The GRIPE: "You should be happy with your weight" BS
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I'm neither not that heavy nor that skinny, and I have a good friend who seems to behave like I'm going to waste away if I get within a healthy weight range. I'm pretty sure she'll start trying to force feed me if I opt to try to get further into the healthy range instead of the absolute top of where I'd be to have a healthy BMI. (this is still a bizarre feeling as I'm normally 'the fat one')0
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I generally just avoid long explanations of my diet. If I don't want to eat cake, I just say, "no thanks, I'm stuffed." I think it is a red flag for people to hear about calorie counting and carbs, etc. when you clearly look like you're fit and lean. Why go into lengthy explanations. Plus it might make others feel bad if they are sightly or more than slightly overweight. I am also a pescatarian and similarly would not rant about how gross I think meat is at a BBQ. Why make people feel bad about it or bring up a big debate? It's all a personal choice. If someone really pushes the questions, I'll just say, I'm interested in eating healthy and balanced. It's all a personal choice and leave it at that.
I like your way of thinking. Thanks for posting this.
Agreed.
My problem mostly comes from people who are trying to get help on the message boards and are shot down.
But you are right, I think from now on I will try to be more dismissive in my personal life than fight the fight, because it seems like it just ends with me being upset and them being convinced that I am sick in the head. :grumble:0 -
Healthy weight is the new anorexia, people... *facepalm* I'm not accepting being a little dumpy because "compared to other people my age" I'm a runway model. I get the same BS- "Please, you're skinny already", "Why are you on a diet?" (I'm at the very upper range of "normal" BMI for my height, but for my bone structure it's too much!). Here's my thought on the increasing acceptability of being overweight - It's your life, do what you want to do! Shovel in that Big Mac! If you wish choose congestive heart failure and diabetes, be my guest.
On a side note, I applaud anyone who comes on this website and makes an effort to better themselves and their health. They shouldn't be called derogatory names...0 -
I generally just avoid long explanations of my diet. If I don't want to eat cake, I just say, "no thanks, I'm stuffed." I think it is a red flag for people to hear about calorie counting and carbs, etc. when you clearly look like you're fit and lean. Why go into lengthy explanations. Plus it might make others feel bad if they are sightly or more than slightly overweight. I am also a pescatarian and similarly would not rant about how gross I think meat is at a BBQ. Why make people feel bad about it or bring up a big debate? It's all a personal choice. If someone really pushes the questions, I'll just say, I'm interested in eating healthy and balanced. It's all a personal choice and leave it at that.
So, so smart. Love this response. Also, when we say, "No thanks, I'm watching what I eat," are we subconsciously looking for praise? Are we inviting the comments that annoy us because they also make us feel a little good? I haven't really thought of this before, but I'm going to start doing it.0 -
Agreed!0
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I generally just avoid long explanations of my diet. If I don't want to eat cake, I just say, "no thanks, I'm stuffed." I think it is a red flag for people to hear about calorie counting and carbs, etc. when you clearly look like you're fit and lean. Why go into lengthy explanations. Plus it might make others feel bad if they are sightly or more than slightly overweight. I am also a pescatarian and similarly would not rant about how gross I think meat is at a BBQ. Why make people feel bad about it or bring up a big debate? It's all a personal choice. If someone really pushes the questions, I'll just say, I'm interested in eating healthy and balanced. It's all a personal choice and leave it at that.
I agree! I have allowed people to talk me into stopping my weight loss or eating more and I believe them and that is how I got to where I am now. If I would have not listened to them and kept at my weight loss I would be at my goal by now. grrr! So anyone out there that feels like it's their job to tell people how to be healthy stop it!!!0 -
I really agree with this thread. I am 5'2" and 110 pounds, which sounds ideal, but I am very pear shaped, which I get from my mum. Everything I eat sticks to my bum and legs, and my stomach remains flat. When I decline sweet things, or go to the gym, I am met with the attitude that I am silly for wanting to lose weight.
I have not, and have never had an eating disorder, but I know my own body, and I know when I am comfortable with my weight and when I am not. The truth of the matter is, I'm not really bothered what it says on the scales because my aim is not necessarily to lose weight. I want to tone up and look healthy and athletic, but just because I am not 'technically overweight', I am "stupid" for wanting to change myself.
People work on themselves all the time, whether it be a new haircut, a new qualification, a change in attitude or opinion, it's ALL THE SAME! I don't understand why there is this poor attitude to girls who just want to lose a few pounds and tone up when they are not fat! We can do, or change, whatever we want! Be concerned with your own issues, not other peoples!0 -
I completely agree with your post! I, too, notice it's usually a fat person who tells me: YOU DON'T NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT? WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT? Or when I decline sweets: Oh, YOU can afford to eat that.
I remember the first time I decided to say something back about that comment. It was a staff development and there was junk food provided as snacks. I didn't touch any of it. I wasn't even hungry so why would I? Anyway, a pretty fluffy colleague who was indulging in the junk food asked if I was not going to have any. I declined and she replied with the usual: YOU can afford it, though. You're so small. I put it as politely I could: the reason I am the size that I am is because I DON'T eat that stuff. I work very hard to stay slim.
Thankfully, those closest to me (brother, dad, , two kids, and bf) agree that I look better at about 110ish (I'm 5'2") than I do when I am over 120 pounds. uuugghh, I've hit 126. I got to get this weight off. LOL! Anyway, excellent post.0 -
Nothing bothers me more than when people say to me "Oh, you're sooo skinny" or "You don't need to watch what you eat or exercise. You're lucky you're naturally skinny".
I'm thinking to myself, 'How the heck do you think I got this way?' I work damn hard to keep maintain a healthy weight and look the way that I do. It's not easy, and it certainly doesn't come naturally. I come from a long line of curvy/overweight women.0 -
Kerreck, me too. Most of the women on my mother's side of the family are very overweight. My own mother was always over 250 pounds at 5' ! I remember at one point when I was in elem school she hit 302 pounds. I know because she wrote it on the back of a photo of herself at that weight. I think all but ONE first cousin on my mother's size keeps her weight in a "normal" range. The rest are simple fat. And like most humans...heck, like most animals, if I take in a huge amount of calories while being sedentary i WILL get fat. The thing is I tend to nip it in the bud before I'm out of that "healthy" range. Like the OP, I want to be at the lower end of that healthy BMI range.0
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Nothing bothers me more than when people say to me "Oh, you're sooo skinny" or "You don't need to watch what you eat or exercise. You're lucky you're naturally skinny".
I'm thinking to myself, 'How the heck do you think I got this way?' I work damn hard to keep maintain a healthy weight and look the way that I do. It's not easy, and it certainly doesn't come naturally. I come from a long line of curvy/overweight women.
Exactly!! I don't look this way by eating Krispy Kreme and french fries all the time, I work really damn hard too! There is such a fine line I walk to maintain my body, and yes those three brownies will ruin me for the week!
Thanks for for starting this thread, I really think it's part of a bigger issue which is that most Americans now accept fat as normal. What most people today consider as "skinny" is really normal, and what most people consider as "normal" is actually overweight. That's why even though all of us are probably in the "healthy/normal" range, they think we're unhealthy because their view is so warped!
And I agree with the others, no use defending your food choices, easier just to say "no thanks, I just ate." Otherwise people start asking questions that they usually don't want to know the answers to. I think it's a jealousy thing, they just wish they could be as disciplined but because they aren't, they are trying to pull you down. They don't want to see you look any better, because they will just keep looking even fatter sitting next to you. Sometimes it's just ignorance and lack of knowledge about nutrition in general. Some people who have never dieted before don't understand that one meal or snack can really send your spiraling, or they can't wrap their heads around the fact that a restaurant salad could have as many calories as I should be eating the entire day.
This is my body and yes I may look "fine" according to some standards, but if I want to look better, that's my prerogative. To me it's more like a competition against myself to see how fit I can be. I wish I could be more social about my eating and dieting, but unfortunately I must keep it to myself unless I want to hear constant nagging.
Oh, and one more thing, I don't think you're rude for calling people "fatties." If you are fat, you need to accept it and change it and getting butt-hurt over the word. It's only offensive to be called fat when you are not indeed fat, otherwise, it's just a fact. I'm so sick of how sensitive everyone is these days.0 -
Hallelujah! I can't even tell people I'm on a diet without them telling me I'm stupid for being on one! It coincidentally happens to be all people who are overweight telling me this but still it drives me bonkers. I want to look my best and just because I started out in the healthy range doesn't mean I feel like I look my best.0
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I think that when people say these things or pressure you to eat junk, it is 100% about them and not you. I notice the same thing about my hair. My hair is extremely long and I take very good care of it. People are constantly trying to pressure me to flat iron it or cut it short and I feel like it's because the dedication and patience it takes to grow very long hair - or to be very fit and thin - is difficult for them and seeing it in you highlights their inability to see it through themselves. Many people I think also feel like, if we ALL eat cake TOGETHER then ALL of our collective butts will get fatter equally so we'd technically still be the same in relation to one another. But if you refuse, you are messing up the group dynamic. Which is not fair but there you go.0
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Thank god I'm not the only one who feels this way!!! I'm within the healthy range for my height (albeit on the high end), and I don't look my weight, but that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with trying to look BETTER! I often get "Well, for someone who had twins, you look really good." and "You're in good shape compared to some people." or "Well *I* think you're thin enough". How about I want to just plain look better, with no quantifiers??? I don't want to just look good for someone who had twins. Because I had kids I don't deserve to be in beter shape than I am? Bull! I also hate when my focus and dedication get twisted around and called "obsession". WTF? The way to lose weight is to expend more energy than you eat. How the hell will I know that I'm expending more than I eat if I don't track what I eat or what I burn? That kind of logic is like saying you should stick to a budget, but you can't know how much money you have or how much money you are spending! Absolutely ridiculous. I think some of it comes from genuine concern, but some is just plain ignorance, or worse, jealousy. As someone else said in another thread "No one likes to be left behind". It seems like if you lose weight, then others who have weight issues have to confront why they're not doing the same thing and they'd rather bring you down than lift themselves up. Seems some people only know how to define themselves relative to other people. It doesn't matter if I'm among the smallest of my group of friends, what matters is that I'm not happy with how I look and feel. If I had 200 pounds on my 5'5" (and a half) frame, but was the skinniest of my friends, would that mean I was no longer fat? No! So why does it matter what others around me weigh, what other people who had twins weigh, or what YOU *THINK* I should weigh? I'm doing this for ME, to look good TO me, not to look good to (or compaired to) other people! So get onboard this train with some support or move your @$$ to another station!0
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Next time this topic comes up I will use this analogy.
"So, your vehicle runs well doesn't it?" (typical answer would be yes).
"Well is there any thing you could do to make run better?" (typical answer would be yes).
"My body works well now, but I'd like to make it work better."0 -
Boy do I agree with this! Since so many people out there are really overweight all the way up to obese, someone of just normal weight, or just a few pounds over where they'd like to be is seen as "skinny". Overweight all the way up to obese has become the NORM in Western culture. Just look around one in almost any public gathering now, vs. 50 years ago. Back then, nowhere nearly as many people are as fat as they are now. To me, skinny means truly underweight and under-muscled. I don't know how many times I've been told "you don't need to lose weight" or "are you on a diet"(this when they just see me eating my regular food and not even saying anything about it as I tend to not talk about diet with people unless they're seriously interested). Those of us who have just 5-10 pounds to lose often get no love it seems because of all this. If we're mentally healthy(that is, not suffering from true anorexia or bulimia)we know our bodies and where we'd like to be and where we would feel and look our best. I know in my case that I would look great 9 pounds lighter than I am now, because I do have a very light bone structure.
One just has to keep on keeping on with one's plan and pay no attention to the haters. What gets me laughing are the people who say that they would be "skeletal" with being 5'2" and weighing 130. I don't THINK so, unless they're a competitive athlete who has put on a LOT of muscle mass and has dieted down for competition. Even then, they wouldn't be skeletal but they would be RIPPED - a whole different story.0 -
Thanks for all your support ladies, I'm so glad to hear there are others out there struggling with this.
I think you all have hit the nail on the head that people:
A) have forgotten what healthy REALLY is/looks like
aren't interested in being better, are just interested in being "good enough" (or, let's face it, just getting by), and just want to bring anyone down who is striving to be better/faster/stronger
I liked the analogy about the fattest girl in the group. If you were the heaviest one in a group of friends and you were trying to lose weight, your friends would no doubt support you. If you were THE SAME WEIGHT but the LIGHTEST of another group of "friends", they would totally discourage you and be all "I WOULD LOVE to be as THIN as you!!" It's sick and sad.
I wonder if this is a female thing or men have trouble with this mentality too.0 -
I get this too. I am technically in a healthy weight range but I have excess fat/flab that I would like to get rid of/tone up. My friends and family do not support me trying to count calories so I feel like I have to read packets and weigh things in secret.
OMG. This. My boyfriend and closest friends get it, but my family is super not supportive. My boyfriend makes fun of me for having to sneak out for a run or jog.0 -
Thank you!! I'm 5'7" and weigh 150 which is only 13 pounds less than when I was at my FULL TERM pregnancy weight. I've been super skinny my whole life until my late 20's when I finally got to a healthy weight of about 135. I know that I'm not "fat" but I am gaining weight and seeing unpleasant changes in the fitness and tone of my body. It's a struggle because, although I was always pretty active, I've never had to watch what I eat or exercise to keep thin and I was never taught anything about nutrition or healthy eating choices growing up. Now I try to watch what I eat and maintain a fitness routine as an example to my own kids and I really want to lose these 10 pounds. NO ONE is very supportive except for my husband who says that I'm beautiful and don't need to lose weight but he supports me wanting to feel comfortable and stay fit. I always get dirty looks or snide comments when I mention that I'm trying to watch what I eat etc. My philosophy on this is that you don't wake up one day a hundred pounds overweight. It starts with 5, 10, 15 pounds that you let go because you aren't 'fat'. I'm not willing to let this ten pounds go and definitely not willing to tack on ten more. So I'm glad that I've found a community and group where I can finally get some understanding and support!! :happy:0
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