Bisexuals/Pansexuals
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Well, I only very recently found out about the definition "Pansexual". When asked about why I was attracted to both men and women, the only label I had to use was 'Bisexual". I would try to explain that I was attracted to people more for their personalities than their looks or sex. It also had a lot to do with how THAT person treated ME. Having someone desire me was a HUGE turn-on for me. I should just label myself eccentric and be done with it...seeing as how I seem to have become ASEXUAL these past few years...lol All these labels...I am as I am, and I do as I want...as long as it doesn't hurt others..0
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side note: if i hear one more straight man respond to finding out i'm bisexual with "oh really? need a third?" i will punch him in the man parts.
eh eh, no violence on MFP
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I think being pansexual is a beautiful thing. TO me it means loving someone for who they are as a person, not what is in their pants. It is love without boxes, or constraints of society. That doesn't mean you are attracted to EVERYONE! You are attracted to people who you mesh with, and I don't know about you....but I don't get along with ALOT of people.
Exactly!0 -
I'm sick of people assuming I haven't "made up my mind yet" when they find out I'm bisexual. Yes, I have made up my mind. I decided that I like both and that to restrict myself baised on gender wouldn't be being true to myself.
I also hear a lot that I'm "going through a faze" because I'm young. Ugh, that one particularly gets me.
Bisexuality does not equate to being undecisive, greedy, desperate or a slut.0 -
side note: if i hear one more straight man respond to finding out i'm bisexual with "oh really? need a third?" i will punch him in the man parts.
Heard this so many times :-(0 -
It doesn't come up much since I'm married to a man. But I hear it from others. What frustrates me the most is "bisexuality doesn't exist". Aaaahh!! Of course it does!0
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I'm reading some old threads and would love to comment on this.
Personally myself I label myself as a gay man. I find both genders to be physically attractive in their own way. Yet, when it comes to being sexual attraction, I lean more towards men. I do find some women to be sexually attractive, but not as much as I do with men. I'm not against the bisexual lable, in fact, I do use that term at various points in my life to describe myself.
I do think that bisexuality carries with it some preconceived notions and sterotypes. I've often heard people tell me that they can understand homosexuality but they don't understand bisexuality. Some go so far as saying that bisexuality does not exist. I think these conceptions happen because bisexuality just doesn't have a strong social/political movement like the gay movement.0 -
I think the reason bisexuals/pansexuals get such a bad rap sometimes is the same reason you get so many bi people asserting that everyone is bi ... it's because some part of our sexuality is hardcoded into us. As a"bi" queer person, it's difficult for me to wrap my brain around the fact that some people really, truly are attracted to only one sex of person. Likewise, I think it is difficult for some people who are not bi or pan to wrap their minds around the idea that sex doesn't limit who we are attracted to. It's not all non-bi/pan people, but for some it might just be incomprehensible because it is so counter to their own sexual wiring.
That is why I personally disagree with saying everyone's bi or a little bi. I feel like that undermines other very valid sexualities simply because I am not that sexuality and therefore do not experience attraction that way.
I sometimes think it is like belief in god. You get people who KNOW that there IS a God and you get people who KNOW that there IS NOT. Most of the time these two camps simply don't get where the other is coming from. And you get people in between too. But for the people firmly on one side or the other, it is something you can feel to your core to the point where it seems like the other side has to be lying to feel so differently than you. But they're not ... like sexuality, belief in a God is something that can be partially hardcoded into our brains, too. (I use the religion analogy because it was after watching a very well done documentary on the temporal lobes by the BBC that I had my "a-ha!" moment about all of this.)
I think this is a good post.
Also, I think its entirely fair for people to define their sexuality the way they identify even if its not how YOU would define it, so its rude to say a lesbian is bi just because she sometimes sleeps with men.0 -
I will never know what a panssexual is, even once I am told, I just don't get it.
I don'tlike it when people do all that thing saying 'oh I love people not body parts', I mean, i get what they saying but it makes me feel like they think they are really deep and unshallow and the rest of us just see people as a walking **** or boobs. I am totally gay but it dont mean am shallow or that i restrict myself. i love people too, they just hapen to be male people who i love romantically!0 -
I will never know what a panssexual is, even once I am told, I just don't get it.
I don'tlike it when people do all that thing saying 'oh I love people not body parts', I mean, i get what they saying but it makes me feel like they think they are really deep and unshallow and the rest of us just see people as a walking **** or boobs. I am totally gay but it dont mean am shallow or that i restrict myself. i love people too, they just hapen to be male people who i love romantically!
Its kind of hard to explain but for a lot of people, its that you don't get sexually interested in someone without getting to know them first. Period. It doesn't mean people who can are shallow and don't also like to get to know someone but they generally look around and think "hey that person has a penis, I am totally hot for that".
Its not a big deal. If you like, think of it as a fetish. You can have a fetish and not be somehow a 'worse' person that someone who doesn't.0 -
My SO is bi and trans, and it's never been a problem. We've been happily married for twelve years and still counting. When we first got together the idea of him cheating on me was a worry, but later on I got more comfortable and knew that he was happy with me and wouldn't leave even if he did go out and have fun with someone else. So I set up some ground rules (Safety first, and spouse gets veto power.) and gave him permission. Later on, I found a reason to use that permission myself. The sky didn't fall. We still love each other as much as we ever did.
I don't normally get involved much with the LGBT communities, so I haven't heard much of the negative things that are being passed along here. They'd probably accuse me of being a straight girl with a big imagination. I'm actually gender fluid, and only my male side is bi. Lesbian is the only thing I'm not.0 -
I will never know what a panssexual is, even once I am told, I just don't get it.
I don'tlike it when people do all that thing saying 'oh I love people not body parts', I mean, i get what they saying but it makes me feel like they think they are really deep and unshallow and the rest of us just see people as a walking **** or boobs. I am totally gay but it dont mean am shallow or that i restrict myself. i love people too, they just hapen to be male people who i love romantically!
Its kind of hard to explain but for a lot of people, its that you don't get sexually interested in someone without getting to know them first. Period. It doesn't mean people who can are shallow and don't also like to get to know someone but they generally look around and think "hey that person has a penis, I am totally hot for that".
Its not a big deal. If you like, think of it as a fetish. You can have a fetish and not be somehow a 'worse' person that someone who doesn't.
being gay is likea fetish? i don't understand, am not kinky! idk maybe i got it wrong?
for me what attracts me to men is their appearence as a whole and also the dynamic i can have with a man like feelin protected and all that, like the strength and masculinity, i can't even expalin it, its a whole package and a dynamic and an aura... it goes real deep, not just about the penis. Penis is not that important to me but then again I am a virgin, sooo.0 -
I will never know what a panssexual is, even once I am told, I just don't get it.
I don'tlike it when people do all that thing saying 'oh I love people not body parts', I mean, i get what they saying but it makes me feel like they think they are really deep and unshallow and the rest of us just see people as a walking **** or boobs. I am totally gay but it dont mean am shallow or that i restrict myself. i love people too, they just hapen to be male people who i love romantically!
Its kind of hard to explain but for a lot of people, its that you don't get sexually interested in someone without getting to know them first. Period. It doesn't mean people who can are shallow and don't also like to get to know someone but they generally look around and think "hey that person has a penis, I am totally hot for that".
Its not a big deal. If you like, think of it as a fetish. You can have a fetish and not be somehow a 'worse' person that someone who doesn't.
being gay is likea fetish? i don't understand, am not kinky! idk maybe i got it wrong?
for me what attracts me to men is their appearence as a whole and also the dynamic i can have with a man like feelin protected and all that, like the strength and masculinity, i can't even expalin it, its a whole package and a dynamic and an aura... it goes real deep, not just about the penis. Penis is not that important to me but then again I am a virgin, sooo.
Yeah like I said, its hard to explain. And, yes, actually some people will say those words and mean it like you are shallow for liking what you like -- but DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. You like what you like. Who cares what other people think about it? As long as you're enjoying what you like with consenting partners (or no partner as the case may be) and you feel happy with your choices that's really what matters.0 -
Ugh. Everything most of you have said.
I've mostly dated trans people. I'm probably your dictionary definition "pansexual" but I sorta hate the term. I think that if you know your greek prefixes it's easy to see why people take it as "being sexually attracted to everyone" -- which also presumes sexual attraction is the foremost concern of romantic relationships. I like "gender blind" a little better, but nothing quite feels like it is "technically accurate". The tendency to shoot for "technical accuracy" in the gay community drives me a little crazy. I vacillate between going as "bisexual" (what I came out as when I was 15), "pansexual" or "gender blind" (more technically accurate, if not perfectly so) and just throwing in the towel and going with "queer" (which gets a lot of blank looks now because I am married to a dude).
But, ultimately, whose business is it, other than someone with whom I might want to actually have a romantic and physical relationship? People who don't approve can shut the front door.
Anyway. It's interesting where people's prejudices lie. Just because all my most dysfunctional relationships were with lesbians, and the ones that were the most epic and romantic and sexy were with bi women, does not lead me to believe that lesbians are all bad and incapable of having healthy relationships. But most of the people I've met who have a chip about bisexuals haven't even dated one!
I never feel entirely comfortable being out in a GLBTQI community. I'm always on guard. But it's better than hanging out in straightsville where no one has any idea that gender and sexuality might not be the same for everyone. A no-win scenario. I try not to be too *****y about it, but I am probably massively unsuccessful.0 -
Well said! I think it must be hard for bisexuals because people gonna say 'so you straight now' if you are with the opposite sex, then say you're gay when you with the same sex. I mean, I get that a tiny bit because I am gay but nearly never have any kind of love life... but people still all know I am gay and don't dismiss that about me. Must be difficult having people dismiss you. People are maybe uncomfortable with what they can't put into to a neat box idk.
I disagree about the fetish thing but that is just my opinion, on which we can agree to disagree. i'm never good at explaining myself, but i am a simple person, i just say, i am gay.
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I don't feel comfortable using the term bisexual. I mostly just say I'm not straight. Not that it's any easier for my friends to understand... :I0
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LOL! In my pics I am wearing a shirt that says, "Yes I am and no you can't watch!" lol :laugh:
I want a shirt that says this!
My partners and I were in a pub at the weekend with my parents. mum and I went to the bar to get the drinks in. Young man starts hitting on me and trying to get me to go to another bar with him (he was quite obnoxious). conversation went like this:
Me: Go and ask my girlfriend in the other room.
Him: No its ok he says, she can come with us and we can be all together and i'll watch.
Me: I don't think her husband will like that.
Him *boggles* she has a husband? I thought she was your girlfriend?
Me: She is and her husband is my boyfriend. Check with them. Let me know how the conversation goes
Him: *slinks off*
At this point my mum and the bar staff were laughing hysterically at this poor guy trying to work out the mechanics of that relationship. One of the barmaids that we'd been talking to earlier went out for a cigarette with my partners and told them what had happened.
I am bisexual, I've had relationships with men and women. I like men and I like women. Sometimes I'm attracted by looks, sometimes by personality, other times simply by their demeanor, but that doesn't mean I'm sexually attracted to all men or all women simply by virtue of their genitalia. at the moment, I'm lucky enough to be in a relationship with one of each. They're married, so they have the primary relationship and I am an 'add-on'. It works for us so far. I don't hide my orientation, i will answer if asked. My sexuality is a big part of who I am as a person, but on the other hand, I do not feel the need to be loud about it. My sexual/romantic preferences don't impact on my ability to do my job, socialise with colleagues or anything else.0 -
I told my dad I was bi in high school, and he told me "you can't be bisexual, you're either gay or straight."
really?? why can't one be attracted to men AND women? sometimes I like the softer touch of a woman, other times I like to be rougher with a guy.....
I wonder what he'd say if I told him I might be pansexual....hehehe0 -
I recently mentioned I'm bi and poly to an online gay community (a video game community), and I got a very strange reaction that I am still thinking about. Reading this thread has helped me make sense of it. I mean, it's still wierd that a queer community thinks I'm a little too queer, but at least I know it's a common reaction (not just me).
And it makes me think that if, in the future, gay/lesbians are rude to me about being bi, I'll just ask them, "So my sexuality makes you uncomfortable? How.... interesting."
I mean come on guys. If the queers won't accept me at face value, who else will? Some community. It was a pretty big letdown.0
