Fearing the unknown

2

Replies

  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
    I know exactly what you are talking about!....I love chocolate so I try to just leave candy alone....I do get a chocolate fix from lite hot chocolate ( Swiss Miss 35 calories a cup ) and the pre packaged light chocolate pudding....I also buy chocolate Teddy Graham’s and freeze them!....little frozen bombs of bliss!....I had a horrible binge two weeks ago and I indulged in chocolate...the next day I was as sick as a dog....wondering why I do this to myself....I get that “ I don’t care “ attitude and start eating....but deep down I care so much...I worry that this might never change the rest of my life so I need to learn to control this...I have started questioning myself and asking WHY am I doing this to myself....changing life long habits is hard but it can be done!....members here are proof that moderation works!...I am still afraid of being a different person when I get “ skinny”. But I am going to worry about that when it happens!.....I am going to continue the way I am one day at a time and keep learning portion control and moderation....you can do this...if I can lose weight anyone can!
  • ConfidentRaven
    ConfidentRaven Posts: 1,428 Member
    I’ve started getting my chocolate fix by mixing 16g of Nutella and 16g of natural peanut butter. It’s a little less calories than a full serving of peanut butter at the same serving size, but it tastes kind of like a Reese’s. I add it to my Greek yogurt and enjoy it everyday as part of my lunch. I found that because I know that I can have it daily that I don’t binge on it and I’ve easily passed by all the candy.
  • papayahed
    papayahed Posts: 407 Member
    My sugar has been really good for the last few months. I'm going to go off metformin for a week to see what happens (No, I did not consult my Dr). My biggest worry is the sugar cravings will come back. I know I can always pop a pill an I should be ok, but I think I made candy into this giant monster I'm afraid of.
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    papayahed wrote: »
    My sugar has been really good for the last few months. I'm going to go off metformin for a week to see what happens (No, I did not consult my Dr). My biggest worry is the sugar cravings will come back. I know I can always pop a pill an I should be ok, but I think I made candy into this giant monster I'm afraid of.

    I assume you have a test kit to keep tabs on yourself. My preference would be that you at least call the Dr. office and inform them of your plan but you probably know the risks.

    On the sugar front I suggest going into the experiment as confident as you can about that part.
  • papayahed
    papayahed Posts: 407 Member
    NovusDies wrote: »
    papayahed wrote: »
    My sugar has been really good for the last few months. I'm going to go off metformin for a week to see what happens (No, I did not consult my Dr). My biggest worry is the sugar cravings will come back. I know I can always pop a pill an I should be ok, but I think I made candy into this giant monster I'm afraid of.

    I assume you have a test kit to keep tabs on yourself. My preference would be that you at least call the Dr. office and inform them of your plan but you probably know the risks.

    On the sugar front I suggest going into the experiment as confident as you can about that part.

    My Dr reviewed my blood sugar numbers over the past few weeks and told me I could stay off my meds as long as my blood work came back normal. Now to impatiently wait for my bloodwork.

  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    edited February 2020
    papayahed wrote: »
    NovusDies wrote: »
    papayahed wrote: »
    My sugar has been really good for the last few months. I'm going to go off metformin for a week to see what happens (No, I did not consult my Dr). My biggest worry is the sugar cravings will come back. I know I can always pop a pill an I should be ok, but I think I made candy into this giant monster I'm afraid of.

    I assume you have a test kit to keep tabs on yourself. My preference would be that you at least call the Dr. office and inform them of your plan but you probably know the risks.

    On the sugar front I suggest going into the experiment as confident as you can about that part.

    My Dr reviewed my blood sugar numbers over the past few weeks and told me I could stay off my meds as long as my blood work came back normal. Now to impatiently wait for my bloodwork.

    Fingers crossed.

    Also waiting on blood test results. I have a doctors appt this week. Hoping I come off the cholesterol med once and for all. I have worked my rear off getting cardio in each and every day in hopes that is the final key.
  • papayahed
    papayahed Posts: 407 Member
    Good Luck on the test results!!
  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 2,981 Member
    I'm not exactly sure this is where to ask this, but I'll do it anyway. At what point should I re-evaluate my goals and slow down my weight loss? I know that if you have a lot to lose, 2 lbs/wk is a perfectly fine rate to set, but I also know that the less you have to lose, the slower you need to go about it. I start with 200+ lbs to get off; I'm down to 100 or less - 100 lbs if I choose to try to get into BMI healthy range; 90 lbs to get into my pipe-dream weight range. Is the recommend 1% of your current body weight, or 1% of your goal weight?

    I put this here because it is a fear of mine - 2 lbs/wk is a noticeable loss, and I have enough trouble with water weight retention masking my efforts; plus, 2 lbs/wk gives me slop room. Tightening up to 1 lb/wk is a scary thought because water weight will mask those results much easier, and I have to tighten up my logging and be much more precise. That part is a big fear of mine, especially since I plateaued for so long and am just now finally really getting going again.
  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 2,981 Member
    never mind - I finally found some info (the search function for the forums is hopelessly unhelpful.....)

    nnmamyoh2m5e.png
  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
    I keep my goal at 1.5 lb loss a week....I hardly ever go over and I have more wiggle room than a 2.0 goal...anything under 1300 calories a day makes me nervous that I might get hungry...it’s all mental lol
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,539 Member
    How is your life with your current program? The number that popped into my head was 50lbs. But that was my brain just sounding off.

    We’re it me, I’d think twice about messing with a plan that’s both working and livable. If it ain’t broke...
  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 2,981 Member
    @88olds - I love your name; reminds me of a series of oldsmobiles my parents had when I was a kid - big, long, beasts of a car :)

    Right now, its finally working again, so I don't want to mess with anything. But I also need to evaluate what I'm doing to see if I can head off the next plateau. I lost that first 105 lbs in 2017, but after about 9 months, I started losing less then stalled then started regaining. It took 18 months to finally reverse the trend, first to stop the regaining, and then to slowly, painfully start losing again. It took me 7 months to re-lose the 30 lbs I had regained, but in the last month, things have started working better and I seem to have my willpower back to resist that siren's call in my head that demands food. But I've been here before and know that burst of willpower will slowly wain, so I'm trying to find ways to help it along and try to figure out my mistakes so I quit making the same one over and over again.

    I've read the thread on diet breaks and while I can see the sense behind it, the idea of trying one scares me - if I let myself raise my calories up for 2 weeks for a diet break, will I be able to cut back down again afterwards? I guess I'll find out in May - I'm going on vacation, so I know that's a good time try it, but its a very frightening prospect!
  • speyerj
    speyerj Posts: 1,369 Member
    ... I seem to have my willpower back to resist that siren's call in my head that demands food. But I've been here before and know that burst of willpower will slowly wain, so I'm trying to find ways to help it along and try to figure out my mistakes so I quit making the same one over and over again.

    I'm a believer that our success has less to do with will power and more to do with strategy - planning for the expected (what am I going to eat for my meals this week?) and the unexpected (just got invited to happy hour with friends, when I planned to be exercising!)

    There's a cute video that explains that positive change doesn't come from willpower. It's about building an environment that works for the changes you want to make instead of against it. I hope you'll find it entertaining, if not insightful.

    https://youtu.be/3rj4pMdCosI

    Also, from the same folks, this was really helpful:
    https://vitalsmarts.com/crucialskills/2020/02/how-to-turn-a-resolution-into-a-habit



  • papayahed
    papayahed Posts: 407 Member
    papayahed wrote: »
    NovusDies wrote: »
    papayahed wrote: »
    My sugar has been really good for the last few months. I'm going to go off metformin for a week to see what happens (No, I did not consult my Dr). My biggest worry is the sugar cravings will come back. I know I can always pop a pill an I should be ok, but I think I made candy into this giant monster I'm afraid of.

    I assume you have a test kit to keep tabs on yourself. My preference would be that you at least call the Dr. office and inform them of your plan but you probably know the risks.

    On the sugar front I suggest going into the experiment as confident as you can about that part.

    My Dr reviewed my blood sugar numbers over the past few weeks and told me I could stay off my meds as long as my blood work came back normal. Now to impatiently wait for my bloodwork.

    Blood work is back and I'm off metformin officially . Yay me. On the down side sugar cravings are starting to rear their ugly head. I'm not sure if it's because I'm off metformin or just a natutural progression since I've been doing this for 7 months or a combination of both.

  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 2,981 Member
    papayahed wrote: »
    papayahed wrote: »
    NovusDies wrote: »
    papayahed wrote: »
    My sugar has been really good for the last few months. I'm going to go off metformin for a week to see what happens (No, I did not consult my Dr). My biggest worry is the sugar cravings will come back. I know I can always pop a pill an I should be ok, but I think I made candy into this giant monster I'm afraid of.

    I assume you have a test kit to keep tabs on yourself. My preference would be that you at least call the Dr. office and inform them of your plan but you probably know the risks.

    On the sugar front I suggest going into the experiment as confident as you can about that part.

    My Dr reviewed my blood sugar numbers over the past few weeks and told me I could stay off my meds as long as my blood work came back normal. Now to impatiently wait for my bloodwork.

    Blood work is back and I'm off metformin officially . Yay me. On the down side sugar cravings are starting to rear their ugly head. I'm not sure if it's because I'm off metformin or just a natutural progression since I've been doing this for 7 months or a combination of both.

    congratulations!

    When I got down to 100 lbs lost, I talked to my doctor about coming off metformin. I'm not diabetic or even pre-diabetic, but when I was diagnosed with PCOS about 15 years ago, metformin was standard treatment protocol - 2000 mg a day. Its because insulin resistance is often coupled with PCOS, especially for those who have it and are obese, and my doctor at the time said the metformin was to try to keep me from becoming diabetic.

    I've never had trouble with my sugar - my fasting blood sugar stays around 80, and my AC1 is 5.1, I think, but my doctor would prefer I stay on the metformin anyway, though I did talk her into halving the dose. She said it had other benefits than just for blood sugar, though I haven't researched it out to see for sure.

    If I hit the 220 lbs I want or even less, I may have this discussion with her again as I'd rather not be on a medication unless I need it!
  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
    If you are doing good right now and don’t feel deprived, can you put off your break until you feel like you really need it?
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    first off, because I can't find a thread on weight loss victories, I'll crow a little here - I FINALLY got under 260 lbs today! That's been a goal for over 18 months - it was my last goal before I hit my plateau and started regaining, and it was still my milestone goal when I got to losing again. I had in my mind I wanted to hit it before my birthday on Sunday, and at the beginning of this week, I didn't think I was going to quite make it. I had an all time low on the scale on Sunday, but my weight on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday were all back up over 260 again. I"m now recording the happy scale trend and not actual weight loss, so i figured that even if I managed to be under 260 this morning, that the trend would still be above 260; however, the scale read 259.5 this morning, and when I put that into HappyScale, it bumped the trend down to 259.8 lbs. So I hit my goal!

    Now on to my irrational (or perhaps not so irrational since I know myself) fear: I've been losing again since June, though it didn't really pick up until January - I've lost the same amount of weight from January to now that i had from June to January. I consider December to be a diet break; when I look at my entries, my weight was up and down that month, then I started losing steadily afterwards.

    I also know, mentally, that diet breaks are a very good thing for the body (the refeeds and diet breaks thread has thoroughly covered the science behind this). The end of March will be 12 weeks of steady loss for me, which means that I"m coming up to the point where I should be considering taking a diet break. Right now, my deficit is at 1,000 calories a week; my plan would be to take a week and add back in 500 calories, then two weeks with the full 1,000 back in, followed by a week back at 500 deficit, then back to full deficit - meaning it will take the entire month when I do it.

    I don't know whether to go ahead and do it in April, or put it off to May when I have a vacation scheduled anyway.

    But the biggest thing I"m fighting is the fear of even doing it at all - my emotional self is terrified that if I take a diet break, I'll plateau again and stop losing!

    Physically, according to the experts, you do not need a diet break at all until you are closer to goal. The benefits are really more about preventing diet fatigue. However, when you take one you do reset your BMR which means that afterwards you will lose weight more efficiently for a short time.

    With the number of physiological responses that happen during a prolonged calorie deficit I do not agree with the experts. I think it is prudent. I think it is more prudent for anyone with a lot of weight to lose. If I had not had a surgical interruption I was probably looking at 2 year and 9 months I took one every 6 months while losing and now that I am closer to goal when I exit recomp/maintenance, which may be soon thanks to the virus, I will take one about every 12 weeks.

    The mental benefits will depend on the person. I feel like it helped me prolong getting "diet fatigue" which still happened but it had extenuating causes. I also feel like it helps with a bit of a mental check-up. My theory is that if I can enter and exit a maintenance period I must not be having disordered thoughts. I have no way of knowing if that is true.

    I see no reason for you to do the entrance and exit half deficit period unless you just want to do it. I also do not believe you need to do 2 full weeks or even a full week unless you want. Since the benefit is primarily mental you can structure it the way you want. I always did a week to 10 days. By the middle of it I was antsy to get back but I stayed with the plan.

    People in the Larger Loser category fly a little bit more without a net. I can find no information for losing a lot of weight over a very long time. I had to make up my own rules that I felt were wise. For me the rules included a focus on varied nutrition, occasional deficit/diet breaks, and staying below the 1 percent rule. I say rules but I really mean giving it a higher priority when possible. I wouldn't, for instance, drive myself crazy on vacation because my eating was not varied or even nutritious enough.
  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 2,981 Member
    After discussing it in the refeeds and diet break thread, I've decided to do a refeed this weekend (birthday weekend!) starting with 500 added today, 1000 tomorrow, and 500 on Sunday (as I don't think my body cares about day breakdown; its the hours, right?) today is because I have a house guest and I can't stay out of her jalapino cheetos.....

    There will be another refeed on Easter weekend, then I'll do a full 2 week diet break at the end of May. I really do want to reach that 250 mark before I start into that, but this weekend will be a preview that maybe will help ease the fears.....

    I didn't get much exercise in today, either - house guest and its been raining off and on all day. I'll try to get a good walk in tomorrow morning, though.

    And the scale was kind to me this morning at a new all time low - 257, which puts my Happy Scale average down to 258.3 lbs!
  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 2,981 Member
    So the refeed period is now over and its time to get back to my deficit.

    This weekend was informative for me. Increasing my allowable calories and actually going over a little bit was extremely easy for me, unfortunately. Friday and Saturday I lay at the best friend's feet because she came in with a lot of snacks that I found myself gravitating to, but I was also over maintenance yesterday too and she was gone by then. I found that when I started allowing myself more to eat, my brain wanted to kick into snacky mode again.

    Today, though, being back in deficit isn't as hard as I thought it would be, or was afraid it would be. It's almost 11 AM and while I'm mildly hungry even after just eating a bowl of oatmeal, its not a driving desire to eat something I'm having to find; its back to the mildly annoying but fairly easy to handle desire. As the day goes on, I'm hoping that will continue.

    Its raining here today, so no walking outside, so I really need to make sure I get a good elliptical session in and I hope to find some Youtube routines I can put into practice.

    One fear I have with all this working from home thing is that my old routine is being disrupted and I need to establish a new one in more challenging conditions. Weekends have always been a struggle for me because my week day routine was interrupted and because I was at home. Even when I made myself way more active doing chores and projects at home, weekends were almost always over calorie limits badly because of that drive to eat that became very difficult to resist. I take my lunch with me to work and plan it accordingly. there isn't a vending machine in our center, so all I have to eat is what I bring with me unless I run out to pick something up. It makes it a lot easier to stick to my calories goals that way. Being at home becomes difficult because I'm here near my fridge and pantry all day, so the food is available all day long.

    I set my computer up in the spare bedroom at the back of the house on the opposite end from the kitchen - here's hoping that helps with the out of sight out of mind thing!
  • papayahed
    papayahed Posts: 407 Member
    While reading your post I had an idea. Even though your home why not pack a lunch as if you were going to work? Snacks and every thing? It may help to stay in routine. I dunno.
  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 2,981 Member
    papayahed wrote: »
    While reading your post I had an idea. Even though your home why not pack a lunch as if you were going to work? Snacks and every thing? It may help to stay in routine. I dunno.

    I'm not sure that would help because my brain knows that if I go through everything in the lunch box, there's a steady supply just down the hall!

    I noticed today, though, that if I get a cardio session in, it actually lessens my hunger, or at least seems to - I was feeling snacky this evening before I started my workout videos and elliptical session, and when i was gone, the urge to snack had greatly diminished. I happen to have the elliptical set up in the same room that I"m using as my office, so I figure if it gets too bad, I'll take a time out and do a elliptical circuit!
  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
    I think the Corona Virus/Quarantine/Mask/Isolation thing isn’t getting to everyone...

    I am TEN days away from my one year MFP anniversary and although I have lost a significant amount of weight, I am not where I thought I would be...life happens and every day has not been a great or perfect day for me...I have binged at least a half dozen times and become discouraged more than a few times...I have never quit although at one point I was very tempted to “ throw in the towel”...

    After the past weekend I was very distraught this morning...I had a complete “ poor me, emotional breakdown” including crying,screaming,pouting and a little bit of foot stomping...I am sure it wasn’t a pretty sight but I got a hug from my daughter and a pep talk from my husband...both helped...John also told me to go shopping and get out of the house for awhile, so I did that, too...

    I am so afraid that when I finally lose the rest of this excess weight,( and I WILL lose it )...that I will not ever be able to control myself with food... yesterday I decided to have a small slice of carrot cake for dessert after dinner...(sigh) I really should start from the beginning....

    Yesterday morning John and I decided to go furniture shopping for a love seat and two chairs and two recliners...I couldn’t find anything I liked at any price...we were both starving after we were done and cranky because we hadn’t found anything and we really need to find something soon...Chili’s was the closest option and I really wanted a big cheeseburger...IF I had only had the cheeseburger I would have been fine but I ate the fries and onion petals, too...I figured I could have a salad for dinner and could survive the splurge...when we got home, Amanda had made dinner of a huge roast beef, noodles,gravy,potatoes,carrots and carrot cake, brownies and a chocolate cake...since I had sort of kind of cheated a little for lunch, I thought ,” what the Hell” and ate a big dinner with a small piece of cake...of corse this was followed by two huge brownies and a bowl of chips later...everything I have learned in a year out the window...

    And of course sick as a dog this morning...sugar overload...depressed and guilty...when am I going to learn?...I can’t keep doing this to my body...I am getting too old for this continual abuse...and when I do reach my goal, I am so afraid I will never be able to eat maintenance calories without eating more than I am supposed to...I either diet and lose weight or I eat and gain weight, never a happy medium...

    I am sorry this is such a whiney post...I should be happy with what I have lost..I am just really getting worried about how this is going to end...

    Thanks for taking the time to read this post from this crazy woman lol

  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
    Jeez, first sentence should have been IS getting to everyone, not ISNT...I didn’t proof read...
  • papayahed
    papayahed Posts: 407 Member
    I wish I had words of wisdom but that's my fear as well. When I get down to my goal, what's going to prevent me from getting complacent and gaining back?

    It just occured to me to go back and look at all your NSV posts and remember how good those acheivements felt. Like not having to worry about asking for the seatbelt extender on airplanes.
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    @conniewilkins56

    I wish you didn't feel guilty. Eating more food than you needed is not a big deal and you have proven over and over that you can lose weight despite the occasional binge. You do not like it when it happens but you keep moving forward which makes you amazing. Your story inspires others. When you get the weight off you will give hope to all the people who go through the same thing.

    I am not sure any of us get through the whole process without entering the spectrum of disordered at least a little. I have definitely seen it in myself. As long as it remains acute episodes that I can identify and overrule I do not worry about it. I don't like it but I think it is more normal than not.

    Not everything is out the window. You are continuing. It was a momentary detour. I have had my detours. I have even intentionally made them happen a few times.

  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    papayahed wrote: »
    I wish I had words of wisdom but that's my fear as well. When I get down to my goal, what's going to prevent me from getting complacent and gaining back?

    It just occured to me to go back and look at all your NSV posts and remember how good those acheivements felt. Like not having to worry about asking for the seatbelt extender on airplanes.


    I understand that long term maintenance still requires adjustment. In that respect I am not worried about regaining a few pounds but I am, rightfully, afraid of regaining even 10 percent of what I have lost. I allowed my weight gain to slide into my blindspot before. I cannot ever allow it to happen again. I must remain accountable and keep it in sight. If I gain more than 6 or 7 pounds I must return to a deficit and bring it back down. I won't overreact because I can gain that much in water but I will know if it doesn't come back down that I have trended up. All of the successful maintainers I know are vigilant.

    I personally have no plans to stop logging my food. If that changes I will still need to get on the scale. I assume I will keep weighing daily because it is easier to remember and it is a daily reminder that my freedom relies on awareness and accountability.
  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 2,981 Member
    I know I'm going to have to remain vigilant the rest of my life; I've lost weight, plateaued and slowly crept back up before. It is so easy to slow increase how much you are eating without even realizing it, and I know that my brain and stomach are not aligned when it comes to hunger signals and likely will never be - I'm never going to be able to eat "intuitively", or at least, not in the manner that many people mean when that use that term. Intuitive for me will be having calorie counts memorized and being able to guess the calorie content closely based upon the weight of the food I am consuming, but I know I won't be able to trust my eyeball consistently to judge the amount. I know I won't have to be hyper-vigilant to the nth degree - of course I can have days where I'm relaxed and eyeball here and there on things - but I can't let myself slip back into the old pattern or way of eating, especially when it comes to my fat brain, or the part of me that says "oh, go ahead and have a second piece or helping; it's not going to hurt and you get make up for it tomorrow". THAT little voice is the enemy!
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,539 Member
    Maybe try to get out of your head while making note of how your body feels.

    I used to aim for that numb full tranquilizer effect from over eating. I hate that now. I ate too much for dinner last night. It was salad with grilled chicken and avocado. I didn’t like that full feeling. But it was salad, it lasted 5 min.

    Try to keep your focus on what’s in front of you. One of the benefits of the slow and steady approach is it gives us time to adjust. While I regularly put in days like the one you describe, that lunch would likely send me to bed for the rest of the day now. I just can’t do it anymore. Over time as we progress even the big meals will shrink.

    All that said, if there’s supposed to be some sort of intuitive eating autopilot at the end, I’ve never found it. I made goal in 2006 at 184 lbs. Not over 186 lbs since and my food scale has never left my kitchen counter. I use it every day. I don’t log my food regularly but I will when things aren’t going well. But even when not logging, I’m aware of the numbers and about where I’m at as of now.

    Obsessive? Unnatural? Failed to learn healthy eating? I could care less. I just turned 70. I’m lucky to be alive.
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    I have no interest in intuitive eating. Logging relaxes me. Even if I go on vacation and log enough calories to gain back 2 pounds I can be relaxed about it. If I don't log I tend to let my fear exaggerate how much I have eaten and I might suspect I have gained back much more. Numbers allow my objective self to overrule my irrational self.

    Even though I doubt it will happen I am not deciding to log forever more. I am pretty well set on logging the rest of my weight loss and at least 3 years of maintenance. I believe I will log much longer, if not, forever. I may become more comfortable with brief periods of uncertainty though. Who knows?
This discussion has been closed.