LET IT OUT! (The Frustrations Thread)
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Crystallee, this is a test, and you can meet the challenge....you really can. I'm also an emotional eater and it's helped me to realize that when I get emotional and turn to food that is actually self-destructive behavior. And in the end, I feel even worse about myself and my behavior and the roller coaster starts all over again.
Also, I'm not saying this is what's happening in your case, but in my own experience I've found that sometimes people really want to be supportive, but when the end result is not instantaneous, they lose focus and get tired of all the changes. I think it's worse if the people we are expecting to support us need to make some changes of their own.
Also, sometimes when we have some success, it causes those close to us to become scared. I'm not sure what to suggest other than having a talk with your husband when you and he are not angry and ask for his help. Reassure him that you are doing what is best for all of you. But no matter what, don't let other people be the reason you give up on yourself.0 -
I am an emotional eater. My husband has not been helping with anything around the house and with the kids. Lately he expects me to figure out then fix what he is going to eat for dinner. FRUSTRATED! When I started this program with the UofM he was one of my biggest supporters. Now I feel like he is not there at all for me in this time of need. Plus, when the kids need food, attention, or diaper changes, he leaves - goes outside or gets on the computer. Just ignores what is going on in the house. I ask for help and don't get it. Right now all I want to do is cry and eat, then eat some more. We used to be partners in everything, if one of us started cleaning, the other got up and started helping. I don't know what is going on with him. What I do know is that I feel like I'm about to crumble. I miss my wonderful husband.
We will get thru this, together.
I agree with leannabseven.
Another point to consider is that he might want to sabotage you changing - your weight loss may threaten his security right now.
Anyway don't get hurt, tell him to help out. He's a grown up for gods sake.
It is about focusing on what you want to achieve for you. I stopped eating my feelings last September and its made me feel raw and vulnerable at times. I just try to let them go and get on with it.0 -
My only two cents is... if you can make some just you 2 time. Get out and do something with just your hubby. Which I know can be hard. Just hang together... our focus on weightloss can be a bit tunnel vision. He might just need a break from hearing about it and time to see that you are still the same woman.
My hubby is a much happier helper when he feels connected. 0 -
Good advice, Pixy. My "loveband" is supportive, but he doesn't understand my issues, and frankly, I doubt he wants to be as focused on my weight loss as I need to be. (And I'm not sure I'd want him to be.) that's why I am so grateful for MFP...I can come here anytime and talk with someone who completely understands from a first-person point of view.0
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Thanks for the advice. I talked with husband about my frustrations and he brought up his. He struggles with his weight and has degenerative disc disease in his low back. He had a procedure last week that should help. Leading up to this procedure he was worried and was taking it out on the family. Had we both talked about what's going on with ourselves it may not have gotten as bad as it did.0
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Glad things are better 0
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I don't know really where to say this other than here. It's a touch of frustration with concern and fear mixed in.
I have a friend of mine, that I've mentioned on this thread before, that is always looking for the shortest route to achieve her goals. She seems solely focused now on the idea of losing that 20 lbs she's convinced she needs to lose. She mentioned to me about a week ago she had lost 5 lbs. I applauded her for those results without asking the how she got there. I didn't think about it as so many never thought to ask me either in my darker days. She broke down and binged on some chocolate covered something and the weight jumped back overnight. I reassured her that it was not a marker of permanent gain as tissue does not usually move that fast but water can. Today she mentioned she had lost her 5 lbs again and was happy. I told her that was great. She told me how and I was floored. She's doing a version of Alice. This makes me worried as this is how it started with me; I know she's not me, but it sends up those red flags.
I ended up getting so focused on the scale that I abandoned everything else, nothing mattered but that scale. I would go days without eating, then eat very few calories, making it look like I had eaten when I really hadn't. I looked up all the pro-Ana stuff I could find. I had a Thinspiration folder on my computer filled with recipes for salads that had just about 100 calories a piece but due to lettuce content looked rather large helping to fool people into thinking I was eating more than I really was. When the scale stopped moving I'd have panic attacks and eat something; then, I'd panic more at the mere idea of the scale going up I'd have to purge somehow, sometimes I vomited, sometimes I used laxatives, other times I would exercise through the night. My years of having an eating disorder with the behaviors of anorexia, as I didn't often binge so bulimia was out, I could have been far worse than I am right now. My bones don't show that they are much worse for wear at this point, but we'll see when I get older. I never tore a hole in my stomach or developed ulcers in my throat, there was some tooth damage resulting in rounds of infections now. My kidneys could have shut down. At one point my sodium and potassium content was so low that when I was in the hospital hooked up to a heart monitor due to a respiratory illness I scared the nursing staff with sudden movements as it would make my heart stop for few seconds. Writing about this is hard as there is so much pain associated with those times, that were barely past 8 months ago for me.
My fears: She will head down this path. And I know it is irrational, and has no logical basis whatsoever, but I fear I am part of her decision to take this road.
I don't know what to do. I clued her into some the physical consequences of doing such an extreme diet, but as I remember when I was in that mindset, I knew it, the scale was just greater than any logic that I could find. What do I do? Do I try to talk to her some more? Do I let it go in the hopes she'll stop it without interference? Maybe, I'm seeing zebras when there are only donkeys here.0 -
I'm not sure if you told her about your own experience that she would listen if she is so determined! Show her healthy, eat a meal with her, go for a walk together, and encourage her to talk to a doctor, dietician, clinician anything about her health and diet! It's hard to listen when your so blinded by your own obsession so it may be a lot harder to address. It is a mental health issue not just a diet gone extreme!
That's my opinion.0 -
It sounds like you care a lot about your friend, and it's good that you're expressing your concerns here. While it's wonderful that you want to be a supportive friend, you can't really do much to change her behavior; she has to want to do that. Also, if people are determined to make poor choices, then they will find a way to make them; the fact that you had a problem didn't cause her eating disorder. It is hard when you want to fix things for people you love and can't. Just letting her know that you want her to be healthy and happy, and are there for her if she needs you is pretty much the best you can do. Also, for whatever it's worth, I hope you also have people you can talk with offline to help you keep on track with all the progress you're making. It's so easy for us helpers/fixers to become absorbed in others and let our own issues get out of whack. Finally, I saw your earlier post about meals on a fixed budget; have you tried your local food bank/pantry or CSA? You can focus more of your food budget on protein if you're able to get staples, dry goods, and some veggies from the food bank, no questions asked. I've volunteered there and been a recipient a few times when money was tight, and you will not only get a bag of groceries but also some more information about other sources of food support. I hope your friend will eventually see the light and find her way to a better path, and that you continue to do well and take care of you 0
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@Holly - I don't think talking to her about my experiences at this point would help. I am going to encourage her to talk to a professional nutritionist at least. If I can find the card to mine I'll give it to her.
@Emmerin - Thank you. As for the food stuff, I do occasionally go to food banks, but locally I don't end up with fruits or veggies.They tend to hand out processed food and refined carbs. I can also go only once every other month, less if I get subsidies. I went to Aldi's and spent about 44 dollars for what I hope is a weeks worth of groceries. If I can hold at that price I can make it, just need to get out to that store instead of the others.
@everyone - Thank you for letting me voice my concerns and your support. I do feel better, especially since I had a night's rest on it. You're right I can't make her change her behavior just wait for her to come to the realization on her own. Thank you.0
