Adult Children of Emotional or Binge Eating Parents
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kts1988 -
I am glad that this thread was helpful to you. It was a a big step for me to start it. I am still working on expressing emotions. It's hard when from an early age you are told that the expression of some feelings is "bad," "not permitted," or "not done."0 -
This thread has really helped me reflect, and has helped me feel better knowing other people have dealt with this as well. Thanks, you guys
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My mother has always been an emotional eater, for as long as I can remember. Growing up, I was with her when she went through periods of depression and weight gain. Her thing was always lots of carbs or sweets when she felt sad. I remember hearing her calling herself fat and being so upset, or crying because her clothes wouldn't fit anymore. My dad was (and is) more of a health nut, and I remember him fighting with her about her weight gain, which only made her upset (and led to eating more). They divorced after he had an affair. He later married the other woman, who was very thin. I do have great relationships with both of my parents now that I'm older.
I've gained about 25 pounds since leaving college for the first time four years ago. I gained most of it after the end of a 2 or so year emotionally abusive relationship. Lately I've just been stressed out over money issues; the company I work for was laying people off, and I was trying to save up to be able to go back to college and finish my BA. I kept eating, even if I'm completely full, and I don't want to keep gaining.
I remember, about two years ago, I went over to my dad's house to visit. I'd been dieting like crazy (I was on the "17 Day Diet", which does work, but I wasn't able to stick to it for more than a couple weeks). I had lost about 7 lbs, and I remember he told me I looked skinny. I was so happy, I started tearing up. That really, really bothered me. It made me think, do I want to lose weight for me? Or am I doing it for my parents? I want it to be for me. I struggle with that.
One of the other things I struggle with most is how terribly mean/cranky I can get if I don't give in to my cravings when I'm upset. Does this ever happen to you guys? I have a wonderful boyfriend I live with now, and he's so supportive. I feel absolutely awful when I snap at him when, say, I had a bad day at work and all I can think about is chocolate ice cream. It sounds so stupid when I type it out like this, and I know it's unfair to him.0 -
From OP: "Third, it has involved me retraining myself regarding food. I literally have to answer the question, "Why am I eating this?" every time I eat a sweet (my trigger food). I've found for me most of the time my answer is: I am lonely or I am sad. Then I have to tap into my logical mind. A glazed donut might taste good for 10 seconds, but it isn't going to cure loneliness. What could really help me?"
This statement has really hit home with me. I am beginning to realize, that I do often recognize when my binging is triggered by an emotion (for me, it is usually loneliness or boredom). But I do NOT take the next step. When I am lonely, I should reach out to someone I care about... call my sisters, text a friend, look at old photo albums. And when I'm bored, I should read or workout.
My willpower has failed me a million more times than I can count! I like the previous poster's idea about praying. I believe surrendering my emotional healing to God may be an answer for me. My faith in myself is weak, but my faith in Him is strong!
And I believe that reaching out to God, friends and family, working on those relationships, will bring me more fulfillment and peace than any food ever could.
Thank you for this post. I feel inspired. I needed to read this today.
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My mother has always used food as comfort - as I now do as well (well try to get out of) She is very good at convincing herself that just one more is not tht bad. Which of course if that is the 50th that day is. And in order to make her feel less guilty about it she is prone to pushing food onto those present, which was me. As i am a bit of a pleaser (long story) when it come to mum I was happy to oblige. She also loved having a bit of cheese in the evening to destress. Not good. She was always on the latest fad diet (and still folows every 'new' superfood, can't eat this food or foodgroup religeously and something disappears for about a year from her cupboards.
Even these days she does it but the victim is that ultimate pleaser; the dog. Poor animal is totally overweight. But no it is not the food she feeds him. My nephews live close by and they come to her to be fed chips/crisps and soda as their parents do not keep it in the house. I do worry, at their age (mid puberty) all energy gets burned but the bad habits will stay.
I have learned to see that I have a similar relation to food and over the years have learned to break the habit for the best part. Only when I am really down/stressed it gets too much. Also I embraced exercise as a concept to de-stress, something my mother always hated.
The happy news is that my mothers now sees how it wirks for me and is starting to use me as an example. At least for herself. She is now pre-diabetic and is finally taking note of the advice she is getting form professionals0
