The GRIPE: "You should be happy with your weight" BS
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jsapninz
Posts: 909 Member
Ok, I'm sorry, maybe it's because there are alot of fat people on MFP who just fantasize about getting into the healthy range, BUT:
I AM SO FRICKING SICK of when people ask (especially through posting on the message boards) for help to lose some pounds YET because they are in their "healthy range" people tell them that "maybe since you are having trouble losing pounds it's because your body is happy where it is" and you "shouldn't try to lose any weight." I have EVEN heard people say that even though xxxlbs is WITHIN the healthy range, that it is "UNHEALTHY." WTF?!?!
Yeah, it's vanity pounds. We are AWARE of that. But you STILL shouldn't discourage someone from doing that (as long as they aren't aiming for an UNHEALTHY weight). Ok, maybe you are a fatty and you are somehow getting back at us for being in the healthy range and not being satisfied. Maybe it is because America is a nation of fatties and people have forgot what healthy really looks like (the WHOLE range of healthy, yes, the bottom half too, not just the people who are skating right on the line between healthy and overweight), and are more concerned with telling themselves that celebrity bodies are "unattainable" and that they would look "waaaay to skinny if I was in my 'healthy range,'" Or what?!?!
It is HORRIBLE to suggest that even though you don't like the way you look, you HAVE to be satisfied with it because you are "in the healthy range." The healthy range for my height is nearly FORTY pounds. Do you have ANY IDEA how many pounds FORTY POUNDS is? That is the size of a small child for goodness sake. There is ALOT of wiggle room in there (FORTY POUNDS of wiggle, to be exact). It is the difference between someone who wants to actually work their *kitten* off to look damn good and someone who just wants to get by. AND I WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO LOOKS DAMN GOOD. Yeah, it is harder to lose those last few pounds. BUT that doesn't mean it won't be worth it. So if you aren't going to be helpful and encouraging, you need to SHUT IT!!!!
Losing weight is losing weight. You still need to help someone who asks for it, not discourage them. There is nothing unheathly about wanting to be at the bottom end of your healthy range. NOTHING. It is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE to suggest someone has an eating disorder because they want to be on the bottom end, which unfortunately I have heard ALOT (and honestly, it is really disrepectful to the people who DO have eating disorders). It is terrible to tell someone that even though they want to look a certain way, that is just too damn bad because since it's difficult to get there, YOU SHOULDN'T TRY.
I CAN'T STAND IT.:explode:
My only consolation is that I WILL GET THERE. I will get to where I want to be, and no amount of discouragement or difficulty is going to stop me. And I will be a walking, talking, hot & sexy contradiction to their ignorance. Very, very soon! :happy:
Eat your heart out, fatties.
I AM SO FRICKING SICK of when people ask (especially through posting on the message boards) for help to lose some pounds YET because they are in their "healthy range" people tell them that "maybe since you are having trouble losing pounds it's because your body is happy where it is" and you "shouldn't try to lose any weight." I have EVEN heard people say that even though xxxlbs is WITHIN the healthy range, that it is "UNHEALTHY." WTF?!?!
Yeah, it's vanity pounds. We are AWARE of that. But you STILL shouldn't discourage someone from doing that (as long as they aren't aiming for an UNHEALTHY weight). Ok, maybe you are a fatty and you are somehow getting back at us for being in the healthy range and not being satisfied. Maybe it is because America is a nation of fatties and people have forgot what healthy really looks like (the WHOLE range of healthy, yes, the bottom half too, not just the people who are skating right on the line between healthy and overweight), and are more concerned with telling themselves that celebrity bodies are "unattainable" and that they would look "waaaay to skinny if I was in my 'healthy range,'" Or what?!?!
It is HORRIBLE to suggest that even though you don't like the way you look, you HAVE to be satisfied with it because you are "in the healthy range." The healthy range for my height is nearly FORTY pounds. Do you have ANY IDEA how many pounds FORTY POUNDS is? That is the size of a small child for goodness sake. There is ALOT of wiggle room in there (FORTY POUNDS of wiggle, to be exact). It is the difference between someone who wants to actually work their *kitten* off to look damn good and someone who just wants to get by. AND I WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO LOOKS DAMN GOOD. Yeah, it is harder to lose those last few pounds. BUT that doesn't mean it won't be worth it. So if you aren't going to be helpful and encouraging, you need to SHUT IT!!!!
Losing weight is losing weight. You still need to help someone who asks for it, not discourage them. There is nothing unheathly about wanting to be at the bottom end of your healthy range. NOTHING. It is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE to suggest someone has an eating disorder because they want to be on the bottom end, which unfortunately I have heard ALOT (and honestly, it is really disrepectful to the people who DO have eating disorders). It is terrible to tell someone that even though they want to look a certain way, that is just too damn bad because since it's difficult to get there, YOU SHOULDN'T TRY.
I CAN'T STAND IT.:explode:
My only consolation is that I WILL GET THERE. I will get to where I want to be, and no amount of discouragement or difficulty is going to stop me. And I will be a walking, talking, hot & sexy contradiction to their ignorance. Very, very soon! :happy:
Eat your heart out, fatties.
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Replies
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I agree 100%!0
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for sure!!0
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I get this too. I am technically in a healthy weight range but I have excess fat/flab that I would like to get rid of/tone up. My friends and family do not support me trying to count calories so I feel like I have to read packets and weigh things in secret.0
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I say this as a naturally thin person who really only wants to lose about 10 lbs or so...
A) All this talk of "fatties" is not nice. When I hear that I think you're either a very rude person or you have some sort of "issues" about fat that may actually be an eating disorder red flag.
If a lot of people are telling you that you shouldn't lose any more weight, they may be right. I don't know you, and I can't tell from your photo, but there are people with ED's on here.
C) If you eat sensibly and exercise a lot, you will be the healthy weight for your frame, and you will look really good. A single-digit number on a scale isn't really important compared to strength, endurance, and good health.0 -
LIKE BUTTON0
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I say this as a naturally thin person who really only wants to lose about 10 lbs or so...
A) All this talk of "fatties" is not nice. When I hear that I think you're either a very rude person or you have some sort of "issues" about fat that may actually be an eating disorder red flag. If a lot of people are telling you that you shouldn't lose any more weight, they may be right. I don't know you, and I can't tell from your photo, but there are people with ED's on here.
C) If you eat sensibly and exercise a lot, you will be the healthy weight for your frame, and you will look really good. A single-digit number on a scale isn't really important compared to strength, endurance, and good health.
You're right. I shouldn't use "fatties" when there are obviously "skinnies" out there who want to be discouraging. :grumble:
I LOVE how you suggested that I have an eating disorder. Lol. THIS IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF IGNORANCE I AM UPSET OVER!! :explode: I ADORE my beautiful body and NEVER want to deprive it of being healthy, I just want to get its *kitten* in great shape. I want to bring it to its fullest, its most powerful and beautiful self, not sickeningly thin... I have seen first hand what anorexia can do to a person and it is NOT pretty (and usually NOT something related to weight, it is more related to control), please STOP throwing eating disorders around! Either way, this is EXACTLY my point. You have accused me of having a mental disorder because I am trying to get fit and lose extra fat. Thanks!
And I love how you say YOU want to lose ten pounds but "the scale isn't important." Hipocrit much?!?!?!?!
Thanks to the rest of you ladies! Glad to know there are some people who get frustrated with this too.:happy:0 -
I get this too. I am technically in a healthy weight range but I have excess fat/flab that I would like to get rid of/tone up. My friends and family do not support me trying to count calories so I feel like I have to read packets and weigh things in secret.
I know EXACTLY what you mean. It's like if you are actually upfront about your hard work people tear you down (you are "OBSESSED with losing weight" because you aren't eating three brownies and you are satisfied with just one OMG!!!!!". :frown:
I think alot of it stems from jealousy, the rest of it from ignorance. Either way, it makes me sad.0 -
Well the other problem is that my friends never seem to put on weight. So they CAN have 3 brownies but if I have 1 I've already blown my sugar limit for the day and will become bloated. I wonder if they think I am indirectly criticising them when I try to refuse to eat that stuff and that's why they keep offering and say I shouldn't be obsessed.0
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Well the other problem is that my friends never seem to put on weight. So they CAN have 3 brownies but if I have 1 I've already blown my sugar limit for the day and will become bloated. I wonder if they think I am indirectly criticising them when I try to refuse to eat that stuff and that's why they keep offering and say I shouldn't be obsessed.
I'm sure you're right, they probably figure you are criticising them. Which is silly, unless you are saying something really flamboyant every time like "No I CAN'T have ANOTHER ONE or I will gain weight, YOU EAT UP CARMEN" lol which I doubt you are. But they are probably a little senstivie about their figure and assume you think they are overweight even though you don't. :frown:
We are all different, and we have different requirements! Especially as we get older, we are going to have to work harder to stay fit. It's silly to do comparisons between what you eat and what your friends eat. Friends especially should recognize those differences and be supportive!0 -
I really need to lose at least 10 more pounds. I also have people telling me that I shouldn't. I have gained muscle and that makes me look better but the scales are reading only a little below my BMI.0
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I completely agree with this post. I want to put it on Facebook haha. I am dealing with this attitude as well, mainly from people who are larger than me. It is always those who are overweight who are trying to discourage you from losing weight. My fit family members and friends are all gung ho and helpful.
I cannot speak for them, but I suspect that our having so much control wakes them up to their own lack of it. And that is a truth that is much too difficult to bear, especially when you are a food addict.0 -
Completely agree. My relatives are always quick to point out when I've gained weight or look pudgy or "could stand to lose a few", but when I start making changes and counting calories, suddenly I'm "too skinny" and need to "stop dieting". Forum trolls I can take with a grain of salt, but family get under my skin all too often.
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I used to get this a lot until I told my mother I was going to lose more weight whether she liked it or not so she could either be quiet or support me. She supports me now.
I mainly just get the "up and down" and an incredulous look from others. They don't know what's UNDER the shirt. It hides alot.0 -
I used to get this a lot until I told my mother I was going to lose more weight whether she liked it or not so she could either be quiet or support me. She supports me now.
I mainly just get the "up and down" and an incredulous look from others. They don't know what's UNDER the shirt. It hides alot.
LOVE IT. Might have to use this one.
At a certain point, it's like why do people feel like they have the right to offer their opinion about your appearance? If I told someone I had a hair cut appointment, it would be considered rude for them to be like "YOU CAN NOT CUT YOUR HAIR IT LOOKS GOOD NOW!!! IF YOU CUT IT, IT WILL BE WAAAAAAY TO SHORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Can you imagine?! I would be like "F' OFF weirdo, it's MY hair, and I think it will look GOOD!" But for some reason when it comes to weight, we feel like we have to DEFEND our decision. WTF.0 -
I used to get this a lot until I told my mother I was going to lose more weight whether she liked it or not so she could either be quiet or support me. She supports me now.
I mainly just get the "up and down" and an incredulous look from others. They don't know what's UNDER the shirt. It hides alot.
LOVE IT. Might have to use this one.
At a certain point, it's like why do people feel like they have the right to offer their opinion about your appearance? If I told someone I had a hair cut appointment, it would be considered rude for them to be like "YOU CAN NOT CUT YOUR HAIR IT LOOKS GOOD NOW!!! IF YOU CUT IT, IT WILL BE WAAAAAAY TO SHORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Can you imagine?! I would be like "F' OFF weirdo, it's MY hair, and I think it will look GOOD!" But for some reason when it comes to weight, we feel like we have to DEFEND our decision. WTF.
People don't seem to understand with weight loss that you can get to the point where you look good in clothes but you don't look good naked. So when you want to lose more (and tone up) in order to look good naked, they get confused and think you're being unhealthy or something. I guess it's vanity pounds but who cares? I'm not vomiting to get here (not meaning this offensively).
Luckily, my boyfriend doesn't comment. He's a bean pole and doesn't understand but he trusts me and wants me to be happy. I can tell he's proud though. He gets a really confused look on his face when I talk about dieting and foods that I'm craving though cause food just isn't that important to him. It's something you eat to survive pretty much and he hates eating when he's not hungry. If I thought the same way ... well, I never would have been fat to begin with.
I was asked by my dad if I was bulimic once though :noway: Had to sit him down and explain that I wasn't and that I eat in front of him all the time. He's since realized that I make my food and eat it in front of him without any random bathroom visits afterwards.0 -
THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS! I get so ANGRY when friends or family give me a hard time for me wanting to lose more weight. I am at the top of my healthy weight range, I want to lose a little more and tone up. My father has even told me he thinks I have an ED because I count calories on EVERYTHING that goes in my mouth and exercise 5X a week. I have an ED because I am healthy? It disgusts me. And really angers me more than anything when people tell me I look great how I am and not to lose more. I am sorry I am not going to settle when I am not completely happy! Some of us aren't born with high metabolisms and have to watch what we put in our mouths! Glad I am not the only one out there dealing with this. I'm not trying to be 80lbs, then YEA I'd have a problem!!0
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It can be frustrating, that is one thing we can all agree on. But I believe that it is all relative and based on each person's perception of what a healthy weight is. I'm finally down under 165 for the first time in a long time and my family thinks that i am crazy for wanting to lose weight "because I have SO much muscle". Um, if I have muscle, why can't you see it clearly defined? Oh yeah. FAT keeps it from being clearly seen. No one can ever guess that I weigh as much as I do. Not even my own mother. It's all wayyy under what I have actually weighed. Which isn't a bad thing I suppose, but I would love to actually weigh in the range that they guess. Which would STILL be 20 lbs above the low end of the healthy weights for my height. I have had an ED before and got down to that low end and looked like skin and bones, so I can understand my family's concern, but I have most certainly learned my lesson and my heavy lifting lifestyle cannot be supported by having an ED, so everything I do healthwise is centered around getting better at my lifts and getting stronger.
The frustration is real, but it is done (for the most part) out of genuine concern for others, though it may not be conveyed all that well...0 -
I used to get this a lot until I told my mother I was going to lose more weight whether she liked it or not so she could either be quiet or support me. She supports me now.
I mainly just get the "up and down" and an incredulous look from others. They don't know what's UNDER the shirt. It hides alot.
LOVE IT. Might have to use this one.
At a certain point, it's like why do people feel like they have the right to offer their opinion about your appearance? If I told someone I had a hair cut appointment, it would be considered rude for them to be like "YOU CAN NOT CUT YOUR HAIR IT LOOKS GOOD NOW!!! IF YOU CUT IT, IT WILL BE WAAAAAAY TO SHORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Can you imagine?! I would be like "F' OFF weirdo, it's MY hair, and I think it will look GOOD!" But for some reason when it comes to weight, we feel like we have to DEFEND our decision. WTF.
People don't seem to understand with weight loss that you can get to the point where you look good in clothes but you don't look good naked. So when you want to lose more (and tone up) in order to look good naked, they get confused and think you're being unhealthy or something. I guess it's vanity pounds but who cares? I'm not vomiting to get here (not meaning this offensively).
Luckily, my boyfriend doesn't comment. He's a bean pole and doesn't understand but he trusts me and wants me to be happy. I can tell he's proud though. He gets a really confused look on his face when I talk about dieting and foods that I'm craving though cause food just isn't that important to him. It's something you eat to survive pretty much and he hates eating when he's not hungry. If I thought the same way ... well, I never would have been fat to begin with.
I was asked by my dad if I was bulimic once though :noway: Had to sit him down and explain that I wasn't and that I eat in front of him all the time. He's since realized that I make my food and eat it in front of him without any random bathroom visits afterwards.
So true it's what under the shirt that people don't see! Especially because I don't tend to wear skin tight clothes. I want to be able to wear a bikini without looking pregnant. And true about the hair cut thing as well, people would never comment on that without looking rude!
And I think that's the same for a lot of guys (food being just fuel), my boyfriend is the same - very lean and sometimes forgets to eat until mid afternoon. He doesn't think I need to lose weight either (although we haven't been together long so everything's all golden now anyway haha) but he supports me wanting to eat healthily ie he doesn't mind if I don't want to share a bowl of chips at a cafe if that's the cheap/easy option.0 -
So, at what point does wanting to lose "just a few more pounds" become disordered?
If you are within a healthy range (or, perhaps, underweight...), maybe it's true - maybe a few more pounds loss isn't the answer, maybe more strength training and core exercise is, especially if your reasoning is "well, they can't see what's UNDER the shirt." Weight loss isn't going to tone and strengthen your body.
Also, (as I've already questioned on another thread) if you have to severely restrict your calories, (OP, I've been lurking for a while, and I see you encouraging others to restrict to 1000 calories or less in order to reach their goals) how is that going to look once you reach your goal weight? Realistically, can you keep up eating like that for the rest of your life?0 -
Completely agree. My relatives are always quick to point out when I've gained weight or look pudgy or "could stand to lose a few", but when I start making changes and counting calories, suddenly I'm "too skinny" and need to "stop dieting". Forum trolls I can take with a grain of salt, but family get under my skin all too often.
Same here. My sister actually told my parents that she thinks I'm anorexic. Hello???? I LOVE food and eat all the time. I eat well over 2,000 kcal every day and often over 3,000. I had 2 friends in high school who ended up in the hospital -- one from anorexia and the other from bulimia -- and I've never understood how someone could do that. It's totally against my views on health. I was so upset I couldn't even talk to her for a month. She hasn't even seen me in 6 months so why would she say that?? I later found out from one of her own kids that she wanted to weigh less than me for once in her life. She's older and has my mom's build -- bigger frame, bigger build (and bigger boobs, lucky woman!) -- and she got upset when, listen to this, I GOT VERY SICK from food poisoning and for an entire week could eat nothing but cucumbers and avocados and so I lost 10 pounds. She didn't have any concern that I had food poisoning -- she only cared that I had lost weight. Doubly insulting!
Family can be so frustrating b/c we count on them for support and when they don't provide it (or worse, they criticize us), it's really hurtful. Oh well, that's why we chose our own friends and our own support network!
Happy and healthy week to you all!0
