Week 1 Daily Exercise, Weekly Challenge, Chat, and Discussion
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I had fatigue and my well, frankly my kidneys aren't working too well right now possibly, but it's also my fault for eating stuff I can't digest or get rid of the waste (to confirm this however absolutely requires blood work). So I just need to do loads better - it's my responsibility to keep my body in good condition. I rested a lot today and it's a fruit smoothie / salad kind of day. My doctor is cool, he used to compete as a swimmer and now does triathlons. I can talk to him about exercising, running and my goals and he's just like - cool, go for it and we can talk shop. Any other doctor I've had before have looked at me like I'm jibbering in satanic lingo and then warn me not to over do it.
I'm feeling better this evening, and tomorrow, weather permitting, hope to hit the longer trail in the woods.
I had to take a rest day, but I don't feel set back. I know I'm still on track. I'm in a good place mentally. I'm still aiming for the 15 mile goal.
@corinasue1143 -- usually the day after a lot of exercise I'm starving! I'm going to attempt to plan for that better but it's tough 'the struggle IS real'
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Love reading everyone's updates -- keep up the excellent work everyone. Let's keep the ball rolling.
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I finished my food diary and exercise!! My legs feel like jelly they are so sore!! But it will get better!!2
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Friday evening checkin - diary is closed, under on calories - had brisket and smoked turkey for dinner (Yummy). Rain cleared off so we made the Augusta HS parade and then spent the afternoon hobnobbing with my father's classmates. There were 82 in his graduating class and better than 1/2 of them are still around and kicking. I hope that I'm doing as well as these folks are when I reach that age. Tomorrow will be another day of activities planned around the reunion.1
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Well, for the past two days...physically, I've been okay. Mentally, I'm pretty much gone. A friend of mine accidentally brought up everything I hate and fear about my body and admitted he's been critical of me as more of an intrusive thought than anything he really means...despite the fact that he meant no harm by it, long story short, I've had two suicidal breakdowns over the past 48 hours.
Not the strongest start to my month.
My first race is in just over 12 hours. Physically I know I'm ready for this...mentally I'm wondering why I should even bother. No matter how much weight I lose, I'll never look like I want to. I'll never even look good enough to make even my own friends like my photos, apparently, and I can make side goals all I want, but ultimately that's what I want the most out of my body.
So...I don't know what to do at this point besides hate myself for being so shallow.0 -
@explodingmango I don't really talk about this stuff.. Actually outside of two family members I never talk about it. My only friend in the world is a cat. Who belongs to one of the people I share a house with but rarely see. But amongst others here, you're talking to a guy who has spinal damage and is trying to get on with life despite agoraphobia. So you can trust me when I say I REALLY get living with fear and not feeling like you can have what you want from your body.
I'm not one for getting up in other ppls business. But I think you're looking for some perspective so I'm going to say life is way too short for worrying about what other people think of your looks. Go and run the race because you can. Run it because you will respect yourself for doing it and giving it your best shot.
GL and have fun.3 -
@explodingmango — low vibe people — gotta look out for them. They try to bring you down and sink you especially when you’re doing GREAT, which YOU ARE DOING AWESOME. Everyone gets stuck with low-vibe people and get sniped. They always know your tender spots. But seriously - everyone puts up with someone in their life like that. I tend to try to ghost them out and minimize the impact, but maybe there is better ways of dealing with them. It must be harder now with instant messaging and online stuff.
You’re going to rock that race. Remember to turn your brain off when you run. When you race it’s business time, time for the brain to shut the f*** up and let you do what you came there to do. The brain uses up a huge amount of glycogen and resources, if you can get it to quiet down, you’ll run a lot better. Racing is mostly a head game anyway.
I’m such a shy person it took me a long time to be nicer at races. Talk to people. Make eye contact. Be sure to thank the volunteers at the water stations. Learn other people’s stories, try to remember names. Stick around after I finish to clap and cheer other people across the finish line.
Racing gives you the chance to get out of your head a little, look up, see the wide blue sky and connect. Connect with the moment in time, the steps your feet take, the people around you, to get inspired.
Well every race is different, lol, some turn interesting (like the beach run that did not check the tidal chart...)
I suppose every person gets something totally different from racing, just be open and curious - what will you find? Leave the depression at home in a box, promise it you’ll be back later and you can be miserable anytime you choose - but when it comes to running, that’s business. Brain off. Mind and heart open. Curiousity is powerful.
Best of luck Mango, hope I didn’t come off as preachy, I used to teach young adults and have two mostly grown kids, momma mode is my default.
Look forward to your race report.
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@Fyreside - Unfortunately, for me, it's never worked like that and never will.
I've had a therapist tell me I was too ugly to know my own identity - that has stuck with me pretty badly and I want to prove her wrong by being the same person she said I was too ugly to say I was, while actually looking good. In all of my hobbies and interests, people who look like me get overlooked AT BEST. Even in the career in trying to build - in fact, in every career I've ever considered - appearance is critical. Even my most likely shot, I don't have the capacity to build a resume strong enough to override the fact that people look at me and see a guy who can't be trusted to take care of himself, let alone have access to the kind of expensive, delicate equipment I'd want to work with when there are going to be a dozen candidates with equally good qualifications who look like they can do the job.
I have no future if I can't fix the way I look. And it's so much more than just the weight.
I can't stop caring. To stop caring would mean giving up on everything I want out of life and trying to rebuild from the ground up. It would mean pushing aside every dream I've ever had, and trying to find something entirely new that I can do, that I probably have no "natural" interest in, where it doesn't matter. And I've even gone so far as to try that - and the only possibilities I can figure out where it matters little enough that I can let my qualifications override it sound like hell on earth.
So..."stop worrying about it" is never going to cut it for me. I've tried. It doesn't work. It is not compatible with anything I want out of life.
But it's still the only advice anyone is able to give me and I hate it.
Sorry for being so negative. I'm not trying to just shoot anyone down. There's just...a lot to unpack here, that probably needs to be done with my therapist more than anything - I just don't know how to get by until my next appointment.
@OregonRunner5 - You pretty much just described exactly what I'm hoping to get out of this. It's frustrating though because I know it's going to be short-lived. This breakdown has preemptively sucked all the excitement out of getting my first finisher's medal - because, what is it worth if I still look so horrible that it destroys my chance at a future? What good is it if I still want to burn any pictures anyone takes of that moment?
I'm looking forward to getting a break but I hate that it's only going to last about half an hour.
Again, I'm sorry for being such a downer. This is just...all hitting really hard right now.0 -
@explodingmango I can assure you, a guy with PTSD and agoraphobia is never going to tell anyone to "stop worrying about it" And this guy wont tell you to stop caring either. My advice is change the things you can change and try not to dwell on those you cannot. We all live with things we can't change.
And don't get me wrong, I've been through some dark days to get to this point. I've sat in my wheelchair and looked apon about $14K worth of mountaineering equipment through the blur of tears. I lost myself completely when I lost all of my hobbies. Along the way I lost all the people I had called friend too. Most just faded into the past, some I actively avoid because I'd rather they remember me as I was than see me as I am now.
But If I could take just a couple of things from that journey and pass them on. They would be, don't say never. I was told by the best neurosurgeon in my city that I would never walk again. "nerves don't heal" he said. To that I say, I spent 20min on a walking machine this morning. Utterly exhausted and none too smooth, sure. But still.
And the other thing is don't let your hobbies define you. You are not your hobbies. You are you, a person who does things. You are not the things that you do.
Most people don't like change. Some of us hate and fear it. But I think like most fears, facing it head on is the best approach. And as for career, someone much wiser than I once said. "A career is something you look back apon, not something you plan."
Anyway, thats enough rambling from me. I've shared as much as I know to be true. And beyond that I'm really in no position to give advice. Good luck with your race and good luck on your journey.
Going to make this my daily check in post too.
Really great rainy weekend for doing very little happening here. But I got my daily cardio done and even fixed my old generator before falling down for an afternoon nap. Calories are within spec and the weight has settled after a frustrating mid week spike. They'd better not go back up for weigh in day tomorrow lol. The irony of it all is that I'm way down from where I started only last Wednesday but at this point showing no loss for the week at all.
Anyway, made myself a forum sig with my gym buddy.
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I can't change any of it. I've tried. I've tried to give up and change my goals but I can't. There's nothing I like or want out of life that I can achieve while being this gross.
I just missed my race. My alarm didn't go off. I checked obsessively to make sure it was set to the correct time and unmuted, and it still didn't go off. I missed my chance at getting even a short break from this hell.
If I needed a sign that it's time to just give up and die this is it.0 -
Fyreside - wow man, way to go on the walking machine. That’s incredible resolve and spirit. *High Five*
@explodingmango - sorry if my post offended, just trying to be supportive. ((hugs))
Today I was almost to the National Park with the husband before I realized that all the sniffing and sneezing and coughing wasn’t some kind of morning congestion but that I honestly had caught a cold. But it’s cool and fall / rainy here today, my favorite weather and my auto-immune stuff is kinda quiet today so I went for it. I did not do the full 9 miles I had planned, but I did get in over 6. A lot of that was walked though, I had been told there was a lot of rough skinned newts to be seen, so I set about trying to find some. I found a dead mouse, a chipmunk, some leeches, a multitude of slugs but never the allusive newt. ;-P Alas! Well, next time - I’ll have to find a Ranger and ask them if there is some trick to finding them.
When I got home I ate a bunch of garlic / tumeric / veggies — cold cure? I hope!
Been doing better on my food. I had to cut down salt, had too much water retention which was driving the scale up. After cutting salt the weight was way down this morning.
Good luck on weigh in tomorrow everyone. *fingers crossed*
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Not offended at all. I appreciate everyone's support, even if...not much is really helping.
I found another race I can try instead tomorrow. I'm kind of in a hurry to do something this weekend because after missing this morning I just feel like "that's it, nothing changes, nothing ever will, I can plan and plan and plan but nothing will work out, I need proof that I'm wrong now." It's in a place I know and love, it's for a cancer charity, the finisher's medal is one of the nicest-looking ones of all my planned events, and there's a good opportunity for a zoo date with my boyfriend afterward so hopefully this one works out. If it does, I think it's actually a better first for me anyway. If it doesn't...I don't know what I'm going to do.
We also made an appointment to go visit our probable wedding venue next week because, well, we've gotta get on that, and it sorta kinda almost feels like progress if I squint. Hopefully this doesn't fall through too.
...thing about me is, my worst fear is living like I currently do for the rest of my life - constantly bored, always planning things but rarely finishing anything, having the rare few things I do finish go unappreciated because of how I look. But the more I examine my situation the more it looks like that's what's going to happen and it's...horrifying.
I'm going to keep trying for at least a few more months - boyfriend made me promise at least until his birthday - but god, I hate this.1 -
Hello to all I finished my diary and small exercise for today, couldn't do to much today, my legs are on fire!! But I must work the soreness out of them! Will get back to it tomorrow!!2
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Arrrgh!! Bleeping machines. I'm going to try to not get too hung up on this weeks results but I've pushed myself hard this week to knuckle down and get with the program. I've hit my daily exercise targets and had the calorie input locked in. With one small exception. Back on Tues I thought, hey MFP keeps telling me since I burned X today, I should eat Y Cals.. So I did. Ate way more than I really needed to and didn't feel great about it but still finished some 721Cal under for the day. According to the machines that is. I've overlaid two graphs to show what really happened.
I'm never trusting it again darnitt. I'm just going to eat less than 1600cal per day no matter what hokum it tries to tell me. the net result of this learning experience is that apparently, despite clocking my most physically active and calorie controlled week of this whole year. I didn't lose a single stinking pound. I could punch a kitten right now. (you know.. gently)
Hey @burly_man308 , are we having/encouraged to have a rest day per week?2 -
Diary closed, 19 calories under, no exercise today.
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Sunday checkin... closed the diary yesterday, way under calories for the day, not starving, just not hungry, so win-win.
I do not have access to a scale until Tuesday so I will report weight then. Did not get a lot of exercise this last week, will be upping the ante on that this week.
Keep up the good work peeps!1 -
Sunday update:
Ran my actual first 5K. Made it to the one I found yesterday (before they ran out of T-shirts for on-site sign ups, even) and I ran it. I just finished a little over half an hour ago.
Barely missed my stretch goal time of 30 minutes. Came close enough that I imagine I could have made it if I hadn't crashed and neglected my training over the past few days though. Not going to beat myself up over it. Especially not considering other circumstances.
See, when I finished and cooled down a little I checked the standings and my official time and all that. At first I was kinda disappointed - I saw that I'd missed my goal time, and that I was the last in my gender/age group, and toward the last overall...but just as I was about to try and cut my losses and go "well, whatever, I finished" I caught a glimpse of the other screens, where other people we're checking their finish times, and I realized everyone who was looking was the last or second to last in their age groups...and the overall participant numbers were surprisingly low...and, hey, the number of total participants was still going up...
Because, of course - they were only counting finishers so far.
And with that change in perspective I looked again, and it registered - I just finished my first 5K among the top 10 in my gender/age group.
So...I'm still not at 100%. I can't face the photo booth today. But I'm doing a fair bit better than I have been over the past couple days.2 -
Oregon - sorry about your cold. Feel better. I've never been to Oregon, but pictures are beautiful, and people say it really is!
Meat - been there, done that. It paid off for me, hope it does for you. Bite the bullet and walk it off. You'll feel better.
Mango - congratulations! Big win-win. You did it and you did it well!
Dragon - must be hard not knowing, but I know your dad appreciates you! And that's worth it! Sounds like you're having a good time, too.
Fyreside - you're still taking it like a newbie. All or nothing. Weight isn't like that. It's slow and forever. Weight loss isn't linear. When you start a
Diet, you lose a bunch of water weight in the first few days, then you start gaining the water back at the same you start losing real weight at
The same time that first burst of energy and enthusiasm starts to burn out. Thus the dreaded second and third week when most people quit.
But the tough stay with it. How long ago was your accident? If your body was in bad shape that long, it's not gonna be well tomorrow. You've
Come so far! Be patient with your body. Give it a little longer to get better.
Disclaimer - this sermon was partly for you, and a lot for me. I need to remember it. I need to figure out how I am gonna exercise less, not more.
Problem is I love,love,love to swim and dance-(for fun, I have 2 left feet and no rhythm), but my body says no, take it easy.3 -
I've completed my diary and exercise. I lost 2 lbs! Back on it tomorrow!! Hard and strong!! Hope y'all have lost as well. Good night1
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@corinasue1143 You're 100% right. sigh.. And I should know better by now too hahaha. Patience has never been my strong suit. I'm that guy who brings all the shopping bags in from the car in one go. I don't mind putting in the work but I demand results lol. But your wise words are not wasted. I'm about 9 years into this chapter of my life and my body is probably not even at the starting line yet
Finding the right pace is important.
FWIW I still like to dance like no-one is watching.. Just.. Only when I'm absolutely sure no-one is watching lol.
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Well this week was insanely busy. Somehow I managed to stay afloat and get all my exercising, miles, and logging in. Half of that I think is safe to say was because of dance classes and rehearsals which definitely helped take my mind of the workload and provide much needed stress relief.
I ended up making quite a few edits to my meal plans this past week based on advice from my doctor who called with results from blood work a little over a week ago. I think those differences have actually made a decent change in my energy level and health despite it only having been a week. And I'm down 2 lbs so that's a bonus of all the changes I've been trying to make and implement.1 -
@corinasue1143 — that’s some good words of wisdom. How far out is your knee surgery? Is that why you’re cutting exercise a bit, the knees?
@explodingmango — Congratulations!! Your rocked your run! Tremendous effort getting out there and going for it and putting it all on the line. Proud of you!
@ everyone else — hey great week everyone. I love reading the posts and your efforts, lets keep this positive mojo train rolling forward!1 -
Hey everyone! Sorry I'm so quiet over the weekend. The only way I can post on the weekends is on my phone, and well, I just don't have the patience for that. However during the week I have a full keyboard (#firstworldproblems I know...)
So I jumped on the scale this morning excited to see last weeks efforts displayed, but the damn batteries had died! Ugh! Already running late for work, and no idea where the hubby keeps the screwdriver to change the batteries, so I'll have to weigh in tomorrow. Sorry, I'm a slacker.
Last week went better than I thought! Although I've been on this mission alone for a while, having accountability has really helped. And my 5000 daily steps moved all the way up to 7800 thanks to Mr. Treadmill and the 30 minute cardio challenge. Thanks guys, you rock!!1 -
Hello to all!! Finished diary and exercise!! Worked on my lower body.1
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Hello everyone - glad to see active people working towards their goals!!
I haven't posted much the last couple of days because I have been travelling and making up for having spent the last 5 days out of town. Ate out for the entire 5 days and managed to make smart choices at all of my meals - as shown by a 4 lb drop on the scale this week!!
Closed my diary each and every day, logged everything (tho not as meticulous as I would have liked since I didn't have access to a scale for my food - did some guessing but always tried to err on the up-side of caution).4 -
Hello finished my diary and exercise! Did upper body workout today!!2
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Steps~11,607 worked entire body. Finished diary!! Had an amazing workout.0
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Hey meat, if this thread seems real quiet it's because a week 2 thread is up and running.
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/40618279#Comment_406182791
This discussion has been closed.