Do we eat to hurt ourselves?

Grimmerdhore

I have also realized that failing to respect my body is a form of self-betrayal, usually done in response to something I have done wrong (like failing to make that call to my family), or something I am refusing to acknowledge (like the embarrassment of doing something incorrectly at work). By taking care of the small things while they are still small I've begun to minimize the self-betrayal and respect has returned. Hope you all the best on your adventures too. Feel free to add me.

RastaLousGirl

That's pretty deep, and I bet some people can relate to that. Personally, my binges come from afraid of going hungry. Long story very short. My birth mom had me and my sister living in a tent with only peanut butter and jelly, as a form of punishment. This was to teach us to appreciate things. My dad got us from her, so when I moved back with him we had food a plenty (my dad was a butcher and my stepmom his wrapper). I ate so much, because I was always afraid it was my last meal. I was so active and walked everywhere in high school, that I didn't really gain weight until I quit sports and dance after Graduation.

So, I do emotionally eat. But, personally, my triggers are a little different. Which, I did have to get help with, even a very supportive group. But, I don't believe I want to hurt my self. It was more of the lines that I would rather have a full belly than an empty one.

joygrrrl

It sure feels like I binge eat to self sabotage. It's a vicious circle of over eating the wrong food, continuing to eat when completely full, quietly shaming myself after, and during actualy, knowing I have the ability to stop but purposefully don't.
I hide my over eating from my peers and basically fall off the wagon and continue to do this for a period of time fueled by my dissapointment in myself.
Almost hate eating at times. It actually blows my mind that I've continued to do iteven though I'm fully aware of it.

aletheia_vox

When I’m binging it is definitely self-harm. I literally need to eat to the point where I feel TERRIBLE. That’s the point when I feel calm again.

That said, I’ve only binged a few times in the past few years. It’s gone way down since being in therapy and on medication to deal with underlying issues.

ShredWeek1

I think addictions are tough to break because they do make us feel good...I loved smoking, absolutely loved it. Never thought about the consequences. I have friends who are destructively heavy drinkers...and they love alcohol. I think where it starts to hurt is when it becomes the only way that we rely upon to make ourselves feel better. Lately, I've become very structured in my eating...because I recognize that when I'm down, what I want to do is eat...it is a form of self-soothing.

ladyzherra

@ShredWeek1 I hear what you're saying about how structure can really help with food addiction. In the last two weeks I have weighed all of my food and I found that this made a huge difference. I suppose that this increased structure has helped me move toward my goals.

I also understand what you mean about self-soothing. In fact, so many people can think of food addiction or binge eating as self-sabotage, which places a violent tone to it. And while sometimes my relationship with food IS violent, usually it really is an attempt to soothe myself. And I think there is a key difference in thinking of it one way over the other.

ShredWeek1

That's very insightful. I'm going to make a commitment to weighing and measuring my food as well!