Dating someone with kids...
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For me, I'm okay with dating someone with kids. In fact I very much want children, so someone with kids is almost a plus. it can be difficult though. My most recent ex had a little girl. She was less than a year old when we started dating and over two when we broke up. He never had to separate his time with me and his daughter. I was always around when she was and when she wasn't. Understandably, I got very attached and she did eventually too. The hardest part of our breakup has been missing her.
The new guy I'm dating has a son. We're not an item yet and his son is five, so his time with his son is off-limits. I understand, but it does get hard. It means I basically only get to see him once (twice if I'm lucky) every two weeks. I'm finding that... challenging.0 -
I want kids too, in the future. I just don't want them right away, which is another reason why I don't want to date a man with kids. When I find the right man, I want us to have time to ourselves to travel or even just to have the freedom to leave the house whenever we feel like it without having to find a babysitter. Plus, I'd like to be able to jump my husband the second he comes through the door, and I imagine that's kind of hard to do when there are kids around.0
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I can't wait for some of you to actually have children.0
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I am not saying this to be controversial but after reading some of the comments I feel the need.
Children are not a burden and yes if you date someone with children, you will come in second. If you don't come in second, then run for the freaking hills because there is something wrong with that person. My son was a surprise, I was told that I couldn't ever have children, and I thank God every single day that he chose me. A man who is a good father is by far sexier than one who is mediocre, even if I could have more of his time.
To discount someone because he or she has children is sad. The person you discount is not the one losing out in this equation.0 -
Children are not a burden and yes if you date someone with children, you will come in second. If you don't come in second, then run for the freaking hills because there is something wrong with that person. My son was a surprise, I was told that I couldn't ever have children, and I thank God every single day that he chose me. A man who is a good father is by far sexier than one who is mediocre, even if I could have more of his time.
I don't even have kids, but agree with this 100%............especially the part that states the kids come FIRST.........they have to, or there are bigger problems looming.........0 -
What do you think? Do you kid-less daters prefer someone without kids? What about you parents? Any thoughts?
My son sees his father 1-2 times per YEAR (if THAT). So I have no “off nights†in which to date. Most guys (even guys with kids who have joint custody) don’t get this.
I don’t see this as a liability. I look at it as “truth in advertising†because the level of effort I am putting forth now is what you’re gonna get when (if) we’re married. You don’t have to worry about the classic scenario of getting married, having kids, and no time for each other. You will have seen that the single mother (or father) is capable of making you a priority in his/her life and still be a good parent. To me, that’s worth its weight in gold.
^^^This. I right there with you sister! My sons "father" has been out of the picture since he was 3 months old.
I don't get a night off. I am starting to date more now but some guys just don't understand. I know not everyone is open to dating others with kids (I personally try to avoid it as I come from a mixed family and know all the drama/emotions that come with that). Also I don't have any baby daddy drama so I don't want to get involved with someone elses baby mama drama. Now that I am dating more I have noticed guys want a lot of attention. From someone who has been lucky to get to go out one night a month, it is difficult enough for me to manage 1 night a weekend. I went out with this 1 guy the last two weekends in a row and he flat out told me it wasn't enough. He HAD to see me sometime Mon-Wed of this week. I'm sorry but to get 1 night out a week shows I am trying and willing to make it work but 2 nights is hard. My son has a routine during the week and I only get to spend about a hour with him a night as it is. I think non-parents should cut us a little slack. If its looking like it might be the forever kind of deal, then whats the rush?0 -
Wowowow!!!! I have never in my life discounted someone with kids just for having them. I think it's great when someone knows how to balance their children with having a dating relationship.
What I'm seeing, though, is that a lot of you with kids complaining about the fact that the person you're trying to date wants to spend time with you! I do not understand this. You absolutely cannot have a relationship with someone if you don't give them the time to get to know you or try to spend time getting to know them. We are all busy people (ok, right now, I'm not as busy due to lack of work, which is about to change very soon)! When I am working, I'm also singing in various choral groups, taking voice lessons, going to affordable performances, working out, accompanying people, and atm, I'm trying to build up my voice and piano studio. That takes up a lot of time, time which I would not have if I did have children. If I want to date someone, I have to make that man a priority, otherwise I could go for weeks without seeing him, and probably not even notice! Imagine how long that relationship would last...
I think it's great that there are so many moms and dads who make their kids a priority. Kids are precious, and someday, I'd love to have them. I can also guarantee that when it comes to that time, I will have to make changes to accomodate their needs, and make them feel like the most loved and special people on this earth without complaint. I haven't gotten to that point yet, so please, don't dismiss me as having no say in the matter just because I don't have children.0 -
I wasn't referring to you specifically.
I would never complain that someone is interested in me and wants to spend time with me. More likely I would think WOO HOO! lol It's just that my son is only 3 and he doesn't meet the men I date. I wish I had more time to devote to someone but I don't and I make it clear from the get go.0 -
I love asking questions (and why probably quite a few may not be exactly fond of me :laugh: ) but it is almost unanimous among the ladies posting an opinion here that they either would prefer not to or would refuse to date a man with children.
I have read the reasons given and not going to dispute the validity of that but wonder if there is also something deeper.
Do ladies have a certain resentment regarding the fact that a guy will as long as he lives have a connection to another woman because of kids?
Is there a natural feeling of desire to be a mother but are repelled at the idea of having to be one to some other womans kids?
Do ladies feel that when push comes to shove a man will ultimately side with the birth mother of his children regardless of whether they are in a civil relationship to each other or not?
I have no kids so not a thing to me but am curious.
1- I don't resent a man having a connection to his X, it is how he treats her that speaks volumes. I want someone that knows how to be an adult and has learned the art of compromise, if he can be decent to an ex, then he can treat me well.
2- I love kids and love being with them. The only part of being with someone else's children that bothers me is to be put in a position of authority with no authority. If someone lets their kids get away with murder or being rude to me then that is a problem.
3- I am not sure. I don't think so, in my experience I have seen very much the opposite.0 -
If its looking like it might be the forever kind of deal, then what’s the rush?
Exactly!0 -
^^^This. I right there with you sister! My sons "father" has been out of the picture since he was 3 months old.
I don't get a night off. I am starting to date more now but some guys just don't understand. I know not everyone is open to dating others with kids (I personally try to avoid it as I come from a mixed family and know all the drama/emotions that come with that). Also I don't have any baby daddy drama so I don't want to get involved with someone elses baby mama drama. Now that I am dating more I have noticed guys want a lot of attention. From someone who has been lucky to get to go out one night a month, it is difficult enough for me to manage 1 night a weekend. I went out with this 1 guy the last two weekends in a row and he flat out told me it wasn't enough. He HAD to see me sometime Mon-Wed of this week. I'm sorry but to get 1 night out a week shows I am trying and willing to make it work but 2 nights is hard. My son has a routine during the week and I only get to spend about a hour with him a night as it is. I think non-parents should cut us a little slack. If its looking like it might be the forever kind of deal, then whats the rush?I wasn't referring to you specifically.
I would never complain that someone is interested in me and wants to spend time with me. More likely I would think WOO HOO! lol It's just that my son is only 3 and he doesn't meet the men I date. I wish I had more time to devote to someone but I don't and I make it clear from the get go.
These types of quotes are indicative of a mindset that is not appropriate for a single person who is interested in dating. Dating takes time. A lot of it. Someone who has been in a relationship with the same person for 5 years doesn’t necessarily realize how much time it takes to get to develop a relationship. Perhaps 5 years ago times were different, and you had the appropriate set up in life to date and get to know someone. That needs to be re-created now.
Finding and managing a relationship with a significant other is an arduous task. It is a lot easier to maintain a relationship once it has been established, but the time it takes to get established can’t be discounted.
This is part of the reason that single parents with significant kid responsibility can struggle to find someone new.0 -
Three random thoughts:
There is no custodian of approprateness in dating behaviour, or any other behaviour for that matter, unless of course it is illegal.
Having children is more than a lifestyle choice. Many people do not understand this until they have their own.
Any preferences in dating and attraction need not be justified. No equal opportunity policies apply, nor should they.0 -
I am not saying this to be controversial but after reading some of the comments I feel the need.
Children are not a burden and yes if you date someone with children, you will come in second. If you don't come in second, then run for the freaking hills because there is something wrong with that person. My son was a surprise, I was told that I couldn't ever have children, and I thank God every single day that he chose me. A man who is a good father is by far sexier than one who is mediocre, even if I could have more of his time.
To discount someone because he or she has children is sad. The person you discount is not the one losing out in this equation.
I wouldn't automatically discount someone because they have kids, but it sure does make it harder to get to know someone!
And to update my original post: it'll be nearly two weeks since the last time (which was the third time) I went out with the guy with the kid...two weeks is a long time when you're trying to get to know someone! And, when the kid is around, he's concentrating on his time with the kid (which is understandable, I'm not judging him for that), so there's not much contact.
So it's not like I'M discounting him, it's like I'M being discounted! :laugh:0 -
I am not saying this to be controversial but after reading some of the comments I feel the need.
Children are not a burden and yes if you date someone with children, you will come in second. If you don't come in second, then run for the freaking hills because there is something wrong with that person. My son was a surprise, I was told that I couldn't ever have children, and I thank God every single day that he chose me. A man who is a good father is by far sexier than one who is mediocre, even if I could have more of his time.
To discount someone because he or she has children is sad. The person you discount is not the one losing out in this equation.
I wouldn't automatically discount someone because they have kids, but it sure does make it harder to get to know someone!
And to update my original post: it'll be nearly two weeks since the last time (which was the third time) I went out with the guy with the kid...two weeks is a long time when you're trying to get to know someone! And, when the kid is around, he's concentrating on his time with the kid (which is understandable, I'm not judging him for that), so there's not much contact.
So it's not like I'M discounting him, it's like I'M being discounted! :laugh:
Move on! There are other people who want to see you more than every two weeks.0 -
I'd view it as a positive thing, that he has this child and he loves him and is willing to spend time with him. Once you start dating for a while, I am sure he'd be open to you meeting the child. You gain a whole family not just a guy!
I would not have a problem dating a guy with kids. Maybe not at my age, but when I'm older it wouldn't bother me one bit. I know a girl my age who dates a guy who has a three-year-old child from an old relationship. The guy plays a sport, and when he has his child and he has a game the girlfriend always brings the kid with her. It's so sweet to me. If I was the guy, I'd be so flattered that she loves my child enough to want to take care of him, and if I was her, I would love that he trusts me with his child.
Clearly, I'm in the minority but I think it's really sad to count a guy out because he has kids (unless you hate kids). I think the mindset of "that child isn't mine, so I don't care to help my bf/gf take care of him/her or care to get to know him" is terrible. It's also not easy to say "get a sitter" because to those who only have their child every other week or every couple of weekends, you might not want to give up time with the child to go on a date AT FIRST. But once you get to know the person, I can see being willing to a get a sitter once in a while - parents can have lives too. But when you choose to be a parent, you also give up some other things.0 -
Dating someone with kids is difficult. I have dated someone with a child and when we first started dating we worked out when we would see each other based off of when he would have his son.
And we made it work. Yes, it's hard because not every weekend is open. But you know what? I wanted to see him, so if that meant I saw him from on Friday night and then not again until maybe Tuesday evening, that's when I saw him. It didn't stop us from talking on the phone after his son went to bed. It didn't stop us from making the most of the times we did get to spend together. I understood that he needed to focus on his child, esepecially since his divorce was pretty recent. Who am I to stand in the way of that?
And like other posters have said, it IS sexy when a man is dedicated to his kids. He was a genuine guy, I think any guy who is committed to taking care of their family is, it was just the wrong time for us to date (long story that I'm not getting into).
If someone can't handle the limited time available because of kids, maybe you aren't ready to date someone with kids and should move on.0 -
well for me since I am a single mom of 1 child I would prefer to date a guy with kids. my friend is a single dad of two girls. He would also prefer to date someone with kids but preferably a little girl since he has two girls. makes for a nice blend. but then I always loved children0
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I am not saying this to be controversial but after reading some of the comments I feel the need.
Children are not a burden and yes if you date someone with children, you will come in second. If you don't come in second, then run for the freaking hills because there is something wrong with that person. My son was a surprise, I was told that I couldn't ever have children, and I thank God every single day that he chose me. A man who is a good father is by far sexier than one who is mediocre, even if I could have more of his time.
To discount someone because he or she has children is sad. The person you discount is not the one losing out in this equation.
I wouldn't automatically discount someone because they have kids, but it sure does make it harder to get to know someone!
And to update my original post: it'll be nearly two weeks since the last time (which was the third time) I went out with the guy with the kid...two weeks is a long time when you're trying to get to know someone! And, when the kid is around, he's concentrating on his time with the kid (which is understandable, I'm not judging him for that), so there's not much contact.
So it's not like I'M discounting him, it's like I'M being discounted! :laugh:
Move on! There are other people who want to see you more than every two weeks.
I have. I'm going out on my third date tonight with someone else. Third date THIS WEEK, that is! :laugh:0 -
I have. I'm going out on my third date tonight with someone else. Third date THIS WEEK, that is! :laugh:
Good. I assume this person does not have kids because you are seeing the person 3 times in a week.0 -
I have. I'm going out on my third date tonight with someone else. Third date THIS WEEK, that is! :laugh:
Good. I assume this person does not have kids because you are seeing the person 3 times in a week.
He does, but they are older and live away from home.0
