Stay at home mom or not?
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I do get paid for it, I just don't get a check. If I was to take my kids to day care, 3 and 1 years old, it would cost me 1200 dollars a month and that is the cheapest I've found. To even break even, I would have to find a job that makes 1200 a month after taxes. Instead, we keep our money, I stay home and provide my own children with all the services a day care would and then some. For me, it's about time management. My wife goes to work as a nurse, I'm at home doing all the stuff I previously mentioned. If it's not work, or a job, or whatever else I decide to call it, then it sort of sounds like I'm not doing anything with my day.
I don't think if I say I am a stay at home Dad, I take anything away from single parents who have do it all by themselves.
Yeah, in your case, it makes more sense for you to stay at home than work. As for your last statement, you DO NOT take anything from single parents, but to me what you do is a luxury. I wish I could spend the day with my kid but it's not an option unless I quit my job and go on welfare. What you do makes sense for your family and I have nothing against it. It would make no sense for you to work just to cover daycare when you could stay home with your own instead...0 -
Agreed with Mandy. That is all.0
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I do get paid for it, I just don't get a check. If I was to take my kids to day care, 3 and 1 years old, it would cost me 1200 dollars a month and that is the cheapest I've found. To even break even, I would have to find a job that makes 1200 a month after taxes. Instead, we keep our money, I stay home and provide my own children with all the services a day care would and then some. For me, it's about time management. My wife goes to work as a nurse, I'm at home doing all the stuff I previously mentioned. If it's not work, or a job, or whatever else I decide to call it, then it sort of sounds like I'm not doing anything with my day.
I don't think if I say I am a stay at home Dad, I take anything away from single parents who have do it all by themselves.
Yeah, in your case, it makes more sense for you to stay at home than work. As for your last statement, you DO NOT take anything from single parents, but to me what you do is a luxury. I wish I could spend the day with my kid but it's not an option unless I quit my job and go on welfare. What you do makes sense for your family and I have nothing against it. It would make no sense for you to work just to cover daycare when you could stay home with your own instead...
I'm just trying to state that since people who are at home raising kids and doing house chores, it should qualify as work. Just because they are my kids is besides the point. Being a good home owner, if I have the time, I mow my own lawn so it looks nice. But if I don't have the time because I'm at work or else where, I'd hire a lawn service to mow it for me. Work is work. I just think if someone walks up to me and asks what I do for a living, it's not a big deal to say "stay at home dad". What else would I say? Saying I don't work makes ME sound lazy.0 -
I just think if someone walks up to me and asks what I do for a living, it's not a big deal to say "stay at home dad". What else would I say? Saying I don't work makes ME sound lazy.
Not sure, but maybe the other OP's point of contention is using the word "job". So, if someone says, "What do you do for a living?" and you reply, "I'm a stay at home dad", that's acceptable to her. But if someone were to say, "Do you have a job?", she'd prefer you to say, "No. I'm a stay at home dad". That's just how I'm interpreting what she's saying. Hopefully, she'll correct me if I'm wrong.
Editing to add this: I respect anyone who chooses to stay home with their children. It is not easy. I don't think there is any shame in saying, "I don't have a job right now because I'm staying home with our children while my wife works". I think that's admirable! I also have no problem with someone wanting to call it a job. To me, it was always more of a vocation than job, so calling it a job takes away from the greatest reward/payment of all.0 -
Too true!I am a full-time working single mom. If I was married and we could afford to for me to stay home, I would love to have the quality time, but think I would feel like I NEEDED to work after awhile out of bored or satisfaction for myself
I only have one issue with stay at home mom's and that is when they list their career or job on facebook or elsewhere as a 'stay at home mom'. I'm sorry but that is not a JOB. It's fine to say you are a stay at home mom and I have nothing against it but when you say something like " Oh you work there? I am a stay at home mom, that's my job." I will get pretty offended. I am also a mom who takes my son to school, provides his food, clothing, shelter, toys and makes him dinner everynight AND I work 40-50 hours a week.
So moms, if you get to stay home with your kids, that is wonderful and I you you enjoy it but PLEASE do not refer to that as your job.
I disagree. If being a stay at home parent wasn't a "job" then daycares would be free. I'm a stay at home Dad and can say this is probably one of the more challenging things I have ever done. Being a stay at home parent is easy. Being a GOOD stay at home parent is sort of hard. Cooking, cleaning, teaching, discipline, diapers, this is a lot harder than other outside jobs I have had.
I think people get to hung up on the word "job". And it sucks because if I can't refer to what I do with myself during the day as my job, then I am left with telling people when asked what I do for a living as "nothing".0 -
To each their own. I have been a single working mom and now I am a stay at home mom (I am remarried). I prefer being a stay at home mom, although I will probably go back to work in future.For a woman with children, I feel that choosing to be a stay-at-home puts her in a slightly dangerous position. By giving up her career and income, plus health insurance if she lives in America, she is accepting the fact that she is, essentially, completely dependent on her husband. What happens if he meets a girl at work and runs away with her? Or he dies, becomes disabled and unable to work, or gets fired/laid off? Also, unless the husband makes an exorbitant salary, it must put a lot of pressure on him to be the solitary "breadwinner" and know that his entire family depends on his income.
This is true in some ways. I think it depends on the situation. I know someone who shouldn't be a stay at home mom, her husband doesn't make very good money. Its really hard on him. But at the same time, she really doesn't know how to do anything so the cost of daycare would probably outnumber what she could earn.
My husband earns a very good living so that is just not an issue for us, he likes for me to stay home with the kids, its not stressful for him. And for me, I was a single mom with two kids before I married my husband, so I know how stressful it is for me to try to find good daycare that I could afford and find someone that I could fully trust. That to me was beyond stressful and I personally would not have had another baby if the person I was with could not afford for me to stay home with them while they were little.0 -
I'm just trying to state that since people who are at home raising kids and doing house chores, it should qualify as work. Just because they are my kids is besides the point. Being a good home owner, if I have the time, I mow my own lawn so it looks nice. But if I don't have the time because I'm at work or else where, I'd hire a lawn service to mow it for me. Work is work. I just think if someone walks up to me and asks what I do for a living, it's not a big deal to say "stay at home dad". What else would I say? Saying I don't work makes ME sound lazy.
I agree with everything you've said. If I hire someone to watch my kids, clean my house, do the landscaping, etc I don't think anyone would have any issue with those people saying they had jobs. But when I do it it's somehow offensive to say that's my job? A job isn't just something you do for someone else in exchange for money. It's your occupation, your profession, your role, your duty, your function.
I've had people ask "What do you do?" or "Where do you work?" I tell them that I'm an at home mom and I also do taxes and finance from home. My primary role has shifted over the years. When the kids were little I worked much harder at being a SAHM than I did with taxes and finance. Now that they are older they don't require nearly as much care. But that doesn't mean my job is any less being a parent. I just have different duties. Instead of changing diapers I do more laundry and cooking.
You have 1 child. Do you think that makes you less of a parent than someone who has 4 kids? Is someone who hires a maid service, landscaper, and eats out every night less of a parent? Of course not! So why is the fact that someone chooses to work for their family somehow less of a job than someone who chooses to make a bit extra working for someone else? Is the amount of money you make really the deciding factor in whether or not you have a job? If so then I guess I have several times the "job" of a lot of people when you factor in my tax/finance business and the amount of money we saved over the years by having me at home to do the work.0 -
Why do you have to call staying at home with your kid your "job"? You don't have to say you do nothing, you can say you're a stay at home dad.0
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It sounds like we are just arguing the definitions of words then. If somethings that are work can't be considered jobs, then what do we say when we have a "big job" to do? I think that somehow people have made up their mind that it can't be a job since it's your own kids.0
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I thought that was the crux of the issue that was causing this turn of debate in the first place. Someone didn't like it when SAHPs answered the "job" question by saying they were an at home parent.Why do you have to call staying at home with your kid your "job"? You don't have to say you do nothing, you can say you're a stay at home dad.0 -
I thought that was the crux of the issue that was causing this turn of debate in the first place. Someone didn't like it when SAHPs answered the "job" question by saying they were an at home parent.Why do you have to call staying at home with your kid your "job"? You don't have to say you do nothing, you can say you're a stay at home dad.
Well I wouldn't say "Yes I have a job, I'm an at home parent." in response to the question "What is your job?" and would be puzzled at this response. Yes of course someone can say they do this all day and it's worthy of plenty of respect but I wouldn't call it a job in the career sense.0 -
I think people should come work my schedule and then we can talk about which is harder. Stay at home all day with the kids, doing all the normal SAHM stuff, then go work 40-50+ a week nights until 2 AM at a full-time job.0
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I think people should come work my schedule and then we can talk about which is harder. Stay at home all day with the kids, doing all the normal SAHM stuff, then go work 40-50+ a week nights until 2 AM at a full-time job.
I couldn't do it!0 -
There's always someone who can "one up" someone else. That doesn't really mean anything. In the early 1990s I worked 2 full time jobs while planning our wedding. That was hard. Years ago my hubby worked 84 hours/week (7/12s) on night shift 62 miles from home and we had a baby. That was hard. Then he was deployed to Iraq for 14 months working similar hours but in Iraq while our 6yo, 3yo, and me were all back home. That was even harder. But that doesn't negate the 80 hours I worked as being a walk in the park.I think people should come work my schedule and then we can talk about which is harder. Stay at home all day with the kids, doing all the normal SAHM stuff, then go work 40-50+ a week nights until 2 AM at a full-time job.0 -
There's always someone who can "one up" someone else. That doesn't really mean anything. In the early 1990s I worked 2 full time jobs while planning our wedding. That was hard. Years ago my hubby worked 84 hours/week (7/12s) on night shift 62 miles from home and we had a baby. That was hard. Then he was deployed to Iraq for 14 months working similar hours but in Iraq while our 6yo, 3yo, and me were all back home. That was even harder. But that doesn't negate the 80 hours I worked as being a walk in the park.I think people should come work my schedule and then we can talk about which is harder. Stay at home all day with the kids, doing all the normal SAHM stuff, then go work 40-50+ a week nights until 2 AM at a full-time job.
I just meant that people can argue all day about which is harder, or that being a SAHM isn't a job, etc etc, but honestly I think people who only have to do one or the other have it easiest! I'd trade with them anyday.0 -
I think people should come work my schedule and then we can talk about which is harder. Stay at home all day with the kids, doing all the normal SAHM stuff, then go work 40-50+ a week nights until 2 AM at a full-time job.
More power to you! I work two jobs but I don't have kids yet, so I can only imagine. :flowerforyou:0 -
Well I wouldn't say "Yes I have a job, I'm an at home parent." in response to the question "What is your job?" and would be puzzled at this response. Yes of course someone can say they do this all day and it's worthy of plenty of respect but I wouldn't call it a job in the career sense.
That is the ONLY scenario that bothers me. I have met dozens of women who will say, "Yes I have a job, I'm a full time mom."
Off the topic and I'm not gerenalizing but in my experience, many of the stay-at-home moms I know are also on welfare. Maybe it's my age range or where I live but that may be why it bothers me so much.0 -
Well I wouldn't say "Yes I have a job, I'm an at home parent." in response to the question "What is your job?" and would be puzzled at this response. Yes of course someone can say they do this all day and it's worthy of plenty of respect but I wouldn't call it a job in the career sense.
That is the ONLY scenario that bothers me. I have met dozens of women who will say, "Yes I have a job, I'm a full time mom."
Off the topic and I'm not gerenalizing but in my experience, many of the stay-at-home moms I know are also on welfare. Maybe it's my age range or where I live but that may be why it bothers me so much.
Maybe. Also, while it's hard to be a good stay at home parent, at least you're spending it with your CHILD whom you LOVE, not a bunch of pompous jerks at work. There's a reason they have to pay 99% of people to go to their jobs (those not working pro-bono) - because most people would rather not work! LOL While I'm sure most of these parents are more than happy to be stay at home parents. So yes I agree with your feelings.0 -
Well I wouldn't say "Yes I have a job, I'm an at home parent." in response to the question "What is your job?" and would be puzzled at this response. Yes of course someone can say they do this all day and it's worthy of plenty of respect but I wouldn't call it a job in the career sense.
That is the ONLY scenario that bothers me. I have met dozens of women who will say, "Yes I have a job, I'm a full time mom."
Off the topic and I'm not gerenalizing but in my experience, many of the stay-at-home moms I know are also on welfare. Maybe it's my age range or where I live but that may be why it bothers me so much.
Maybe. Also, while it's hard to be a good stay at home parent, at least you're spending it with your CHILD whom you LOVE, not a bunch of pompous jerks at work. There's a reason they have to pay 99% of people to go to their jobs (those not working pro-bono) - because most people would rather not work! LOL While I'm sure most of these parents are more than happy to be stay at home parents. So yes I agree with your feelings.
I get the best of both! My kids AND the pompous jerks!! LOL!0 -
I highly recommend looking at all options when you actually do conceive...as much as no one wants to be that person that's like "oh, you just don't know until you have a kid" it really is true. Lots of the ideas I had about parenting/being a mother/working/maintaining my sense of self flew out the window once I was actually in the thick of it. So have a plan, but be flexible and recognize that it's okay to not "stick to plan".
I work outside of the home b/c we can't afford for me not to, but I think I would choose to work at least PT even if I didn't have to. I do feel like I don't get to spend as much time with my son as I want, but sometimes after a hard weekend I also look forward to sitting down at my desk Monday and having a clean slate and adults to talk to.
Being a mother is hard either way.0 -
I never plan on having children. But I stay at home, and it isn't by choice. I'm at home on disability, and it sucks. It isn't something I would ever really choose for myself if I did have the choice.
My sister is an at-home-mom and has 4 children. She and her husband believe that it is a woman's duty and calling to stay at home and raise children. She and I disagree about this, but I respect her decision.0 -
Well I wouldn't say "Yes I have a job, I'm an at home parent." in response to the question "What is your job?" and would be puzzled at this response. Yes of course someone can say they do this all day and it's worthy of plenty of respect but I wouldn't call it a job in the career sense.
That is the ONLY scenario that bothers me. I have met dozens of women who will say, "Yes I have a job, I'm a full time mom."
Off the topic and I'm not gerenalizing but in my experience, many of the stay-at-home moms I know are also on welfare. Maybe it's my age range or where I live but that may be why it bothers me so much.
Maybe. Also, while it's hard to be a good stay at home parent, at least you're spending it with your CHILD whom you LOVE, not a bunch of pompous jerks at work. There's a reason they have to pay 99% of people to go to their jobs (those not working pro-bono) - because most people would rather not work! LOL While I'm sure most of these parents are more than happy to be stay at home parents. So yes I agree with your feelings.
I get the best of both! My kids AND the pompous jerks!! LOL!
I work with Realtors. I would much rather be at home than dealing with some of the "Don't you know who I am?" and "the world revovles aroune me" kind of people. Jerks. :laugh:0 -
I think the major reason why I work is because I love my profession and because I worked my behind off for 5 years of college, to earn my degrees. One of my major goals in life was to get my degrees and to work in my field of study. Now that I have completed that goal, I don't think I would be happy staying at home.0
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I think the major reason why I work is because I love my profession and because I worked my behind off during 5 years college to earn my degrees. One of my major goals in life was to get my degrees and to work in my field of study. Now that I have completed that goal, I don't think I would be happy staying at home.
Same here! I work my butt of to get my master's, and I damn well want to use it!
I just remembered a story that my friend told me...she went to a large school in the South and told me that when she would go to class, parties, etc. as a freshman, her and some other girls would make small talk. Often the question of what their major was would come up. More than a few of the girls told her, "I'm studying _______ for now, but it doesn't really matter because I'm just here to find a husband." Please pardon the blanket generalization about the South, but...wow. :noway:0 -
My sister is an at-home-mom and has 4 children. She and her husband believe that it is a woman's duty and calling to stay at home and raise children. She and I disagree about this, but I respect her decision.
That attitude pisses me off, but like you I'd just bite my tongue. I think it's sad if a woman feels like she "has" to be a stay at home mom.0 -
My sister is an at-home-mom and has 4 children. She and her husband believe that it is a woman's duty and calling to stay at home and raise children. She and I disagree about this, but I respect her decision.
That attitude pisses me off, but like you I'd just bite my tongue. I think it's sad if a woman feels like she "has" to be a stay at home mom.
I was 17 when they got married back in 1994, and they wrote out their entire wedding ceremony. In her vows she said that she would make sure she did everything to support his goals and dreams, but he did not say the same thing to her. We definitely were not raised to feel this way but in their faith this is how they feel a woman should be. I definitely do not agree with her way of thinking and had a HUGE issue about their vows when they got married. But now I just let it be, as she is happy. I've made decisions that she doesn't agree with, and she lets it be too. So we respect each other's life choices, even though we don't agree with them.0 -
Well I wouldn't say "Yes I have a job, I'm an at home parent." in response to the question "What is your job?" and would be puzzled at this response. Yes of course someone can say they do this all day and it's worthy of plenty of respect but I wouldn't call it a job in the career sense.
That is the ONLY scenario that bothers me. I have met dozens of women who will say, "Yes I have a job, I'm a full time mom."
Off the topic and I'm not gerenalizing but in my experience, many of the stay-at-home moms I know are also on welfare. Maybe it's my age range or where I live but that may be why it bothers me so much.
Maybe. Also, while it's hard to be a good stay at home parent, at least you're spending it with your CHILD whom you LOVE, not a bunch of pompous jerks at work. There's a reason they have to pay 99% of people to go to their jobs (those not working pro-bono) - because most people would rather not work! LOL While I'm sure most of these parents are more than happy to be stay at home parents. So yes I agree with your feelings.
I get the best of both! My kids AND the pompous jerks!! LOL!
I work with Realtors. I would much rather be at home than dealing with some of the "Don't you know who I am?" and "the world revovles aroune me" kind of people. Jerks. :laugh:
Oh I'm with you. I work for the Corporate Consumer Affairs office for an upscale Hotel brand. I get a lot of the entitlement crap too. CEO's of businesses that want everything catered for them, etc etc.0 -
Oh I'm with you. I work for the Corporate Consumer Affairs office for an upscale Hotel brand. I get a lot of the entitlement crap too. CEO's of businesses that want everything catered for them, etc etc.
The best part is that they think I work FOR them. I don't, they voluntarily choose to use my serivce and it's non-profit. I don't have to answer to them like they think I do. Entitlement at it's best!0 -
My sister is an at-home-mom and has 4 children. She and her husband believe that it is a woman's duty and calling to stay at home and raise children. She and I disagree about this, but I respect her decision.
That attitude pisses me off, but like you I'd just bite my tongue. I think it's sad if a woman feels like she "has" to be a stay at home mom.
I was 17 when they got married back in 1994, and they wrote out their entire wedding ceremony. In her vows she said that she would make sure she did everything to support his goals and dreams, but he did not say the same thing to her. We definitely were not raised to feel this way but in their faith this is how they feel a woman should be. I definitely do not agree with her way of thinking and had a HUGE issue about their vows when they got married. But now I just let it be, as she is happy. I've made decisions that she doesn't agree with, and she lets it be too. So we respect each other's life choices, even though we don't agree with them.
I recently went to a Baptist wedding like this. The ENTIRE ceremony centered around the wife catering to the husband. You could tell some of the non-baptist people there were kind of looking around like, " WTF?!" at certain parts of the ceremony. Not one mention of what the man should do for his wife.0 -
My sister is an at-home-mom and has 4 children. She and her husband believe that it is a woman's duty and calling to stay at home and raise children. She and I disagree about this, but I respect her decision.
That attitude pisses me off, but like you I'd just bite my tongue. I think it's sad if a woman feels like she "has" to be a stay at home mom.
I was 17 when they got married back in 1994, and they wrote out their entire wedding ceremony. In her vows she said that she would make sure she did everything to support his goals and dreams, but he did not say the same thing to her. We definitely were not raised to feel this way but in their faith this is how they feel a woman should be. I definitely do not agree with her way of thinking and had a HUGE issue about their vows when they got married. But now I just let it be, as she is happy. I've made decisions that she doesn't agree with, and she lets it be too. So we respect each other's life choices, even though we don't agree with them.
I recently went to a Baptist wedding like this. The ENTIRE ceremony centered around the wife catering to the husband. You could tell some of the non-baptist people there were kind of looking around like, " WTF?!" at certain parts of the ceremony. Not one mention of what the man should do for his wife.
But didn't you know? The Bible says the wife must always submit to her husband!
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