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I told him last night that he's grown on me and how much I care about him. It was a nice conversation. I know he cares about me too, just not the same.nononono...
I know he's moving and you're trying to soak up the time, but please don't let him stay over.
You got that right... he doesn't care about you the same... if he did truly care about what's best you, I'm supposing he wouldn't sleep over (or cuddle or even spend much time with you) after hearing how much you're growing to care for him. I'm not trying to be all in your chili, I just feel so bad for the heartbreak I'm afraid you'll have (I soooo hope I'm wrong). I'm not saying "do it my way" because I haven't spent the night cuddling in a long, long time and I know that's at odds with what most of this group wants. I just feel like you're worth so much more than this.
I am. But I promise you, my friend lover has NO idea that I feel this way about him. I don't act it. I mean, I'm happy when I'm around him and all but he knows I'm always very bubbly. I never get jealous, not that's done anything disrespectful but my feelings aren't displayed to him. I don't get touchy with him except for as of recently because I've decided to get flirty with him but last night, I was definately playing the role of the coolest friend ever because, well I am! I'm a fun girl, what can I say!
The sleeping over thing.. he lives closer to downtown and I live about 13 minutes away on the opposite side of town. It's just more convenient to stay over especially because we like to drink.
If he knew that I fell for him he'd probably be a lot more careful and considerate but at this point he has no clue and I rather have it that way, I suppose. Like I said before, I'm okay with being just friends. It sucks because we'd be great together as more than just friends but he's the kind of person that is worth having in life.
I do wonder if he ever feels "confused" about me. I wonder if he ever thinks about me in more than a friend way at times. I'll see him checking me out sometimes and there are times where I'll feel some sort of tension between us. He'll act nervous around me too. He hardly ever checks out women when I'm around although he does look. He has never flirted with anybody else in front of me.0 -
Twirly is the feeling you get, not the act of addressing twirly. If she's freaking friend lover, this won't end well.
I'm not freaking him and I'm not going to, especially with him. Unless we went down the relationship path, I know myself too well and I'd turn into a hot mess and like you said, it won't end well... so yeah.
I admire your resolve honey, I certainly wouldnt have so much control, especially skinny dipping.........that's just horny, right there!! :laugh:0 -
um the skinny dipping wasn't sexy lol.
it was COLD last night.. I was wearing jeans and a fitted hoodie and he was in jeans and a hoodie so why I wanted to swim, I have no clue. we lasted like 10 minutes at the most, walked home 1/2 naked laughing and shivering.
i don't know why i told him to grab my boob and i actually don't remember that part but in the car after lunch he starts cracking up and he's like "i just remembered something random from last night" and so i asked him what and he told me that he squeezed my boob because i told him to touch it to see how cold it was?? LOL I started cracking up and saying "why the hell would I do that?". He said "I don't know, you get weird when you drink".
lol0 -
Perhaps I am showing how much of a hayseed or hick I am but I am honestly confused.
I do believe that a guy and a lady can be friends and it be a completely innocent relationship but for a guy to get naked in your presence,touch a part of your body that does have sexual overtones,cuddle with you and then sleep in the same bed but exhibit no sexual desire at all is to me hard to grasp.
I am not being judgmental in the least,please understand it is an honest "what the?" and I suspect makes you wonder a bit too.0 -
I've seen him naked before and vice versa... We were drinking last night so that was why we swam naked. I would have never done that sober (I think).
Our friendship is much like a frat boys type of relationship. We are the same exact person except for gender. He is just as wild as I am, will say stupid stuff, isn't afraid of what others think of him and if you dare him to do something, he'd do it. I'm exactly like that except for a bit more cautious.0 -
I told him last night that he's grown on me and how much I care about him. It was a nice conversation. I know he cares about me too, just not the same.nononono... I know he's moving and you're trying to soak up the time, but please don't let him stay over.
You got that right... he doesn't care about you the same... if he did truly care about what's best you, I'm supposing he wouldn't sleep over (or cuddle or even spend much time with you) after hearing how much you're growing to care for him. I'm not trying to be all in your chili, I just feel so bad for the heartbreak I'm afraid you'll have (I soooo hope I'm wrong). I'm not saying "do it my way" because I haven't spent the night cuddling in a long, long time and I know that's at odds with what most of this group wants. I just feel like you're worth so much more than this.
I am. But I promise you, my friend lover has NO idea that I feel this way about him. I don't act it. I mean, I'm happy when I'm around him and all but he knows I'm always very bubbly. I never get jealous, not that's done anything disrespectful but my feelings aren't displayed to him. I don't get touchy with him except for as of recently because I've decided to get flirty with him but last night, I was definately playing the role of the coolest friend ever because, well I am! I'm a fun girl, what can I say!
The sleeping over thing.. he lives closer to downtown and I live about 13 minutes away on the opposite side of town. It's just more convenient to stay over especially because we like to drink.
If he knew that I fell for him he'd probably be a lot more careful and considerate but at this point he has no clue and I rather have it that way, I suppose. Like I said before, I'm okay with being just friends. It sucks because we'd be great together as more than just friends but he's the kind of person that is worth having in life.
I do wonder if he ever feels "confused" about me. I wonder if he ever thinks about me in more than a friend way at times. I'll see him checking me out sometimes and there are times where I'll feel some sort of tension between us. He'll act nervous around me too. He hardly ever checks out women when I'm around although he does look. He has never flirted with anybody else in front of me.
ummmm.....i would be willing to bet that he either knows or at least has an idea about the way you feel about him. Since it hasnt been said its easier to ignore. "Out of sight out of mind" kind of thing right.
There's so much I could offer on this subject. Instead, I want you to know I think its great you have someone in your life you connect so well with. That very concept tends to be rare this day in age. I admire that.
Proceed with caution. He doesnt leave until June. Alot can happen in three months.0 -
I told him last night that he's grown on me and how much I care about him. It was a nice conversation. I know he cares about me too, just not the same.nononono... I know he's moving and you're trying to soak up the time, but please don't let him stay over.
You got that right... he doesn't care about you the same... if he did truly care about what's best you, I'm supposing he wouldn't sleep over (or cuddle or even spend much time with you) after hearing how much you're growing to care for him. I'm not trying to be all in your chili, I just feel so bad for the heartbreak I'm afraid you'll have (I soooo hope I'm wrong). I'm not saying "do it my way" because I haven't spent the night cuddling in a long, long time and I know that's at odds with what most of this group wants. I just feel like you're worth so much more than this.
I am. But I promise you, my friend lover has NO idea that I feel this way about him. I don't act it. I mean, I'm happy when I'm around him and all but he knows I'm always very bubbly. I never get jealous, not that's done anything disrespectful but my feelings aren't displayed to him. I don't get touchy with him except for as of recently because I've decided to get flirty with him but last night, I was definately playing the role of the coolest friend ever because, well I am! I'm a fun girl, what can I say!
The sleeping over thing.. he lives closer to downtown and I live about 13 minutes away on the opposite side of town. It's just more convenient to stay over especially because we like to drink.
If he knew that I fell for him he'd probably be a lot more careful and considerate but at this point he has no clue and I rather have it that way, I suppose. Like I said before, I'm okay with being just friends. It sucks because we'd be great together as more than just friends but he's the kind of person that is worth having in life.
I do wonder if he ever feels "confused" about me. I wonder if he ever thinks about me in more than a friend way at times. I'll see him checking me out sometimes and there are times where I'll feel some sort of tension between us. He'll act nervous around me too. He hardly ever checks out women when I'm around although he does look. He has never flirted with anybody else in front of me.
ummmm.....i would be willing to bet that he either knows or at least has an idea about the way you feel about him. Since it hasnt been said its easier to ignore. "Out of sight out of mind" kind of thing right.
There's so much I could offer on this subject. Instead, I want you to know I think its great you have someone in your life you connect so well with. That very concept tends to be rare this day in age. I admire that.
Proceed with caution. He doesnt leave until June. Alot can happen in three months.
But I thought guys were clueless? I don't gush over him. I don't call or text him often at all. We both reach out and we both make plans with one another.
I am myself with him (goofy) so he knows I'm comfortable with him, maybe TOO comfortable so I figured he felt that I like him as a friend too.
Or am I naive? That's very possible lol.
*you've made me feel paranoid now*
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I told him last night that he's grown on me and how much I care about him. It was a nice conversation. I know he cares about me too, just not the same.nononono... I know he's moving and you're trying to soak up the time, but please don't let him stay over.
You got that right... he doesn't care about you the same... if he did truly care about what's best you, I'm supposing he wouldn't sleep over (or cuddle or even spend much time with you) after hearing how much you're growing to care for him. I'm not trying to be all in your chili, I just feel so bad for the heartbreak I'm afraid you'll have (I soooo hope I'm wrong). I'm not saying "do it my way" because I haven't spent the night cuddling in a long, long time and I know that's at odds with what most of this group wants. I just feel like you're worth so much more than this.
I am. But I promise you, my friend lover has NO idea that I feel this way about him. I don't act it. I mean, I'm happy when I'm around him and all but he knows I'm always very bubbly. I never get jealous, not that's done anything disrespectful but my feelings aren't displayed to him. I don't get touchy with him except for as of recently because I've decided to get flirty with him but last night, I was definately playing the role of the coolest friend ever because, well I am! I'm a fun girl, what can I say!
The sleeping over thing.. he lives closer to downtown and I live about 13 minutes away on the opposite side of town. It's just more convenient to stay over especially because we like to drink.
If he knew that I fell for him he'd probably be a lot more careful and considerate but at this point he has no clue and I rather have it that way, I suppose. Like I said before, I'm okay with being just friends. It sucks because we'd be great together as more than just friends but he's the kind of person that is worth having in life.
I do wonder if he ever feels "confused" about me. I wonder if he ever thinks about me in more than a friend way at times. I'll see him checking me out sometimes and there are times where I'll feel some sort of tension between us. He'll act nervous around me too. He hardly ever checks out women when I'm around although he does look. He has never flirted with anybody else in front of me.
ummmm.....i would be willing to bet that he either knows or at least has an idea about the way you feel about him. Since it hasnt been said its easier to ignore. "Out of sight out of mind" kind of thing right.
There's so much I could offer on this subject. Instead, I want you to know I think its great you have someone in your life you connect so well with. That very concept tends to be rare this day in age. I admire that.
Proceed with caution. He doesnt leave until June. Alot can happen in three months.
But I thought guys were clueless? I don't gush over him. I don't call or text him often at all. We both reach out and we both make plans with one another.
I am myself with him (goofy) so he knows I'm comfortable with him, maybe TOO comfortable so I figured he felt that I like him as a friend too.
Or am I naive? That's very possible lol.
*you've made me feel paranoid now*
Don't be paranoid. I'm just saying the idea may have crossed his mind and since the word for word discussion hasnt happened revealing the truth then its easier to ignore what he might think is there. Make sense?
All I'm really trying to say here is.....
.....be careful, for the sake of your feelings and his. Regardless of how he feels or what he knows you know how you feel and how deeply you feel. Those feelings will grow over the next few months as this "act" continues. Hopefully it grows in the direction you want.
Thus, if it feels right, as daring as it would be, create the opportunity for the feelings to be open. Have the conversation with him and tell him how you feel. Subsequently, let the path develop from there.0 -
I've seen him naked before and vice versa... We were drinking last night so that was why we swam naked. I would have never done that sober (I think).
Our friendship is much like a frat boys type of relationship. We are the same exact person except for gender. He is just as wild as I am, will say stupid stuff, isn't afraid of what others think of him and if you dare him to do something, he'd do it. I'm exactly like that except for a bit more cautious.
The problem as I see it now though is that for you this is not a friendship like that anymore.
In short somehow this has to go somewhere or it has to go away because it is clearly not emotionally healthy for you any longer.
A person just can`t go on in a state of in between,you are to some degree putting off life to keep this dream alive and knowingly or not this guy is feeding that with behavior which is not the norm for a guy and a gal who are not in a romantic relationship.
I know it makes you feel giddy (for lack of a better word) but if he has no intention of being involved with you and is truly a friend he will be sad his actions are doing this.
If he is at all responsible and reasonable he should realize that a grown man does not get naked with,cuddle with and sleep in the same bed with a lady as a friend.
That is not being a prude,I can be as risqué as any other guy and have no issues with having an adventurous sex life,it is simply a level of common sense that maturity should bring,I just don`t understand his judgment in thinking that should cause no issues to develop.
I suspect I will come across here as kind of cold and for that I apologize,I am not trying to lecture or anything like that.
Obviously it is your life and only my opinion such as that is ever worth but you deserve better then this is all.
Please take a long look at things and ask yourself if it is really fair to you and your feelings.:flowerforyou:0 -
I told him last night that he's grown on me and how much I care about him. It was a nice conversation. I know he cares about me too, just not the same.nononono... I know he's moving and you're trying to soak up the time, but please don't let him stay over.
You got that right... he doesn't care about you the same... if he did truly care about what's best you, I'm supposing he wouldn't sleep over (or cuddle or even spend much time with you) after hearing how much you're growing to care for him. I'm not trying to be all in your chili, I just feel so bad for the heartbreak I'm afraid you'll have (I soooo hope I'm wrong). I'm not saying "do it my way" because I haven't spent the night cuddling in a long, long time and I know that's at odds with what most of this group wants. I just feel like you're worth so much more than this.
I am. But I promise you, my friend lover has NO idea that I feel this way about him. I don't act it. I mean, I'm happy when I'm around him and all but he knows I'm always very bubbly. I never get jealous, not that's done anything disrespectful but my feelings aren't displayed to him. I don't get touchy with him except for as of recently because I've decided to get flirty with him but last night, I was definately playing the role of the coolest friend ever because, well I am! I'm a fun girl, what can I say!
The sleeping over thing.. he lives closer to downtown and I live about 13 minutes away on the opposite side of town. It's just more convenient to stay over especially because we like to drink.
If he knew that I fell for him he'd probably be a lot more careful and considerate but at this point he has no clue and I rather have it that way, I suppose. Like I said before, I'm okay with being just friends. It sucks because we'd be great together as more than just friends but he's the kind of person that is worth having in life.
I do wonder if he ever feels "confused" about me. I wonder if he ever thinks about me in more than a friend way at times. I'll see him checking me out sometimes and there are times where I'll feel some sort of tension between us. He'll act nervous around me too. He hardly ever checks out women when I'm around although he does look. He has never flirted with anybody else in front of me.
ummmm.....i would be willing to bet that he either knows or at least has an idea about the way you feel about him. Since it hasnt been said its easier to ignore. "Out of sight out of mind" kind of thing right.
There's so much I could offer on this subject. Instead, I want you to know I think its great you have someone in your life you connect so well with. That very concept tends to be rare this day in age. I admire that.
Proceed with caution. He doesnt leave until June. Alot can happen in three months.
But I thought guys were clueless? I don't gush over him. I don't call or text him often at all. We both reach out and we both make plans with one another.
I am myself with him (goofy) so he knows I'm comfortable with him, maybe TOO comfortable so I figured he felt that I like him as a friend too.
Or am I naive? That's very possible lol.
*you've made me feel paranoid now*
Don't be paranoid. I'm just saying the idea may have crossed his mind and since the word for word discussion hasnt happened revealing the truth then its easier to ignore what he might think is there. Make sense?
All I'm really trying to say here is.....
.....be careful, for the sake of your feelings and his. Regardless of how he feels or what he knows you know how you feel and how deeply you feel. Those feelings will grow over the next few months as this "act" continues. Hopefully it grows in the direction you want.
Thus, if it feels right, as daring as it would be, create the opportunity for the feelings to be open. Have the conversation with him and tell him how you feel. Subsequently, let the path develop from there.
It does make sense.
Another dynamic I find interesting is that he has many friends including women but one of his closest friends is female. Well she's part of the group but him and her seem to be close.
I on the other hand, don't have any guy friends besides him and another guy that I sometimes hang out with since I was married and I only had couple friends and my girlfriends. I am really liking the guy/girl friendships though. They're completely different than my friendships with women and I like this.
So I'm not sure what is "normal" and what isn't in guy/girl friendships. Like last night to me, was normal because we didn't cross a line. The boob thing was done as a joke more, not sexual. Skinny dipping well, fun drunk times and since we've been intimate with each other before, I guess we're comfortable with one another (and alcohol helps with that too). We didn't cuddle per say on the couch, it was more where I was leaning on him while his arm was resting on me. Again, nothing sexual but AGAIN, I don't know if it's "normal".0 -
Carl, no offense taken. :flowerforyou: See, we're not very mature. I mean we're responsible and such but both him and I are immature. Plus, we get drunk together. I'm just saying, a lot of our time is 'fun and crazy'. We dare each other to do stuff in public, have our own inside jokes, etc.
As far as sex is concerned, he knows I won't do the FWB thing. I told him that from the beginning after we had sex. I just made it clear because I didn't want him to think that I'd be okay with that. He said he didn't either now that he's older. We both agreed that one night just happened and it was fun.
I don't even know how I feel now. Last night was awesome and it just made me realize how glad I am to have him as a friend. Maybe I'm confused. Just the other night I was aching for him and today I feel like I just hung out with my best friend and had a blast.0 -
So he's straight, got to go skinny dipping with you, and touch your boob while you were tipsy and it didn't go any further? The poor guy surely had a terrible case of blue balls.0
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This is intense. Lol. Indont know what is going to happen next!
After reading this, I'm pretty sure this would have to become one of thr most consuming situations to be in. My guess is is that I'm pretty sure he likes you miss! And he might just be saying that stuff about the timing of him leaving cause he wants you to tell him to stay 0 -
It just seems the time has come to either move beyond this or move away from it.
My read is that it gives you a "high" of sorts similar to reading a romantic fantasy.
I get that can be fun but the key word in that is fantasy,this is real life with real feelings and real considerations.
He needs to know,if he is a decent guy and is hoping that he is winning you over then let him be aware he has.
If he is simply enjoying the benefits of a relationship minus the physical intimacy at the expense of your feelings then a decent guy won`t want to be hurting you like that.
Right now you can have the rush of being in love and he is fulfilling enough of the idea that it stems the pain of not having the real thing but sooner or later it has to develop or move back to a regular friendship.
Life is going to unwind ahead of you both every day and maybe let this be part of a maturation process you sort of accept needs to happen (I think).
Please give yourself a chance at a possible real and healthy relationship with a guy that does care about you.
He is out there somewhere.0 -
I understand what Carl's saying, and tbh i agree with him. These games you're playing with each other are all about flirting and being sexual, without actually having sex. You just dont do that with a platonic friend of the opposite sex. My best friend is male and I've never invited him to touch my boob as I just dont fancy him that way!!
Anyway as YOU have stated, you've told him the boundaries. He wont cross the line again UNLESS you want him to! But I assure you, if you DO want to, he wont be saying no!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Eventually it will die, I'm sure. I don't see us being best friends like this forever. If one of us were to start dating someone, we couldn't do the things we do or spend as much time together as we do now.
I'm confused!!
We came into each other's lives at a perfect time. He had just moved here from another state knowing no one and I had just come out of a divorce not really knowing anybody here too. I've been here 2 years and have a couple of great friends here so far but since I was married, I've lost the couple friends my ex and I had. So I've been trying to make new friends in this awesome city. So we probably fill a void in each other.
I've told him several times that I don't want a relationship nor am I looking. Maybe that's why this is okay for me? There's no time line or anything but I just want to be alone for a little while before going into something although, for the right guy, I'd go for it.0 -
Eventually it will die, I'm sure. I don't see us being best friends like this forever. If one of us were to start dating someone, we couldn't do the things we do or spend as much time together as we do now.
I'm confused!!
We came into each other's lives at a perfect time. He had just moved here from another state knowing no one and I had just come out of a divorce not really knowing anybody here too. I've been here 2 years and have a couple of great friends here so far but since I was married, I've lost the couple friends my ex and I had. So I've been trying to make new friends in this awesome city. So we probably fill a void in each other.
I've told him several times that I don't want a relationship nor am I looking. Maybe that's why this is okay for me? There's no time line or anything but I just want to be alone for a little while before going into something although, for the right guy, I'd go for it.
You see though,that is not really the truth anymore by the sounds.
He could be the greatest guy in the world and completely devoted to you unconditionally and is quietly respecting what you told him.
It all gets back to the same answer...it is time to be honest with him and yourself with where you have moved to with your feelings and desires.0 -
I understand what Carl's saying, and tbh i agree with him. These games you're playing with each other are all about flirting and being sexual, without actually having sex. You just dont do that with a platonic friend of the opposite sex. My best friend is male and I've never invited him to touch my boob as I just dont fancy him that way!!
Anyway as YOU have stated, you've told him the boundaries. He wont cross the line again UNLESS you want him to! But I assure you, if you DO want to, he wont be saying no!! :flowerforyou:
Actually he has turned me down. This is soooo embarrassing to admit but I got trashed one night about 1 1/2 months ago, completely Snookie trashed. My mom was going through a cancer scare. She had just told me about it and only me. If you know me, you know my family is everything to me. I seriously cannot imagine my life w/o my parents.
So I drank my sorrows away and I ended up at his place that night. He didn't know at that point that I was drunk so we went out and had a great time. He bought me a couple more drinks while out dancing and he drove us home.
Snookie moment, I was on him telling him to have sex with me blah blah. I remember some stuff here and there but not the whole night (which is scary). He said no and that I was drunk.
The story is more embarrassing but he DID reject me. Granted, I was sloppy wasted and he said I was even crying during the night telling him about my mom so yeah, not so sexy.
I was humiliated after that for getting so trashed, for asking him to have sex with me and him telling me no, for using alcohol to deal with my problems, etc. I hid from him for about a week but he knows that was WAY out of character for me.
And when this happened and he didn't take advantage of me was when I knew he was awesome. I even thanked him for that. But again I was completely mortified and humiliated that he rejected me.0 -
I think I know how you feel! I tell you what, I'm exactly like that... :laugh:See, we're not very mature. I mean we're responsible and such but both him and I are immature. Plus, we get drunk together. I'm just saying, a lot of our time is 'fun and crazy'. We dare each other to do stuff in public, have our own inside jokes, etc.
[...]
We both agreed that one night just happened and it was fun.
[...]
today I feel like I just hung out with my best friend and had a blast.
It's so confusing to many people though... :happy:0 -
I think I know how you feel! I tell you what, I'm exactly like that... :laugh:See, we're not very mature. I mean we're responsible and such but both him and I are immature. Plus, we get drunk together. I'm just saying, a lot of our time is 'fun and crazy'. We dare each other to do stuff in public, have our own inside jokes, etc.
[...]
We both agreed that one night just happened and it was fun.
[...]
today I feel like I just hung out with my best friend and had a blast.
It's so confusing to many people though... :happy:
Good to know we're all on the same page haha.
I KNOW you're like that. I get that vibe from you. We're a rare breed.0
