Bound by Adoption

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  • Amaalaa
    Amaalaa Posts: 5
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    Hello ladies (and gents if there are any)

    I'm Jessie and I have a beautiful daughter who just turned 5 back in October. I placed her for adoption with wonderful parents and we truly have a wide open adoption. So much so that C's mom was one of my bridesmaids and C was my flower girl this past May. My story is long but the TL;DR version is I was raped, couldn't go through with an abortion so I made the hard choice of adoption without anyone knowing. Stayed at a maternity home where everyone else was parenting. Picked a family through my agency, gave birth and had to re-evaluate all my reasons for adoption when I saw her sweet innocent angel face. The rape wasn't the main reason for adoption but it did play a factor initially. I still couldn't afford to raise her with out 3 jobs and living off welfare, my mom had 3 jobs and missed everything that was important to me and I didn't want that for her.

    Now she is a happy thriving 5 year old who could not want for anything. We would see each other more if we didn't live 3,000+ miles away. (they live in MA when I placed in FL, now I live in CA). She knows who I am and knows she came from my tummy. She sometimes states that she has 2 mommies and a daddy and I am "my jessie"

    I am happy for her and love being in her life, but it is still hard. I miss her dearly and there is a big C-shaped hole in my heart.

    I am also trying to lose that pooch she gave me when she was just "all mine' :tongue:
  • Crystal817
    Crystal817 Posts: 2,021 Member
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    Welcome Amaalaa. Thanks for sharing your story. It's awesome to hear from someone on the birth mom side of adoption.
  • Regmama
    Regmama Posts: 399 Member
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    Welcome Amaalaa. Thanks for sharing your story. It's awesome to hear from someone on the birth mom side of adoption.
    I second this, welcome Amaalaa
  • parys1
    parys1 Posts: 2,072 Member
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    Welcome Amaalaa. Thanks for sharing your story. It's awesome to hear from someone on the birth mom side of adoption.
    I second this, welcome Amaalaa
    Here, here. Welcome.
    So good to read your perspective.
  • mamapaints
    mamapaints Posts: 206 Member
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    Welcome Amaalaa. Thanks for sharing your story. It's awesome to hear from someone on the birth mom side of adoption.

    I agree, welcome aboard!!!

    My baby boy came to us due to similar circumstances (at least part of the reason like you said) and so your story resonates with me. I long for an open (more open) situation. I write and email every month or so but there is no reciprocation. We've met though and she is super sweet, super smart, and super shy; so I'm hoping she's just not ready yet. We are a 4 hr drive away.
  • Amaalaa
    Amaalaa Posts: 5
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    Welcome Amaalaa. Thanks for sharing your story. It's awesome to hear from someone on the birth mom side of adoption.

    I agree, welcome aboard!!!

    My baby boy came to us due to similar circumstances (at least part of the reason like you said) and so your story resonates with me. I long for an open (more open) situation. I write and email every month or so but there is no reciprocation. We've met though and she is super sweet, super smart, and super shy; so I'm hoping she's just not ready yet. We are a 4 hr drive away.


    Thanks ladies. I love hearing other sides too, though the birth families I think tend to shy away.

    Mommapaints,
    while I cannot speak for your son's birthmom, it is a really hard thing to deal with and she very well may just need time. We all process it differently and added on a major trauma, sometimes we just don't know what to do or feel or act. I was lucky enough to have a great agency that really did truly care about birth parents as much as hey cared about the other 2 sides. I also received lots of counseling for both the adoption and rape, and my personality plays a big part in it to. I'm the type to just roll with the punches and keep moving. No matter if she never shows signs of wanting more contact, keep gathering pictures and letters, send them to her or to the agency or collect them in a pile, but never just stop. It may start getting you down, and feel like your effort is unappreciated, but it is even if she doesn't right now. I'm sure she has notes for him that she will never send but keeps, I know I do and I get to talk to her and all. Its just one way of dealing with everything.
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
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    Thank you Amaalaa for sharing. I can't even fathom what you went through, both with the rape and the adoption. Sounds like your daughters family is pretty amazing (all the way around!), and I'm glad you get to be a big part of that.
  • kristinkt
    kristinkt Posts: 921 Member
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    Today we finalized the adoption of our 9 year old foster son. He has been tossed around for the past 6 years, but now has a permanent home with us.
  • parys1
    parys1 Posts: 2,072 Member
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    Today we finalized the adoption of our 9 year old foster son. He has been tossed around for the past 6 years, but now has a permanent home with us.

    Congratulations! How wonderful for you all!
  • velarneyraptor
    velarneyraptor Posts: 94 Member
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    Great to meet you all :)
  • my_username_was_taken
    my_username_was_taken Posts: 22 Member
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    I am a birthmother who has been in reunification for almost 4 1/2 years. My son is 22. I had 2 other kids (girls) with my current husband. They are 13 and 11. As most all adoption stories my is complicated on a good day. I also work in an agency dealing with delinquent youth who are in birth parent homes, kinship homes, adoptive homes,foster care, residential treatment centers, or group homes. I am an adoption assessor in addittion to all that. My son's adoptive sister is now in my situation more than 20 years ago - this is effecting him greatly.

    On another note, my son leaves for a war zone in two weeks.

    I seem to be a stress eater so I am watching my intake a little more these days - no promises.

    L
  • Crystal817
    Crystal817 Posts: 2,021 Member
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    I am a birthmother who has been in reunification for almost 4 1/2 years. My son is 22. I had 2 other kids (girls) with my current husband. They are 13 and 11. As most all adoption stories my is complicated on a good day. I also work in an agency dealing with delinquent youth who are in birth parent homes, kinship homes, adoptive homes,foster care, residential treatment centers, or group homes. I am an adoption assessor in addittion to all that. My son's adoptive sister is now in my situation more than 20 years ago - this is effecting him greatly.

    On another note, my son leaves for a war zone in two weeks.

    I seem to be a stress eater so I am watching my intake a little more these days - no promises.

    L

    Welcome to the group! :)
  • ChelleDJM
    ChelleDJM Posts: 161
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    Hi everyone. My name is Michelle. I have a wonderful son (almost 7) who is bio through ivf. I also have a beautiful daughter (who is 2) through domestic adoption. We met her birthmom about 3 weeks before she was born and we took her home from the hospital. Our adoption is very open and I consider both of my daughter's birthparents part of our family. They feel the same way about us. Both of the birthparents were at our daughter's birthday party and we usually see them at least every few months. It's a little tougher because they live about an hour away and neither one of them have a driver's license (they are in their 20's, but both have special needs, though our daughter does not). We are connected on FB though and talk on the phone about once a month or so.
  • Crystal817
    Crystal817 Posts: 2,021 Member
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    Hi everyone. My name is Michelle. I have a wonderful son (almost 7) who is bio through ivf. I also have a beautiful daughter (who is 2) through domestic adoption. We met her birthmom about 3 weeks before she was born and we took her home from the hospital. Our adoption is very open and I consider both of my daughter's birthparents part of our family. They feel the same way about us. Both of the birthparents were at our daughter's birthday party and we usually see them at least every few months. It's a little tougher because they live about an hour away and neither one of them have a driver's license (they are in their 20's, but both have special needs, though our daughter does not). We are connected on FB though and talk on the phone about once a month or so.

    Hi Chelle, welcome to the group. :)
  • mgmlap
    mgmlap Posts: 1,377 Member
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    Hey All..my name is Marlene. I have 2 beautiful daughters who came to us vial the Foster System. In 1998 I was diagnosed with having PCOS...after 2 attempts at getting pregnant..I decided to stop...and was in the midst of a divorce. I am East Indian..so my first marriage was arranged. He was not into the whole adoption thing..and I was..cause my mothers dad was raised in an orphanage..and was taken very good care of..so I felt it was my way of giving back to those who helped him...


    Anyways..fast forward...hubby and I after several turkey baster sessions..found out we were pregnant..told everyone over Christmas..came back to the devastating news that it was molar.. As soon as the DNC was done..I pretty much put my foot down and said we were adopting.

    Our girls moved in December 2006 and were officially adopted November 2007. There have been many many difficulties...but so many more positive things. My girls were 7 and 10 when they moved in..and now they are 12 and 16. Its funny how God works...they look just like my husband and I. (he is polish/irish)...and my oldest is just like my husband in temperament..and my youngest is just like me...Adoption is glorious...
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
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    I have been slacking as moderator, I am sorry. Welcome to the newbies who have found our group. I love to hear new stories, and hopefully we can rekindle the interaction here!
  • mjhwall
    mjhwall Posts: 1
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    Hi everyone,

    My name is Mara, and my husband and I are waiting to adopt through domestic adoption. It's great to see the diversity of stories and to hear from people who have been touched by adoption in so many different ways! I love connecting with all members of the adoption triad.

    I am trying to use our waiting period to really focus on my health, taking care of myself, increasing my fitness, and hoping to lose weight.

    Great to meet all of you! Thanks for sharing your stories.
  • mrsmichael33
    mrsmichael33 Posts: 11
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    Hi Everyone,

    My husband and I are just starting the adoption process, gathering all our homestudy paperwork =). We have been TTC for 4 years now and after 1.5yrs of infertility treatments I just needed to feel like myself again and take a good long break. I don't know how long it will be before we try that route again but we are definitely pursuing adoption. If you have been through this process already, add me. I would love to discuss the process and what we are in for. We met with an attorney last week and left feeling pretty hopeful about the process. After all the failed infertility treatments I have learned not to count on anything and to try not to get too hopeful. Would love to hear about the positive and negative aspects.
  • Staceyp76
    Staceyp76 Posts: 83 Member
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    Hi Everyone

    I see the group has been quiet for a while but I thought I would join. My husband and I have been on the adoption wait list for 16 months and have yet to been placed. I have taken the last 16 months to get myself fit and ready for motherhood. I am excited to start the journey to parenthood and I am praying that we are placed soon :)
  • Crystal817
    Crystal817 Posts: 2,021 Member
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    Hi Everyone

    I see the group has been quiet for a while but I thought I would join. My husband and I have been on the adoption wait list for 16 months and have yet to been placed. I have taken the last 16 months to get myself fit and ready for motherhood. I am excited to start the journey to parenthood and I am praying that we are placed soon :)

    Are you adopting domestically?

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