Stay at home mom or not?

Marig0ld

I see a lot of women on here that are stay at home moms. While I don't have kids, I think I would like to have 1-2 kids in the future, probably after I turn 30. I think that being around kids 24/7 is probably very stressful and draining, which is why I have a lot of respect for moms that choose to stay at home with their kids. However, I firmly believe that I shouldn't have to give up my career and my earnings potential just because I have kids. My boyfriend and I agreed that if we have kids, I would still work. We both have jobs that pay pretty well, and we would like to give our future child a financially secure environment. Also, since I was raised by a single mom that worked her *kitten* off to support me and my two siblings, I want to teach my future kids that you don't have to depend on a spouse to support you.

So what are your thoughts on this? For those of you that are moms, why do you choose to work/not work outside the home?

poisongirl6485

I consider myself both a stay at home mom and working mom. I am home with my kids all day while my husband is at work, then when he gets home in the afternoon, I go to my job full-time. It's the best way to be financially stable and not have to resort to using daycare. It's tiresome and draining to have to care for 2 kids from 9 am and then be up until 2 am working, but well worth it.

Anyway, my opinion is that women should do whatever makes them happy and what works for their family.

Bahet

We made sure we were financially solvent before we had kids. I was 27, hubby was 33 when we had our first. We both had college degrees. We'd been married for 4 years and owned a house for 3 years. We had money in savings. Our original plan was for me to be a SAHM until our youngest was in school full time.

Fast forward a few years and our boys are now 11 and 14. I'm still a SAHM. It works well for us though because hubby's job has moved us from AZ to Germany and now to VA in just the past 2 1/2 years (2 different jobs.) Because I don't have a career at some other company I had no issue with picking up and moving.

I also like being an at home mom with older kids. The work is definitely easier but it's also nice to know what they are doing after school every day. More kids get into trouble between 3-6pm on weekdays than at any other time. I don't really have to worry about that.

I don't just sit home all day though. I run my own business doing taxes and finance from home. Now that the kids are older I can put in the extra hours and still be here to pop a roast into the oven or help with homework. I can also work anywhere in the world as most of my clients are ex-pats working overseas so not only haven't I ever met most of them but when we were in Germany I was actually closer to them geographically. :laugh:

daffodilsoup

I am assuming here that a stay-at-home mom means leaving a career to stay at home with the kids. I understand that there are some women who run home businesses, but as far as I know, it isn't as common in the stay at home mom community.

For a woman with children, I feel that choosing to be a stay-at-home puts her in a slightly dangerous position. By giving up her career and income, plus health insurance if she lives in America, she is accepting the fact that she is, essentially, completely dependent on her husband. What happens if he meets a girl at work and runs away with her? Or he dies, becomes disabled and unable to work, or gets fired/laid off? Also, unless the husband makes an exorbitant salary, it must put a lot of pressure on him to be the solitary "breadwinner" and know that his entire family depends on his income.

I feel that while it's nice for the kids to have their mom around, it's just not practical in a modern society. In my opinion, choosing to be a stay-at-home mom entails a loss of independence and signifies a lack of planning for negative events that could happen in the future.

Bahet

I am assuming here that a stay-at-home mom means leaving a career to stay at home with the kids. I understand that there are some women who run home businesses, but as far as I know, it isn't as common in the stay at home mom community.

For a woman with children, I feel that choosing to be a stay-at-home puts her in a slightly dangerous position. By giving up her career and income, plus health insurance if she lives in America, she is accepting the fact that she is, essentially, completely dependent on her husband. What happens if he meets a girl at work and runs away with her? Or he dies, becomes disabled and unable to work, or gets fired/laid off? Also, unless the husband makes an exorbitant salary, it must put a lot of pressure on him to be the solitary "breadwinner" and know that his entire family depends on his income.

I feel that while it's nice for the kids to have their mom around, it's just not practical in a modern society. In my opinion, choosing to be a stay-at-home mom entails a loss of independence and signifies a lack of planning for negative events that could happen in the future.

I do rely on DH for health insurance and income. I don't make nearly what he does. But if I took a job making on par with him we'd just have an even bigger house (or more toys or features.) Your scenario only works if the couple both work but only live off one income. If you live off both incomes, even if they make the same amount, the woman is just as screwed if he runs off or gets laid off.

In our case all of my income and a decent amount of his goes into savings. Hubby has pretty good job security so being laid off isn't too big of a worry and even if it should happen with his credentials he could find another job even if it means moving again. I don't worry about him running off with someone because we've been married 18 years. We dated for 4 years before getting married. I wouldn't have married him if he was an untrustworthy @$$hole.

Ironically, I worry more about what would happen to my family if I were gone than if hubby is gone. I didn't lose any independence that didn't come with just having kids. How is going to work for someone else going to make someone more independent? As for planning for negative events, that should be done whether you are rich or poor, SAHM or WOHM.

suzycreamcheese

im a stay at home mum, and couldnt afford not to be. Lack of affordable childcare. I dont know what its like in other countries but in the UK childcare is pretty expensive, and for 3 kids, id be paying out pretty much all my wages and probably some of my partners too just for the privelige of working outside the home. If i had a good career it would be different, but as unskilled, i couldnt hope to earn enough

I dont feel like it puts me in a dangerous position at all. My partner is happy to pay for his family, and when theyre all at school, hopefully i'll be able to find a part time job then

castadiva

Your scenario only works if the couple both work but only live off one income. If you live off both incomes, even if they make the same amount, the woman is just as screwed if he runs off or gets laid off.

Precisely, and it can happen at any time - even after over 30 years of marriage, as happened to a close family member. There is inevitably some inequity, either between salaries, or between spending, in a marriage, and this woman and her husband made roughly equal amounts. As traditionally 'female' jobs such as grocery shopping and clothes shopping for the family were still her purview, more of her income was spent than his. Come the divorce, he had significant savings and was able to buy a new house in a nice area and continue to live in very comfortable style. Her savings were smaller, and quickly eaten up by legal fees. Eight years later, she is still just scraping by, and trying to help one daughter through medical school - she was over 18 at the time of the divorce, so the husband wasn't liable for any child support and refuses to help out. Even nice people can do very ugly things in divorces.

I agree that every woman, and every family must choose what works for them, but having seen this scenario and others, I firmly believe that women must never rely totally on their husbands for financial security - make sure you have a personal savings account and fund it with whatever you can - most SAHM have skills of whatever sort - professional or otherwise (does the non-SAHM mother down the road need affordable child-care?) that can be used to generate some independent income. Hopefully you won't need it, and can leave a nest-egg for your children or retirement, but if you do need it, you will have your own resources.

Bahet

One of the services I offer as a financial advisor is budgeting and one of my largest groups for that is women who are trying to decide if they should be a SAHM or a WOHM. Ultimately it comes down to a lot of personal feelings about it and how they feel about their future job prospects as, let's faceit, being out of the regular work force for several years will kill a professional career. If I were to go out and get a job now, having not worked outside the home for 15 years, I' be darn near the bottom of the totem pole whereas if I had continued working outside the home I'd be near the top. For me, some things were more important than money though and the high powered career would come at a cost of being gone at least 60 hours/week and living in Germany for 1 1/2 years would not have been possible.

Typically when I do up a feasibility study to show someone the financial impact of being a SAHM v. WOHM they are surprised at all the extra costs of working. It's more than just daycare eating at their income. There's also a lot less eating home cooked meals which are much cheaper than getting take out. A lot of women need a new professional wardrobe after having kids. Even buying at Goodwill can get pricy for that. Everything still needs to be done around the house too. For a lot of women that means hiring a maid or lawn service. Your car is anoter big expense. Not working outside the home means not only less gas used but cheaper insurance nd less wear and tear. You can even go without a second vehicle and save even more.

Like I said though, ultimately it comes down to personal feelings. Some women desperately want to be SAHMs but don't think they can afford it because they look at their income minus childcare and it's still a positive number. When I show them the real numbers figuring in things they didn't account for it often gives them that satisfaction of knowing that, if they actually do things like cook at home and clean their own house, they can afford to be a SAHM. Other women want to continue in their career. I let them know the real impact on their family and they are better able to plan for it. Maybe they decide to cook a lot on weekends so they can just reheat something once in a while and cut down on take out costs.

There are also plenty of ways for a SAHM to earn an extra bit of income. Start your own business. If you were in a professional field before there's no reason you can't continue on your own. Take in another kid and have a small daycare. Walk dogs. Start your own maid service where you can bring the baby along. Do a house-sitting service to water plants/feed cats/let dogs out for people on vacation. Get a paper route. Host home parties like Scentsy and Pampered Chef. Work on weekends or when your hubby is home to watch the kids. When the kids get a bit older if you are college educated you can be a substitute teacher or teacher's aid.

suzycreamcheese

is there no social security available of youre unexpectedly left in the *kitten*?

When my ex left me, i got my rent paid and income support etc to tide me over till i didnt need it anymore

Marig0ld

is there no social security available of youre unexpectedly left in the *kitten*?

When my ex left me, i got my rent paid and income support etc to tide me over till i didnt need it anymore

Ummm...no, not here in the States. There are certain cases where you would get Social Security, but your spouse leaving you isn't applicable. Correct me if I'm wrong, however.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

I'd love to be with my child as a professional homemaker, but I'd still do part time daycare. My child stays at home with his daddy for half a day and goes into dc for half a day. Before daycare a friend would nanny for us. So, I think there are great benefits having him with my husband (I wish it were me). Since having him in daycare I've seen some incredible growth in his learning and overall development, including socialization. There is something to be said about group mentality, and while in the sense of mob mentality it isn't beneficial, but when it comes to potty training it's awesome.

castadiva

is there no social security available of youre unexpectedly left in the *kitten*?

When my ex left me, i got my rent paid and income support etc to tide me over till i didnt need it anymore

Ummm...no, not here in the States. There are certain cases where you would get Social Security, but your spouse leaving you isn't applicable. Correct me if I'm wrong, however.

Not in a lot of countries, especially if you have had an income previously, even if you no longer do, or own a property.

suzycreamcheese

so what happens to these people and their children? Workhouses?

gemco

eek! these debates make me love living in the UK!

i have 2 children, i havent worked since my eldest was born because i decided to use the time to get a degree and also i wanted to spend their early years with them. my husband works crazy long hours and until recently even longer and evenings so if i were to work full time too they'd never see either of us really.

it's only now that my son is in full time school that i think it would pay to work, as childcare will be less now, so i'm jobhunting. there aren't many jobs i can/am willing to do that fit around childcare so i'm not holding my breath. i'm happy to stay at home until next sept when my youngest starts part time nursery.

if i'd have been somewhere in a career i would have gone back to work after no. 1 but as it happened i'd left a job to relocate for my husbands and only had a part time temp job when pregnant anyway.

Grimmerick

I want to be a stay at home mom part time. So I would like to maintain a part time or flex time job. It's a good compromise, you still bring in some money and you also get that all important adult time haha. I have noticed that children that are taken care of more by their parents are less fussy and have less tantrums than children put into daycares. I believe this is because they get more one on one attention and they are not influenced by the behaviors of other children. I do think it is important to socialize your children with other children though so they need to at least have some time to play and learn from other children. Just my opinion

california_peach

I am a stay at home mom, because I wanted to stay at home with my children. I never considered anything else before my children where born, and then around my oldest son's 1st birthday I realized that I was slowly losing my mind. So, I looked into going back to work. OMG! The cost of childcare was a huge shock. I had never looked into it before. I live in Northern California where everything is more expensive, but I had no idea that full time childcare would run around the $2000 a month mark! Fast forward to the 2nd kid and I am still at home. I thought I would be able to go back to work once they were both in school, but the school here gets out really early and they seem to have a inordinate number to days off. Plus, it is easier to get into Yale then the cheap after-school program. Honestly, I am hoping to go back when they are in their 20's.

While I have learned to deal with the doldrums of being a SAHM, I had no idea when I made this choice how hard it would be to reverse it. My husband's job is stable and we have insurance, which would care of me, and boys should something happen to him. As someone else said, I worry more about what it would take to replace what I do should I kick it. Think about it, a SAHM provides 24/7 childcare including transportation, she cooks, she cleans, and everything else. To replace me would be very expensive. I do have life insurance, but still I worry. As I already mentioned I live in California so I if he left me he'd end up living in a cardboard box. Gotta love California on its protection for the SAHM on the divorce laws.

KimmyEB

I don't have children, but if I should ever have them, or adopt them (which ideally right now, is what I'm leaning towards...in the future, of course!), I would want to be a SAHM, for the most part. I'd still like to substitute teach, or work as a tutor, on my boyfriend (future husband)'s days off. I would, most likely, home-school them, as well. It's a choice I personally wouldn't make until I had a LOT of money put away in savings, and went over it a bazillion times to make sure we could do it.

Izable2011

I think it's a decision that should be made between the mom and the signifigant other. I don't see anything wrong with either decision myself. If you have a good career and want to continue working that is up to you. If you like being at home with your kids all the time that is fine as well. Whatever works for your family is the best way to go!

BuffyEat2Live

This is another topic that I'm pro-choice about. If you want to be a SAHM, do it! If you don't, don't do it!

Of course, in some situations it makes more financial sense to have whichever spouse earns less money to stay home with the kids rather than pay more than you'd make at your job for day care.

I don't want to be a SAHM (I don't have kids yet, so this may change) but I think it's a wonderful option for those who do want to do it.

FearAnLoathing

I am a stay at home mom,but I wasnt for the first 2 years of my daughters life.While it is very stressfull,it was way more stressfull to juggle mommmy an work.I felt like I was missing out.Next year she will start school and I will go back to work atleast part time. I am so gratefull that ive been able to take this time to be with her

VeganInTraining

I plan to be a SAHM and when my kids are all in school then I will probably work while they are at school but make sure I am home when they get home. However, I will probably sell Silpada or something else from the home while they are young. I am not at all concerened about "what happens if he meets someone at the office?" He is loyal and i know that won't be an issue. Perhaps some would say I am naive, but what is the point of getting married if you have that lingering in the back of your head? I have full confidence in my husbands fidelity, and if something happened down the road and he decided to stay I am completely confident in my earning power.

fbmandy55

I am a full-time working single mom. If I was married and we could afford to for me to stay home, I would love to have the quality time, but think I would feel like I NEEDED to work after awhile out of bored or satisfaction for myself

I only have one issue with stay at home mom's and that is when they list their career or job on facebook or elsewhere as a 'stay at home mom'. I'm sorry but that is not a JOB. It's fine to say you are a stay at home mom and I have nothing against it but when you say something like " Oh you work there? I am a stay at home mom, that's my job." I will get pretty offended. I am also a mom who takes my son to school, provides his food, clothing, shelter, toys and makes him dinner everynight AND I work 40-50 hours a week.

So moms, if you get to stay home with your kids, that is wonderful and I you you enjoy it but PLEASE do not refer to that as your job.

adrian_indy

I am a full-time working single mom. If I was married and we could afford to for me to stay home, I would love to have the quality time, but think I would feel like I NEEDED to work after awhile out of bored or satisfaction for myself

I only have one issue with stay at home mom's and that is when they list their career or job on facebook or elsewhere as a 'stay at home mom'. I'm sorry but that is not a JOB. It's fine to say you are a stay at home mom and I have nothing against it but when you say something like " Oh you work there? I am a stay at home mom, that's my job." I will get pretty offended. I am also a mom who takes my son to school, provides his food, clothing, shelter, toys and makes him dinner everynight AND I work 40-50 hours a week.

So moms, if you get to stay home with your kids, that is wonderful and I you you enjoy it but PLEASE do not refer to that as your job.

I disagree. If being a stay at home parent wasn't a "job" then daycares would be free. I'm a stay at home Dad and can say this is probably one of the more challenging things I have ever done. Being a stay at home parent is easy. Being a GOOD stay at home parent is sort of hard. Cooking, cleaning, teaching, discipline, diapers, this is a lot harder than other outside jobs I have had.

I think people get to hung up on the word "job". And it sucks because if I can't refer to what I do with myself during the day as my job, then I am left with telling people when asked what I do for a living as "nothing".

fbmandy55

I am a full-time working single mom. If I was married and we could afford to for me to stay home, I would love to have the quality time, but think I would feel like I NEEDED to work after awhile out of bored or satisfaction for myself

I only have one issue with stay at home mom's and that is when they list their career or job on facebook or elsewhere as a 'stay at home mom'. I'm sorry but that is not a JOB. It's fine to say you are a stay at home mom and I have nothing against it but when you say something like " Oh you work there? I am a stay at home mom, that's my job." I will get pretty offended. I am also a mom who takes my son to school, provides his food, clothing, shelter, toys and makes him dinner everynight AND I work 40-50 hours a week.

So moms, if you get to stay home with your kids, that is wonderful and I you you enjoy it but PLEASE do not refer to that as your job.

I disagree. If being a stay at home parent wasn't a "job" then daycares would be free. I'm a stay at home Dad and can say this is probably one of the more challenging things I have ever done. Being a stay at home parent is easy. Being a GOOD stay at home parent is sort of hard. Cooking, cleaning, teaching, discipline, diapers, this is a lot harder than other outside jobs I have had.

I think people get to hung up on the word "job". And it sucks because if I can't refer to what I do with myself during the day as my job, then I am left with telling people when asked what I do for a living as "nothing".

You could say you are a stay at home parent when asked that. That's not saying you have a job or don't but just an honest answer about what you do and nothing wrong with it.

I agree that cooking, cleaning, teaching, discipline and all that IS hard but I have to do those things ON TOP of working 40 hours a week in an office. For example, last night I got home at 6pm, made my son dinner, he did my jumping jacks with me (30 Day shred using his shoes as weights) did 2 loads of laundry, a mountain of dishes, vaccuumed the floors, bathed my son and got him in bed. By the time I sat down it was midnight and I do that on just about a daily basis. Occasionally I'll blow off my "chores" for a night off and do double the work the next day. So I hope you can understand why it offends me, not that I think any less of you. I don't care that people stay home with their kids, if you can do it, that's awesome but people who do work out of the home have the same responsibilities as those who stay home.

VeganInTraining

I am a full-time working single mom. If I was married and we could afford to for me to stay home, I would love to have the quality time, but think I would feel like I NEEDED to work after awhile out of bored or satisfaction for myself

I only have one issue with stay at home mom's and that is when they list their career or job on facebook or elsewhere as a 'stay at home mom'. I'm sorry but that is not a JOB. It's fine to say you are a stay at home mom and I have nothing against it but when you say something like " Oh you work there? I am a stay at home mom, that's my job." I will get pretty offended. I am also a mom who takes my son to school, provides his food, clothing, shelter, toys and makes him dinner everynight AND I work 40-50 hours a week.

So moms, if you get to stay home with your kids, that is wonderful and I you you enjoy it but PLEASE do not refer to that as your job.

I disagree. If being a stay at home parent wasn't a "job" then daycares would be free. I'm a stay at home Dad and can say this is probably one of the more challenging things I have ever done. Being a stay at home parent is easy. Being a GOOD stay at home parent is sort of hard. Cooking, cleaning, teaching, discipline, diapers, this is a lot harder than other outside jobs I have had.

I think people get to hung up on the word "job". And it sucks because if I can't refer to what I do with myself during the day as my job, then I am left with telling people when asked what I do for a living as "nothing".

You could say you are a stay at home parent when asked that. That's not saying you have a job or don't but just an honest answer about what you do and nothing wrong with it.

I agree that cooking, cleaning, teaching, discipline and all that IS hard but I have to do those things ON TOP of working 40 hours a week in an office. For example, last night I got home at 6pm, made my son dinner, he did my jumping jacks with me (30 Day shred using his shoes as weights) did 2 loads of laundry, a mountain of dishes, vaccuumed the floors, bathed my son and got him in bed. By the time I sat down it was midnight and I do that on just about a daily basis. Occasionally I'll blow off my "chores" for a night off and do double the work the next day. So I hope you can understand why it offends me, not that I think any less of you. I don't care that people stay home with their kids, if you can do it, that's awesome but people who do work out of the home have the same responsibilities as those who stay home.

you have two jobs. I understand how you feel like you do a ton more than someone who gets to stay at home with their children but i'm not joking when I say you have two jobs. A stay at home mom works 2x (or more) as hard as a gas attendent but would you get upset at a gas attendent for saying that's their job?

fbmandy55

I am a full-time working single mom. If I was married and we could afford to for me to stay home, I would love to have the quality time, but think I would feel like I NEEDED to work after awhile out of bored or satisfaction for myself

I only have one issue with stay at home mom's and that is when they list their career or job on facebook or elsewhere as a 'stay at home mom'. I'm sorry but that is not a JOB. It's fine to say you are a stay at home mom and I have nothing against it but when you say something like " Oh you work there? I am a stay at home mom, that's my job." I will get pretty offended. I am also a mom who takes my son to school, provides his food, clothing, shelter, toys and makes him dinner everynight AND I work 40-50 hours a week.

So moms, if you get to stay home with your kids, that is wonderful and I you you enjoy it but PLEASE do not refer to that as your job.

I disagree. If being a stay at home parent wasn't a "job" then daycares would be free. I'm a stay at home Dad and can say this is probably one of the more challenging things I have ever done. Being a stay at home parent is easy. Being a GOOD stay at home parent is sort of hard. Cooking, cleaning, teaching, discipline, diapers, this is a lot harder than other outside jobs I have had.

I think people get to hung up on the word "job". And it sucks because if I can't refer to what I do with myself during the day as my job, then I am left with telling people when asked what I do for a living as "nothing".

You could say you are a stay at home parent when asked that. That's not saying you have a job or don't but just an honest answer about what you do and nothing wrong with it.

I agree that cooking, cleaning, teaching, discipline and all that IS hard but I have to do those things ON TOP of working 40 hours a week in an office. For example, last night I got home at 6pm, made my son dinner, he did my jumping jacks with me (30 Day shred using his shoes as weights) did 2 loads of laundry, a mountain of dishes, vaccuumed the floors, bathed my son and got him in bed. By the time I sat down it was midnight and I do that on just about a daily basis. Occasionally I'll blow off my "chores" for a night off and do double the work the next day. So I hope you can understand why it offends me, not that I think any less of you. I don't care that people stay home with their kids, if you can do it, that's awesome but people who do work out of the home have the same responsibilities as those who stay home.

you have two jobs. I understand how you feel like you do a ton more than someone who gets to stay at home with their children but i'm not joking when I say you have two jobs. A stay at home mom works 2x (or more) as hard as a gas attendent but would you get upset at a gas attendent for saying that's their job?

No they are getting paid to do it, that's their job. Taking care of your kids is a part of being a parent part of life. To me, it's not someting to classify as a job, you aren't getting paid for it. I will admit my opinion is very biased but I feel strongly about it.

macpatti

No they are getting paid to do it, that's their job. Taking care of your kids is a part of being a parent part of life. To me, it's not someting to classify as a job, you aren't getting paid for it. I will admit my opinion is very biased but I feel strongly about it.

I always considered being a SAHM a vocation, rather than a job.

castadiva

No they are getting paid to do it, that's their job. Taking care of your kids is a part of being a parent part of life. To me, it's not someting to classify as a job, you aren't getting paid for it. I will admit my opinion is very biased but I feel strongly about it.

So it's only a 'job' if you get paid for it? What about those who do pro bono work? I often don't get paid for doing my job - doesn't change the fact that it is my job. I just don't always get paid for doing it.

VeganInTraining

No they are getting paid to do it, that's their job. Taking care of your kids is a part of being a parent part of life. To me, it's not someting to classify as a job, you aren't getting paid for it. I will admit my opinion is very biased but I feel strongly about it.

I always considered being a SAHM a vocation, rather than a job.

I was actually just about to google the actual definition of "vacation" to see if it would count as a vacation rather than a job. Because I do agree with Mandy about it being part of being a parent and if you're not getting paid for it then technically it's not a job. BTW, I don't envy you having to work and take care of your kids, way to go!

adrian_indy

I am a full-time working single mom. If I was married and we could afford to for me to stay home, I would love to have the quality time, but think I would feel like I NEEDED to work after awhile out of bored or satisfaction for myself

I only have one issue with stay at home mom's and that is when they list their career or job on facebook or elsewhere as a 'stay at home mom'. I'm sorry but that is not a JOB. It's fine to say you are a stay at home mom and I have nothing against it but when you say something like " Oh you work there? I am a stay at home mom, that's my job." I will get pretty offended. I am also a mom who takes my son to school, provides his food, clothing, shelter, toys and makes him dinner everynight AND I work 40-50 hours a week.

So moms, if you get to stay home with your kids, that is wonderful and I you you enjoy it but PLEASE do not refer to that as your job.

I disagree. If being a stay at home parent wasn't a "job" then daycares would be free. I'm a stay at home Dad and can say this is probably one of the more challenging things I have ever done. Being a stay at home parent is easy. Being a GOOD stay at home parent is sort of hard. Cooking, cleaning, teaching, discipline, diapers, this is a lot harder than other outside jobs I have had.

I think people get to hung up on the word "job". And it sucks because if I can't refer to what I do with myself during the day as my job, then I am left with telling people when asked what I do for a living as "nothing".

You could say you are a stay at home parent when asked that. That's not saying you have a job or don't but just an honest answer about what you do and nothing wrong with it.

I agree that cooking, cleaning, teaching, discipline and all that IS hard but I have to do those things ON TOP of working 40 hours a week in an office. For example, last night I got home at 6pm, made my son dinner, he did my jumping jacks with me (30 Day shred using his shoes as weights) did 2 loads of laundry, a mountain of dishes, vaccuumed the floors, bathed my son and got him in bed. By the time I sat down it was midnight and I do that on just about a daily basis. Occasionally I'll blow off my "chores" for a night off and do double the work the next day. So I hope you can understand why it offends me, not that I think any less of you. I don't care that people stay home with their kids, if you can do it, that's awesome but people who do work out of the home have the same responsibilities as those who stay home.

you have two jobs. I understand how you feel like you do a ton more than someone who gets to stay at home with their children but i'm not joking when I say you have two jobs. A stay at home mom works 2x (or more) as hard as a gas attendent but would you get upset at a gas attendent for saying that's their job?

No they are getting paid to do it, that's their job. Taking care of your kids is a part of being a parent part of life. To me, it's not someting to classify as a job, you aren't getting paid for it. I will admit my opinion is very biased but I feel strongly about it.

I do get paid for it, I just don't get a check. If I was to take my kids to day care, 3 and 1 years old, it would cost me 1200 dollars a month and that is the cheapest I've found. To even break even, I would have to find a job that makes 1200 a month after taxes. Instead, we keep our money, I stay home and provide my own children with all the services a day care would and then some. For me, it's about time management. My wife goes to work as a nurse, I'm at home doing all the stuff I previously mentioned. If it's not work, or a job, or whatever else I decide to call it, then it sort of sounds like I'm not doing anything with my day.

I don't think if I say I am a stay at home Dad, I take anything away from single parents who have do it all by themselves.

macpatti

I was actually just about to google the actual definition of "vacation" to see if it would count as a vacation rather than a job. Because I do agree with Mandy about it being part of being a parent and if you're not getting paid for it then technically it's not a job. BTW, I don't envy you having to work and take care of your kids, way to go!

I was actually using the word "vOcation" to refer to how I feel about being a stay at home mom. I stayed home with our two oldest, but now I work in education, so I have the same hours as our school aged kids. My hours are flexible, so I can still be "class mom", attend field trips, and show up at school once in a while. If I had babies again, I'd be home!