Christmas 2020
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Ha!…Bella, my exact words, “ paying the piper”…. And boy do I have a balance due!1
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Bella, complete stranger here, chiming in!
I cannot help myself, your predicament seems so dire. In addition to your "fake outs" with candy wrappers and water, which I heartily endorse, here are a few other thoughts:
1) Can you get out of the house and away a few days or hours between Xmas & New Years? Other friends/family you "must" visit, leaving hubby behind with them. Then go or don't go where you said, and pad the time away - visiting a friend for an hour, sit and read in your car another hour lol? And definitely plan these visits to take place over meal times so you miss some.
2) Purposely don't have enough eggs, or milk, or some other necessary supply you've been stocking up on so you must pop out for shopping. Maybe take a bunch of supplies you already bought and stash them somewhere to retrieve later (at your leisure lol) if you really have already bought everything you need - and stop being prepared now so that you can have a reason to get away later! And then, at least you could get a walk in, across parking lots and up & down grocery store aisles + pad your time away again as required?
3) you could get sick (tummy troubles, head ache) here & there, so that you have to be careful what you eat/drink or cut back, or hang out in your bedroom...personally I would be surprised if this wasn't the case, with all this rich eating & boozing you are not used to!
And finally:
4) can you do anything to ensure this is the last time you will have to host this, in this exact way? I am shocked to learn your hubby will not be fully participating, and yet somehow your inlaws "traditions" reign supreme - it doesn't work for you or him. Why don't you at least mildly suck as a hostess? Let their drinks get low and bowls empty, run out of stuff per above. If they want to hold to all this multiday feasting next year, it will have to be somewhere else, you could then more easily limit your participation. Make it clear that this is the last time you can host, unless it is in some kind of multi-year rotation.
Cheers!
Oh, and in this part of Canada (west coast), from Christmas eve to Boxing day, overindulgence is definitely the norm! Traditional family meals, either on the eve or the day (or both), with much nibbling and goodies and drinking throughout...I know I can easily go up a pound a day on the scale if I throw caution to the wind, and be up 10 lbs come Jan 2nd...3 -
Some good ideas here @Ladybug8882021 - thank you!
We live on the outskirts of a very small town (10 shops/places of business in total, of which 5 are a funeral parlour, a dentist, an accountant, a solicitor and an insurance broker, so only 5 'real' shops), so finding reasons why I MUST visit them between Christmas Eve and NYE may be challenging, but I'll try to be creative with reasons why I MUST pop out for bread/milk/veggies/meat etc.
As for visiting other friends and family, my husband is immuno-compromised so socialising is strictly prohibited for us both (I have to be equally careful so as not to bring infection into the house) - so good idea, but can't use that unfortunately! Our guests have kindly agreed to go into a fortnight's strict isolation prior to their arrival...
Tummy troubles are a good idea! I will be DESPERATE for a bit of alone time!
Re it seeming unfair that we're the hosts, the last time we hosted was 2013, so it's our turn. Last Christmas we were in full lockdown, so MIL just came over for Christmas day and left the next morning. The year before we were in Rome. MIL hosted the previous 3 years, BIL the two years before that. So we can't complain really....and they are all super-hospitable and spare no expense, so it's sort of expected that we reciprocate...I don't really mind the expense, but I abhor waste and I worry about gluttony because my brain will tell me to eat things rather than throw them away.
But I have a plan for that! Leftovers/items over-catered will either be send home with the relatives or donated to the local food bank if unopened. So the decks will all be clear come Jan 1st...
I will burn lots of NEAT calories playing the perfect hostess and leaping up and out of my seat like a jack-in-the-box to wait on them all hand and foot. Not because I'm super-slavish, but because it'll give me the chance to move around a little and police what goes into my own glass....3 -
Sometimes you just have to suck it up. The holiday festivities are a family tradition that is fleeting. The day will come when it’s not going to be that way. So enjoy the time together while you have it.
Do your best with the eating and drinking without making yourself and others miserable. January 1 will come soon enough.3 -
My thoughts exactly Yooly. MIL has leukaemia and fears this will be her last Christmas...and we none of us know what's around the corner for us. All family time is precious, so I'm not going to squander mine by over-worrying and getting twitchy. All worrying and planning must be done in advance of the holidays, because when the guests arrive it's too late and unproductive to stress over something that will be over far too soon.4
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Thank you, Yooly for the reminder.
Christmas, birthdays, New Year's Eve, Mother's and Father's Day, Thanksgiving and Easter - all feast days. I'm going to enjoy them. Hopefully all the energy I save not resisting those traditional foodfests will help keep me stronger on the other 300 some-odd days of the year.
When I look at the math - for my family that means 15 foodfest days vs 350 non-foodfest days - it doesn't seem worth worrying over!
At my very worst I don't think I could eat/drink over 10,000 calories on a given day. I can counterbalance that in the surrounding week. And that is worst case scenario.4 -
Well said Laurie! This shall be my approach and philosophy too!3
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Groan…..being a certified diagnosed hard core Binge Addict, etc, I CAN ( and have )eaten well over 10,000 calories a day for days at a time!…for many years I have wanted to have a magic wand to wave or a fairy to cast a spell on me so that over night I would be slim!…70 years later, it hasn’t happened yet!….eating too much and binging makes me so sick that I suffer for days while still doing it….I never fill up or feel full….I used to think the stuffed feeling was normal….2 and 1/2 years and a loss of 110 pounds has made a difference in my health but the self control and feeling of always being deprived is mentally exhausting…I think I am at that point where I am just feeling completely overwhelmed with everything…my husband is still recovering from back surgery….he had a “ blip “ appear on his heart in November ( he had a stent put in two years ago ) and the cardiologist told him to have the surgery and then see how he is feeling….the past few weeks he has been overly tired and short of breath so now he has a heart doctor appointment next week….I know he dreads the tests, etc but I dread the toll it takes on him and me and the family…the last thing on my mind is my mind is eating what I should be….I am grabbing anything to eat to give me momentary comfort….I am trying so hard to make this a perfect holiday for everyone…I am sorry for this rant and depressing post….I am struggling and no amount of pep talks will help today…eating and spending money is not a good combination!…this too shall pass…..1
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Connie..... you can't make things perfect... right? You can make things better... but don't try for perfect. Way too much pressure on you! Hugz on the health challenge stuff. We spend most of our time on other pursuits... but that's where it starts and ends!
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Connie..... you can't make things perfect... right? You can make things better... but don't try for perfect. Way too much pressure on you! Hugz on the health challenge stuff. We spend most of our time on other pursuits... but that's where it starts and ends!
Thanks for reminding me!….I will lose the rest of my weight in 2022 and I will get out of this rut in a bit…I struggle with perfection….my daughter tells me there is a right way to do things, a wrong way, and Moms way!….it’s like with cleaning the house, baking, cleaning a closet or hanging up clothes…..we have different standards of what each of us think is perfect….I either eat right or I don’t….I fix something or throw it out…I do what I think is perfect, or I don’t do it….I am probably insane….it is hard for me to give my control of things to anyone else….my grandaughter loves to wrap Christmas gifts but I like them to look perfect….bows straight, ribbons curled, ends of paper folded just right….i have finally let her wrap them and I am “ ok “ with the results although mine would look better ( to me )…. She bakes cookies with me and I am constantly cleaning up flour or sprinkles…..she is immune to me I think because she still enjoys it but gosh, it must drive her crazy!…I am glad to say I really have mellowed the last few years…but I still struggle with handing over the reins…it’s a good thing that I can be really funny or my family would probably tie me up in a closet!…
My husband is a great guy but I worry about him constantly…he is only 67 but his health is not good….thank goodness he has such a great sense of humor because it keeps him going…and he thinks I am nuts, too!…but he is ok with it….
I will keep reminding myself that perfection is nearly impossible and I will only make things the best that I can….even if this means Aliyah can frost 8 cookies while I am on my first one!…and maybe I will let my food touch just a little bit!….lol2 -
Nooooooooo! You can't let it TOUCH! OH NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! But you should probably *kitten* can the notion of perfect vs bad food (eating good vs eating bad). At least for this puppy it was very liberating to separate the good and the bad for you from the how many calories and lbs is this thing going to stick to my ribs. Once the lbs are sorted out the rest is a great and exciting puzzle. But first things first!
Having said that... as a person who just keeps eating when agitated... I can't really say much when you're dealing with too many real issues. Health issues are a mind trip. Cookie frosting... maybe you can pass on the mind tripping over that, hey?!?!?!
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I concur with PAV’s comments. You have made things better for yourself over time. It’s only a few more holiday weeks ahead. No it won’t be perfect for any of us. And I can guarantee ALL of us will eat too much during the next few weeks.
The best comfort I can offer is to be gentle with yourself. The trees and lights will come down, the feasting end and cookies disappear. You will refocus. There’s a nice long year ahead. You and I and the others here have done this before. And we can do this again. 😍3 -
lots of hugs to you, Connie. I can't add any better words, but I'm thinking of you and as always am awestruck by what you manage to accomplish and stand up to every single day. You never wimp out. You fight the fight. Wow.2
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lauriekallis wrote: »lots of hugs to you, Connie. I can't add any better words, but I'm thinking of you and as always am awestruck by what you manage to accomplish and stand up to every single day. You never wimp out. You fight the fight. Wow.
What other choice is there but to keep fighting?….we all have our secret demons, just easier to let them out of the closet here!….I have a good life; crazy but good….I told my grandson the other day to never let his parents move into his house when he leaves home lol…we had my mom and johns parents for many years and our daughter has never left home!…I don’t know if she lives with me or I live with her!…the grands actually think we are normal!…hahahaha!….2 -
Sorry Connie, I sincerly hope I don't offend but I abhor perfectionism!
Before I retired, the 4 perfectionists in my team gave me more trouble than the other 26 team members put together! They couldn't seem to grasp that in a busy university hospital, 'good enough' meant just that. The huge amount of additional time, effort and energy to bridge from 'good enough' to 'perfect' simply wasn't a justifiable use of tax payers' money.
Just to give one example, one time we were given 5 working days to bid for a £75m grant to build a new endoscopy unit. Other hospitals had been planning their bids for 4 months, but our CEO had dropped the ball and only gave us 5 days notice in which to produce an elevator pitch, mission statement, CAD drawings of a potential clinical building, a publicity brochure, powerpoint presentations, financial projections etc. We knew we'd have to work 20 hour days to be even approaching ready.
End of the first day I called the team together for a sit rep. Folks reported on what they'd achieved so far...one of the perfectionists proudly displayed a blank powerpoint slide - she'd spent the entire day creating a custom shade of purple for the slide background.
That's where perfectionism gets you! Wasting colossal swathes of time that could be more usefully employed in doing something fun, necessary or practical. Yet the number of people I interviewed who described themselves proudly as perfectionists, as if it was something laudable and desirable in an employee. Sheesh!
Whether it's cooking, DIY, sewing, exercise or weight management, or indeed anything else I can think of (including life-saving medicine) there is never a time when 'perfect' is a better use of your energy than 'good enough'...
Whew, better get down off my soap-box now!3 -
Oh no, the window's closed to delete the above post, and I realise it comes across as smug and rude! Which is the LAST thing I intended! I didn't mean to criticise you Connie - just to point out (in what I hoped came across as humourous, but I fear just came across as rude!) that perfectionism is hard work! And that you'd have less stress if you embraced a little imperfection!
I really hope I haven't caused offence!4 -
Perfectionism is a full time job. I don’t know where it comes from. Critical parents? Lack of self confidence? Need to be in control? I (hope) that I’m a mostly reformed perfectionist. I know that for many years my perfectionism led to anxiety. That uncomfortable lack of control moved me to overeating to soothe the discomfort. So much in my life was not ever going to meet my unrealistic standard of perfect. But it did result in a lot of eating and weight gain.3
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Thank you Bella and Yoolypr for the comments….I am not easily offended and appreciate others opinions….
I understand the lady trying to get the right color shade because I make myself sick selecting wrapping paper for gifts!….I know it’s insane and causes me so much anxiety but I do it every year…and I do understand that sometimes giving your best is enough…
My parents always expected me to do my best…I was an only child,only grandchild on my dads side and also the only great grandchild on his side….they all doted on me and I was spoiled but a good kid….a lot of my entertainment was eating and reading….I could read and print and write long before I started school….
When I diet, I do it perfectly or I eat too much….some days I can’t believe I have lost as much as I have!
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I had a bit of an epiphany today, so I thought I'd share.
One of my biggest challenges at Christmas is Fear Of Missing Out. FOMO makes me overeat on foods that I rarely bring into the house. When FOMO combines with Hatred of Waste (HOW) it's a recipe for gluttony and loss of control.
Today I thought of a way to mitigate both FOMO and HOW.
I have loads of little screw top jars that I kept after using up the contents (things like jam, chutney, lemon curd etc). They come in handy for yoghurt making. I also have loads of reusable zip-lok freezer bags and lots of foil, cling wrap and baking parchment.
By around 28th December my freezer should have plenty of space. And so many things can be frozen!
Leftover Christmas pudding, crumbled up mince pies, christmas cake and mincemeat can all be mixed with slightly softened vanilla ice-cream and refrozen to make delicious desserts.
Most cheeses freeze well, especially if they're grated first. Even Mascarpone freezes well for up to 4 months.
Wine can be frozen in ice-cube trays, to be defrosted later and added to casseroles and stews.
Cream and custard can both be frozen, if you're prepared to put in a bit of elbow work to whip them smooth again once you defrost them.
Raw nuts can be frozen for up to six months. As can Peanut M&Ms....
Butter freezes extremely well, as does raw pastry.
Homemade biscuits (cookies) freeze very well, as long as you let them cool fully before freezing
Good quality chocolate (without any water content) can be frozen for a year without any detrimental effect as long as you follow a few simple rules (easily found online).
Rich fruit cake can be frozen for up to a year - as can Panettone, Stollen, Mince Pies and most types of sponge cakes. The trick is to slice them into single-portion helpings before you freeze them so that they fit within a reduced calorie allowance.
The list goes on and on...
Knowing that the food won't get wasted if it's not all gorged on immediately will hopefully help me to avoid gluttony. I'll use my dozens of empty jars, ziplok bags, baking parchment etc. to help me store the high-calorie leftovers in small, calorie-controlled portions. So small 1-inch cubes of rich fruit cake. Small screw-top jars of christmas-pudding or mince-pie ice-cream. Small baggies of raw nuts. Single sandwich servings of grated cheese. Small, individually wrapped mince pies and slices of Stollen and Panettone. Single serving jars of cream or custard. All safely stowed in the depths of the freezer to be brought out when my calorie budget allows me to have a small treat...3 -
Bella - I know this so wouldn't work for me - but I so hope it works well for you! Just reading the descriptions has me almost up and out the door to find some of these treats. They would certainly not last in my freezer - probably much would be gone before it was even properly frozen.
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Oh dear....then definitely not a strategy for you then! Have you thought of a strategy that WOULD work for you and your recalcitrant, rebellious hamsters?
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I'm in between the two camps (Bella and Laurie). Two tins (cans) of quality street are still in the house and at their corner of the room. The other three are gone. All the m&ms and kisses/hugs are gone. But the clif bars, while eaten, don't just disappear into the vacuum cleaner.
It is much easier to resist when not actually hungry (at an actual deficit) and when the hamsters are convinced that there will never exist a dearth of... mid value goodies. I don't rate my chances with cookies to be as good though. Especially not milk and cookies 😂
In the end, for most of us, I think we will have to find a balance between what we can use to have happy but not overfed hamsters, and what turns the hamsters into large piranhas 🙀
But it does require some active thinking and not giving up ahead of time. And at times remembering and recalling and using tools we've developed.
Whether you end up over indulging or not, just going into it with the outlook of not surendering to "powerless to change" overindulgence is a positive step, in my view, as it enhances the chances you will enjoy in a reasonable / responsible to your future self manner.3 -
My husband, kids and I host Thanksgiving and Christmas at our house every year for whatever family members or friends want to come. I feel lucky because by hosting I can make changes to the food that I want to. I have a child who is gluten-free and I need to eat low carb (both of us for medical reasons). This allows me to make changes to recipes that work for both of us. If people don't like the changes they are free to pitch in and bring their own stuff. I feel if we are paying for everything and it's at my house I have the right to make things that we can eat. I have never had any complaints. This year at Thanksgiving I even got some compliments on somethings that I have been making for years, this year I changed a few things and no one knew but they liked it better. Just my 2 cents.4
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FYI…..frozen treats and little jars are no challenge to this rat ( hamster )….I can and have eaten completely frozen brownies and frozen cookies thaw out immediately when dipped in hot coffee….I love the holidays but this year I am ready to be finished with them ( sort of )….. I still have to finish shopping tomorrow and wrap, bake, clean and cook….the fun never ends!1
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What works for me, is to have my treats, then clear them out of the house. Somethings are okay to keep around... But not many 🙂2
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Whatever works for you is the strategy to use! And if it doesn't, try another one - keep those hamsters guessing & off balance 😏
Two adages I have heard that are really helping me (work in progress):
1) if food might "go to waste", (wrong as that is of course, we all know that lol) perhaps that's better than "go to my waist"? ie - me eating it is not noble, no starving child anywhere benefits lol, so if no one else wants it...I am becoming more okay with tossing vs keeping around tempting me. And I'm also getting more savvy with sending excess with guests as they leave vs having to deal with later. Then they can toss if they like, it's out of my hands. 😁
2) when choosing what to eat, go for amazing or nourishing, everything else is just fodder and I have no room for fodder, especially at this time of year! Another tip like this was to eat only homemade goodies vs boxed generic. 😇
In other words, cultivate a discerning palate!
Not new concepts but I for one need these reminders!
Bella, don't let the hamsters hear, but I could totally see using your strategy and secretly knowing I can always opt to toss later...toss is always an option. 😘2 -
Ladybug8882021 wrote: »... And I'm also getting more savvy with sending excess with guests as they leave vs having to deal with later. Then they can toss if they like, it's out of my hands. 😁
This is one I use a lot - thank goodness I usually have lots of people willing to take things away and if I parcel it up and send it off while I'm full from the meal, I can do it. Not saying I won't be sorry after everyone has left and all is cleaned up and I sit with a cup of tea - wishing I had one or slice of ??? whatever - but I can usually deal with the disappointment.
Ladybug8882021 wrote: »...go for amazing or nourishing, everything else is just fodder ... In other words, cultivate a discerning palate! 😘
I love how you have put this - simple, elegant, and some how it almost feels like a decadent attitude to cultivate. A discerning palate. I am going to work on this.
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I'm working on developing a discerning palate too. I refuse to squander a single calorie on anything that doesn't nourish me or give me genuine pleasure. That was one of my rules from day one.
As for the sending stuff home with guests, that has been long been a key part of my Christmas plan, but my new strategy above is my approach for how I'll deal with stuff that has been opened and partially consumed, and that therefore the guests probably won't want to take home with them. Judging by past years, they'll happily tote away half-full tins of Quality Street and toffees, and unopened crisps, crackers, nuts, Panettone or Christmas pudding...but they're much less likely to take home a half eaten Christmas cake or a few folorn mince pies, the remnants of the cheese board, or the last helpings of trifle or cheesecake. So it's these unwanted leftovers that lead me down the road to gluttony, because I abhor waste, and the food is tasty, expensive and not something that I usually allow myself.2 -
Hmmm..... not everything can be repackaged (trifle would be hard), and an, extra expense, but you could get plastic to go containers or even Christmas themed single use plates and create an assortment of single mince pies and cookies and some quality street bonbons, wrap in plastic, or foil, put a bow on and send them home with "Christmas (left over 🙀) cookies"😹
And for trifle I have some ramekins (from purchased creme brûlé and tiramisu) that I could consider putting in the middle of a plate of other left over goodies...
Anyway, you seem to be evolving your plan and I love your freezing what can't be given away idea, so it sounds like you're on an even better track than before👍3
