eating, I know I wouldn't get a good number.
Hope this helps!!0 -
In the end, he has got to want to do it. He has to have the desperation to do it for himself. It seems like, for whatever reason, he is not ready to surrender his pride and follow the requirements for this way of eating.
Has he ever considered other types of spiritual or mental help?0 -
Wow! That's challenging, for sure! My recommendation is for you to continue on your successful way and hopefully he will see the results, and decide he wants some for himself. We can't force anyone to eat a certain way.
My husband didn't feel this woe was healthy, and was worried about me after I began almost a year ago. About two months ago I got him to watch the movie "Fed Up" on Netflix, and he saw the changes in me. He wasn't very overweight, but cut his carbs, and has now lost 16 pounds! (Weird, it was right at the time I got to where I weighed less than him for the first time! We now weigh the same!). He is loosely low carb, and doesn't track either, but has been able to use it to drop weight we didn't realize he needed to lose!
The eating at night seems to be one of his biggest problems to prevent losing weight. It not easy to break the habit of eating in front of the tv at night! My mantra of, "I'm making the choice" to do whatever the challenge of the moment happened to be, helped me succeed with this woe! I hope he is able to eventually change his mindset and find the level that works to reduce his hunger and snacking. He has to be the one to make that decision though! I'm sure there's a lot of frustration because you want him to be healthy too!! Stubbornness is hard to break, but I promise he will be watching you, and hopefully he will decide to reach for success when he sees yours!
Hugs for you hun! Hang in there! You're a good wife!!0 -
Has he ever considered other types of spiritual or mental help?
Yes, but the effects only last a couple months at best. I guess what I want most is to help him without being a nag. If I could do it for him I would and I don't mind helping but part of the whole problem is that this was his thing and I was just along for the ride and I think me doing fairly good is just upsetting to him.
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So he's upset because you're beating him at his own game?
If he's competitive at all (which most guys are), that should motivate him. Simply keep on doing what you're doing -- succeed on your own. If he asks what you're doing differently, just say "not much -- just logging my food."
Honestly, you're helping him a bunch just by sharing his environment and eating the right stuff.0 -
I think you just have to keep doing it for you and let him do his own thing.
One of the reasons I started Keto was because I hoped to be an influence on my T1D daughter that cut back on carbs. She is obsessed with her weight and has never managed her diabetes well. I knew I couldn't make her change things but I hoped that I could show her a better way.
Well, it took 9 months, but she finally joined me s couple weeks ago on her own and has been doing great with it.
This may have to be your approach too.0 -
He has to get to the point where he will do whatever it takes. For my SO, what it took was his doctor saying to him, "do you want me to keep you alive?"...... Before that he just never committed to anything for long enough to make a difference. He has lost 55 pounds doing LC on his doctor's advice.0
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He sounds a little like my hubby. He too refuses to track or log anything and half a** does a diet, any diet. Last year his Dr. put him on a low carb diet and he did really well on it when he focused, lost 70 lbs within 5 months, but lately, he's not lost a thing because he just flat out refuses to buckle down. He complains all the time about the scale not moving, but won't listen to me when I say lay off the french fries and junk. /shrugs. Not much we can do unfortunately. It has to be their decision, although it is frustrating when they want to lose but just don't want to put much effort into the losing bit, then complain nonstop about not losing LOL. All I can do is lead by example and hope he realizes changes take effort.0
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He has to get to the point where he will do whatever it takes. For my SO, what it took was his doctor saying to him, "do you want me to keep you alive?"...... Before that he just never committed to anything for long enough to make a difference. He has lost 55 pounds doing LC on his doctor's advice.
I'm so glad your SO made these changes and is headed in a better direction!
That moment for my husband was when the doctor told him he had T2 diabetes. He has now lost 55 lbs in a little over a year. It really had to come from him. At first he didn't want to log anything, and when he saw all of the data points I was able to give my own doctor, he signed up for MFP that day and now he tracks everything.0 -
Thanks for all the advise and helpful posts to those who have been in the same spot. Yes he is stubborn and yes, he is competitive but I am more so which part of why I thought this would be good (Especially when he bet I couldn't stay on KETO passed a month because of no sweets.. little did he know that I don't mind sugar free jello lol!!)
Anyways, I suppose it comes down to me to just keep truckin' along and hope that he comes with before his health is in danger!!0 -
I think deep down he may be afraid of what he might have. For me, seeing my weight at it's highest point was so hard but I had to do it like ripping off a band aid. You can't fix what you don't know about and it sounds like he's in that mindset where he knows it's bad but doesn't want to know HOW bad.
Seeing a Dr will have to be his choice in the end because if you nag him about it he will dig his heels in and refuse. My husband is extremely stubborn, we are both Geminis. He drinks a ton of pop and I hate it but can't do much about it. I found a better way to approach it was having the attitude of "well it's your foot, if you want to lose it that's up to you". Sounds harsh but you know.. reality and stuff..0 -
I think deep down he may be afraid of what he might have. For me, seeing my weight at it's highest point was so hard but I had to do it like ripping off a band aid. You can't fix what you don't know about and it sounds like he's in that mindset where he knows it's bad but doesn't want to know HOW bad.
Seeing a Dr will have to be his choice in the end because if you nag him about it he will dig his heels in and refuse. My husband is extremely stubborn, we are both Geminis. He drinks a ton of pop and I hate it but can't do much about it. I found a better way to approach it was having the attitude of "well it's your foot, if you want to lose it that's up to you". Sounds harsh but you know.. reality and stuff..
That's the approach I had to take with my own husband. His eating has slowly gotten better, largely due to the fact that I so drastically changed, which changed the available food in the house. He still doesn't exercise, though, and some of his eating habits are still lackluster, but it's been a long, slow road that started with me trying to nag him into it, and ultimately didn't make headway until I was like "you know what? Screw it. If you want to follow in the footsteps of your parents and grandparents on the path to Diabetes and CVD, far be it from me to stop you, but you're a grown adult who needs to make his own decisions. I can no longer be responsible for your health beyond being supportive and not sabotaging efforts you're making."0 -
Until HE realizes that he has a problem, it won't make any difference. I would keep keep my mouth shut, but stay on my diet, and log my numbers. In YOUR CASE, as soon as possible, I would buy some SEXY NEW OUTFITS so HE can SEE that its working for you and hopefully sign on.0
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I don't know if this will help you or not, but I log and count everything for my husband. He tells me how many calories he's willing to eat within on any given day and I log his food. I make all the meals and pack our lunch so it's easy to keep his carbs low and he's happy with the additional snacks he gets because he has more calories to blow then I do. It's more work for you but if he sticks to what you prepare and pack for him it works.0
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Just wandering what is more valuable to choose than the choice to eat healthier?
What is the pay off for current behviours? Easy lifestyle with no counting, great excuses for not participating in life, inclusion with equally obese friends, not having to learn something new, fear of failure so use old beaviours?wonder what motivated each of us to change and make healthier choices and if thar motivation might help him.
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mandycat223 wrote: »I've heard of eating for two but dieting for two has to be a real drag. He's a grown up boy now and should be responsible for his own health and well being, which includes doing the necessary research and taking the appropriate actions for weight control. So far you've done all the work and taken on all the responsibility (and blame, apparently) for both of you. Eat right for yourself, stock the kitchen with the right things and tell Whatshisname to man up.
Sounds harsh but wives having to act like mothers gets on my nerves.
This. He's a grown man. It's okay for you to love him and worry about him but it is NOT your responsibility to manage his health. He can not realistically expect to half *kitten* it and get results. And it's not hard to snack your way through 4000 calories. If he is unwilling to honestly and acurately track his eating, at least for a month or two (yes EVERYTHING - and no guestimating) then he will not know what he's eating and why he's not losing. I know a few very large people and they have a different relationship with food - especially guys. I do not think he can succeed unless he's prepared to put in the work, and be honest with himself. You can not bully, control, or manage someone else into anything life changing that they are not fully on board with and committed to.0 -
I have an update about my Hubby and his issues with Keto. This morning he got on the scale, which he has been avoiding for about a month... maybe three weeks. And he has lost 20lbs!! I removed a lot of non-Keto foods and have been buying lots of things that are very low to no carb like cheese and some lunch meats for him to snack on at night and it seems to be working!! I'm not counting for him but I think trying to keep certain things out of the house is helping! He's hoping to be down another 10lbs for Easter and I'm aiming for 5lbs.0
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That is awesome! This should really help his commitment going forward! Great news!0
