Nobody wants you....
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Do you guys believe in the mermaid theory?
That if you are around a chick for enough years, she slowly turns from a manatee into a mermaid? Or that eventually... you are going to think about what it would be like to have sex with her?
I feel like guys are so goal-oriented that the only reason they would imagine having sex with one of their chick friends and not act on it- is because the fantasy was so effing unbearably awful.
No,we are not that primitive,I can look at a lady and think it would be cool to have sex with her but out of courtesy and respect never try or even mention it if she was not also interested.
Sweet. That's the answer I wanted
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So when someone says "I have tons of guy friends who aren't that way" I automatically wonder if they've made themselves unattractive in some way (weight, looks, man-hating attitude, etc).
I have spent three years, starting when I was obese, to now, building up a reputation for not dating within my (abnormally expansive) social circle, so Ive become a non-sexual entity among all the bands/network people. They know Im female, but no one even tries. Im not attractive to them because I've built myself a really strong homeboy foundation and demanded respect from the beginning (not that having someone hit on me is direspectful- just that no one will ever try to hook up with me). I dont think its because Im ugly or mean or hate men or anything...
but if the reason no one ever hits on me is for a reason other than I did my damndest to train them all not to.... Im about to be so heart broken.
If I find out that my guy friends never flirt with me because they find me repulsive, Im going to have alot of rethinking to do and get better at my self-awareness.0 -
Do you guys believe in the mermaid theory?
That if you are around a chick for enough years, she slowly turns from a manatee into a mermaid? Or that eventually... you are going to think about what it would be like to have sex with her?
I feel like guys are so goal-oriented that the only reason they would imagine having sex with one of their chick friends and not act on it- is because the fantasy was so effing unbearably awful.
No,we are not that primitive,I can look at a lady and think it would be cool to have sex with her but out of courtesy and respect never try or even mention it if she was not also interested.
Not trying to dig myself out of a hole (I really don't think I've put myself into one with the things I've said), but this is it. I will always look at a woman I am attracted to and think these things, feel these things, and probably want these things. Will I come right out and say it like an obtuse cromagnon man about to hit her on the head with my club (no that's not a euphismism), no, I will be a gentleman and a friend, but it won't change what goes on in my head. Given the chance I will jump all over the opportunity with a woman in that circumstance who I have thought those things about.0 -
So when someone says "I have tons of guy friends who aren't that way" I automatically wonder if they've made themselves unattractive in some way (weight, looks, man-hating attitude, etc).
I have spent three years, starting when I was obese, to now, building up a reputation for not dating within my (abnormally expansive) social circle, so Ive become a non-sexual entity among all the bands/network people.
......
but if the reason no one ever hits on me is for a reason other than I did my damndest to train them all not to.... I'm about to be so heart broken.
Sounds to me like you've made yourself unattractive... which is what I meant by the above... you're so cute that if you didn't have those walls up every man and their brother would be trying to get with you
I have a very pretty friend who still has lots of male platonic friends but that's because she hates men so much that they like being around her beauty, love eating her food, but would never date someone like her. 0 -
So when someone says "I have tons of guy friends who aren't that way" I automatically wonder if they've made themselves unattractive in some way (weight, looks, man-hating attitude, etc).
I have spent three years, starting when I was obese, to now, building up a reputation for not dating within my (abnormally expansive) social circle, so Ive become a non-sexual entity among all the bands/network people. They know Im female, but no one even tries. Im not attractive to them because I've built myself a really strong homeboy foundation and demanded respect from the beginning (not that having someone hit on me is direspectful- just that no one will ever try to hook up with me). I dont think its because Im ugly or mean or hate men or anything...
but if the reason no one ever hits on me is for a reason other than I did my damndest to train them all not to.... Im about to be so heart broken.
If I find out that my guy friends never flirt with me because they find me repulsive, Im going to have alot of rethinking to do and get better at my self-awareness.
I doubt anyone finds you unattractive (I certainly don`t) but if you have steadfastly through words or actions laid down the law that any relationship outside of professional or platonic was not allowed then they are respecting that.
It is also possible if you have been very overt about it that you have a reputation for being unapproachable that proceeds you.
If you wish this to change it is up to you to do it.:flowerforyou:0 -
Rant Alert!!! - Why is it when you’re nice to someone (opposite sex) they immediately assume you want to get up with them (on MFP). Can't men and women just be friends & supportive. This is annoying. Has anyone else encounter this???
I've added 3 people myself. I sent them a message. Thought they were cool with their fitness/weight loss goals and asked to be friends. I was nice and all. All my others on my friends list are from people that have asked me. Only 1 time have I gotten a "you're cute" friend request along with the usual "I'm inspirational and motivating" can I please add you?"
I was caught slightly off-guard at first. I never had anyone on MFP say that in a friend request. However I never get that vibe from anyone. Unless you come out and say it bluntly, I'm really clueless when it comes to this kind of stuff. I think everyone is different though.Depends on how you do it..
If you're ultra flirty well I'm going to assume you want me! I mean, why wouldn't you??
HAHA. Just kidding.
But yes, I will assume if the guy is extra nice.
I WISH the men I'm trying to hit on would get a clue.
Next time I'll just straddle them and see if they understand THAT.
I'm pissy!!!
:laugh:Well I can be friends with a guy - I guess it is because half the time I couldnt tell if he would be hitting on me or not :laugh: (still trying to learn that from fat to fab in this journey)
yep I am pretty much this. but more like 99% of the time for me.0 -
So... if I were to go by some of the theories expressed so far in this thread, the reasons I DO have platonic male friends is thus:
A. They are too chicken to make their feelings known.
or
B. They find the thought of intimacy with me disgusting.
or
C. Both.
Thanks for the reminder of why I'm on an extended hiatus from the dating world.0 -
So... if I were to go by some of the theories expressed so far in this thread, the reasons I DO have platonic male friends is thus:
A. They are too chicken to make their feelings known.
or
B. They find the thought of intimacy with me disgusting.
or
C. Both.
Thanks for the reminder of why I'm on an extended hiatus from the dating world.
or
D. None of the above.
Honestly this is becoming a lose lose thing for a guy.
Hit on a lot of women and you are a pig and a player.
Be respectful and polite and it means we think they are disgusting.0 -
Rant Alert!!! - Why is it when you’re nice to someone (opposite sex) they immediately assume you want to get up with them (on MFP). Can't men and women just be friends & supportive. This is annoying. Has anyone else encounter this???
There are a couple of things to reference. There's a youtube video of a guy going around a college campus talking with girls about male friends who they think are just friends and aren't interested in them. Then they search out the guys and ask them if they want to hook up with the girls. The answer is invariably yes. It's just how we work. Also, reference Chris Rock's bit about men and wanting to help women, it's all a ploy to place ourselves firmly in a precarious position with you. Men use favors, help, and other things to offer themselves to women. I.e. - Hey, want me to carry your groceries, let's hook up... hey, let me hold the door for ya, wanna go back to my place... wow, you look great today, that ouftit really accentuates your eyes, wanna see how it would look on my floor?
So what you are saying is that every single action or gesture a guy makes is to hit on a woman? Does this only apply to singles?
This is a good question??? So do men tend to do nice gesture only for women they find attractive? If there is no attraction there, do they just ignore you??? Also on MFP if a man sends you a friend request and only has females on his page. Please tell me what is his intention there?:huh:
Sorry I was MIA on this topic.0 -
So do men tend to do nice gesture only for women they find attractive? If there is no attraction there, do they just ignore you??? A
Can't answer for all men, but when I was 200+ pounds (right after pregnancy) no one ever offered to help me lift my luggage on the airplane or reach something high in the grocery store. Now-a-days I get more offers for help than I really need.0 -
I think we need a clarification here.
Was this a guy you were decent to and he wrongly made the assumption you were coming on to him so rebuffed you or was it a guy who wrongly thought you were interested so he then came on to you in some manner that was not appreciated?
The first part but I like how the conversation has taken a turned..lol:laugh:
Guys shouldn't assume that ever single woman over 30 is looking to tie down a man. I guess my friendly sports chit chat (basketball), was considered a pick up line. I'm not sure. But he deleted me from his page and I never said more than "your a Miami fan...haha" Go Bulls:)
Now that I'm thinking about it maybe he's just a cry baby like Lebron:sad: and felt offended that his team sucks
Anywho..great conversation. 0 -
I think we need a clarification here.
Was this a guy you were decent to and he wrongly made the assumption you were coming on to him so rebuffed you or was it a guy who wrongly thought you were interested so he then came on to you in some manner that was not appreciated?
The first part but I like how the conversation has taken a turned..lol:laugh:
Guys shouldn't assume that ever single woman over 30 is looking to tie down a man. I guess my friendly sports chit chat (basketball), was considered a pick up line. I'm not sure. But he deleted me from his page and I never said more than "your a Miami fan...haha" Go Bulls:)
Now that I'm thinking about it maybe he's just a cry baby like Lebron:sad: and felt offended that his team sucks Anywho..great conversation.
Most single guys want to pick up a lady. Seems like a lot of married men are looking for that too. Women are often choosing amongst men. That's how things have worked for a long time.
The Bulls are having a good season, but the 2011-12 Bulls are not as good as those 90s Bulls teams.
Bulls videos for your viewing pleasure.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCLeYIFLgfc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhnQkcjaNCc
I recently re-watched the 1998 Game 6 and enjoyed it.0 -
So do men tend to do nice gesture only for women they find attractive? If there is no attraction there, do they just ignore you??? A
Can't answer for all men, but when I was 200+ pounds (right after pregnancy) no one ever offered to help me lift my luggage on the airplane or reach something high in the grocery store. Now-a-days I get more offers for help than I really need.
This same thing has happened to me! People I see on a regular basis were rude or even ignored me. Now that I've lost weight I'm getting all sorts of compliments and people are paying attention to me. It makes me very sad. Darnit I'm the same person....I just look alot better now.0 -
Do you guys believe in the mermaid theory?
That if you are around a chick for enough years, she slowly turns from a manatee into a mermaid? Or that eventually... you are going to think about what it would be like to have sex with her?
I feel like guys are so goal-oriented that the only reason they would imagine having sex with one of their chick friends and not act on it- is because the fantasy was so effing unbearably awful.
How I Met Your Mother! :laugh:0 -
I actually don't get hit on that much. My girlfriends say I do, but normally if I see a guy I'm attracted to, if he doesn't talk to me by the third time I've smiled at him, I'll do the pursuing. Then I hear a lot that I'm intimidating to walk up to. Maybe it's all of my tattoos and big strong muscles.. hehe.0
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sometimes... the guy's a jerk if that's his first thought. just say no and walk away fast!!!0
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This is so untrue for me. I mean again I might not be the norm, but I would help someone whatever my attraction level for her (or him? I mean... I help males too). I think I am (on a "normal" day) generally nice with people and helpful if I can.
This same thing has happened to me! People I see on a regular basis were rude or even ignored me. Now that I've lost weight I'm getting all sorts of compliments and people are paying attention to me. It makes me very sad. Darnit I'm the same person....I just look alot better now.
Can't answer for all men, but when I was 200+ pounds (right after pregnancy) no one ever offered to help me lift my luggage on the airplane or reach something high in the grocery store. Now-a-days I get more offers for help than I really need.So do men tend to do nice gesture only for women they find attractive? If there is no attraction there, do they just ignore you???
Although there is a problem with this... I actually get hit on by women "quite a bit" since I've lost weight (btw I don't feel angry at people for this, since this is partly why I decided to lose the weight in the first place as well. So I'm glad people react this way).
So anyway, the problem is since I've lost my weight, the minute I am nice to/talking to/funny with a woman on a night out, she'll stick to me like glue (and I talk to lots of women/men so it gets messy when they start competing for attention, or are frustrated for not receiving some).
I'm wondering if this is because: other men are really complete @sses (I don't think so... but maybe in the places where I go to?) so the girl is having a good time with me OR they think - as you guys seem to imply - "Hey the dude is nice to me, so surely he is interested". Which I'm not 90% the time.
Some woman even made that "Why are you single? Many girls are attracted!" comment to me (like I didn't notice :laugh: ) because it is so f'in obvious, so it has now officially become embarrassing. Thanks girls! Then I told her I just don't really feel any butterflies (?) so yeah not really tempted to make a move...
I'm just out to have fun so I'm talking and chatting to everyone so give me a break!!!
/rant over (not that anyone cares... :laugh: )0 -
Sort of in the same boat as you flamfloz but all the girls just aren't ones I'd go out with, like you said there just isn't butterflies. I don't get them very often at all so it's a sign of a pretty good thing when they do arrive. My problem is that because I've always been SO large that I really don't know when someone is hitting on me.
I always got rejected when I was big (I did have girlfriends but I always seemed to go for people miles out of my league when I was single) so now I don't really seem to "Go" for people I just let it happen, the thing is some of these people probably want me to go for it, I just don't have a clue they do, useless in that situation. I think it's for people that are easy to talk to, I can talk for England so it makes it easy for people to get along with me and then they get attached to that.0 -
I think we need a clarification here.
Was this a guy you were decent to and he wrongly made the assumption you were coming on to him so rebuffed you or was it a guy who wrongly thought you were interested so he then came on to you in some manner that was not appreciated?
The first part but I like how the conversation has taken a turned..lol:laugh:
Guys shouldn't assume that ever single woman over 30 is looking to tie down a man. I guess my friendly sports chit chat (basketball), was considered a pick up line. I'm not sure. But he deleted me from his page and I never said more than "your a Miami fan...haha" Go Bulls:)
Now that I'm thinking about it maybe he's just a cry baby like Lebron:sad: and felt offended that his team sucks Anywho..great conversation.
Most single guys want to pick up a lady. Seems like a lot of married men are looking for that too. Women are often choosing amongst men. That's how things have worked for a long time.
The Bulls are having a good season, but the 2011-12 Bulls are not as good as those 90s Bulls teams.
Bulls videos for your viewing pleasure.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCLeYIFLgfchttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhnQkcjaNCc
I recently re-watched the 1998 Game 6 and enjoyed it.
Awesome...thanks for sharing. Agreed 90's Bulls are still better. We are awaiting for a new Scottie Pippen. Boozer is not the one:frown: And our beloved Rose has been fragile this season. :sad: It's all good!!!0 -
I think one of the problems is guys rate women. Example...she's in my league/ not in my league etc. I don't think woman do this as much. You will see beautiful women with not so great looking guys all the time. However I've never seen a guy with super model looks wife a not so beautiful woman. Chances are if he looks too good he doesn't even want to be her friend, if he feels like she's not in his league.
I've agree with the other ladies on here. Since losing 50+ lbs, I get a whole lot more smiles from guys that I've worked with for the last 2 years. Before I would be completely ignored...now I get big smiles, good mornings and a lot a friendly chit chat.0
