Could you????

AnnaPixie

Wait trying to get my head around this since Sara and I are in the same boat.
I say "I am to the point where I just want to go and have a one night stand and get it over with" I get reply "No find a guy friend that you trust ..."

Sara says "Even some guy friends said they would be willing to have sex with me so I would be with someone I know the first time." and the response is "Oh those guys are just using you and you shouldn't trust them."

This is why it is so hard when you reach a certain age and still haven't had sex to make that first step.

I agree there's a mixed message here.

There's mixed messages because one is from a pious, celibate, non-drinking lady that works in the military around, what seems to be, deprived and depraved men!! JJ doesn't believe in sex before marriage/relationships and therefore any man (or woman) that wants sex in that context is either a user or a douche ('puts out' or has no self respect!)

The other messages are from normal, sexually active, moderately drinking, some religious, some not, ladies who have had at least 1 long term relationship/marriage, may have had a ONS or a FWB and enjoy the company of normal men in normal jobs and, most importantly, who enjoy and are not hung up on sex, in any context!

We are all different, with different backgrounds and different experiences. That's what's so good about a public forum. You hear it from all angles.

Hopefully, the purpose of the forum is gain a balanced view. And that will always entail differences of opinion. It's then down to the individual to judge how they would like to conduct their life in the context of their own lives and environment. As PJ says, we are all adults here!! (or should be!).

JanieJack

Wait trying to get my head around this since Sara and I are in the same boat.
I say "I am to the point where I just want to go and have a one night stand and get it over with" I get reply "No find a guy friend that you trust ..."

Sara says "Even some guy friends said they would be willing to have sex with me so I would be with someone I know the first time." and the response is "Oh those guys are just using you and you shouldn't trust them."

This is why it is so hard when you reach a certain age and still haven't had sex to make that first step.

I don't think that was a blanket response.

I don't think so either, and if anyone pulled this (or a religious overtone as was mentioned) from my response then I figure they are mis interpreting my words, not reading what I wrote for the words they are. I didn't see any of that in Florian's response either.

if anyone is specifically waiting to have sex ONLY in a committed relationship that is ok too. However, you need to be aware that by putting little to no effort in to finding or creating a relationship, you are not going to be having sex. So don't mourn the fact that you are missing out on something that you are not working toward. You cannot dismiss the dating scene or potential suitors for minor infractions and then wonder why you are alone and sexless.

Yes, exactly.

I can't even make out with a guy who isn't interested in a relationship with me without feeling sad; it just kills my libido knowing the man I'm with is not interested in more. So I don't feel like (or complain about) I am missing out. Some women feel differently. You have to know yourself and how you are going to handle sex without a relationship before asking someone to just help you "get it over with."

The last thing on earth you want to do is ruin a friendship because he was willing to accommodate you but now you're hurt that he's not interested in more and now that he made you feel good you want to move into a relationship. You have to be ok with the NSA sex before you ask this, and my experience has been girls often think they're ok with it but after the fact they aren't. I know I wouldn't based on how I felt after kissing some guys I thought were interested in exploring a relationship only to find out I wasn't "potential miss right" but "miss right now" to them. You know in yourself if you're that sensitive.

(Well, JJ, how do I learn if I'm that sensitive unless I have sex? how about going out on a lot of dates and just experimenting at whatever level you are comfortable with hugs kisses etc until you reach your level of comfort)

(Well, JJ, I cant get a date... bull... there's no girl who's pic I see in this forum who isn't cute enough and strong enough to be attractive to men. She might just need some polishing and more confidence and learn to smile at guys to give them an opening to ask her out (a la the books I mentioned above), but what I see more of is we either carry ourselves like we don't want to be bothered or we dismiss potential guys for no good reason and then we are upset that we are alone).

JanieJack

wow i really intended for that to come out nicer. unfortunately i have to get back to work so I don't have time to edit my tone. please forgive me- i wasn't trying to seem critical or offensive. Just repeating the stuff guys told me when I first joined this forum and had to change my dating ways ;-)