Me Vs. the Binge -- June 2018 Challenge
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June 7
Me: 5
Binge: 2
DBF: 1
Last night was a real struggle but I managed to distract myself and get through.2 -
June 1-7:
Me:7
B: 0
DBF: 8
*June 8:
Me: 7.5
B: 0.5
DBF: 8.5
This is going to be a long post, a bit rambly, but I need an outlet to reflect upon what happened today and my progress in fighting the Binge. I hope this forum is the right place for that.
I am giving B half a point because today I was in what usually turns into a binge, and I was indeed starting to overeat after lunch. But once I was very full though not actually uncomfortably so, as it would have been if I would have actually binged, I stopped myself, calmed down, went downstairs, turned on my laptop, entered my food diary for the day, and now I'm writing this. I joined MFP just around a week ago, and it was really helping to keep track of the food I eat and make sure I get my nutritional requirements right, and eat enough calories consistently - I have learnt at hard expenses that starving oneself only leads to binges, and I am sick and tired of that cycle. Having struggled on and off with bulimia/binge eating in the past 3 years, in the last months things have been significantly better, but sometimes I have let B disrupt my virtuous cycle and turn it into a vicious one. Never again!
I know my triggers, I know that when I am too tired, overworked, anxious, underfed and restless, or purposeless doing work that means nothing to me, when I truly don't take care of nourishing my body and spirit and mind and be with good people and enjoy life, that is when B has an easier game and tries to take advantage of the situation to gain points. But never again!
In this moment, I am very proud of myself, for stopping B before he got an entire point (and I still have enough calories left for the rest of the day to have one light meal for dinner, so I don't consider what happened a full-blown binge at all), for exercising everyday, for trying to chase my dreams and fight my battle against all odds. I am proud and grateful of my body for how positively it is responding to my good efforts and to my hard work: the way it changes always shows me that hard and good work, love and self care will be rewarded, while self-sabotaging and damaging oneself will also manifest their consequences. As we say in my homecountry, we always harvest the seeds we have planted.
These have been the toughest years of my life, and I barely ever speak about it with anyone. If you read this, it may make no sense to you or you might relate a lot, but thank you for taking the time to read through my fight. Whichever one is your fight today, you have all my support.
I'm ready to move on with my day, do some exercise, relax, be with my loved ones, and keep fighting.4 -
Y0
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Me: 8
B: 0
DBF: 102 -
Me: 0
B: 0
DBF:0
@emmairu I get it. I think many fight that same demon here whatever we call it. And for me lately it's been the demon/binge winning more than me. That's why I drop out of this community for months just because I get tired of posting my losses in public. But everyday if posting or not I still give it a try hoping against hope the magic of a streak of victories will get me back to a healthy weight. Good Luck in your battle.
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June 8
Me: 5
The b: 3
DBF: 03 -
June 2018
Me: 8
B:
DBF: 199 (so close!!!!)3 -
June 2018
Me: 8.5
B: 0.5
DBF: 9.5
1 -
Me: 1
B: 0
DBF:1
3 -
Me:3
Binge:5
DBF:02 -
June 2018
Me: 9
B:
DBF: 200!!!!!!5 -
Me: 2
B: 0
DBF:2
@brittdee88 really 200 do you still need to fight it at that milestone? I was hoping it was like second nature after 100?
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@hillmike56 I assumed that as well, and it was second nature for a while, but I had to fight 2 or 3 times last month. I haven’t had the urge so far this month, so if I can make it through June without a fight, I will consider myself in recovery.
June 2018
Me: 10
B:
DBF: 2011 -
Me: 3
B: 0
DBF:3
@brittdee88 Thanks for sharing that. About a year ago or more I think I made it here recording maybe a 50 days streak and then it all came apart and for some reason I thought 100 was the magic number and have been fighting it seems just to get a couple of weeks since then. I guess a BINGE eating disorder is close to alcoholism with the exception we can't stay away completely from food. I think the moderator of this page had like a 300+ streak going she wrote me. I know your streak must have had many benefits that keep your fighting like you speak. I know I reached my normal BMI with the battle last year and felt a lot better at that weight than letting the BINGE win. Congratulations as you moving into recovery thanks for hanging around as a great role model.2 -
June 12
Me: 6
B: 6
Where is my reset button? Ha. But there’s this: the B wins have been in small and almost controlled amounts. I’m stopping myself in the middle of things, which I was never able to do before.
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June 11
Me: 7
B: 4
I'm working on it...2 -
@hillmike56 thank you so much for sharing that! I am hoping to get to normal by the end of August (~10 pounds to go), and I would love to also celebrate being close to 300 days. This check-in was the only reason I didn't succumb last month, so I am definitely sticking around!
@wellnesschaser that's great progress!
June 2018
Me: 11
B:
DBF: 2022 -
Me: 12
B: 0
DBF: 15
Yesterday was hard. I ate over calories but didn't really binge although I wanted to. I had to make myself brush my teeth and get in bed just to make the feeling pass.1 -
DBF: 0
Sigh.3 -
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