Hubby, Keto and the battle of the Scale
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He has to get to the point where he will do whatever it takes. For my SO, what it took was his doctor saying to him, "do you want me to keep you alive?"...... Before that he just never committed to anything for long enough to make a difference. He has lost 55 pounds doing LC on his doctor's advice.
I'm so glad your SO made these changes and is headed in a better direction!
That moment for my husband was when the doctor told him he had T2 diabetes. He has now lost 55 lbs in a little over a year. It really had to come from him. At first he didn't want to log anything, and when he saw all of the data points I was able to give my own doctor, he signed up for MFP that day and now he tracks everything.0 -
Thanks for all the advise and helpful posts to those who have been in the same spot. Yes he is stubborn and yes, he is competitive but I am more so which part of why I thought this would be good (Especially when he bet I couldn't stay on KETO passed a month because of no sweets.. little did he know that I don't mind sugar free jello lol!!)
Anyways, I suppose it comes down to me to just keep truckin' along and hope that he comes with before his health is in danger!!0 -
I think deep down he may be afraid of what he might have. For me, seeing my weight at it's highest point was so hard but I had to do it like ripping off a band aid. You can't fix what you don't know about and it sounds like he's in that mindset where he knows it's bad but doesn't want to know HOW bad.
Seeing a Dr will have to be his choice in the end because if you nag him about it he will dig his heels in and refuse. My husband is extremely stubborn, we are both Geminis. He drinks a ton of pop and I hate it but can't do much about it. I found a better way to approach it was having the attitude of "well it's your foot, if you want to lose it that's up to you". Sounds harsh but you know.. reality and stuff..0 -
I think deep down he may be afraid of what he might have. For me, seeing my weight at it's highest point was so hard but I had to do it like ripping off a band aid. You can't fix what you don't know about and it sounds like he's in that mindset where he knows it's bad but doesn't want to know HOW bad.
Seeing a Dr will have to be his choice in the end because if you nag him about it he will dig his heels in and refuse. My husband is extremely stubborn, we are both Geminis. He drinks a ton of pop and I hate it but can't do much about it. I found a better way to approach it was having the attitude of "well it's your foot, if you want to lose it that's up to you". Sounds harsh but you know.. reality and stuff..
That's the approach I had to take with my own husband. His eating has slowly gotten better, largely due to the fact that I so drastically changed, which changed the available food in the house. He still doesn't exercise, though, and some of his eating habits are still lackluster, but it's been a long, slow road that started with me trying to nag him into it, and ultimately didn't make headway until I was like "you know what? Screw it. If you want to follow in the footsteps of your parents and grandparents on the path to Diabetes and CVD, far be it from me to stop you, but you're a grown adult who needs to make his own decisions. I can no longer be responsible for your health beyond being supportive and not sabotaging efforts you're making."0 -
Until HE realizes that he has a problem, it won't make any difference. I would keep keep my mouth shut, but stay on my diet, and log my numbers. In YOUR CASE, as soon as possible, I would buy some SEXY NEW OUTFITS so HE can SEE that its working for you and hopefully sign on.0
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I don't know if this will help you or not, but I log and count everything for my husband. He tells me how many calories he's willing to eat within on any given day and I log his food. I make all the meals and pack our lunch so it's easy to keep his carbs low and he's happy with the additional snacks he gets because he has more calories to blow then I do. It's more work for you but if he sticks to what you prepare and pack for him it works.0
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Just wandering what is more valuable to choose than the choice to eat healthier?
What is the pay off for current behviours? Easy lifestyle with no counting, great excuses for not participating in life, inclusion with equally obese friends, not having to learn something new, fear of failure so use old beaviours?wonder what motivated each of us to change and make healthier choices and if thar motivation might help him.
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mandycat223 wrote: »I've heard of eating for two but dieting for two has to be a real drag. He's a grown up boy now and should be responsible for his own health and well being, which includes doing the necessary research and taking the appropriate actions for weight control. So far you've done all the work and taken on all the responsibility (and blame, apparently) for both of you. Eat right for yourself, stock the kitchen with the right things and tell Whatshisname to man up.
Sounds harsh but wives having to act like mothers gets on my nerves.
This. He's a grown man. It's okay for you to love him and worry about him but it is NOT your responsibility to manage his health. He can not realistically expect to half *kitten* it and get results. And it's not hard to snack your way through 4000 calories. If he is unwilling to honestly and acurately track his eating, at least for a month or two (yes EVERYTHING - and no guestimating) then he will not know what he's eating and why he's not losing. I know a few very large people and they have a different relationship with food - especially guys. I do not think he can succeed unless he's prepared to put in the work, and be honest with himself. You can not bully, control, or manage someone else into anything life changing that they are not fully on board with and committed to.0 -
I have an update about my Hubby and his issues with Keto. This morning he got on the scale, which he has been avoiding for about a month... maybe three weeks. And he has lost 20lbs!! I removed a lot of non-Keto foods and have been buying lots of things that are very low to no carb like cheese and some lunch meats for him to snack on at night and it seems to be working!! I'm not counting for him but I think trying to keep certain things out of the house is helping! He's hoping to be down another 10lbs for Easter and I'm aiming for 5lbs.0
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That is awesome! This should really help his commitment going forward! Great news!0
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I hope so!! He was really excited this morning to tell me. He still drinks way too much soda but he admits he has to cut back but I other than that, I think he's starting to do better. I think too that maybe it just took his body longer to get into the swing of things.0
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That's great news, keep us updated! I hope he gets into a Dr soon so he can get a baseline of his results. Otherwise it will be hard to see all of the positive things happening on the inside as his gut health improves and his blood pressure drops
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Oh and CONGRATS to him!0
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So, my guy is still a soda guzzler and all that, but aside from that, he's pretty decently low carb, though much higher than me. He is SUPER anti-meds and supplements, and I can so much see him suffering with magnesium and potassium losses. He blatantly refuses to take anything. He's a once a month bath guy, so epsom salts are out. I use a bit of light salt in his food last night, and he didn't seem to notice, but I know it's magnesium he really needs... Any suggestions???0
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You can get potassium in an avocado, would he eat a whole avo a day? You could make guac and have celery and guac as a snack. Magnesium I'm not sure, I am worried I'm not getting enough of that too. What are the signs?0
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KnitOrMiss wrote: »So, my guy is still a soda guzzler and all that, but aside from that, he's pretty decently low carb, though much higher than me. He is SUPER anti-meds and supplements, and I can so much see him suffering with magnesium and potassium losses. He blatantly refuses to take anything. He's a once a month bath guy, so epsom salts are out. I use a bit of light salt in his food last night, and he didn't seem to notice, but I know it's magnesium he really needs... Any suggestions???
This article has some good suggestions, pumpkin seeds and spinach are keto/LCHF friendly: http://naturalsociety.com/16-magnesium-deficiency-symptoms-signs-low-levels/0 -
Your post is making me think of my parents, as my mom is trying to help my dad eat better, but, as has been said already a few times, he's going to have to want to do this for himself. Keep working on you and hopefully he'll join you. If you can, maybe take a moment when he's in a good place/mood and say, "Honey, I love you and I want us to live a long life together. I'm concerned that I might loose you, and I want to help you any way I can. It sounds like you're interested in losing weight and getting healthy, but maybe have felt frustrated in the process. Is there any way that I can help you be successful?" He may choose to get defensive or say "No" to any help, but just keeping that door "open" for him to partner with you is important. I would encourage you to let the "issue" drop for a while and see if, by your example and success and keeping that open door, he comes around to wanting to do this for himself. If he does decide to do it, I would say to let him know that you want to be able to help him be successful and that you're willing to help make lunch with/for him and maybe plan to do walks together during the week....my husband and I used to eat dinner, clean up and go for walks afterwards and it was GREAT couple time for us. Whatever happens, just keep plugging away on what you can do for you and encourage him when he makes good choices.0
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BRobertson23 wrote: »Your post is making me think of my parents, as my mom is trying to help my dad eat better, but, as has been said already a few times, he's going to have to want to do this for himself. Keep working on you and hopefully he'll join you. If you can, maybe take a moment when he's in a good place/mood and say, "Honey, I love you and I want us to live a long life together. I'm concerned that I might loose you, and I want to help you any way I can. It sounds like you're interested in losing weight and getting healthy, but maybe have felt frustrated in the process. Is there any way that I can help you be successful?" He may choose to get defensive or say "No" to any help, but just keeping that door "open" for him to partner with you is important. I would encourage you to let the "issue" drop for a while and see if, by your example and success and keeping that open door, he comes around to wanting to do this for himself. If he does decide to do it, I would say to let him know that you want to be able to help him be successful and that you're willing to help make lunch with/for him and maybe plan to do walks together during the week....my husband and I used to eat dinner, clean up and go for walks afterwards and it was GREAT couple time for us. Whatever happens, just keep plugging away on what you can do for you and encourage him when he makes good choices.
Yeah, he will never fully go low carb, and I've accepted that. I cannot force him to change. I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about simply how to work more nutrients into his food naturally, especially considering soil depletion and not-affordable organic options.
I take comfort in the fact that he's come light years from where he was, and I do live by example. He'll eat pretty much anything I cook, but he'll only do spinach if I put it in his taco salad and such, and as I can't eat it any longer (gallbladder complications), even a small portion would go bad before I could use it...he doesn't like it in a cooked preparation, and likely wouldn't eat Pumpkin Seeds. He's an almonds and cashews mostly only kind of guy...
I'm more looking for ways to boost general nutrition, and specifically magnesium and electrolyte basics, in all our meals...0 -
Sunny_Bunny_ wrote: »(...)
And, you said he was inspired by r/keto, maybe he could post on there and let them guide him a bit directly. He might be more likely to heed their advice if he seeks it out himself.
^^ This.
It may be easier for him to follow advice from someone else. If you say something like, I don't know why it's working better for me, we're doing pretty much the same, aren't we? Maybe someone on r/keto has had the same experience and could offer you some suggestions on what to change?
I bet he knows what he is doing wrong, he can easily see what he is doing differently from you, he just has to decide to stop it. And you're doing all you can to help him, there's nothing more inspiring than your own success.
Congrats on your loss!
::flowerforyou::
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That's great news. I saw your earlier post and was going to ask if he'd gotten into ketosis at all yet.
When I weighed my heaviest, starting the low carb diet was miserable. It probably took me 2 - 3 weeks to finally get into ketosis.0 -
KnitOrMiss wrote: »
... and likely wouldn't eat Pumpkin Seeds. He's an almonds and cashews mostly only kind of guy...
Brazil nuts have a bit more magnesium than almonds and cashews - might help a bit.0 -
@klkateri Yay, what an awesome accomplishment, and without even counting! Great work for supporting him with providing healthy snacking choices, and lots of encouragement!
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So happy he is finally seeing the scale move!! 20 pounds is awesome (typical male! Lol!), and good for you for helping by keeping on plan snacks around for him! Well wishes for continued success for both of you!!0
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Oh wow, that's great!!
I really hope my husband makes some progress soon. (he's been making making time to exercise five times times a week despite work demands so that's a start!) Different set of of issues but it's hard to sit back and watch.0 -
I have just the opposite problem with my hubby, he needs to gain weight and he was hardly eating at all. I would cook up eggs and bacon for breakfast and always made a nice dinner, even making mashed potatoes and boiling noodles for him knowing I was NOT going to eat them. And though I hate to brag, I'm an excellent cook. The food I'm making is not poorly cooked. We've been married over 30 years and he use to really like the food I made. But now, he hardly put a portion worth of food on his plate. It really worried me.
Then I discovered a whole lot of fast food wrappers in his truck one day. I don't usually ride in his truck but we had to drop off my car for repairs and he drove me back home. I didn't say anything, it may not be good food but he was eating. So, I figure he's an adult. If he doesn't like the food I'm making he doesn't have to eat it. It's just a relief to know he is eating something and maybe he didn't want to eat the junk food in front of me. Whatever reason, I'm relieved he's eating and I'll let him keep his little secret.
So, maybe your hubby is eating out too?0
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