Sick of being single :)
cicibeanz
Posts: 77 Member
I'm not one of those people who can't go a week without a relationship...if I were, I'd be royally screwed...but I've been single for nearly 8 years now and it's beginning to wear on me. I just turned 30 and I see my peers getting married and having children left and right, and I can't help but wish I were in the same spot or at least moving toward it. The day-to-day experience of being single still doesn't bother me, but I'm worried that I'm going to wake up and ten more years will have passed with no change.
This is obviously not be trying a make a fantastic first impression on all of the eligible bachelors in here...it's just me venting about stuff I almost never talk about. Hope that's all right.
This is obviously not be trying a make a fantastic first impression on all of the eligible bachelors in here...it's just me venting about stuff I almost never talk about. Hope that's all right.
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Replies
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Totally all right. I had that same feeling at 30, and at 40. By 40 I pretty much had decided it was unlikely I would ever meet anyone, and even if I did, family and kids were no longer really an option.
Yes there are things that I feel like I've missed out, but then there are also awesome opportunities I've had because I've remained single.
I reached a point in my life that I don't need someone, but I want someone to share my life with. It is frustrating but I have found it is better to focus on where I am and what I have to offer someone rather than what I've missed out on.0 -
So very true! Don't get me wrong- I wouldn't trade my experiences or my sense of easy independence for anything, though it'd be nice to share things with a partner.0
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I know of several people who have found their SO's here! We should never give up ladies... it could happen when we least expect it! :drinker:0
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I know the feeling. I was single for 4.5 years. Start dating someone last year about 10 months into my healthy lifestyle transformation. It was wonderful to be in a relationship and I cared (still do) for him deeply but as I got stronger I realized that things were not right and that I couldn't stay just so I wasn't alone. That is what old me would have done. It has been rough, ran into him a few weeks ago and it brought it all back. But trying to stay strong.
Also trying to put myself out there (I am terrible at that). I have a lunch date with a gentleman from match.com tomorrow. We will see how it goes.0 -
Good luck!0
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I've been single for just over a year now. Got cheated on by 3 consecutive significant others with whom I was in long term relationships with.
So....compared to that, being single hasn't yet started to seem all that bad.
Time will tell. 0 -
I know the feeling well- the day to day is fine but there are definitely times when it really sucks. All I can say is that you should try to be proactive: join things that interest you, get done hobbies that are likely to also be of interest to men, socialize frequently and try online dating if you aren't already. Mr right is not going to land on your doorstep (well, mine hasn't anyway!) & stay active & healthy so that when you find him you will feel great about yourself and be "ready" :-). Because really, the whole finding a relationship thing doesn't work just because you "stop trying so hard". People say that but then POOF one day you're my age & still nothing has changed:brokenheart:
I am still single but dating frequently for a few months now... Here's to staying positive! :flowerforyou:0 -
You'll be okay. Your a pretty gal. Don't compare your life with those other people who are getting married, etc. Focus on bettering yourself. Are you putting yourself out there? Are you asking anybody out?0
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It's definitely hard. I've been single for 5 years. For the last 3 years I was traveling so much it didn't feel like there was ever a good time to develop anything substantial. Now my life has changed for the good so I'm definitely looking.0
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Totally understand. I have been single for awhile now and spending the time to raise my daughter. Loved having the time with her, but now that she is in high school figured I would take time for me. Get back in shape and hopefully find someone to experience life with.
Didn't mind being single and I enjoy the time with family and friends. But I am finally ready to put myself out there again (very scary) and try to find someone to just enjoy life with.
Good luck to you, If you put yourself out there and just be you I'm sure you will find that special someone!!0 -
I have been single so long that I don't think I would know what to do with a boyfriend. Do you put them in the corner and water them? How often do you feed it? Most of the time being single doesn't bother me, but there are times when I could use a really big bear hug, the back popping kind, or just someone new to cook for that it would be nice to be in a relationship. My issue is I always end up getting pursued by people that I have no want to be in a relationship with and I am nice enough to tell them that, but it doesn't sink in. I have had to move and change phone numbers because of it.
I figure that a lot of my issue is not just weight, but I also have 3 kids.1 -
I am 42, can't have any more kids and have been single for over 16 years and before that 8 years single. I guess the only long term relationship i had was with the father of my child at age 15 to 22 and then a short 1 year marriage around 26 years old. i am feircly independant and mostly motivated by whatever else is going on in my life, training, working, grand kids, etc. i am totally willing to be in a long term relationship, even to relocate for the right person. i just think my standards are maybe too high, idk. lol. i am just waiting for the right man, not mr. right now.
Mariah0 -
The feelings and all are normal. When I separated at 30, I was watching my friends getting married, having kids and I had this idea at that time that there was a logical follow up with age: you finish studying, you find someone, you get married, have kids and tada! It stressed me out and pushed me to get into a relationship.
I was single only 6 months before I met the next bf. I should've waited longer, I wasn't ready and he was bad news.
This time around, i'm taking my time, i've been single for 1.5 years, done a lot of things on my own, discovered a lot about myself and tried a lot of new things. I appreciate the time I have for myself instead of being afraid of being alone.
I don't have any kids and decided that if by 40 it doesn't happen, it's ok with me, I don't want to look for a relationship quicker than necessary just to have a kid. Knowing my pattern, I would get in a bad relationship again.
But... lately, I feel like I need someone to cuddle with. It's not a good reason enough for me to look for a relationship.
I'm sure there's someone out there with whom I could have a balanced relationship, but i'm not there yet. Don't stress about it, do what you want to do, everyone has their own path 0 -
So yeah... still single. About 10 match.com dates so far. All first dates, because not one of them I wanted to have a second date with.
I started a 100 day challenge. Multiple goals including food, weight, working out, and BEING SOCIAL. So saturday I was invited to go to a small show/concert in the french quarter. I'm going. I am nervous about it because i just feel like I really don't do it well anymore. I am great at being a hermit. Gotta step outside the box some time.0 -
So yeah... still single. About 10 match.com dates so far. All first dates, because not one of them I wanted to have a second date with.
I started a 100 day challenge. Multiple goals including food, weight, working out, and BEING SOCIAL. So saturday I was invited to go to a small show/concert in the french quarter. I'm going. I am nervous about it because i just feel like I really don't do it well anymore. I am great at being a hermit. Gotta step outside the box some time.
I hear ya about being more social. A concert sounds fun though, enjoy. 0 -
Feel the fear and do it anyways
My motto for 2014... I can't wait for a new year to change my motto !0 -
I have been single for 3 years. I have dated a lot but cannot seem to find the one. I have a few theories on this but believe it happens when we spent so much time looking for our perfect match, we seem to pass up many good people. I'm guilty of it and trying to change.0
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I have been single for 3 years. I have dated a lot but cannot seem to find the one. I have a few theories on this but believe it happens when we spent so much time looking for our perfect match, we seem to pass up many good people. I'm guilty of it and trying to change.
I get ya, I seem to have 'fallen' into my past relationships, but being 47 & a single has changed everything. I don't know why I am actually trying to 'look' for someone. I have started just having fun, it will happen. 0 -
But... lately, I feel like I need someone to cuddle with. It's not a good reason enough for me to look for a relationship.
I'm sure there's someone out there with whom I could have a balanced relationship, but i'm not there yet. Don't stress about it, do what you want to do, everyone has their own path
You are right...we seem to be in sync on bad relationships and what we need now. I do miss cuddling, but you are so right...not good enough reason to look for a relationship.
I do have one child but have never been married. Engaged 3 times, planned 4 weddings, and just couldn't. I'm glad I didn't. I realize now that it was the idea of marriage and being together. But I realized the first few times were during low self esteem times. That pattern many obese women find themselves in where they think they will never find anyone better. It took me a long time to get away from that thinking. Knowing I deserve to be treated better because I'm a woman regardless of my size.
Since then I would rather be happy single than miserable as a couple.
The last relationship burnt me out so bad that I don't think I'm in a healthy place to give enough in a relationship to want one at this time. I've been single for 3 1/2 years. Yes...it was that terrible enough to still cringe at the thought of letting someone get emotionally close to me. I'm not at a place yet where I think I can trust that the other shoe won't drop or they won't be Jekyll and Hyde regardless of how too good to be true they start out as.
I just think this gives me time to focus on my beautiful daughter and my weight loss journey. In there somewhere I can work on emotionally healing to be a smaller but mightier me.0 -
So yeah... still single. About 10 match.com dates so far. All first dates, because not one of them I wanted to have a second date with.
I'm in the same boat. A bunch of first dates and no seconds. About 90% of the time I'm the one who bails after the first date. The number one reason why is because of inaccurate photos. I just have a hard time meeting someone who looks completely different than their photos. It's not about their appearance, it's about the deceit. I put dates on each of my photos and always have at least 1 full body photo that's less than 1 month old on my profile.
I went on a date last weekend with someone who had photos at least 5 years old. The next day she called me and wanted to go out again. I told her I had fun but we weren't a match and said she nowhere near resembled her pictures. She called me shallow and said I should look past her looks. I told her I would've went out with her with her current appearance. That wasn't the issue. The issue was she was deceiving.0 -
So yeah... still single. About 10 match.com dates so far. All first dates, because not one of them I wanted to have a second date with.
I'm in the same boat. A bunch of first dates and no seconds. About 90% of the time I'm the one who bails after the first date. The number one reason why is because of inaccurate photos. I just have a hard time meeting someone who looks completely different than their photos. It's not about their appearance, it's about the deceit. I put dates on each of my photos and always have at least 1 full body photo that's less than 1 month old on my profile.
I went on a date last weekend with someone who had photos at least 5 years old. The next day she called me and wanted to go out again. I told her I had fun but we weren't a match and said she nowhere near resembled her pictures. She called me shallow and said I should look past her looks. I told her I would've went out with her with her current appearance. That wasn't the issue. The issue was she was deceiving.
I agree completely about the deceit with the pictures. I wonder what people really think will happen when they meet up, their sparkling personality or charm will sweep you off your feet???? LOL0 -
So yeah... still single. About 10 match.com dates so far. All first dates, because not one of them I wanted to have a second date with.
I'm in the same boat. A bunch of first dates and no seconds. About 90% of the time I'm the one who bails after the first date. The number one reason why is because of inaccurate photos. I just have a hard time meeting someone who looks completely different than their photos. It's not about their appearance, it's about the deceit. I put dates on each of my photos and always have at least 1 full body photo that's less than 1 month old on my profile.
I went on a date last weekend with someone who had photos at least 5 years old. The next day she called me and wanted to go out again. I told her I had fun but we weren't a match and said she nowhere near resembled her pictures. She called me shallow and said I should look past her looks. I told her I would've went out with her with her current appearance. That wasn't the issue. The issue was she was deceiving.
I agree completely about the deceit with the pictures. I wonder what people really think will happen when they meet up, their sparkling personality or charm will sweep you off your feet???? LOL
That's a big pet peeve of mine! 5 years is even shorter than what i've seen - i've seen 10 - 20 years! these ppl are NUTS!!! like you guys/gals, I put current pics out there and expect the same. and as you guys have stated it's about deceit. What else are they lying about??? So Pelton, I agree... there is a local radio show called Blown Off... I'm waiting for them to call me and for me to ask them: which one called you??? LOL! and the reason might very well be about the picture. might be other reasons but the picture is high up there!
Scrapolooza... I also agree with your earlier comment, at my age (47), even though I want to eventually find someone, I decided to just relax and enjoy my time with the guys. not take it so seriously. if something turns serious, so be it, if not, we're having fun in the process!0 -
I have been single for 3 years. I have dated a lot but cannot seem to find the one. I have a few theories on this but believe it happens when we spent so much time looking for our perfect match, we seem to pass up many good people. I'm guilty of it and trying to change.
I get ya, I seem to have 'fallen' into my past relationships, but being 47 & a single has changed everything. I don't know why I am actually trying to 'look' for someone. I have started just having fun, it will happen.
Do you think something is missing from life even though you are having fun? I'm having a blast but at the end of the day, my head hits the pillow alone.0 -
I'm not one of those people who can't go a week without a relationship...if I were, I'd be royally screwed...but I've been single for nearly 8 years now and it's beginning to wear on me. I just turned 30 and I see my peers getting married and having children left and right, and I can't help but wish I were in the same spot or at least moving toward it. The day-to-day experience of being single still doesn't bother me, but I'm worried that I'm going to wake up and ten more years will have passed with no change.
This is obviously not be trying a make a fantastic first impression on all of the eligible bachelors in here...it's just me venting about stuff I almost never talk about. Hope that's all right.
I've been single for at least 8 years too and I totally feel your pain!!! Fortunately, I'm pretty independent and I stay busy with work and school and friends....but I'm really tired of always being single and missing out on fun couple things!
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Sick of being single, and I can semi-prove it. My profile is open and not closed to outsiders.0
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I'm turning 30 next month and I'm tired of being single. Maybe if I actually went on dates it wouldn't be so bad, but I haven't gone on a single date since my last boyfriend broke up with me a year ago. we had only dated for about 4 months. Before that, I hadn't been on a date in two years since the previous boyfriend of four months broke up with me. Before that? *shudder* I had gone 4 years with out a date. And every date I've ever been on has only been just that: one date. Twice I got to the whole second date thing which turned into a four month relationship. Both of those ended because "I'm a great friend."
Yeah, I'm a great friend, but I'M AN AWESOME GIRLFRIEND!
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Wish I could offer hope, but I'm running out. I'm 42, never married, no kids (have wanted both my entire life) and have been relegated to second class citizen by most of my family and friends. I've made every effort to try to meet men (blind dates, online dating- both paid and free types, I even went through a matchmaking service-still paying this one off- and nothing... My pictures range from three years old to current (all are dated as well). I swear I need to start going out with a bag over my head or something.
I haven't stopped doing things because of it, I'm still living my life, it's just becoming more and more lonely0 -
OneGoodBean wrote: »I'm turning 30 next month and I'm tired of being single. Maybe if I actually went on dates it wouldn't be so bad, but I haven't gone on a single date since my last boyfriend broke up with me a year ago. we had only dated for about 4 months. Before that, I hadn't been on a date in two years since the previous boyfriend of four months broke up with me. Before that? *shudder* I had gone 4 years with out a date. And every date I've ever been on has only been just that: one date. Twice I got to the whole second date thing which turned into a four month relationship. Both of those ended because "I'm a great friend."
Yeah, I'm a great friend, but I'M AN AWESOME GIRLFRIEND!
This is me too!! I go on maybe 6 dates a YEAR. Everyone thinks I'm great, all of my gay and married guy friends think I'd be an amazing catch (thanks married guys!), and even the guys I date seem to think I'm just about the best thing ever. Until about 4 days after the date, when they suddenly forget my number. Ugh!0 -
I've been single now for 4 years, but was married for 8 years with an A-hole that cheated on me so many times I lost count, and before him i was cheated on by other boyfriends I had. So i know what you mean by being single doesnt seem all that bad! LOLI've been single for just over a year now. Got cheated on by 3 consecutive significant others with whom I was in long term relationships with.
So....compared to that, being single hasn't yet started to seem all that bad. Time will tell.
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No worries about the venting- that's what we're here for... though I will say I didn't start attracting healthy partners until I got myself together and was happy being single. Yes, I wanted to have a man in my life, but unhealthy and unhappy attracts unhealthy and unhappy. And you know the saying "hurt people hurt people." So I was attracting people into my life that hurt me- over and over.
And by "getting myself together," I'm not talking about losing weight- I actually met my husband at my highest "normal" weight ever and am about to have a baby. I'm talking about getting my head right so that I love myself and treat myself with the same care and compassion as i treat others. I'm talking about doing nice things for myself and taking the best care of my body that I can given injury and health constraints.
I am happy now being married for 8 months, but I as ALSO very happy being single those last couple years of single-ness. My first marriage taught me "It is better to be single than miserably married."0
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