Who's with me?
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Hey Vacherin,
Good to see you here! I have found this group really really helpful - and am in fact feeling the need for that help a bit more often these last few days! I just posted a few days ago saying I wasn't going to have any more wine for two weeks and have already broken that promise 2x. I think for now - given the fact that I am about to help host my sister's wedding and have lots of family in town, etc. - that maybe I need to modify to only a six glasses a week, none in the house and never more than 2 in a sitting.0 -
Hi Martha
Sounds as though things have been a bit tough lately, and not going to get much easier with your social life the way it's going to be. Maybe you just need to be a bit kind to yourself for a while and recognise that you're doing as well as you can in the circumstances. You need to be able to enjoy the wedding without beating yourself up over the wine thing!! If you can keep it to reasonably moderate you'll be doing well - than after the wedding you can get back into it with a vengeance! Sounds as though you have a plan anyway :-) Good luck - keep posting if you need support!0 -
Hi again
I would HATE to go to a wedding and not drink, so don't beat yourself up too much about that one - especially as it's your sister's. If you are hosting then it's not as if you will get totally wasted anyway, but you will be able to have just enough to enjoy the occasion. Sometimes you really should not drink (e.g. when you're just bored at home), but something like your sister's wedding is a time when you should enjoy yourself.
I can't believe I've done almost 9 weeks without drink. Going out is still very difficult, especially with the weather getting better - soon it will be the season of sitting outside in pub beer gardens, and I really would not want to do that drinking just water whilst everyone else had wine or beer. I think it's a case of finding something else to do which is equally summery and fun, but I don't know what that will be as yet ...
Hope everyone else is doing well with their cutting-out or cutting-down endeavours! My husband is still off the naughty juice although he hurt his back really badly and is very down about it, so I am trying hard at the moment to convince him that starting to drink again won't help long-term!
x0 -
Hi - I'm with you Vacherin - it's 9 weeks today for me and I can't believe how much better I feel! Good luck with finding a fun non-drinking thing to do - and keep us posted when you find it!
Martha - I hope things are going well for the wedding planning and that you're enjoying yourself with absolutely no guilt!
My first real challenge will come for me on Wednesday, when the people I work with are going out en masse for a pub quiz night. I really enjoy them, but this will be my first non-alcoholic one and I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's also pub food, so it's a bit of a double whammy for me. I have the menu in advance so I can plan what I eat and I know I'll be drinking sparkling water, so fingers crossed it'll be fine. We have at least one other non-drinker in the office, and my non-drinking is public knowledge, so at least people won't be pressuring me. It'll just be me thinking how nice just one glass would be - except it wouldn't be just one glass! Wish me luck.
Christine0 -
Hey there - Thanks for the support. I decided today to just quit harassing myself. I am a bit stressed lately - but mostly by a surfeit of happy things -- and have decided that the good news is that even under stress I am drinking much (MUCH MUCH even) less than I was a month ago. The key with me is not to keep it in the house. THAT's when the trouble starts! And pubs are tough. I love sitting outside at our favorite local place with a glass of wine. I wish you both the best of luck on your visits to similar places. Good for you for checking the menu ahead of time, Opal, and thinking through what you will do. I find that is crucial for me actually changing my behavior -- planning what I am going to do and then visualizing how exactly I will do it. Sometimes, I visualize how healthy the water is making me while drinking it and that helps me enjoy it more.0
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Opal, I've done a few sober pub quizzes now and they are actually ok. I was nervous as hell about the first one, thinking the sight of other people drinking would make me flip out and run amok, stabbing other quiz-goers with my answer-writing pen, but the fact that there were questions to answer actually provided a distraction from the drink, or lack of. The food also meant that there was something else to focus on. Ironically enough, on that very first quiz night my husband and I, in our team of 2, came second, and our prize was ... 6 pints.
(Luckily the prize came in voucher form and my husband is saving it to spend on his men's day out watching rugby in the pub on St Patrick's Day. I won't be joining him ...)
Good idea to get the menu in advance so that you can make a healthy choice, or have what you want but try to compensate during the day, OR decide sod it, you are going to eat what you want but just not drink. I don't think going over on your calories on the odd day is such a bad thing, but not planning for it can make it seem like the end of the world.
GOOD LUCK - YOU CAN DO IT! xxx
Edited for spelling!0 -
I'm day 12 down for lent 35 to go!
That is all
:drinker:0 -
Congratulations helenoftroy!!! Keep it up!!!0
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two weeks in!!!!
Definitely craving sweets and chocolate, but anything has got to be better than "needing" a bottle of wine at 500 calories right?!0 -
Hey there Helenoftroy - congrats to you! And definitely, any of those choices is better than a bottle of wine. For one thing, you don't get the headache!0
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Two weeks is fantastic! Well done - is it becoming the new 'normal' yet?0
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It is almost normal for me - my sister came for dinner on Sunday night and I didn't offer her any wine because I forgot! She didn't mind (and said she would have asked for some if she had really wanted any) but it was sort of funny AND good that i forgot, because it means it's no longer something I just reach for out of habit.
Interesting fact: when I first gave up drinking I didn't manage to save any money and couldn't understand why. But, now that my husband has also given up, my bank account is up by around 200 pounds more than it normally would be 10 days before pay day. So clearly I have been paying for all his booze like a chump.0 -
It is odd how quickly not drinking becomes the norm, isn't it? I was out to dinner with non-drinkers last night and whereas at one time I would have had the thought of a glass (or two) of wine in the back (or front) of my mind, last night I didn't even think about it until someone else mentioned a drink. And they meant a drink of water :-)
Scary, isn't it about the money thing? Life must be easier for you vacherin now your husband's given up as well.
I cringe when I think about how much money I've thrown away over the years. Never again. If and when I decide I can have wine again, it will be the very occasional bottle of really nice wine that I can appreciate properly. NOT the sort of ok quaffing wine that I'd got used to.0 -
I have noticed I think about it much less! Hardly at all. last night however I went to get some water and my wine glass was just staring at me all sad! It looked so unused, I actually felt a twinge for a moment.
But I am persisting. I'm one one week away from being half way through!
Everyone is doing fab! It's great how this group is still going strong, there's a lot of need out there for it!
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Oh God, Helen, I feel the twinge all the time! I am no longer in the HABIT of drinking every night, but it doesn't mean I don't want to! I really wanted a glass or two tonight after a horrible week at work, and so did Mr Vach, but somehow we resisted. We have probably taken in about the equivalent number of calories in chocolate and cheese, but never mind.
On Sunday I will have done 70 days without booze! Only another, erm, 230 to go ...0 -
LOL Vacherin - 70 tomorrow for me as well, but I still have 285 to go! My 365 days is up on New Year's Eve! And I think the great thing is that even though the craving's still there, you're resisting it (we'll ignore the chocolate and cheese!).
Oh - and I didn't have to face the fear and do it anyway at the quiz night. I didn't go - had a meeting that went on late on Tuesday night and another on Thursday and just couldn't face three week nights out in a row. Plus I have a cold, so feeling crappy anyway. I'll just have to meet the challenge another time.0 -
I haven't committed to stop drinking quite yet but I know I want to. I'm just like you...the evening are the worse and my hubby is a big drinker. I've turned it into a habit and I just can't seem to break it. I find an excuse to drink everyday on my way home from work and I stop at the store. I've even quite smoking for 7 years and started that back two years ago.
I'm in my need of support. Something to do when I get home that stops me from drinking. I don't have kids so I'm pretty bored when I get off work so I drink. I would love to find friends on here that could encourage me and I can do the same for me.
It's now 4:05 pm and the hubby and I usually crack a beer around 4:30. I need the motivation to not drink. I know I would loss weight but it doesn't stop me from cracking that beer, ugh!!!!
Thanks for listening!Hello!
I made a New Year Resolution not to drink this year until my birthday, which is in mid Oct. I can't say I have enjoyed it so far because I love drinking, but I really needed to do it for weight loss and general health reasons; obviously it's just empty calories, plus it makes you crave nasty food and, worst of all, it leaves you too wrecked to exercise the next day. The other thing that has made it difficult is the fact that my husband is a massive drinker - until about a week ago, when he decided he needed to stop as well, there was a constant supply of alcohol in the house and he was glugging in front of me every night. HOWEVER, despite this, I have managed to do almost 2 months without - woo-hoo!
I still find every day quite difficult - not so much the morning and afternoon, but definitely coming home in the evening. It's also hard turning down pub invitations - being a non-drinker in a pub, and paying handsomely for the privilege via extortionate fruit juices and bottled waters, is not fun. BUT I have lost weight! And I am hoping that, sometime in the near future, my skin will remember that I am not a hormonal 14 year old and correct itself to reflect my pure living!
Please add me as a friend because I could do with some boozeless cheerleaders (and am willing to be one myself) - I find talking about it motivates me to go on. I haven't read every post on this thread yet but will do now and am looking forward to reading some tips on how to keep going!
V xxx0 -
Hey Jenniegeo and all,
TOTALLY know where you are coming from with the "reasons" to buy bottle of wine (or whatever) on way home from work. I was doing that for years. A few months ago the grocery store nearest my house (nice wine selection) moved a few miles away and as soon as I heard the news my thought was not, "Oh no, no convenient place to buy Healthful Phuud" but instead "Crap! Now I'll have to really need a reason to go out of my way and buy wine!" The last couple of months I haven't had wine in the house as often and it has really helped a lot. I am not totally off alcohol but drinking much, much less. And overall I feel better (and have more money!).
The thing is, I'm not sure why it is so tempting to drink right at that time of day. I am happy to be home, life is basically good. My sister once observed that my mother didn't permit herself to relax unless she had stopped to eat -- lunch break must have been the only legit break in her house growing up -- and so she would sit down and eat often throughout the day. (My mother has always battled her weight and is miserable/ashamed about it.) I think for me the wine serves something similar maybe. I think just doing "nothing" -- like watching Modern Family with my kids and laughing -- is totally indulgent so I need wine to convince me that's okay. I think for me often the alcohol is my Get Out of (More) Work Free card. I mean if I were going to be really indulgent/"wild" I would probably go home and just let myself read a novel or something (plus probably NOT TALK TO ANYONE for awhile!). But that seems too much to ask so I knock back a couple of glasses instead.
Thanks for the therapy session. I owe you all a co-pay.0 -
Hi again, everyone
I'm still smarting a little from my friend's comment that she "didn't see the point" in what I am doing at the moment. I'm annoyed that she thought it, annoyed that she said it, and damn I just think it was such a stupid thing to say, especially as she knows I am trying to lose weight and therefore there is very much a point. I am supposed to be seeing her at the weekend and can't say I am looking forward to it - no doubt she will drink, which is fine, but I am not really in the mood for the unsupportive conversation about why I can't have just the one.
My husband says she is just feeling bad because she could never do what I'm doing herself. Maybe this is true. He says she is also missing me as her ex-drinking buddy - possibly also true. But why does she have to make me feel so bad? She drinks heavily (i.e. a minimum of 1 bottle of wine a night) most nights, if not every night, and I have to say, she doesn't look good on it - she is starting to get broken veins around her nose, she looks 5 years older than me even thought she is only a month older, and her body looks bloated, puffy and heavy even though I am actually heavier than her. I don't want to go back to being that person; I sort of look at her and think, "Wow, I must have looked like that." I know it must sound mean to look at a friend and say I wouldn't want to look like that, but she didn't look like this before and I know she wouldn't look like this if she drank less.
I have now done over 10 weeks without alcohol and I want to go on. I wish she would stop trying to convince me to give up!0 -
Hi Vacherin
It must be really hard feeling that you're getting no support from a friend - and not just no support, but active discouragement. I have a feeling that your husband may well have hit the nail on the head in that it's simply sour grapes on your friend's behalf, but that doesn't make it any easier for you.
I'm really lucky in that I don't have anyone in my life who's negative about the changes I've made, and I honestly am not sure how I'd feel if I did have. The exception is the good friend who is so embarrassed about drinking when I'm not that I feel guilty for not drinking around her :-). But not guilty enough to start again!
I think all I can say is, don't let her get you down. You've done amazingly well getting to the 10 weeks (nearly 11 weeks now) without drinking and you'd feel so bad if you were to give up now. Be proud of your achievement and stick with it. You know you can always vent on here! And listen to your husband - what he says makes sense and he sounds like a great cheerleader for you! Good luck.
Christine0 -
I'm half way through lent now. Only three weeks and 2 days left. Went out with the boyf last weekend and didn't touch a drop. He on the other hand polished off a bottle of white wine (he did this *for me* apparently cos I don't like white!!!) and a couple of whiskeys!
Loved the attention I got!
Going for a couple of sparkling waters tomorrow evening to celebrate St Ps but my friends are being surprisingly supportive of my decision not to drink, and they are usually the first ones begging me to drink!
I can't say I've seen that much difference, I overloaded on chocolate and crisps the other day and was promptly sick as a dog for 24 hours and it felt like a hangover, and I am firmly in the 160s so maybe that's the benefits!
Oh well ,three weeks to go and then I *may* have a beer in the sun!
We'll see!!0 -
Vanherin, you go girl!!! Keep it up and everyday you'll feel so proud! I agree with your husband. Give your friend time though. If she's a true friend you'll come around and learn to be more supportive and not jealous.
Martha, your last couple brought tears to my eyes because everything you were saying is so true!!! Thank you and thank you to everyone for this group! God knows I need it!
What's hard is my husband has no desire to lay off the drinking. I can't seem to find the will power to not drink when I see him doing it. 0 -
Actually, the weekend with my friend was not too bad - she drank, I didn't, and neither of us commented on what the other was doing. What was weird was that she remarked on how loose my jeans looked - and yet she says there is no point in what I'm doing?
I can totally empathise with the food hangover though - after gorging on cheese and chocolate all weekend (and spectacularly going over my calories), I actually feel as if I've been drinking the whole time. I am actually looking forward to my healthy breakfast of blueberries, yogurt, oatmeal and sesame seeds! I have read some people say that having a scoffy weekend, and then going back to healthy eating, actually seems to give their weight loss a bit of a boost - here's hoping it happens to me!0 -
Funny - I just opened this up to ask you how the weekend went Vacherin and I didn't need to. I'm glad it went well, and that you stuck to your commitment, without having to justify your self again. Nice to have the comment made about your jeans too! I'd definitely say there's a little of the green-eyed monster involved in your friend's attitude.
And yes to the food hangover. I had a friend over for dinner on Friday. It was her birthday earlier in the week and I'd made a (semi) healthy chocolate mousse for our dessert as a sort of birthday cake! I woke up on Saturday feeling absolutely foul and wanting nothing more to do with chocolate for the forseeable future.
And you may well find that you get a weight loss boost. My weigh in on Sunday didn't show one, but when I stepped on the scales this morning I'd dropped nearly half a kilo! Fingers crossed for you.0 -
Hey all,
Great to see that everyone is making such progress! I totally agree, Vacherin, your friend is mostly scared of losing you/jealous of what you are doing.
Jenniegeo - I'm reading (slowly and in fits and starts) this great book by Martha Beck called something like "Finding your way in the Wild World" and it is really giving me the idea that listening to that voice - any voice that feels really authentic is not just okay but really crucial. The last couple of nights I have just let myself wander off for a bit when I needed to and it was great.
That said, this past week was not alcohol free for me by a long shot plus I overate many days (sister and lots of family in town for my sister's wedding) BUT! I did realize that I do not like eating heavily nor drinking alcohol really. Actually do not like it. It feels crappy to wake up feeling like that, it feels crappy not long after consuming it all, etc. I think, once again, a lot of the impulse (for me anyway) to eat lots of fatty stuff and to drink alcohol is to shut up my own feelings - like the feeling that i have had enough of listening to my endlessly "teasing" relatives and angry/disappointed side chatter from various people about various other people and the other general stresses of lots of family being together. Oi.
Back at logging calories and clean living today - or more accurately easy living in my case (because I feel easier of spirit and general nerves when paying attention like this).
Happy spring to all - it's in full bloom here.
Martha0 -
Funny story - went out to dinner last night with 5 friends who used to work together. We were going to farewell one of us who's moving back to Kansas City (her hometown) for a year with her husband and kids. We hadn't been all together for probably 5 years and the last time we met all of us were wine drinkers to a greater or lesser degree. Last night as each of us arrived and ordered drinks FOUR of the six of us were off alcohol!! So strange - and I'd been wondering how I'd feel being the only non-drinker. Made it a very easy evening.
Good to see everyone's updates. Glad you survived your social time Martha and that you're back on track. Vacherin, I loved your story about the champagne weights!
Oh and happy spring to all you northern people - autumn here, the weather is as foul as it's been all 'summer', and winter's on its way. Ugh!0 -
I have just got back from a sober night out with the husband - we went to a cheap and cheerful Persian restaurant round the corner and I had a yummy lamb and lentil stew with dried limes, which has an exotic name that I can't pronounce or spell. I actually didn't miss the booze, although this is probably because there was food to distract me - I still don't think I could handle a pub night out.
I had a thought the other day - another of the things that makes not drinking so hard for me, is that people want to know WHY ... and you have to explain yourself. When we went to my in-laws' at the weekend, they wanted to know why - and I could tell by the horrified look on their faces that they thought I was pregnant. (Long story but the reason why this would fill them with horror is because my husband has 3 kids aged 16-24 from 2 previous marriages, and the respective relationship break-ups have basically turned them into quite mean, dysfunctional people - I don't think the grandparents were especially relishing the thought of adding another one to the mix!)
If you decide to have a period of time off drink, everyone asks why. Yet if you tell people you're going to go out and get absolutely wasted, nobody asks why! Does anyone else find that weird?0 -
ha ha love the above comment, so true!
Everyone says I think I'll open a bottle tonight, or I'm so gonna get wrecked this weekend, and nobody bats an eyelid, but I've noticed when I say I' not drinking people ask why!
29 days in
18 days to go.
It's definitely been an eye opener this going without alcohol malarky. Some times I forget I'm doing it and it's all fine, other times, I wonder why the hell I am doing it and other times I just want a glass of wine real bad!
I've gotta say I am pretty proud of myself for going this far, as a lot of my friends have fallen by the wayside with their giving up things for lent.0 -
Just went for a sober meal out, steak too. I missed the red wine but it is worth it to feel good tomorrow.
Going to try a full month starting 1 April. :-)0 -
Hey all,
It sounds like everyone is doing so well - congratulations to you all!! Let them wonder, I say. I wish I had been forcing more people to wonder about me lately. (Instead, I was blending right in....)
While my sister was in town to get married I indulged (tho mostly did not overindulge) at several wine-filled events. The night of her wedding I way overindulged (wine). This lead to a week of having-a-drink-while-making dinner (and another while eating it and maybe half a glass more as a chaser). The last stop on the WhoRUKidding? express was this past Friday when I got to 4 glasses at a large bday party I attended for a good friend and then only stopped because the hostess's teenage sons were tending bar/helping host and I was too embarrassed to ask for another glass. This is what happens if I let myself get "casual" in my attitude towards drinking. Oi. I spent this last weekend eating a whole foods "cleansing" diet courtesy of Dr. Oz and now am feeling great but my relationship with wine/alcohol still bugs me. I am just not sure where I stand in relation to it. I don't think I'm an alcoholic - and certainly those in recovery I do know say Absolutely Not - but then again I am not comfortable with my reactions either. At the first signs of stress I just want to uncork. However, I KNOW I feel 100% better when I don't drink. I have more energy, sleep better, etc. etc. etc.
The first week of April I will face a real test as we are going to my father in law's house for a few days. It is the Mothership of good wine and enthusiastic wine drinkers. Plus we never have to drive anywhere so at night everyone just sits around cooking, eating and drinking. I do NOT want to do that though. I still remember a night from last April with the same crew when I drank way too much red and felt absolutely AWFUL going to bed. My saving grace might be my bro-in-law who is a sweetheart and a tee-totaller after years in AA.
LisaSmuts maybe I will join you in just not drinking for April and tell everyone there that I am on a quest with a partner on MFP. That will be enough to stop the inquiries probably... not. If I'm honest though it's only partly their reaction that I care about. Another, bigger, part of me just wants to slurp up all that good wine.
Hm.... Sorry for the long post. Any observations/thoughts would be most welcome. This is one area where I feel like I honestly cannot read/see myself clearly.0
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