1st Date Nerves.
Replies
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He seems like a really nice guy. He seems like he'd give his all to someone BUT he seems like he wants to soon. I'm not sure if I want that. I mean, I do but I don't want to feel rushed. Although, I wanted to rush with FL so I don't know what the hell is wrong with me!See, I wouldn't have sex until we talked about being exclusive..
Okay, that's what I say but it probably won't go that way judging from the situation with FL. When I get excited, it's hard to stop because of all the "chemistry" I feel. I get drunk on kisses!
If I chose to have sex with someone, then I'm not too serious about anybody else because if I were really invested in 1 guy, I wouldn't want to be physical with someone else. On the other hand, either the physical stuff is for relief or because I'm really into him (FL) meaning I'm not interested in anybody else. Confusing, I know.
Then I met Irish guy Sunday night and he wants to hold my hand and for me to stop dating other guys. Can you imagine him being cool with me talking to FL? Probably not.
This is why I think I'm not too crazy about getting serious right away with him.
So just to recap - the problem is that none of these guys are FL (sigh)0 -
He seems like a really nice guy. He seems like he'd give his all to someone BUT he seems like he wants to soon. I'm not sure if I want that. I mean, I do but I don't want to feel rushed. Although, I wanted to rush with FL so I don't know what the hell is wrong with me!See, I wouldn't have sex until we talked about being exclusive..
Okay, that's what I say but it probably won't go that way judging from the situation with FL. When I get excited, it's hard to stop because of all the "chemistry" I feel. I get drunk on kisses!
If I chose to have sex with someone, then I'm not too serious about anybody else because if I were really invested in 1 guy, I wouldn't want to be physical with someone else. On the other hand, either the physical stuff is for relief or because I'm really into him (FL) meaning I'm not interested in anybody else. Confusing, I know.
Then I met Irish guy Sunday night and he wants to hold my hand and for me to stop dating other guys. Can you imagine him being cool with me talking to FL? Probably not.
This is why I think I'm not too crazy about getting serious right away with him.
So just to recap - the problem is that none of these guys are FL (sigh)
Exactly... you understand. When I'm sitting across from these guys I'm wishing it was my FL that was there with me on a date. Atlas, he's not so I can't wait on him to see what's in front of him. But I do get excited when I meet someone new and hope that I click with them.. just haven't.0 -
He seems like a really nice guy. He seems like he'd give his all to someone BUT he seems like he wants to soon. I'm not sure if I want that. I mean, I do but I don't want to feel rushed. Although, I wanted to rush with FL so I don't know what the hell is wrong with me!See, I wouldn't have sex until we talked about being exclusive..
Okay, that's what I say but it probably won't go that way judging from the situation with FL. When I get excited, it's hard to stop because of all the "chemistry" I feel. I get drunk on kisses!
If I chose to have sex with someone, then I'm not too serious about anybody else because if I were really invested in 1 guy, I wouldn't want to be physical with someone else. On the other hand, either the physical stuff is for relief or because I'm really into him (FL) meaning I'm not interested in anybody else. Confusing, I know.
Then I met Irish guy Sunday night and he wants to hold my hand and for me to stop dating other guys. Can you imagine him being cool with me talking to FL? Probably not.
This is why I think I'm not too crazy about getting serious right away with him.
So just to recap - the problem is that none of these guys are FL (sigh)
Exactly... you understand. When I'm sitting across from these guys I'm wishing it was my FL that was there with me on a date. Atlas, he's not so I can't wait on him to see what's in front of him. But I do get excited when I meet someone new and hope that I click with them.. just haven't.
No-one stands a chance while you are so into FL. Diana, have you wondered why your so fixated on him? No need to reply if I'm being too pushy
:flowerforyou: 0 -
I don't think "nobody stands a chance" necessarily.
I am into him because of his personality. Honestly. It's awesome and I can be myself with him and he's never judged me. It's a freedom I've never known. And maybe it's because we're such good friends that I'm free with him.
When guys ask me what I'm looking for I always say the same thing.. a best friend whom I can be myself with. Someone who won't judge me for wanting to skinny dip or dance in the middle of all the gay guys and actually will join me in my fun adventures.
FL is the 1st guy who doesn't think I'm too wild.. he is like me and loves every second of it. We get serious when we need to be... but even then we laugh at our sad stories.
I've been through a lot in life and decided 4 years ago to take life by it's horns in every way. I want someone just like that by my side.
My ex sucked all the life and laughter out of my life. I have always been the funny wild child in my family but being with the ex changed me. I feel like I'm myself again.
I've always had to portray myself as a good girl... especially with my parents being pastors. And I am.. but I like to live on the edge as well.. usually the people around me don't so I'm an outsider usually except with my close circle of friends and now FL.0 -
I had a similar scenario in which I felt I was losing myself in a bad relationship and then met someone who helped me find myself again, understood and accepted me completely and showed me exactly what I needed in a partner. He was exactly what I needed at the time, but as with you there were problems which meant we couldn't be together long term. I have several friends who've been in the same situation too.
I think there is a possibility that there may be more to the FL situation than you realise and maybe your friend has still more to teach you about yourself. Could his attraction also have something to do with him representing everything you had hoped for in your marriage and were unable to have? You mentioned elsewhere (jokingly!) that you wanted to marry him. Do you see that as in any way unusual given where you are at in your relationship, or do you think it's just because he's totally awesome?
OK enough FL! I'll tell you what - you know where I am if it gets any more confusing :happy: I'm glad you are looking for your guy, I'm 100% sure you'll find him one day.0 -
Several of my friends have told me they believe FL came into my life right now for a reason and I think that's true. He has shown me that I can be myself completely and for that I thank him and I will one day. I think he feels the same way with me. I believe he's never known another girl like me... he is always surprised at my ideas and my drive to do certain things so we sort of fuel each other. I know he's pretty wild with his guy friends and he knows I'm wild with my girl friends.
Of course I wouldn't marry him right now... as you can tell, I think I'm afraid of being tied down. I still have a lot to learn by myself but from what I know about him so far, I'd love to have that same spirit in my future partner. I think it'd keep both him and I young forever.
He's so different than my ex. My ex would have never ever done the things FL has done with me. It just confirms and reassures me I can never be with a man like my ex ever again. FL has told me about his ex gf too and how she was very selfish and didn't want the things he did (adventure, travel) so again, we fuel each other in that area.
I am going to miss my FL so much when he moves.0 -
I think there's always a purpose for someone being in your life... whether it's to learn a lesson or for them to learn from you.
I had a similar situation with a friend here on campus. We met through odd circumstances, and the kind of friendship I found with him kept me from doing some really stupid things. Nothing would ever happen WITH him (he's happily married, and I'm friends with both he and his wife) but it reminded me that once in a while you find someone that just clicks. It doesn't have to be forced, the way I've grown accustomed to...0 -
Irish guy sent me the following message. He has pissed me off.
"You could have told me you were no longer interested. Also if you aren't looking for anything serious you might not want to put that you are looking for a relationship on your profile. You could have showed me a little more respect than just stop talking to me"
WTH.
I wrote back:
"First of all, I was at work when you said I could text you during the day. Then that same evening I saw you online on POF. I figured you got impatient because I didn't text you in 6 HOURS. Second of all, I hadn't decided if I was interested or not (although now I know for sure- I AM NOT). You know what you want and I told you, I take it slow. Doesn't make me wrong or a bad person. Third of all, it's my f*cking profile and I'll put whatever I want. Sorry you feel disrespected that wasn't my intention."
I hate that I cursed but he really pissed me off.0 -
Wait, y'all went out on Sunday night, right? And now, less than 48 hours later, he expects you to have decided whether or not you want to date him exclusively?0
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Sunday night, yes.
He didn't use the word exclusive but he wanted me to not date other guys and focus on getting to know him, he even said if I didn't want to, then he wasn't the man for me. I told him I was willing to go out with him again sometime this week and see how that went... that's how we left the date. He texted me yesterday morning saying he stayed home, I could contact him whenever. I didn't because well, I didn't know if I truly wanted to. Then 4 hours later I saw him on POF and figured, okay he got over that quick. Thought we were even.
He's nuts.
Seriously. He was already calling me "baby" yesterday.. UM NO. I'm not your baby. No no no!
He just wrote me another long message which I'm ignoring basically telling me I'm dragging my feet finding LOVE. WTH?? He said he's serious about finding it and that it's not going to knock on my door. If I date 10 guys I'm never going to get to know 1 of them. He says he does feel disrespected.
Block and NEXT!0 -
Wait, y'all went out on Sunday night, right? And now, less than 48 hours later, he expects you to have decided whether or not you want to date him exclusively?
Uhhh yeah, I think we're on the same wavelength here. That's pretty ridiculous and WAY too fast.0 -
Seriously. He was already calling me "baby" yesterday.. UM NO. I'm not your baby. No no no!
He just wrote me another long message which I'm ignoring basically telling me I'm dragging my feet finding LOVE. WTH?? He said he's serious about finding it and that it's not going to knock on my door. If I date 10 guys I'm never going to get to know 1 of them. He says he does feel disrespected.
Back up.
He's already pulling the love card on you? not that he's saying he loves you, but what the *kitten*?!0 -
Irish guy sent me the following message. He has pissed me off.
"You could have told me you were no longer interested. Also if you aren't looking for anything serious you might not want to put that you are looking for a relationship on your profile. You could have showed me a little more respect than just stop talking to me"
WTH.
I wrote back:
"First of all, I was at work when you said I could text you during the day. Then that same evening I saw you online on POF. I figured you got impatient because I didn't text you in 6 HOURS. Second of all, I hadn't decided if I was interested or not (although now I know for sure- I AM NOT). You know what you want and I told you, I take it slow. Doesn't make me wrong or a bad person. Third of all, it's my f*cking profile and I'll put whatever I want. Sorry you feel disrespected that wasn't my intention."
I hate that I cursed but he really pissed me off.
This guy is way too controlling - glad you are no longer seeing him0 -
Sunday night, yes.
He didn't use the word exclusive but he wanted me to not date other guys and focus on getting to know him, he even said if I didn't want to, then he wasn't the man for me. I told him I was willing to go out with him again sometime this week and see how that went... that's how we left the date. He texted me yesterday morning saying he stayed home, I could contact him whenever. I didn't because well, I didn't know if I truly wanted to. Then 4 hours later I saw him on POF and figured, okay he got over that quick. Thought we were even.
He's nuts.
Seriously. He was already calling me "baby" yesterday.. UM NO. I'm not your baby. No no no!
He just wrote me another long message which I'm ignoring basically telling me I'm dragging my feet finding LOVE. WTH?? He said he's serious about finding it and that it's not going to knock on my door. If I date 10 guys I'm never going to get to know 1 of them. He says he does feel disrespected.
Block and NEXT!
First the sick thing and now this? Block and next indeed!0 -
Maybe I'm weird, but if I get the feeling that a guy is not into me after ONE date, the last thing I'm going to do is send him a message telling him how disrespectful he's being. I'm just going to cut my losses and move on.
I can understand being upset after several dates and thinking that things are progressing, only to have the other person completely drop off the face of the earth. But a woman doesn't respond to your text for a few hours after one date, and you flip out? Get serious.0 -
Agreed. Him being upset is not the issue. The problem is how angry he is and his lack of insight that venting such a response is unreasonable on such a limited acquaintance.0
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He really upset me and made me mad. I shouldn't let some guy who does NOT even know me get me riled up but he came off as this sweet guy who seemed too nice and he just proved my point.
He made my blood pressure go up.0 -
What an *kitten*.
I've had to deal with guys like that too. One guy asked me if I had any other dates that week and when I said yes (seriously, there is no point in lying about it), he told me to forget about our date since he wasn't interested in joining my fan club. wtf?? I hadn't even met him yet. Then, he had the audacity to try to talk to me again a couple weeks later!! I was like, oh no you don't get to talk to me after that!
Another guy asked me if I was talking to other guys and planning to meet them, and again I said yes. He asked me how long he was supposed to "let" me see other guys before he stepped in and stopped it. First of all, nobody "lets" me do anything :explode: and secondly, there is no relationship if I haven't met you!!!!! I told him to forget it, he yelled at me (literally, yelling on the phone) and I hung up.
Honestly, I'm kind of glad when those guys reveal themselves so early. It makes it easier to weed out the crappy ones.0 -
Removing Irish Puker from list of La Amazona's men.
Really he is the one being disrespectul and an *kitten*.0 -
So how long anyway before you can bring that up? (being exclusive)
Honestly it sucks sharing your girlfriend/date with someone else, so yeah I can understand where these guys are coming from, for me if I'm really into a girl the earlier the better. And we're not stupid, we know how things go online (i.e. women get to meet more men, more easily) so it's not an irrational fear that if girls continues to date forever on the website she's going to find another man to replace us.
Sure I can't promise we're going to be together for the next 10 years if we go exclusive, but I don't mind being exclusive with a girl for 2 months or so... It doesn't hurt!0 -
Honestly, I'm kind of glad when those guys reveal themselves so early. It makes it easier to weed out the crappy ones.
Wow! Absolutely!
I had a guy complain that I was never available to go out with him because he always asked me at the last minute and I always had plans. I told him, "You're welcome to fill up my schedule, then I won't have time for anyone else. But if you're only going to call me at the last minute, 9 times out of 10 I've already made plans"0 -
I don't mind being exclusive with a girl for 2 months or so... It doesn't hurt!
I do mind, actually. I've done that once, and regretted it. To me, being exclusive says you've gotten to know each other well enough that there might be permanent potential (LTR/Marriage) there. I don't want to take myself off the market for the 2-3 months it takes a guy's lust chemicals to wear off and for him to decide whether or not he actually likes me (instead of just the idea of me).
The biggest problem I have with exclusivity, is most guys appear to intend it as a temporary thing, whereas most of my girlfriends intend it as the next step to permanence.0
