Binge Free November
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lilltessiiie wrote: »@jaga13 Welcome to the group!
I think a binge is something different to everyone but I will tell you what it looks like to me:
It starts with a great general anxiety, and a feeling of being extremely stressed out. But it's a physical stress too. I can Feel the stress in my body. I can not think about anything else, can't focus, I can't be still, can't read, can't watch tv, nothing - until I give in to the urge. Then, the anxiety temporarily disappear. I zoom out. My body is numb. I'm like a zombie. I have no sense of time or anything happening around me. I want to stop, but I can't. It's physically impossible. It's like I'm in a vacuum. And then, all of a sudden - an hour has passed. I've consumed 5000 - 8000 calories. It's like waking up from deep sleep. I don't even remember all I ate. And I feel so bad about myself. Guilty. Ashamed. That's what a binge is like to me.
Thank you for sharing. I also feel it is impossible to stop.0 -
lilltessiiie wrote: »@jaga13 Welcome to the group!
I think a binge is something different to everyone but I will tell you what it looks like to me:
It starts with a great general anxiety, and a feeling of being extremely stressed out. But it's a physical stress too. I can Feel the stress in my body. I can not think about anything else, can't focus, I can't be still, can't read, can't watch tv, nothing - until I give in to the urge. Then, the anxiety temporarily disappear. I zoom out. My body is numb. I'm like a zombie. I have no sense of time or anything happening around me. I want to stop, but I can't. It's physically impossible. It's like I'm in a vacuum. And then, all of a sudden - an hour has passed. I've consumed 5000 - 8000 calories. It's like waking up from deep sleep. I don't even remember all I ate. And I feel so bad about myself. Guilty. Ashamed. That's what a binge is like to me.
That pretty much summarizes a binge for me as well @lilltessiiie. It's almost like I'm not part of my body when it is going on. And my whole body trembles.
And btw. My eating has been horrible. I'm hoping to reset next Sunday after thanksgiving is over.
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In the wake of what is going to continue to be a very rough November I hope it is okay that I join this challenge late in the game?
During cut phase I was so well focused. Then fall hit and killed Canadian trail running season, I fell underweight and everybody started freaking out, my aunt confirmed the date for her right to die with dignity (which is this coming Monday and I am struggling with hugely), some issues with my mom's health finally boiled down to a surgical date being made and my husband was away for work for a few weeks. I snapped and for the first time in my entire life AFTER LOSING 90 POUNDS I started some bizarre binge restrict cycle.
No one around me understands why I'm scared because I'm 5'9" and have gained up to 132 from 123, they figure it's no big deal. But the problem is that that is 9lbs of honest to God fat gain and I'm horrified. It's equally scary that I am potentially over controlling things to the point that I lose control (the binging) as I have OCD and a tendency towards fixation in general.
When will I stop being so embarassing? I am smart, I'm college educated, I have three kids I need to be around for- I should never have let myself get to obesity and I cannot go back there with this nonsense.
Conceptually speaking I am playing with the idea of weighing and recording on paper what I eat everyday but not inputting everything until the end of the week to get a sense of whether or not intuitive eating is (a) even a possibility for me at this point and (b) if taking calorie counting and macros out of the equation will minimize the binge-restrict issues. I feel like 1-2 weeks is a good time frame to gauge results. Idk, so tired of trying to reformulate a game plan for a problem of my own making
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@JessicaMcB Of course your welcome to join! This group is for anyone who feels the need of support. I think I can understand what you're going trough, and I feel your pain! I too think that restricting is not the way to go. The goal (at least for me) is to have a healthy relationship with food. No binging, no restriction and no guilt. Recording without restricting might be a good way to be accountable without being restrictive. No matter how you decide to deal with the situation, you have support and love in this group!
@Gettingfit2017 Me too. Tonight I told myself "I've already screwed up, so I might as well finish off all the junk food in the house so that I won't be able to do it all over again tomorrow"...0 -
@lilltessiiie Thank you
Today is going well so far (knock on wood). I'm running the risk of sounding completely mental here but anything that I struggle with moderating that is hard/impossible to eat frozen I stuck in the deep freeze. My thinking was that then I have to mindfully make the decision well in advance if I want to eat them without having to drag all three of my kids through the snow every morning for a protein bar lol. My meals have been well balanced, I stopped at three pumpkin spice oreos (huge as I've eaten one or two packages in a sitting several times recently, Thank God the stores are almost bled dry of them) and without having a running tally of values to figure if I'm "inside enough" I'm not angrily trying to cut down dinner, etc.
HTH I'm onto something! Hope everyone else is doing well today1 -
@JessicaMcB That is wonderful to hear. I'm so sincerely happy for you!0
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lilltessiiie wrote: »@JessicaMcB That is wonderful to hear. I'm so sincerely happy for you!
Thanks it all went to hell though. By 3 I couldn't stop obsessing about what the calorie count was for the day already. The second I plugged everything into MFP and it was higher than I wanted to see (still within my deficit which is the stupid thing) I ruined all the progress from earlier in the day and blew the weekly total.
I guess on the positive side at least I've identified that tomorrow I can't log what I've recorded until I'm literally in bed and away from food. I'm sad that my messed up brain has managed to turn this into another obsessive compulsive issue though because so much of my life is wrapped up in it anyway. Going to see my GP in the morning about getting back on medication 0 -
@JessicaMcB Alright - so you had a plan that you thought might work. You tried it. It turned out to be not so good. You analyzed the situation and what went wrong, you learned from it, and you figured our a new solution (contacting you GP). To me, that's not a failure. It's progress. Don't beat yourself up. Even if it didn't turn out the way you hoped, you still made some progress today 0
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I am so far off track. I've been binging for days. I stepped on the scale and I'm up 6 pounds in 2 days. I almost deleted this app and just said screw it.0
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@Gettingfit2017 I gave up on myself today too. I had the worst binge in a few weeks, and I though to myself "I already messed up, it's too late anyway, I might as well just finish it all". I don't want to restrict or purge, so I'm gaining weight super fast. Hate this.
But let's not give up. Let's give this another go in december? Finish 2016 strong and starting 2017 rest with some positive momentum going on already?0 -
Hugs to you ladies- this is a hard time of year. I've had some hard binges over the last month of floundering (think 10k over maintenance in a DAY) and as far as I can tell have only gained 5-6lbs of real weight. Still horrifying regain, but I've mitigated it with being as active as I've been previously or I'd undoubtedly be up 20+ following the numbers. Maybe try out new sports to find something you enjoy while you're trying to figure out binge strategies?
I had something really scary and stupid happen yesterday- I ended up in the ER over that binge the day before. My doctor is almost certain I have Celiacs so going back to keto (where I have amazing control and didn't binge once in seven months) is at hand. On the positive end I feel much better today, back to the keto grind and without sugar I'm not some crazy craving monster. On the not so positive side last night I could've stayed within deficit but ended up 3k over maintenance "getting everything out of the house". I did try to return as much as I could straight to the grocery store but some things it just wasn't possible and my former poor kid mentality couldn't handle throwing it away/ I knew if PS oreos remained in the house I'd never get back through keto induction.
Hoping my 8 mile run and some lifting will help offset a bit of yesterday anyway. Onward and upward! Happy Turkey day to the Americans!0 -
Checking in to say that yesterday was a successful non-binge day, managed a 1k deficit (not super surprisingly coinciding with me going back to keto) and so far I'm in good shape for today. Makes me so sad how much power sugar has over me (all my binges are a cookie/cake/ice cream hell) but I'm glad that I know if I make it through keto induction I'll hopefully have it kicked again. Then the trick is not slipping back to the mindset of "but I'm in maaaaaaaintance!"
lol I'm an idiot
How is everyone else today? How was Thanksgiving?0 -
@JessicaMcB I'm so sorry to hear about your day and the trip to the hospital. I hope you are feeling better!!!! I'm actually starting low carb tomorrow. I also have horrible issues with sugar and carbs. They are so addictive and I love them. I'm going to try 4 weeks of low carb and see how it goes. I'm hoping it will help break the binge cycle I am in. I'm so happy you found this group so we can keep each other on track!0
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@jaga13 I'm so happy you are here and found this group! All of my binges are emotional. They never have anything to do with actual hunger. I always experience extreme discomfort by the sheer volume of food I consume during a binge. During December I'm hoping to get myself back on track. I'm so happy you are here!!1
