Food, Exercise, or other Reports
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So happy to swim the past two days...the pool was closed four days last week and I actually missed working out!...1
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*sigh* The scale has been very unforgiving in the last 2 weeks, right when I really, really didn't need the stress from that, either.
After bottoming out 2 weeks ago at 217.9 lbs, the stupid scale has steadily been increasing ever since. Why is it that when I get close to a goal, that's when everything seems to fall apart? I"m up to nearly 224 lbs now, and while some of it is water, I guess not all of it. I know I've been unable to stay under deficit at all in the last 2 weeks; the drive to munch is killing me along with extremely low willpower against it. But I had thought I was at least sticking to maintenance calories; I guess not. I'm also not getting nearly the activity in that I was; yesterday was the first walk in over 5 days, and with the yard work winding down, there isn't a lot of opportunity to fill in other activity in place of that walk.
It doesn't help that my mood has been especially low the last several days; Sunday was the worst I'd had in a long time, and I pretty much just slept the day way in between church services. Today is not much better.
I know TOM is right around the corner; in fact, even though the calendar says Friday, I would have sworn it would have been this past Sunday in how I felt, though my luck, my body which is being very contrary lately, won't start when its supposed to and this puffy feeling will linger.
The size 7 rings I bought and was wearing without any tightness are tight and I can't get them on, which I know indicates water weight. But 2 weeks of that stupid 6 lb gain just leaves me frustrated. All I did was up my calorie deficit from 750 to 500 to slow down to 1 lb/wk! But I was having trouble sticking to it before that. I"m trying very hard not to keep snacks in the house but its amazing how creative one can get when the desire to munch is killing me. And this weak will against an increased hunger drive (which isn't really hunger, but is just "brain" hunger) is worrisome because we're getting into the holidays.
It just gets me down because I was celebrating finally achieving that 220 lb milestone and now I've been back above it consistently for 2 weeks now, which has my trend in HappyScale back up above it, which is the direct opposite of what I wanted for the rest of October. It just leaves me feeling like my victory lap was premature and that I didn't really hit that goal after all. Or that I've went and messed it up.
Meanwhile, I did reach out to a counselor through a program at work and spoke to her for the first time yesterday; I've got 4 more company paid sessions, so we'll see how it goes. I know I have terrible thought patterns; figuring out how to fix it after having those patterns deeply ingrained is another thing all together.
I've been getting more sleep the last several days, but it isn't helping. Friday night I slept a good 8 hours or more; Saturday night the same, then came back for a 2 hour nap after dinner. Sunday night was restless as I expected it would be because of the nap, but last night was over 7 hours, and I only remember waking up once, but I'm still dragging today. Course, my mood today is pretty low, too, so that shouldn't surprise me.3 -
Started training for my 2 day hike. I put 16 pounds of weight in my backpack this morning. It was harder work, obviously, but it was not a hardship. I noticed it more the first mile.
I just found out that someone died on the trail we are doing just last month. It is a reminder to take it seriously even if the odds of success are highly favorable. It is labeled strenuous but it has a fair amount of moderate portions.
I will pack my backpack this weekend with the actual things I am taking to check the weight. I doubt it will add up to more than 16 pounds since we are hiking to an inn that will provide meals and the ability to refill water for the second leg. I will need to take some protein bars and probably some hard candy. I was looking at some of the trip reports and the average calorie burn for the 10 miles is 1700. That seems about right. I burn close to 600 in 5 miles on paved roads with some hills. That adds about 250 more for each way on the hike. I do not want to burn more than 700 without adding some additional fuel or I risk feeling bad.
The concerning thing is that we leave after church and drive close to 2 hours away. That puts us starting the hike at about 1pm. Since the time will revert back to standard time before then, that gives us 4 hours to get there before it gets uncomfortably dusk/dark. That *should* be an hour more than we need but the hike is through thick canopy and if it very cloudy or raining that window will be shorter. I will carry my normal clip-on walking light and my tiny backup emergency flashlight but I really do not want to use them.
I am pretty excited. If this works out I will work out a 4 day trip for March or so.3 -
Hang in there, @bmeadows380 give yourself some grace and know that this is a temporary bump in the road. My TOM has been screwy the last couple of months and I've been attributing it to the diet as I know any stressors, physical or otherwise, can cause changes in my cycle. Maybe after you get through this month your body will start cooperating again. The unanticipated gains can be so discouraging but look back at how far you've come! It's only a matter of time before you see those losses again.2
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@bmeadows380 I'm also retaining a lot of water right now. I'm wondering if maybe it has something to do with the swift cold spell that we're getting or it could be that I'm doing new/different things while working out or just a cycle thing. My scale has been up a couple of pounds from my all-time low for over two weeks with TOM in there messing around and a couple of days eating at a smaller deficit. It's definitely frustrating and I imagine even more frustrating when you're further along in the journey the way that you are!1
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Made it back from my trip home! Hope everyone had a good few weeks - I have lots of posts to catch up on.
It was wonderful to see family, spend some quality time with my parents, and get to do a distanced visit with two of my oldest friends. There was also a lot of stress, emotions, and nostalgia. Lots of processing to do now that I'm settled back in.
I didn't log at all while I was home - I knew it was going to be impossible with all of mom's homec-ooked food, so I decided it was time for a diet break/vacation. (Yeah, I should have tried log anyway, but with all of the emotional stress, just wasn't up for it this time). I haven't weighed yet either, and am not sure I will. I really liked being away from the scale for a while, and had already been toying with the idea of just logging again for a few months with no weighing.
It was amazing how quickly old habits come back. I know say this regularly, but it surprises me every time. Those old habits and behavior patterns sure smack you hard when you're back in your childhood home. Mindless snacking, large quantities of delicious, heavy, filling food, desserts and wine. Mom cooking more than needed, and encouraging seconds. Some of is not being in control of your own meals and eating patterns, but most is just the habit of taking an extra scoop, saying yes to seconds, munching mindless on mini candy bars, and having that beer in the afternoon.
It feels pretty empowering to me to come back after a diet break (especially this off-the-rails one where I didn't log), and just pick back up where I left off. I never thought I'd be able to do that. I always assumed that if I stopped logging even once, temporarily, I'd stop logging for good. It makes me feel good to know that this isn't just a phase that I'll give up on, but that I can easily come back to it regardless. I probably gained a pound or two during my time at home, but I don't really care? Because it was easy to come back to logging, eating how I actually now PREFER to eat, and knowing that eventually the pounds will fall off again. It felt good to get back to logging again today. I ate at half deficit today (didn't start logging until after lunch), and should be fully back on track tomorrow.
Anyway, it has been a busy week. I'm exhausted. But I have energy, my foot is feeling okay, and I might go for a run tomorrow.
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Well, if it's any comfort, I am retaining so much water I can feel it when I close my hands. I attribute it to the fact that we're having a week of rain and occasional thunderstorms, which is a fibromyalgia trigger for me, and that TOM is either just around the corner or a week away, who knows, but more near than far. (Gosh, I love perimenopause....)
I did not weigh this morning because I didn't want to get naked. So I don't know how bad the bounce is, but given that the size above the size I'm in in jeans is uncomfortable, and my hands are swollen...gotta be at least five pounds up. Hopefully I'll spend the weekend letting the water out.1 -
My Starting Weight:
~375 lbs (01/01/2017)
My goal:
180 lbs
Milestone:
215 lbs
Current Weight:
223.1 lbs
Loss this Week:
+2.1 lbs
Total Loss:
-151.9 lbs
What's Working/What Needs Work
*sigh* Well, here's adding another 2 lbs to the gain last week with me being up now 5 lbs from the lowest recorded weight 2 weeks ago. I guess not all this gain is just water, though I am still carrying water weight as TOM signs have started showing and I'll be starting some point between now and tomorrow, hopefully. I know, I know - I shouldn't let this get me down, but the last several days especially, I have been struggling very badly with depressed feelings, and this setback on the scale is NOT helping matters at all.
its a vicious cycle, you know? My will power is down, I'm falling prey to brain hunger and find myself snacking. Most days out of a week, I"m into the red and over my deficit level. And even if I'm still in the green, the drive to munch is there saying "it won't hurt to be over a little." But then when I do get into the red by just a little, my brain then says "well, you've got a deficit, and you are already in the red anyway, so what's a little more? You can go to maintenance at least."
and then some days, I find myself over maintenance levels. There is a part of me that is hitting the red alert, panic button and is screaming at me inside my head to stop! This is NOT how to handle this! Get a grip! And all sorts of other things trying to stop this dangerous slide backwards. However, I can't seem to stop it; the apathetic side of myself is sabotaging that warning voice, which then sets off Ms. Critical who snorts and tells me "see? we both knew you'd choke at the end; that's your usual MO isn't it?"
I really do try to ignore Ms. Critical, I do, but the last week especially, my mood has dipped down into depressed levels to the point where I actually pretty much slept Sunday away not because I was physically tired but because I needed to get away from the depressed feelings and my mind was just tired. When I"m in this sort of place mentally, my defenses against Ms. Critical are very weak and her arrow shots hit their mark.
The problem is, that just makes the depressed feelings worse, which makes me feel even more tired, which in turn leads to a weaker will power, more snacking, more self-criticism, and so on and on and on.
*sigh*
Next week I'm scheduled to go on another camping trip with the friend. I'm really hoping this one gives me a break and I can get my head back on right because the way I'm feeling now is getting to the point where its affecting my day to day life, including my job performance. This doesn't work, and perhaps the next drastic step is to take one of my spare weeks that I usually carry over, rent a cabin somewhere, and get away for some solitude just me, myself, and I and see if that can help.
I have been very grateful for the long conversations with the best friend Tuesday night and yesterday. Yeah, I got nothing accomplished around the house, but it distracted me from those depressed feelings and the conversation with her actually pulled me mind to something else for a while. The problem that comes in is that with this joint story line of ours, we see something things differently, and I find myself trying to please when there's a conflict of thoughts or between characters that are particularly close to us. We each have a couple of characters that are quite dear to us, so when the characters get into conflict, we find ourselves responding emotionally in defense of those characters, which is really very silly, I know, but it happens. And since I'm the sort of person who hates conflict and she's a rather blunt person who doesn't do compromise so well, when these rare disagreements happen, my stress levels go up. That and right now, I'm just sensitive to stressors, I guess, because I'm also feeling depressed because I have not been able to complete a amp yet or get the integrated timeline fixed and other things that the best friend has impatiently been waiting on for years now. That story world in my head is often my release from stress and sometimes the only way I can keep myself going, but sometimes frustration with my lack of progress in the storyline causes stress in and of itself.
I did reach out through the company EAP program and set up a session with a counselor and had the first session on Monday, but I don't know how much it will help me. I can acknowledge my thought patterns are not in a good pathway, but knowing that and changing it are two completely different things. Deep down, I know that my heart agrees with Ms. Critical so all the self positivity and trying to compliment myself and trying to see myself in a better light doesn't work; it all feels fake because as Ms. Critical says, it doesn't matter how much you try to play this game, you and I know the truth and that this is all just a sham. I have been giving mental attempts at doing a couple of the things she suggested with no success in that area. I just cannot seem to give myself an inch at all. *sigh*5 -
bmeadows380 wrote: »My Starting Weight:
~375 lbs (01/01/2017)
My goal:
180 lbs
Milestone:
215 lbs
Current Weight:
223.1 lbs
Loss this Week:
+2.1 lbs
Total Loss:
-151.9 lbs
What's Working/What Needs Work
*sigh* Well, here's adding another 2 lbs to the gain last week with me being up now 5 lbs from the lowest recorded weight 2 weeks ago. I guess not all this gain is just water, though I am still carrying water weight as TOM signs have started showing and I'll be starting some point between now and tomorrow, hopefully. I know, I know - I shouldn't let this get me down, but the last several days especially, I have been struggling very badly with depressed feelings, and this setback on the scale is NOT helping matters at all.
its a vicious cycle, you know? My will power is down, I'm falling prey to brain hunger and find myself snacking. Most days out of a week, I"m into the red and over my deficit level. And even if I'm still in the green, the drive to munch is there saying "it won't hurt to be over a little." But then when I do get into the red by just a little, my brain then says "well, you've got a deficit, and you are already in the red anyway, so what's a little more? You can go to maintenance at least."
and then some days, I find myself over maintenance levels. There is a part of me that is hitting the red alert, panic button and is screaming at me inside my head to stop! This is NOT how to handle this! Get a grip! And all sorts of other things trying to stop this dangerous slide backwards. However, I can't seem to stop it; the apathetic side of myself is sabotaging that warning voice, which then sets off Ms. Critical who snorts and tells me "see? we both knew you'd choke at the end; that's your usual MO isn't it?"
I really do try to ignore Ms. Critical, I do, but the last week especially, my mood has dipped down into depressed levels to the point where I actually pretty much slept Sunday away not because I was physically tired but because I needed to get away from the depressed feelings and my mind was just tired. When I"m in this sort of place mentally, my defenses against Ms. Critical are very weak and her arrow shots hit their mark.
The problem is, that just makes the depressed feelings worse, which makes me feel even more tired, which in turn leads to a weaker will power, more snacking, more self-criticism, and so on and on and on.
*sigh*
Next week I'm scheduled to go on another camping trip with the friend. I'm really hoping this one gives me a break and I can get my head back on right because the way I'm feeling now is getting to the point where its affecting my day to day life, including my job performance. This doesn't work, and perhaps the next drastic step is to take one of my spare weeks that I usually carry over, rent a cabin somewhere, and get away for some solitude just me, myself, and I and see if that can help.
I have been very grateful for the long conversations with the best friend Tuesday night and yesterday. Yeah, I got nothing accomplished around the house, but it distracted me from those depressed feelings and the conversation with her actually pulled me mind to something else for a while. The problem that comes in is that with this joint story line of ours, we see something things differently, and I find myself trying to please when there's a conflict of thoughts or between characters that are particularly close to us. We each have a couple of characters that are quite dear to us, so when the characters get into conflict, we find ourselves responding emotionally in defense of those characters, which is really very silly, I know, but it happens. And since I'm the sort of person who hates conflict and she's a rather blunt person who doesn't do compromise so well, when these rare disagreements happen, my stress levels go up. That and right now, I'm just sensitive to stressors, I guess, because I'm also feeling depressed because I have not been able to complete a amp yet or get the integrated timeline fixed and other things that the best friend has impatiently been waiting on for years now. That story world in my head is often my release from stress and sometimes the only way I can keep myself going, but sometimes frustration with my lack of progress in the storyline causes stress in and of itself.
I did reach out through the company EAP program and set up a session with a counselor and had the first session on Monday, but I don't know how much it will help me. I can acknowledge my thought patterns are not in a good pathway, but knowing that and changing it are two completely different things. Deep down, I know that my heart agrees with Ms. Critical so all the self positivity and trying to compliment myself and trying to see myself in a better light doesn't work; it all feels fake because as Ms. Critical says, it doesn't matter how much you try to play this game, you and I know the truth and that this is all just a sham. I have been giving mental attempts at doing a couple of the things she suggested with no success in that area. I just cannot seem to give myself an inch at all. *sigh*
You forget you are all sides of the conversation. It is not fake to compliment yourself it is just not as dominant as we would all like. That part of you is real. It is also the most honest. The rest are lies you have told yourself so often you have come to label them as truth. The lies are your enemy.
It might be worth considering to switch up your food routine for a brief time. It is easy to get into a food rut and a challenge to do something different can sometimes get the juices flowing. You will eventually revert but it can be a fun exercise. I like to learn new vegetarian dishes even though I am a meat eater, cook things from different cultures, and cook things from different time periods. You also know a lot of different ways of eating. You could try one of them. Not low carb though. Low carb can accentuate depression.2 -
I think switching up your diet or changing your routine is a fantastic idea....eat with chopsticks or finger foods....soup......spicy.....take your walk backwards or jump rope....just changing up your normal makes it less boring....1
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walking backwards is a recipe for disaster lol
There's been some change up to the diet because of the cold temps and next week will be a change due to the camping trip. it is easy to get into a rut; I realized the other day its had been months since I'd had meatloaf!3 -
I didn’t mean to WALK backwards lol....I meant go the opposite direction!....2
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I went for another run today (W2D1 of C25K), and my foot still feels okay! I'm so, so happy/relieved/excited!
I've really missed running. It is a combination of the exercise (helps my anxiety almost more than anything else), the outdoors, and the quiet me-time in the mornings that always puts me in a good mood. It has been foggy every morning this week, especially down by the river trail where I run, and I think dark fog is my new favorite running weather. It is so quiet, and private, and mysterious. I've been actually waking up earlier just so I can spend more time walking around in it before the sun comes up.
I'm anxious to get back to some longer distances, but want to be super cautious to not upset my foot again. I'm really not sure how slow to take it. I don't think I need to fully re-do C25K from start to finish, but I know I can't jump back into running an hour again either. So far I've done a new "week" of c25k for each run (w1d1, w2d1) and think I'll continue like this and see how it goes.2 -
Down a full 50 pounds, at 246. I am pretty happy about that.10
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Hahaha back below 200 (again). I do think a good many of these 10 lbs are water weight, but I also am pretty sure that at least 3-4 (maybe even 5) is fat. Oh well. It sure feels good to be back to my normal food routine.
Breakfast: One slice of sourdough toast, topped with half an avocado and a hard boiled egg. Sprinkled with coarse salt and fresh ground pepper. Coffee. Ready in 5 minutes, feels gourmet.
Lunch: Something fast and easy. Today will be leftovers that I am extremely excited for.
Dinner: A friend mentioned alfredo with broccoli the other day, and I've been craving it ever since. I made this lighter alfredo recipe last night: https://www.gimmesomeoven.com/skinny-fettuccine-alfredo-recipe/. I mean, a true alfredo with cream and butter is always better, but this definitely served its purpose. I'd make it again. I roasted up some broccoli, and then sauteed onions, red peppers, zucchini, and spinach. Mixed them all in with the pasta (cut down pasta to 8 oz) and sauce. It was everything that I've been craving, the flavors and veggies were fabulous, and it clocked in around 500 calories when all was said and done.
Work has been super busy this week (I basically have 2 full-time projects that overlap this week), so I haven't had time to go for another run. I've been getting up early still (5:30-ish), but that's only so I can work for an extra few hours before the regular workday begins lolol. I worked from 6 am - midnight last night (with a long 2-3 hour supper break). Fortunately, the end is in sight. I only have to survive a few more days of this (I hope) before things go back to normal.3 -
I'm back but don't have a whole lot of time to respond much right now.
The camping trip went well; I'm actually a little hoarse today from all the talking we did! The cold didn't bother me; I just put on warm fleece underneath the jeans and a t-shirt under a sweatshirt and jacket and I was fine. I didn't need the propane heater much at all. I enjoyed the time with the friend and getting away and totally forgetting about work for a few days.
Of course, the stress was waiting for me when I got home, starting this morning. And during the camping trip, I got absolutely no exercise in at all; no walks period, so the only activity was what I was doing around camp. Unfortunately, eating resistance was non-existent and having no food scale or body weight scale, I went over and big time. Old snacking habits are still there even after 3 years. *sigh*
Of course, getting back home, guilt has set in on the over eating, and the scale this morning was horrible: 231.5 lbs. I could almost cry seeing that; I'm up 14 lbs from the first of October and my lowest scale weight. There is no way that is all water, knowing how badly I've been on the over eating and lack of activity all month.
There's a set of verses in the Bible that talks about how wretched a person the writer Paul feels because what he knows he should be doing, he doesn't, but the things he doesn't want to do, that's what he finds himself doing - those are my life verses, I swear!
I swore to myself I was just going to fast today and not eat anything, but I know that's not really the right answer. Besides, I came in to find that I'm going to have to make a trip to one of the service centers today to pick up a monitor because I need one down here pronto, and I know I won't be able to keep from eating out. But I did skip breakfast other than milk in my coffee. Otherwise, I really need a new game plan apparently.3 -
How can you get the most accurate number for the amount of calories you burn exercising?....I never eat 100% of my burned calories because their is no way MFP number are actually right...I usually eat 25% of them back....this week I lowered my weight loss from 2 lbs a week ( which only gives me 1200 calories a day ) to 1.5 lb a week that gives me 1400 calories a day....I am going to try to get by without eating my exercise calories unless I am really hungry....I am still sedentary but daily steps have increased from about 1700 (May, 2019 ) to about 4200 a day now just from being more mobile....0
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When I was set to lose 2 lbs a week and I ate back 25% of my exercise calories I was eating around 1500 calories a day...so will I lose more weight now, or is this not enough calories?0
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