We are pleased to announce that on March 4, 2025, an updated Rich Text Editor will be introduced in the MyFitnessPal Community. To learn more about the upcoming changes, please click here. We look forward to sharing this new feature with you!
Does being single embarrass you?
Replies
-
Embarrased...no.
Is it awkward for myself and others at times...yes.0 -
[/quote]Really the only time I feel self conscious is when I have to eat out alone. I bring a book so I don't feel so... alone? lol
Dining out is a not an easy thing for singles, and it is an overlooked component of single life. The sit down restaurant experience wasn’t designed for parties of one. Therefore, it is more common to eat alone at fast food places or fast casual (Boston Market, Panera & Chipotle would be good examples of fast casual).
Dining alone at a place like Chili’s, Applebee’s or any place with table service isn’t going to happen for me. I’m only at a sit down restaurant when I’m with friends, a Meetup group or on a date (a later date, usually around a third date and beyond).
[/quote]My dad is also constantly harping on my sister and me about how you shouldn't wait till your 30s to have kids. We'll be 30 in September, and my sister and her husband have only recently decided they want children. He thinks this is stupid because "You're going to 50 when your kid graduates from high school!" as though that's the worst thing in the world. I'm not even married yet, and he acts like I should just resign myself to being single and childless forever. I think the baby boomers still don't get that it is okay, and in many cases preferable, to get married and have kids later than they did.
Yes and no. Things were done differently for the early Boomers (born before 1955) and their parents in the GI Generation (birth years 1910-1925). In the GI Generation, getting married before 21 was normal. You married your high school sweetheart and stayed together for 50 years.
The early Boomers got married usually before 25. In their late 20s, they bought the house in the suburbs and had their two kids in late 20s/early 30s. Divorce in their late 30s/40s was pretty common for the Boomers. Things changed a little with the second wave of Boomers (birth year until 1964) but not tremendously. Gen X is where the biggest changes in psychographics were (in many broad based economic and social factors). The negative trends that first emerged in Gen X have been compounded in Gen Y (births after 1980 until the early 1990s), and because Gen Y are the kids of the Boomers, it is a much larger cohort than Gen X (primarily the kids of the Silent Generation-born during the late 1920s and heart of the Great Depression when people weren’t having babies because the economy was so rotten and artificial birth control was still decades away).
There’s a sweet spot in having kids (somewhere around 25-35, but depends on the two people involved). Having kids too early brings a wide range of problems (parents can’t stand on their own two feet economically and aren’t stable emotionally). Too late brings different challenges (female fertility has a drop off after about 35 and birth defects are more common in later births). The most important factor for having kids is a stable relationship of the parents, and parental stability is helped by solid economic footing. Since the economic downturn began in 2008, birth rates per woman have dropped to the lowest levels since the 1970s economic malaise.0 -
^ I agree with this. But lately I have been living out of hotels, and often don't have my own transportation when my dad takes the rental car to work. This last trip to California the only thing within walking distance for lunch was a Carls Jr... so I ate at the Hotel restaurant every day... I know they're used to people eating alone, but I still felt conspicuous.
My step-mom had a baby at 37 and Audrey is "normal" and another at 39 and baby Annie has Downs, but my mom just had a baby, at 45(?!?) and she is also perfectly average, but did come a month early...0 -
^ I agree with this. But lately I have been living out of hotels, and often don't have my own transportation when my dad takes the rental car to work. This last trip to California the only thing within walking distance for lunch was a Carls Jr... so I ate at the Hotel restaurant every day... I know they're used to people eating alone, but I still felt conspicuous.
My step-mom had a baby at 37 and Audrey is "normal" and another at 39 and baby Annie has Downs, but my mom just had a baby, at 45(?!?) and she is also perfectly average, but did come a month early...
That must be so weird having a baby sibling!0 -
embarrassed no .... awkward at times yes... but so much better than being in an unhappy relationship0
-
My step-mom had a baby at 37 and Audrey is "normal" and another at 39 and baby Annie has Downs, but my mom just had a baby, at 45(?!?) and she is also perfectly average, but did come a month early...
That must be so weird having a baby sibling!
[/quote]
It is! I was 22 when she was born, my mom was 22 when she had me! EVERYONE thinks she is mine. Ugh.
My little brother is 22 now, so mom's got a 21 year gap between her two youngest. :P 0 -
For me, not at all.
But now at engagement parties, baby showers, and other get togethers, I have been getting the head tilt and the "aww, don't worry, it will happen for you too." Barf.0 -
Being single is not embarrassing; the way some people handle the fact that I am single is embarrassing. For example, at my grandfather's 80th birthday party, my grandmother took me around and introduced me to all their friends as "my only granddaughter who isn't married." I mean, what do you even to say to that? Then there's co-workers trying to fix me up with their sons or grandsons or friends' sons or guys from their church. All of that is embarrassing, but I am not embarrassed to be single.
Family functions are never pleasant for people who are not paired off. That's part of why I skip many of them. The other reason is that I don't live close to most of my family. My cousin (three years older than I am) had a big wedding in November, I didn't go.
I'm usually open to most fix ups. The last time someone tried to fix me up, the other person was so disinterested in me over the phone that nothing happened.0 -
I hate football (soccer? :laugh: ) on a side note... I'd have to stay home knitting.
We won the FOOTBALL, 3 - 1 :bigsmile:
And what the hell are you knitting?? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
What is it with dads questioning the sexuality of their single daughters?? My dad used to tell me all the time in high school, it's ok with me if you're gay, I'll love you just as much. And sit there waiting for me to answer...
Really the only time I feel self conscious is when I have to eat out alone. I bring a book so I don't feel so... alone? lol
Hmmm! I've never had my sexuality called into question. WTH?? :grumble:0 -
My step-mom had a baby at 37 and Audrey is "normal" and another at 39 and baby Annie has Downs, but my mom just had a baby, at 45(?!?) and she is also perfectly average, but did come a month early...
That must be so weird having a baby sibling!
It is! I was 22 when she was born, my mom was 22 when she had me! EVERYONE thinks she is mine. Ugh. My little brother is 22 now, so mom's got a 21 year gap between her two youngest. :P
[/quote]
I think its cute! :flowerforyou: We live in an age where people are living longer, have 2 or 3 'life' partners and having fuller sex lives. 25% of people are going to live to 100! 100 years ago, this was unheard of. So its not surprising that things are happening later. There is time. Dont worry about it :flowerforyou:0 -
My step-mom had a baby at 37 and Audrey is "normal" and another at 39 and baby Annie has Downs, but my mom just had a baby, at 45(?!?) and she is also perfectly average, but did come a month early...
That must be so weird having a baby sibling!
It is! I was 22 when she was born, my mom was 22 when she had me! EVERYONE thinks she is mine. Ugh. My little brother is 22 now, so mom's got a 21 year gap between her two youngest. :P
[/quote]
There is a 35 year age cap between my oldest brother and youngest brother. My fathers girlfriend was younger than both my brothers0 -
Knitting some sexy wool underwear.
We won the FOOTBALL, 3 - 1 :bigsmile:I hate football (soccer? :laugh: ) on a side note... I'd have to stay home knitting.
And what the hell are you knitting?? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
It used to bother me, but now I don't care. I'm staying single for a couple of very good reasons. One is that I don't have a job right now, and I'm not financially secure. I'm not interested in a relationship unless I can take care of myself first. Secondly, I'm focusing on me right now. I plan to go back to grad school by the fall of 2013, and I want to take these next three years to be totally selfish and get at least a good head start on accomplishing my personal goals before finding someone. I'm not at all looking for someone, and feel that once I'm ready to have a relationship, it will happen.
The only time it does bother me is when I'm around extended family, because they tend to tease me about guys that I've liked in the past and constantly bring up situations where I have not been at my best (I was pretty naive in my early 20's to say the least). They're pretty inconsiderate, but since they live in Ohio, it's relatively easy to avoid them. When I do have to attend a family function, I don't stay for more than 3-4 days.
It's all about mindset. For me personally, I don't want to be in a needy relationship. I want to completely and totally love someone, yes, but in the back of my mind, I have to know that if something happens and one of us is no longer there for the other, I will still be ok. So, yes, I might be in my 30's before I meet that person, but I'm willing to wait.
Plus, I still get to have hot hate sex :devil:0 -
Being single is not embarrassing; the way some people handle the fact that I am single is embarrassing. For example, at my grandfather's 80th birthday party, my grandmother took me around and introduced me to all their friends as "my only granddaughter who isn't married." I mean, what do you even to say to that? Then there's co-workers trying to fix me up with their sons or grandsons or friends' sons or guys from their church. All of that is embarrassing, but I am not embarrassed to be single.
Family functions are never pleasant for people who are not paired off. That's part of why I skip many of them. The other reason is that I don't live close to most of my family. My cousin (three years older than I am) had a big wedding in November, I didn't go.
I'm usually open to most fix ups. The last time someone tried to fix me up, the other person was so disinterested in me over the phone that nothing happened.
I am only open to being fixed up if the "matchmaker" is a very close friend or member of my immediate family. I lean heavily on my instincts when it comes to men, and my instincts are blunted a bit when I hear "He's a really good guy, I promise" from several different people. I find myself overlooking red flags that I would've taken more seriously had I met the guy on my own, without any preconceived ideas about his character.
The one good thing about fix ups is that if the two of you are tied into the same social or professional circle, people are more concerned about their reputations, so there's somewhat less of a chance of being screwed over.0 -
Not since I found out a couple of years ago PoF has plenty of semi-literate, beer gut toting, wife beater wearing trailer park grandpas ready to snap me up.
hehehe yeah this!0 -
Not at all!!! I'd much rather be single than settle for something less than I deserve :-)
Exactly!0 -
No, being single doesn't embarrass me. Part of that is because I came out of a 12 year marriage that started off bad at the wedding reception, so most of my friends and family aren't criticizing me for being single (if they're anything but happy, they're upset that I didn't leave him years ago). So anyone who knows me is pretty much happy for me.
The other part of it is I'm actually enjoying myself. I suspect when you're happy with your life people are less inclined to criticize it.0 -
The other part of it is I'm actually enjoying myself. I suspect when you're happy with your life people are less inclined to criticize it.
This is a good point. It's easier to be single when you're still relatively young, attractive, successful, and generally content with your life as it is. Most people won't assume that you're single because no one wants you. But that's when people tell you that you're too picky, that you don't try hard enough, etc. My mom went through a phase where she was convinced I was sabotaging myself and not making the right choices (i.e. putting my career first). It blew my mind because my entire life has been about making the "right" choices, but because I'm nearly 30 and not married and not in a serious relationship, it's like none of it matters. I guess that's not as bad as "You poor thing, why doesn't anyone love you?" but it's still annoying.0 -
I enjoy being single for the most part. Some things are awkward. For the most part I am just enjoying trying the new things that life has to offer.0
-
I am only open to being fixed up if the "matchmaker" is a very close friend or member of my immediate family. I lean heavily on my instincts when it comes to men, and my instincts are blunted a bit when I hear "He's a really good guy, I promise" from several different people. I find myself overlooking red flags that I would've taken more seriously had I met the guy on my own, without any preconceived ideas about his character.
I shudder to think whom my close friends or family would set me up with. None of my friends have even remotely the same taste as me. My little sister is cool though, she doesn't get involved so if one of her friends is interested in me, she'll just tell me and not mention it again. Not pushy at all.
Luckily I haven't taken too much grief from family for being single all the time. Though when I was in my early 20's there was a time when I think my parents wondered if I was gay because I was always single. Probably didn't help that a couple high school friends were gay.0 -
embarrassed no .... awkward at times yes... but so much better than being in an unhappy relationship
Completely Agree!
As for eating at restaurants as a party of one...I just sit at the bar and never have any issues. Plus I now know a lot of the bartenders. For me though the alternative of always cooking for one is worse than sitting at the bar by myself. I love to cook, just not always for one.0 -
As for eating at restaurants as a party of one...I just sit at the bar and never have any issues. Plus I now know a lot of the bartenders. For me though the alternative of always cooking for one is worse than sitting at the bar by myself. I love to cook, just not always for one.
Since I have to eat out all the time, I have found take out to be key. Eating at a restaurant alone every night gets boring really fast.0 -
Being single itself doesn't embarass me. It's how long I've been single is what embarasses me
Agree 100% with this comment.0 -
Haha, I could echo literally pretty much everything in this thread. No, I don't really feel bad about myself or anything like that because I'm single- it's the way people react that bothers me. I'm an only child and therefore my parents only hope for grandchildren, which they've seriously been talking about since my late teen years. They got married young and had me fairly young, so they just don't "get it." As mentioned earlier, my mom has asked me (jokingly, but I can tell there is an undertone of seriousness there) more than once if I'm a lesbian. She has also lectured about me "being too picky" as if there is just a line of men outside my door that I'm turning down left and right. All of my cousins except for me are married and some are even starting to have children, so showing up to big family functions with my parents does feel a little embarrassing sometimes.
Among my friends in my current location, I am literally the only person I know (even as a casual acquaintance) who is single, and that does get embarrassing. It's just the nature of where I live, and one of the reasons I want to move. Absolutely everyone is coupled off and everyone brings their SO's everywhere. My friends never want to go out without their SO's. They even bring them to work happy hours! This summer a friend of mine whose husband is out of town several days a week on business started "girls nights" on one of the nights her husband was out of town once a week. There were about 5 of us total that usually went, and 2 of the other girls would either bring their b/fs with them, or invite them to come over later in the night. What part of "girl's night" implies invite your boyfriend? Some of them will also ask their boyfriends in front of me to find a friend to set me up with, which is incredibly awkward. Of course, the reply is always that they don't know anyone who is single, which I'm sure is true b/c I don't either! One of my best friends here is getting married early this summer, and I am not looking forward to the wedding at all b/c I'm literally afraid I'm going to be the only single person there. I pretty much know all of the friends they invited, and none of them are single, and I know they're the last single people in both of their families as well.
Basically, not having a boyfriend doesn't bother me personally at all- I'm a very independent person and really like doing my own thing. I wouldn't go out looking for a b/f (on a dating site or whatever) just to have one. I don't think "I need someone to bring to all of these couples functions" is a good basis for a relationship!0 -
Sometimes I am and its kinda depressing when my girlfriends start talking about their relationships and I dont have anything to say or share, i feel left out. Pretty much like your situation. Ive been overweight all my life and when i was young, my mom would tell me that my weight is the reason why no one wants to date me (total ouch aint it?) and that didnt scare or give me the drive to change. Anyway, i just wish people i know would stop asking if i have a lovelife, if i do im pretty sure they'll all celebrate ahahaha.
These days i do get jealous when i see everyone's getting married or have a special someone. But at the same time, i have friends who were stressed with their relationship, most of them are getting a divorce. Being single has its ups and downs. :P0 -
Sometimes it can be a bit awkward or embarassing. My social activites quite often involve dinner parties, and going to dances, where couples are much easier than singles. It's less than pleasant being the spare girl that the hostess has to try to find a spare man for, and some of the 'partners' I've been presented with have been, er, challenging at best. Weddings and formal parties are another classic - being asked "Is there someone you'd like to bring/should I give you a 'plus one'?" and having always to say 'no' becomes just a bit humiliating after a while. Worse still is the obvious 'set-up' a few of my friends have tried, usually with completely the wrong men!
Social things aside, though, not really. If I'm still single, without any history, ten years from now, that may change.0 -
Among my friends in my current location, I am literally the only person I know (even as a casual acquaintance) who is single, and that does get embarrassing. It's just the nature of where I live, and one of the reasons I want to move.
I see that you are in Vail, CO, a small mountain town. Those small Colorado mountains are nice place to visit, but really hard to live there. First off, the winters are frigid. Summers are beautiful. There's not great employment there for the working age people, just low wage service sector jobs. Those are towns designed for married retirees who are empty nesters, not young singles. Move as fast as you can!0 -
Among my friends in my current location, I am literally the only person I know (even as a casual acquaintance) who is single, and that does get embarrassing. It's just the nature of where I live, and one of the reasons I want to move.
I know how you feel. On my team at work I am the only person that isn't in a steady relationship. Most my friends are married or very close to being married. It is very unusually in the south to be 35 never married with no kids. This is one of the reasons I am open to dating a guy with kids because one without would be very limiting.0 -
Im not embarressed about being single Im actually very pleased Im not in the relationship I was in previously. Although I am one of the few of my friends that are not with anyone. But that doesnt bother me although I think my new found confidence helps that and I know being single is actually through choice rather than because im bigger and no one wants me which ive thought before. But no im happy single. It's better than the relationship I was in previously x0
This discussion has been closed.