"Chasing" in Dating
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So he didn't back off to see if I took the lead...he likes me (even told his brother about me...allegedly...)
My guy told me he had asked his cousin about me and then failed to text/call me once we swapped numbers. That's led me to have the same "he says this but it could all be a lie" mindset too! lol. I just can't seem to trust anything that most men say.There's no point beating yourself up thinking he's not into you. I just think there are times in one's life when a relationship is not a priority. His loss!!
Definitely true. I was talking to a guy who was so obsessed with working out and his body that he couldn't make time for me, even though he kept telling me how much he liked me and blah, blah, blah.0 -
in the past i used to chase guys but i never really respected them in the morning :laugh:
chasing is fine for me if i were looking for something more temporary like a fling, but for actual potential relationships i like guys who are a bit more dominant than me. plus it's just been my experience that guys who are really interested in me will pretty much move heaven and earth to contact me and make plans
ETA. I dont particularly like being chased either. if i'm interested then there's no need to chase me.0 -
in the past i used to chase guys but i never really respected them in the morning :laugh:
chasing is fine for me if i were looking for something more temporary like a fling, but for actual potential relationships i like guys who are a bit more dominant than me. plus it's just been my experience that guys who are really interested in me will pretty much move heaven and earth to contact me and make plans
ETA. I dont particularly like being chased either. if i'm interested then there's no need to chase me.
LOL "never really respected them in the morning" :laugh: That's so true though!! I also prefer the man to have a dominant personality and it shouldn't really matter if he's the one doing the chasing. He should want to.0 -
If you hadn't have sent that last text you may never have heard back, but, I give the guy props for calling you. We all have a way with words when we don't know what to say/are uncomfortable but he was man enough to do it. That says a lot about him, IMO. I have met more on the other side of the spectrum, vanish into thin air forever, after a lot more dates than 2. Glad you are moving on and keeping on, good luck!
I agree that I probably wouldn't have heard anything after that. I think the fact that I was honest and straight-up with him and told him "Look, I really like you" so as to quell any guessing games may have helped or prompted him to respond. I think it says a lot about him too that he told me what his issue was/is and I thanked him for telling me and said it was good that we talked. He's definitely not a jerk like I have dealt with in the past too (the COMPLETE vanishing act as you said). I think I'll keep in touch with him here and there now that the pressure is off and I'm not stressing about contact anymore. If we hang out cool, if not, that's okay too, we're still both doing our own thing. Life goes on.
Also thank you AnnaPixie and bd0027. I agree with both of you as well! :flowerforyou:0 -
Hey if you really like the guy you should let it be known. I don't mind it when girls approach me at all, its flatterring . But when I approach them its a bit more of a thrill. Either way is just fine with me. But I abhor the games, I really hate game players. If you are genuinely interested in someone just tell them. I'm always straight forward and I tell the girls right away..."Hey I'm a straight forward guy so I tend to call or text if I'm thinking of you. Please don't be shy and contact me anytime you want" sometimes its bad though, if I'm busy for a few days or so....she'll believe that I haven't given her any thought. But that isn't always the case. We're in our mid to late 20s +, if someone chooses to still play games I just move on. Life's to short. When did dating become so hard lol? Oh but I have found that in my experience, the girls that chase guys or approach, normally don't last long as girlfriends. Not sure why though, its like your lifestyles don't match or something? Thats if they make it past the one week of fun stage. Usually someone cuts out. Its just weird, lol so most times I'd like to approach but I don't rule out the other choice either.0
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No problem. (:0
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Hey if you really like the guy you should let it be known. I don't mind it when girls approach me at all, its flatterring . But when I approach them its a bit more of a thrill. Either way is just fine with me. But I abhor the games, I really hate game players. If you are genuinely interested in someone just tell them. I'm always straight forward and I tell the girls right away..."Hey I'm a straight forward guy so I tend to call or text if I'm thinking of you. Please don't be shy and contact me anytime you want" sometimes its bad though, if I'm busy for a few days or so....she'll believe that I haven't given her any thought. But that isn't always the case. We're in our mid to late 20s +, if someone chooses to still play games I just move on. Life's to short. When did dating become so hard lol?Oh but I have found that in my experience, the girls that chase guys or approach, normally don't last long as girlfriends. Not sure why though, its like your lifestyles don't match or something? Thats if they make it past the one week of fun stage. Usually someone cuts out. Its just weird, lol so most times I'd like to approach but I don't rule out the other choice either.
EXACTLY! "The girls that chase guys or approach, normally don't last long as girlfriends"!! No matter what people say, "oh it's 2014, it's a new era, it's okay to be the aggressor!" AND with all of the responses I've gotten on this thread, I'd have to disagree. It has proven itself time and time again that if a guy is TRULY REALLY interested, HE will contact YOU.0 -
I think people here are confusing "contact" and "communication".
EXACTLY! "The girls that chase guys or approach, normally don't last long as girlfriends"!! No matter what people say, "oh it's 2014, it's a new era, it's okay to be the aggressor!" AND with all of the responses I've gotten on this thread, I'd have to disagree. It has proven itself time and time again that if a guy is TRULY REALLY interested, HE will contact YOU.Oh but I have found that in my experience, the girls that chase guys or approach, normally don't last long as girlfriends. Not sure why though, its like your lifestyles don't match or something? Thats if they make it past the one week of fun stage. Usually someone cuts out. Its just weird, lol so most times I'd like to approach but I don't rule out the other choice either.
If a person is interested in you, they will communicate with you but not necessarily be the first to contact you.
I like women who don't chase though... They do not chose males actively, only passively so they generally are less picky and an easier target depending on what men "paraded" in front of them (especially in an environment of aggressive but moderately interesting men, like a club/pub full of drunk people)... show moderate interest, ask your wing man to jump on her female friend to instil some competitive spirit in her mind, and then just dip your biscuit.
Cheap tricks, but work like a charm.0 -
Oh boy, you've asked an interesting question to which I'm uncertain which is best.
Background on me:
48 years young ;-)
Off the market from ages 19-35 (most of which was spent happily married raising our family, amicable divorce with no cheating or crazy stuff, still loyal friends as we have adult children whom we both love dearly)
In 13 years I've had to deal with a learning curve about dating, due to social changes. I've had 4 ltr's of 1 1/2 years to 3 years. Out of the 4 it was a 50/50 split on being pursued or pursuing. I don't pursue well so being pursued accelerated the commencement of the relationship. I was not at all bothered by this, as I'm very laid back and figure if things are meant to be nature will work it's magic.
If I look at my pool of friends in life, especially at coed volleyball, I would say it runs pretty equal. I feel both sexes are often so afraid of being rejected they would just as soon be alone and wonder "what if"........
As for me on an individual level, I'm very social and easy going according to my friends, so I welcome the advance and would not be insulted. In reality it's quite flattering even if I'm not interested, so worst case scenario, you've just made a new friend and it's all good.
Please keep in mind, not everyone will text, I find phone calls are much more personal. Even if they person doesn't answer, leave a msg and that shows a sign of sincerity. Lets face it, sometimes we can't answer the phone and that's why answering machines and vm have been around for ages! Now that you've left a msg, if the other person doesn't call back, they're just not that into you, sorry......
Hope this give some insight and for the record, I'm currently single and new to MFP so it would be great to make some new friends and if a potential interest comes along I would be totally open to her making contact with me:-)
Take care all
Eddie :-)0 -
If the police chase you, they put handcuffs on you if you're caught. Are you ladies hoping to be handcuffed?0
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If the police chase you, they put handcuffs on you if you're caught. Are you ladies hoping to be handcuffed?
Depends on who's doing the handcuffing
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If the police chase you, they put handcuffs on you if you're caught. Are you ladies hoping to be handcuffed?
what are his stats:
tall?
buff?
sexy?
athletic & toned?
other questions:
does he know how to handle the handcuffs appropriately???
will there be a blindfold involved???
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no wonder you ladies want a guy to chase you.0
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I think the biggest mistake people make is assuming there is a right way or a wrong way. If you want "happily ever after," you have to be yourself and have faith that you will find someone whose personality and goals and dreams complement yours, AND you have to have the courage to believe that it's far lonelier to be in a relationship with the wrong person than it is to be alone.
The first step is knowing who you are and what you need. What qualities does the other person need to have and what do they need to give you in order for the relationship to enhance your life? If you can't answer those questions confidently, then you need to develop some self-awareness because if you don't know, then the only way anyone else can contribute to your happiness is by making a lucky guess.
Once you know what you're looking for, there's not so much thinking and analyzing about who should be doing what. It either feels right or it doesn't. If it feels right, you won't have to force anything. Even the hard stuff will be stuff you WANT to do because you understand the reward. If it doesn't feel right, you won't bother trying to force it. You'll just move on because you understand there IS no reward.0 -
Well ****. I had a great post, and something happened. Ugh.
1 - All this information from you ladies sure makes me realize how much I act like a man (no sterotyping here, just collecting the characteristics, and realizing how different I am from some of the statements in here)
2 - Remember..... We see things as WE are, not as they are.
I used to be the chaser and needy woman, I married at 19, I'm finding out that now at 31 years old how much freedom singledom has. ANd I like it. Don't touch my stuff, I probably won't make what you like for supper.... etc etc....
I've got a kid (yes he's my age) that I talked to a while back that I was really into. For gods sake he didn't want sex on the first date - first one I've run into on match.com that didn't want sex - BUTTTTT our communication style didn't mesh, so it simply wont' work. Maybe someday in the future we can try again? Eh....but i'm not too worried about it.
And yes - I'm in for handcuffs, sign me up please....0 -
I think the biggest mistake people make is assuming there is a right way or a wrong way. If you want "happily ever after," you have to be yourself and have faith that you will find someone whose personality and goals and dreams complement yours, AND you have to have the courage to believe that it's far lonelier to be in a relationship with the wrong person than it is to be alone.
The first step is knowing who you are and what you need. What qualities does the other person need to have and what do they need to give you in order for the relationship to enhance your life? If you can't answer those questions confidently, then you need to develop some self-awareness because if you don't know, then the only way anyone else can contribute to your happiness is by making a lucky guess.
Once you know what you're looking for, there's not so much thinking and analyzing about who should be doing what. It either feels right or it doesn't. If it feels right, you won't have to force anything. Even the hard stuff will be stuff you WANT to do because you understand the reward. If it doesn't feel right, you won't bother trying to force it. You'll just move on because you understand there IS no reward.
Nailed it!!! :flowerforyou:0 -
I think the biggest mistake people make is assuming there is a right way or a wrong way. If you want "happily ever after," you have to be yourself and have faith that you will find someone whose personality and goals and dreams complement yours, AND you have to have the courage to believe that it's far lonelier to be in a relationship with the wrong person than it is to be alone.
The first step is knowing who you are and what you need. What qualities does the other person need to have and what do they need to give you in order for the relationship to enhance your life? If you can't answer those questions confidently, then you need to develop some self-awareness because if you don't know, then the only way anyone else can contribute to your happiness is by making a lucky guess.
Once you know what you're looking for, there's not so much thinking and analyzing about who should be doing what. It either feels right or it doesn't. If it feels right, you won't have to force anything. Even the hard stuff will be stuff you WANT to do because you understand the reward. If it doesn't feel right, you won't bother trying to force it. You'll just move on because you understand there IS no reward.
slow clap for this!!:flowerforyou:0
