La_Amazonaaaaaaa!
Replies
-
The logical part of my brain says you should back off, you are only asking for heart ache. On the other hand you only live once. I rather regret something I did, rather than regretting something I didn't do. With that being said if you really do want him more as a friend I think you should go for it at least let it be known. No games!0
-
I was rereading some of my posts and wanted to clarify...
The fwb thing, one post says I told him I don't do that and then another post said I brought up an offer to him.
I told him before we had sex that I didn't do FWB. To have sex with someone, there's got to be a connection with someone. It's more than just sex to me. Which he said he understood. Yet, I had sex with him early on but during our "talk" I told him that I had felt a connection with him and although the sex just happened, I didn't regret it. He knew I hadn't been with anybody else since the ex so it was a big deal.
I also didn't want him to think that's what we were.... this was all during our talk.
On the drive home from our talk, I thought about how perfect this could be for a FWB since he only wanted to be friends. So I brought it up. I told him I hadn't done the FWB thing before but that it seemed simple.
So I contradicted myself before him. Not sure if that matters but I do regret bringing up the subject. If he would have agreed, I would have been a mess over it so glad it didn't go that route but I just hate that I contradicted myself.0 -
Because I'm a dork and can't sleep...
Is this not the perfect song???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZ8wVKPUN_g
Motorcycle Drive By
Summer time and the wind is blowing outside
In lower Chelsea and I don't know
What I'm doing in this city
The sun is always in my eyes
It crashes through the windows
And I'm sleeping on the couch
When I came to visit you
That's when I knew
That I could never have you
I knew that before you did
Still I'm the one who's stupid
And there's this burning
Like there's always been
I've never been so alone
And I've never been so alive
Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by
The cigarette ash flies in your eyes
And you don't mind, you smile.
And say the world, it doesn't fit with you
I don't believe you, you're so serene
Careening through the universe
Your axis on a tilt, you're guiltless and free
I hope you take a piece of me with you
And there's things I would like to do
That you don't believe in
I would like to build something
But you'll never see it happen
And there's this burning
Like there's always been
I've never been so alone
And I've, I've never been so alive
And there's this burning, aaa-oh
There is this burning, yeah yeah yeah
Where's the soul I want to know
New York City is evil
The surface is everything
But I could never do that
Someone would see through that
And this is our last time
We'll be friends again
I'll get over you, you'll wonder who I am
And there's this burning
Just like there's always been
I've never been so alone, alone
And I, and I, I've never been so alive
So alive
I go home to the coast
It starts to rain I paddle out on the water, alone
Taste the salt and taste the pain
I'm not thinking of you again
Summer dies and swells rise
The sun goes down in my eyes
See this rolling wave
Darkly coming to take me home
And I've never been so alone
And I've never been so alive0 -
I was rereading some of my posts and wanted to clarify...
The fwb thing, one post says I told him I don't do that and then another post said I brought up an offer to him.
I told him before we had sex that I didn't do FWB. To have sex with someone, there's got to be a connection with someone. It's more than just sex to me. Which he said he understood. Yet, I had sex with him early on but during our "talk" I told him that I had felt a connection with him and although the sex just happened, I didn't regret it. He knew I hadn't been with anybody else since the ex so it was a big deal.
I also didn't want him to think that's what we were.... this was all during our talk.
On the drive home from our talk, I thought about how perfect this could be for a FWB since he only wanted to be friends. So I brought it up. I told him I hadn't done the FWB thing before but that it seemed simple.
So I contradicted myself before him. Not sure if that matters but I do regret bringing up the subject. If he would have agreed, I would have been a mess over it so glad it didn't go that route but I just hate that I contradicted myself.
I say enjoy the time you have with him. tangie82 said it best.0 -
Eventually it will die, I'm sure. I don't see us being best friends like this forever. If one of us were to start dating someone, we couldn't do the things we do or spend as much time together as we do now.
I'm confused!!
Flirty friendships with guy friends you are attracted to are fine, they are just fun. This isn't the same. You love this guy and you are developing physical and emotional intimacy with him, even if you don't have sex. Your head tells you it's OK because you have decided he is a friend, your heart is happy and you allow yourself to get closer to him. I really hope it's just that he's a gent, that he really is interested in you in the same way, but really I don't think that's likely unless he's a shy guy. Gay crossed my mind too. But most likely is that he's interested but not fully emotionally available to you for some reason.
La_Amazona, I know sooo many women who have these impossible intense heartbreak relationships with essentially unavailable guys right after a break up. The timing is no conicidence. This is a classic head/heart split - hence the confusion. I have no doubt that you'll see it through to the end, but I hope you begin to understand what it's really all about before you get in too deep, or feel rejected again.
Hope I'm wrong btw
0 -
Aww maaaan.
Man I can't wait until my divorce is final and I can go on single shenanigans without worrying about my stalky ex creeping my MFP threads. x_x
That's awful cupcake
((hugs)) 0 -
Ok girlie as a female with mostly male friends I'm gonna share a few tricks and secrets with you. My guys and I are very touchy we hug, we grab each other butts, poke each other but its very much sibling like. Don't take this the wrong way but do you have any gay male friends if you do treat him the way you treat them ........... You know my gay guys can get away with almost anything because I know I hold no sexual interest to them. Also I have spent whole days hanging with some of my guys slept in the same bed and cuddled and there was nothing sexual to it. It really depends on you and the guy.... Good luck :flowerforyou:0
-
He's definately not gay. I honestly feel that he knows what he wants, won't settle and apparently, I'm not it. Bottom line. It sucks but hey, I've decided that about guys that I've dated.
BUT then our friendship dynamic we have going can seem to fall into a gray area.
He's my 1st guy friend since forever. This is all new territory. The whole brother/ sister thing rings a bell. I do think we're like siblings in a way and we play in that way. It's just we started off dating and having sex then reversed which might have caused me to get confused. Maybe my stronger feelings will fall into the right place as we're going. My heart just needs to catch up to my mind. Like I said, I'll think of him as only a friend at times then get the ache wishing we were more. The other night I felt "omg, I'm in love with him" then today I feel "I have the best guy friend ever". :indifferent:
I try to imagine the moment he tells me he's dating someone. I will most likely feel jealous but because I know he won't be spending time with me anymore. Jealous that he now will tell someone else his dreams/ goals/ secrets.
Before I got married I had a best guy friend. It was fabulous. I didn't have feelings for him but I'd get confused sometimes. I was physically attracted to him. We had met and exchanged numbers to go out on a date year before but it just never happened.. then saw each other a year later and started talking again. Somehow our attraction fizzled and we settled into me becoming his best gal friend and he my best guy friend. We'd be flirty, talk about sex (share stories), people thought we were dating or always commented on how we should but it just never went that way.
Jenbit, as far as gay guy friends... YES, I have them and they have gotten away with touching my boobs, kissing me on the cheek, dancing on me, etc etc. No threat so it's fine. Hmmm.0 -
What is your feeling right now about permanently ending those things that are outside the boundaries of a regular friendship...cuddling,sleeping together,being naked in each others presence?
Are you willing to do that in the event he clearly has no romantic attraction to you?0 -
Yeah.. now the sleeping over thing, I don't see it as a problem because we've always done it. It was usually me at his place and he on his side of the bed and I on my side. This time we wanted to hang out at my place and go to the bar by my apt. The cuddling happened one morning (the morning after my Snookie drunken night) and I have no idea how it happened. Sometimes if we're out and it's cold outside, I'll grab his arm to warm up or something. I don't consider that flirty though. But normally we don't cuddle.
The nakedness is new. Besides the night we had sex, we don't get naked in front of one another. If we change, we go to a seperate room. It was just a 1 time thing that seemed "appropriate" for the activity- skinny dipping. It most likely will not happen again.
I could do the no naked thing and no cuddling. That's fine. The sleeping over would be inconvenient because of several reasons.0 -
I'm usually pretty clear about what I want and don't get in too deep with situations with misaligned goals.
I think both sexes need to do a better job of clearly communicating what they want, leave the guesswork out of it. If both sides want FWB, that works. If both sides want a relationship, that also works. A shared vision of whatever leads to a better relational arrangement. I know it would not work for me for example to be a participant in an open relationship. I really do think that I could also improve my communication skills.
Moving is a tough thing. I've moved around a fair amount and it is so hard to maintain just regular friendships, let alone relational arrangements that have the sexual component.0 -
Just keep in mind that it is hard to put genies back in the bottle and now that you have done something it will be easier again.
Don`t get me wrong,I don`t care what you guys do as far as it goes,it obviously is not my place to say what is right or wrong,I just think that you need to examine actions and the consequences they hold for you.
It seems by what you write here that all these relationship like things are giving you an emotional charge of a schoolyard crush and you are kind of wanting that to go on despite the possibility (maybe probability) it is fruitless.
Can you bring yourself to tell him how you now feel at the risk he will view these things as inappropriate and ending them or right now is the happy feeling greater then the desire to know his true intents?0 -
Just keep in mind that it is hard to put genies back in the bottle and now that you have done something it will be easier again.
Don`t get me wrong,I don`t care what you guys do as far as it goes,it obviously is not my place to say what is right or wrong,I just think that you need to examine actions and the consequences they hold for you.
It seems by what you write here that all these relationship like things are giving you an emotional charge of a schoolyard crush and you are kind of wanting that to go on despite the possibility (maybe probability) it is fruitless.
Can you bring yourself to tell him how you now feel at the risk he will view these things as inappropriate and ending them or right now is the happy feeling greater then the desire to know his true intents?
Honestly? I think what we have works for both of us. Right now for me, it's okay because I feel confused. I thought I had it all planned out and I don't. Being around him, the behaviors we engage in are making me feel different emotions and I'm trying to figure it out myself. Maybe that's why I've been hesitant to let him know about my feelings because I'm unsure of them myself. I know he has had several relationships that started off as friendships. It seems (from what he has said) that he prefers it that way.
Several weeks ago, what I did (before Thursday night happened) was reflect on what was appropriate and what wasn't between him and I and I stuck to it for a bit. Then Thursday happened and broke most boundaries. I did have fun though. Again, I let us break the boundaries because 1) I like him 2) He's my friend 3) I'm confused about 1 and 2.
The sex line will NOT be crossed whatsoever. No matter what... unless our friendship turned into more. So as long as I'm not having sex with him, I feel okay.
If an awesome guy came along, I'd go for it. If gym crush is single and he asks me out, you betcha I'm going. I'm not closed to anybody else. I obviously have no problems crushing on someone else while being in this situation.
I don't want to get hurt in the end. Now that he's moving, that pain that I'll feel (from him physically not being here), took over the original pain I thought I was going to have (heartbreak) so now it feels "safe" in a way. He's moving away. The end.
We did talk about him moving back here during the winter and he even said he'd leave most of his big furnishings in a storage unit here. He told me I could visit him, take a week off from work or whatever. So we'll see each other but I have a feeling it'll never be like this once he's leaves.0
This discussion has been closed.