Selfish? Hate Kids?
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I have 2 kids..... but totally respect people who don't have any. In fact, I wish a lot less people would have kids because where I absolutely love my two girls with all my heart... I hate pretty much hate everyone else's kids.
Kids are HUGE responsibility. Not like a puppy. You actually have to prepare them for life... and not just for life when they grow up, but for life everyday. Most "parents" today haven't realized this. You actually need to RAISE your children.
So for those of you who know yourself enough to know that you are not responsible/ready to have children and CHOOSE not to....
THANK YOU!!!!0 -
Oh.... and no. You will never know "true" love until you see your child for the very first time. But that "true" love is a biological flood of opium-like hormones and only lasts for about 1/2 an hour. It's the next 17 years, 364 days, 23 hours, and 30 minutes that really count.0
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One of the better comments we got was this...
We were were engaged and it was maybe a month or two before our wedding. We were at a party at my friend's house and this guy (my girlfriend's former neighbor - someone I had met, but can't say I really knew) was there with his wife and two sons. So, he's over talking to us with his wife and kids out of earshot and said "I heard you guys are getting married", we said yes, and then he asked if we were planning kids. We both said "Oh no" in stereo, and he looked at us, checked behind him and said "You two are smart...I'm not sure I'd have done it if I knew what it would really be like"...LOL!
We believe that might be the only truly honest response we've gotten. Sometimes I believe more people don't find child rearing to be 'the most rewarding thing ever', but would never, never admit it!0 -
OMG..I'm so with you all. Its SO much more selfish to have kids for the wrong reasons, than to choose not to in the first place.
I know way too many people with kids they really can't afford to take care of, aren't all that interested in, and who are constantly dumping them off on others so they can travel or go out drinking 3-4 times a month.
OH..and to cat77cl - I am 41 and still get the, 'oh, you'll change your mind" comments. Last time someone said that, I just looked at them and said "that ship has sailed honey"
This!
And, kinda mean - but once there was this really nosey lady that I used to work with like 15 years ago and we met at the store - she looked me up and down and said "no kids yet eh??" and I said (with a really sad look and downward eyes "no, Russ and I can't have any"..........she said "oh my, I'm so sorry" I said - "I'm not, we are perfectly happy"
I know it was kind of rude, but honestly how rude is it that people think it's just FINE to ask about my personal decisions when they don't even know me or anything about me?? I mean, it is MY choice right? Holy hell!0 -
People make the assumption that you need, want, desire children.... and for the life of me I can't figure out why. Anyone I meet with children are generally miserable, have no social life and are desperately trying to find someone to take their kids. I can't stand the sound of a screaming child in a store or worse a restraunt - so why would I put one in my living room?? I'm 36 years old, married for the second time, just had our first anniversary (he's 5 years younger) and people were all over us to start having kids. I'm sorry.... I'm 36!!! Don't you think I would have gotten that out of the way by now?? And I rather like having money, nice furniture, sleep, and the ability to drop everything and go where I want when I want. Yes, I am selfish and it's wonderful. LOL.0
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You are missing something in your life because you will never know true happiness until you see your child for the first time.
Oh yes, THIS^^^^. This one infuriates me to no end.
^^ Totally agree, and what is with everyone trying to make us believe that life is incomplete until you're "happy" like them??? I didn't have to clean poop off the wall this morning, lose 8 hours of sleep changing blankets, puke pots, and diapers...... but whatever makes you "happy" suckkka
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Awesome, I get to be the first guy to respond to this.....Personally, I can't stand it either. I've heard it all before as well...."oh, your fatherly instincts will kick in"....really, am I a dog? Truth is that I do have a son, he's 15 years old, and lives with his mother.....way too young to have kids.....total disaster of a situation, to put it mildly, but regardless.....I'm glad he's here, but I wish it wasn't with her....but all that aside, I never really wanted children either. I used to think that it was expected, traditional, and eventually I'd grow out of my so called selfish phase. I didn't think I was being selfish....I was told. Anyway, now that I'm married, I still have no real desire to have children.....have taken steps to ensure that it doesn't happen. This topic comes up between us every now and then, though she understands why I don't want them. It's not like I hate kids either. I've dated women with kids, love my nephews and niece dearly, and even have friends' kids that I call nephews as well. It's so easy to say "oh well it's because you're a guy", but I don't think that is the case.0
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I totally agree with all this. Most of the time, NOT having kids is the most unselfish thing to do. I don't get why any one would think it was selfish to not have kids. And usually the people who say that are the ones that can barely support their kids and they are all struggling. I grew up poor- just my sister and I, and it was a rough childhood. So I always thought if I do have kids, I would make sure I could provide for them. Most people don't care- they just have kids without regards to how they are going to give them a decent life.
I always get asked 'WHEN are you having kids' not ARE YOU. Which is annoying. And for years, I said 'maybe someday'. Now that I'm 30, it's more like 'maybe never'.0 -
I am selfish. Having a dog is seriously a stretch for me. I hate that I can't just go. I helped my sister raise my neice and nephew while my BIL was overseas. It is a TON of work. And I just don't want to do it right now. And maybe not ever....
This was my favorite thing about having my neice around. We would go out together and people make small talk. This conversation would happen in some variation....
Random person: Your children are so cute.
Me: They are my sister's.
Random person: You are so good with them.
Me: Thanks
Random person: Do you have children?
My neice: Yep...Me and Gavin. We are all the kids she needs....
She is a real gem
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How about this one: "Who is going to take care of you when you get old?"
As if you can count on that to happen? You can do everything right, and your kids can still end up totally screwed up, or (God forbid), you could outlive them, or they might not be able to afford to take care of you some day...(among the many things that could happen).
and, how is having kids so they'll take care of you when you're old not selfish?0 -
Am I selfish? Yes, but not because I don't want kids. I'm selfish because I don't want to give my husband the remote control or share my loaded tater tots* with him
Do I hate kids? Well, yeah, yeah I do. Maybe I should hate the parents that are doing a crappy job of raising the kids, and I do, but I strongly dislike kids. I really don't see anything redeeming about them. Why should I give up my time and my SLEEP? Hell no.
How do I know I'd be a good mother? How do I know it wouldn't be my kid that brings a gun to school? My husband & I don't have a lot of money, we go from paycheck to paycheck. I have 2 puppies and I want more! The list is infinite as to why I don't wat kids.
I love the bingoes. I turn into a snarky *****.
* loaded tater tots: queso, jalapenos, bacon & scallons 0 -
This is the most selfish thing I hear."Who is going to take care of you when you get old?"0 -
If you are financially secure, mentally stable and both parents are in agreement on how to raise children, it can still be tremendously difficult to raise children.
If you don't see yourself as a parent or don't want to raise a child then you absolutely should not. I don't think it's selfish at all. I think you've just demonstrated acute self-awareness.0 -
I love this group....seriously you all are making all the points my husband and I TRY to explain to people!!! Ummm, how about you mind your business and not be so concerned about my life and pay attention to your own...oh and your obnoxious kid running around too!!!
That came off alittle harsh, I do like kids, SOME kids....but not even all the time. My nieces, nephews, cousins, etc are great, but not always.
There are a few reasons we will not have children....1) $$$$$, they are ridiculously expensive...I prefer to spend my money on myself....which leads me to #2) I'm FRIGGIN selffish and I will admit it every day of my life. I LOVE the life I have with my husband and know a child would only put stress/worry/doubt on a wonderful and beautiful relationship (not saying that our marriage wouldn't survive if we had kids, but it would definitely strain it.....I've watch it happen with every couple I know).
My parents and in-laws have come to terms with the fact that they will get no grandchildren from us...all is good on that end.
So we had a pretty idea that we were not going to have children before we got married and it came up at a family party or something and my (soon to be) sister in law said to us "Well why are you even getting married if your not having kids" REALLY WTF!!!! But after three kids, she has changed her tune and now realizes that no kids isn't that bad of a bad scenerio!!!!!!
And the weekend we got back from my honeymoon, we where with my husband's family again and his Uncle asks (first thing out of his mouth...even before hello) "so when are you having kids" ...uhhh we literally JUST got married Dude, back off :laugh:
Ok my rant is done!!! Thanks for the group!!!
Kate0 -
Oh and we decided 4yrs ago to adopt two cats......CATS, self reliant CATS, yeah they are a bit too much for us and our schedules :laugh:0
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Oh.... and no. You will never know "true" love until you see your child for the very first time. But that "true" love is a biological flood of opium-like hormones and only lasts for about 1/2 an hour. It's the next 17 years, 364 days, 23 hours, and 30 minutes that really count.
Just 18 years? yeah right...lol EVERY old hen in my office has their 20 or in some cases 30 something year old recent "college graduate" back home. I tell them...if your "child" graduated more than 6 months ago, it is no longer recent. And they need to get a job...and move out. :huh:0 -
How about this one: "Who is going to take care of you when you get old?"
As if you can count on that to happen? You can do everything right, and your kids can still end up totally screwed up, or (God forbid), you could outlive them, or they might not be able to afford to take care of you some day...(among the many things that could happen).
and, how is having kids so they'll take care of you when you're old not selfish?
Frankly my oldest niece likes me a LOT more than she does her mom. So IF I need someone to "take care of me" when I'm older I'm pretty sure I can count on her.
Funny story somewhat related. My best friend and I were having lunch the other day (she is CFBC as well). We were discussing the holidays and the fact that since we do not have children and neither of us very close with our siblings, what happens in 20 years when our parents are gone and the children are grown? My parents and my nieces/nephew are the only reason I spend time with my sister. Once they are gone, I honestly don't foresee spending holidays with her.
So the bf and I decided we will start taking couple's trips at that point for the holidays. Anyone else up for a Christmas cruise?0 -
We've talked about this, as well. When the nieces and nephews are grown, I don't see getting together as much. Kind of looking forward to that, actually.So the bf and I decided we will start taking couple's trips at that point for the holidays. Anyone else up for a Christmas cruise?
In fact, husband and I are planning a Thanksgiving trip next year. I was promised I would not have to deal with his family this year. That is not happening. So he has agreed to my terms...I will go this year if we skip next year. We've already discussed what trips we might want to take.0 -
That's a great idea really. My grandparents are all gone, and my parents sometimes do their own thing like that now too. In fact, they're going out to dinner and to the casino for Thanksgiving....
So the bf and I decided we will start taking couple's trips at that point for the holidays. Anyone else up for a Christmas cruise?0 -
I'm going to be very sad when my niece outgrows me. She is 15 and so awesome and we get along great. I know that when she hits 16 and gets a car I will age 10 years or more in her eyes and she will move on. I have the type of relationship with her that I wish I had with my sister (her mom), so she's like a surrogate I suppose.
On the flip side, when the drama queen comes out (she IS after all a teenage girl), I am thankful she is not mine and does not live with me. :noway:0
