Dating someone with kids...
Options
toots99
Posts: 3,794 Member
...is really tough. I totally prefer to date someone who doesn't have kids, but at my age (39) it's not that easy to find someone kid-free. I recently went on a few dates with this guy, and it's been going well. We've even done the "hang out at his place and watch movies" thing, so we're comfortable with each other. But, though he's divorced, more often than not he has his kid. Like this week, he has his kid from Sunday-Sunday...I'm not sure that that's very conducive to dating. I know there are a lot of circumstances, and the kids always come first...totally understandable. But when you're trying to be out there in the dating world, is it unfair to think that the parent should try to be more flexible? The Mom lives close by, so it's not like he's flying in from out of town to spend time with Dad.
Like dating isn't tough enough...
What do you think? Do you kid-less daters prefer someone without kids? What about you parents? Any thoughts?
Like dating isn't tough enough...
What do you think? Do you kid-less daters prefer someone without kids? What about you parents? Any thoughts?
0
Replies
-
I have a similar set up woth my ex. We have joint custody so we each have them for a full week at a time. Go out in the evening after the kids are asleep. Can't he just get a sitter. My FWB just comes over to hang out after they are already in bed. I still go out the week my kids are home but I wait until after they have gone to sleep and have my sister (who lives with me) watch them. Besides its important that his kids are a proirity for him. I think its kinda hot when a mans kinds are his first concern (as it should be )0
-
I prefer someone w/o children myself but am open to dating someone with a kid or 2 IF I felt the guy was for me.
So far I've dated a couple of guys with kiddos and they had them every other weekend. I pictured myself in an exclusive relationship with them and how it'd suck to only see them (alone) every other weekend. I love my weekends and make sure every hour is well spent. :drinker: :bigsmile:
If I did date single dad, I'd expect to come after his kids which I understand but not sure if I like it. (maybe that's selfish but I don't have kids so I have no idea what it's like)0 -
My BF has two beautiful girls - I love them and they love me. But it does make it difficult to date him. I am on the back burner most of the time which I understand. I don't have kids so no one to keep me busy while he is doing his daddy-daughters time.0
-
Can't he just get a sitter.
That's what I'm hoping he'll do, but I am in not position to suggest that just yet. As it is right now, I won't see him for the next week and a half. I told him "That's fine, it's a long way away but I understand."Besides its important that his kids are a proirity for him. I think its kinda hot when a mans kinds are his first concern (as it should be
I agree. I totally get it that the kid comes first.0 -
Never dating a man with kids again..0
-
I've dated a number of men with kids, a difficult thing to avoid in my city.
I don't mind the kid thing, I mind the baby-momma-drama being brought into my date. This is going to come off as *****y, but I spent time and effort to get ready and am there to learn about you, not what a total ***** your ex is or why she won't let you see the kids. I'm not there for your drama and I tend to not see these people again.
I've encountered this with divorced men (I'm divorced as well) where they find it necessary to dredge all the drama up on a first or second date. My ex isn't apart of this date, leave yours at the door, too.
/rant
ETA Kids, divorced, whatever. If you're not in a good place, you're not going to find it in a date. :flowerforyou:0 -
I would prefer not to date someone with kids... But if it was meant then I would except it but I strongly prefer not to date anyone with kids.
But maybe you should talk to him about it and tell him how you feel.
0 -
Where I live it is more normal to find someone with kids then with out.
I am open to dating a guy with kids but prefer if the kids are older (7+) that way they usually have friends of their own and are not unwilling to spend the night at a friends every once in awhile. To me seeing a man with full or joint custody of a kids shows that he is responsible since it takes a lot for a guy to get the majority of custody as courts usually favor the kids staying with the mother. Plus I don't want to have kids of my own and guys that already have kids are usually more open to that.0 -
Where I live it is more normal to find someone with kids then with out.
I am open to dating a guy with kids but prefer if the kids are older (7+) that way they usually have friends of their own and are not unwilling to spend the night at a friends every once in awhile. To me seeing a man with full or joint custody of a kids shows that he is responsible since it takes a lot for a guy to get the majority of custody as courts usually favor the kids staying with the mother. Plus I don't want to have kids of my own and guys that already have kids are usually more open to that.
Ditto, helps when you're not really wanting to go the motherhood road.0 -
What do you think? Do you kid-less daters prefer someone without kids? What about you parents? Any thoughts?
Yes, kid-less daters prefer someone without kids. I won't seriously date a parent.
This is part of my motivation to get off the dating scene ASAP. I don't want my dating pool to have too many parents. My dating pool now is 23-27 year old women, and I don't see a ton of kids in this range. But I realize that I have to act quick.0 -
I am a single mom, and I have dated guys with kids and those without kids. It's easy to say, "Can't he just get a sitter?" but sometimes it's just not that easy. I only have my son every other week (joint custody situation) and I would never do that on a regular basis, and I'll tell you why: his dad does that, and every time he comes back to my house, he talks about how his dad only has him every other week, but doesn't want to spend any time with him during those weeks. He has even said, "why can't he do his 'alone' stuff when I'm with you? I never get to see him." I won't even consider dating a single parent who DOESN'T put his kids first, because I think that would speak ill of his character and his lack of devotion to his kids.0
-
I don't want to date anyone that finds dating me inconvenient b/c my son comes first. When I only have him 50% of my life as it is, you better have something DAMN good in mind for me to choose to get a sitter. Like... awesome tickets to a Brewer Game ;-)
I also don't introduce my son to people I date. I have 50% of my life free - that's more than most. He can see me then. I date - my child doesn't.0 -
I don't want to date anyone that finds dating me inconvenient b/c my son comes first. When I only have him 50% of my life as it is, you better have something DAMN good in mind for me to choose to get a sitter. Like... awesome tickets to a Brewer Game ;-)
I also don't introduce my son to people I date. I have 50% of my life free - that's more than most. He can see me then. I date - my child doesn't.
This is why you're my friend. 0 -
I won't even consider dating a single parent who DOESN'T put his kids first, because I think that would speak ill of his character and his lack of devotion to his kids.
And this. Absolutely, hands down, this. How a man treats his children - whom should always be a greatest love(s) of his life - is completely telling of his character.
I'm not saying you don't have the right to choose to date childless men... by all means, don't date men with kids. That won't be easy going at your age, but you choose what you want.0 -
What do you think? Do you kid-less daters prefer someone without kids? What about you parents? Any thoughts?
I’ve had trouble dating kid-less guys, because they say things like, “Can’t you just get a sitter.†Sitters are flakey, they abuse your kids, they cost $10/hr and so on. It’s hard to find a good sitter. I’ve had some that don’t understand my stress when their pit bull bares its teeth at my son, or that when I have to cancel b/c the babysitter flaked out on me it’s the truth not some lame line.
My son sees his father 1-2 times per YEAR (if THAT). So I have no “off nights†in which to date. Most guys (even guys with kids who have joint custody) don’t get this.
I don’t see this as a liability. I look at it as “truth in advertising†because the level of effort I am putting forth now is what you’re gonna get when (if) we’re married. You don’t have to worry about the classic scenario of getting married, having kids, and no time for each other. You will have seen that the single mother (or father) is capable of making you a priority in his/her life and still be a good parent. To me, that’s worth its weight in gold.0 -
What do you think? Do you kid-less daters prefer someone without kids? What about you parents? Any thoughts?
It would be something to consider but not a deal breaker and at my age wouldn`t be realistic anyways.0 -
That said, I don't fault a kid-less guy for not wanting to date someone with kids. I appreciate the honesty (and not wasting my time). I was really hurt going out with someone for a couple months and then finding out he refused to settle into a LTR with someone who has kids.0
-
Easier dating someone without children...
But I'm not against it...completely...0 -
I wouldn't worry about kids or no kids one way or the other. I love children and have two of my own so why would I expect him not to have kids.
A think a man who thinks the world of his children is very sexy and is a great catch. It can tell you a lot about that guy if his kids are the most important thing to him. I know my kids are my world so why should he be any different. It takes patience and understanding on both our parts but the kids have to come first.0 -
I may be the minority with my opinion, but I believe that while dating, yes, your kids should come first.
But after marriage happens, I believe the spouse should come first. The kids are going to grow up and move out someday, but if you neglect your spouse and throw it in their face that you'll always love your kids more than you will love them, that's messed up. I'm not religious, but even in the bible it says somewhere that man and wife come before children.
Just my two cents.. no, of course I didn't have a bad marriage with children involved..0
