I have a similar set up woth my ex. We have joint custody so we each have them for a full week at a time. Go out in the evening after the kids are asleep. Can't he just get a sitter. My FWB just comes over to hang out after they are already in bed. I still go out the week my kids are home but I wait until after they have gone to sleep and have my sister (who lives with me) watch them. Besides its important that his kids are a proirity for him. I think its kinda hot when a mans kinds are his first concern (as it should be )

My BF has two beautiful girls - I love them and they love me. But it does make it difficult to date him. I am on the back burner most of the time which I understand. I don't have kids so no one to keep me busy while he is doing his daddy-daughters time.

Never dating a man with kids again..

I would prefer not to date someone with kids... But if it was meant then I would except it but I strongly prefer not to date anyone with kids.

But maybe you should talk to him about it and tell him how you feel.

Where I live it is more normal to find someone with kids then with out.
I am open to dating a guy with kids but prefer if the kids are older (7+) that way they usually have friends of their own and are not unwilling to spend the night at a friends every once in awhile. To me seeing a man with full or joint custody of a kids shows that he is responsible since it takes a lot for a guy to get the majority of custody as courts usually favor the kids staying with the mother. Plus I don't want to have kids of my own and guys that already have kids are usually more open to that.

Ditto, helps when you're not really wanting to go the motherhood road.

I am a single mom, and I have dated guys with kids and those without kids. It's easy to say, "Can't he just get a sitter?" but sometimes it's just not that easy. I only have my son every other week (joint custody situation) and I would never do that on a regular basis, and I'll tell you why: his dad does that, and every time he comes back to my house, he talks about how his dad only has him every other week, but doesn't want to spend any time with him during those weeks. He has even said, "why can't he do his 'alone' stuff when I'm with you? I never get to see him." I won't even consider dating a single parent who DOESN'T put his kids first, because I think that would speak ill of his character and his lack of devotion to his kids.

I don't want to date anyone that finds dating me inconvenient b/c my son comes first. When I only have him 50% of my life as it is, you better have something DAMN good in mind for me to choose to get a sitter. Like... awesome tickets to a Brewer Game ;-)

I also don't introduce my son to people I date. I have 50% of my life free - that's more than most. He can see me then. I date - my child doesn't.

This is why you're my friend.

What do you think? Do you kid-less daters prefer someone without kids? What about you parents? Any thoughts?

I’ve had trouble dating kid-less guys, because they say things like, “Can’t you just get a sitter.” Sitters are flakey, they abuse your kids, they cost $10/hr and so on. It’s hard to find a good sitter. I’ve had some that don’t understand my stress when their pit bull bares its teeth at my son, or that when I have to cancel b/c the babysitter flaked out on me it’s the truth not some lame line.

My son sees his father 1-2 times per YEAR (if THAT). So I have no “off nights” in which to date. Most guys (even guys with kids who have joint custody) don’t get this.

I don’t see this as a liability. I look at it as “truth in advertising” because the level of effort I am putting forth now is what you’re gonna get when (if) we’re married. You don’t have to worry about the classic scenario of getting married, having kids, and no time for each other. You will have seen that the single mother (or father) is capable of making you a priority in his/her life and still be a good parent. To me, that’s worth its weight in gold.

That said, I don't fault a kid-less guy for not wanting to date someone with kids. I appreciate the honesty (and not wasting my time). I was really hurt going out with someone for a couple months and then finding out he refused to settle into a LTR with someone who has kids.

I wouldn't worry about kids or no kids one way or the other. I love children and have two of my own so why would I expect him not to have kids.

A think a man who thinks the world of his children is very sexy and is a great catch. It can tell you a lot about that guy if his kids are the most important thing to him. I know my kids are my world so why should he be any different. It takes patience and understanding on both our parts but the kids have to come first.

My opinion is, I don't want kids of my own, so I don't want to date someone with kids, because if it got serious they would become kids of my own. I like other people's kids, but I choose to not have that responsibility in my life. My dog is too much sometimes...

I choose to be selfish :smokin: and I know I would resent being put in a position of giving up my (much loved) freedom to do whatever, whenever. When I come stay with my dad and step-mom, (they have young children) I resent not being able to leave on a whim when they both up and leave and I have to watch my sisters... can't go for a run, have to worry if I can't hear them, make sure they go potty... Not a situation I can handle for more than a day or so without getting resentful...

I know this could change (I doubt it, little ones are just not my cup of tea, I have no maternal instincts, being around kids... Bleh.) I want to hold onto my freedom for as long as possible.

You parents, who enjoy your kids are awesome, I'm just from a different mold... :blushing:

I may be the minority with my opinion, but I believe that while dating, yes, your kids should come first.

But after marriage happens, I believe the spouse should come first.

I'm not even sure what this means. So, you're saying that, if your kids need a bath, or your husbands wants a bacon sandwich, you should make the sandwich because you're stuck with him and the kids eventually won't be living there?

The kids should ALWAYS come first. Period. End of story. If they don't, you're a bad parent, and a mediocre human, at best.

I don't think you're a mediocre human, that's a little harsh. But maybe, like me, you should just not have kids so you can focus on the things you find important. Like bacon sandwiches.

I may be the minority with my opinion, but I believe that while dating, yes, your kids should come first.

But after marriage happens, I believe the spouse should come first.

I'm not even sure what this means. So, you're saying that, if your kids need a bath, or your husbands wants a bacon sandwich, you should make the sandwich because you're stuck with him and the kids eventually won't be living there?

The kids should ALWAYS come first. Period. End of story. If they don't, you're a bad parent, and a mediocre human, at best.

I don't think you're a mediocre human, that's a little harsh. But maybe, like me, you should just not have kids so you can focus on the things you find important. Like bacon sandwiches.

If someone doesn't want kids and chooses a lifestyle without, that's awesome. But when an adult puts his or her selfishness before the welfare of a child, that, to me, makes a mediocre human.

I may be the minority with my opinion, but I believe that while dating, yes, your kids should come first.

But after marriage happens, I believe the spouse should come first.

I'm not even sure what this means. So, you're saying that, if your kids need a bath, or your husbands wants a bacon sandwich, you should make the sandwich because you're stuck with him and the kids eventually won't be living there?

The kids should ALWAYS come first. Period. End of story. If they don't, you're a bad parent, and a mediocre human, at best.

I don't think you're a mediocre human, that's a little harsh. But maybe, like me, you should just not have kids so you can focus on the things you find important. Like bacon sandwiches.

If someone doesn't want kids and chooses a lifestyle without, that's awesome. But when an adult puts his or her selfishness before the welfare of a child, that, to me, makes a mediocre human.

I can agree with that, kids don't get to choose their parents, but having kids is a choice. If you make that choice you HAVE to follow through, there's no half-assing a life, eh? Scariest life-time commitment ever, you can't divorce your kids/leave them in the backyard when they puke on your new carpet...

I may be the minority with my opinion, but I believe that while dating, yes, your kids should come first.

But after marriage happens, I believe the spouse should come first.

Absolutely! I remember the day my mom sat me down and told me she and Brian were married now, and that he will always come first as her husband. I will graduate in a few years and leave her. But he will be with her forever, so he was (is) her primary relationship. I was initially angry, but he was such an amazing Dad to us, I quickly got over it.

And now as a grown woman I look on their vibrant marriage with longing.

So few people I know (whether married or live in) have the kind of relationship my parents have. And I will settle for nothing less. When a man tells me “the kids come first” I can already see that there will be trouble in our blended household. I’ll see if I can find that report about how this is the #1 reason re-marriages fall apart.

We, the couple, come first. It is my firm belief that the relationship between husband and wife comes first before all other earthly relationships (parents, kids, siblings, old friends). While I’m tolerant of the beliefs of others, this is one belief that any future mate must share.

PS: I’m not sure young minds are mature enough to process this concept, so this isn’t something I’d say to my son at his age.