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rejection, the whys?
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I think what he means is that if you're going to offer to buy a man a cup of coffee, don't complain about him not being a gentleman when all he's guilty of is accepting your invitation. If I asked a man to have coffee with me, I would not expect him to offer to pay, nor would I think less of him if he didn't. If I didn't want to pay for it, I wouldn't have asked.0
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That is the thing,she invited him and yes I know we are only talking a buck but now the guy is caught with trying to figure out how independent she is etc.
As we have talked about before,gender roles have become very confusing to everyone.
yeah, but this is a simple one. Take it as red: buy the first drink, the first coffee. The rest of the night is still debateable/confusing, even for me, but that first impression? Make it a lasting one!! Unless there are women that want to step up and differ, I'd say I'm 99% sure most women need this reassurance. It says you like her. The signal is the opposite if you don't. And I have to say, any date I've been on, the guy that buys me the drink is the guy that likes me. The guy that doesnt, I dont hear form again, even if I wanted to. It's a universal unspoken action...........hard to describe, but there it is......
You now have the wisdom to not make that error (if you want to make things count?)..........unlike Florian, who doesnt give a *kitten* about protocol :laugh:
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I think what he means is that if you're going to offer to buy a man a cup of coffee, don't complain about him not being a gentleman when all he's guilty of is accepting your invitation. If I asked a man to have coffee with me, I would not expect him to offer to pay, nor would I think less of him if he didn't. If I didn't want to pay for it, I wouldn't have asked.
I dont really get this 'who asked' thing you guys do in America. Not heard of here. Its a first date, why does it matter who suggested they meet first? :ohwell:
But hey, thanks for differing. Have you met my friend Florain?? :laugh: :flowerforyou:0 -
That is the thing,she invited him and yes I know we are only talking a buck but now the guy is caught with trying to figure out how independent she is etc.
As we have talked about before,gender roles have become very confusing to everyone.
yeah, but this is a simple one. Take it as red: buy the first drink, the first coffee. The rest of the night is still debateable/confusing, even for me, but that first impression? Make it a lasting one!! Unless there are women that want to step up and differ, I'd say I'm 99% sure most women need this reassurance. It says you like her. The signal is the opposite if you don't. And I have to say, any date I've been on, the guy that buys me the drink is the guy that likes me. The guy that doesnt, I dont hear form again, even if I wanted to. It's a universal unspoken action...........hard to describe, but there it is......
You now have the wisdom to not make that error (if you want to make things count?)..........unlike Florian, who doesnt give a *kitten* about protocol :laugh:
So why should that not work the other way too or what is her "signal" that a guy should expect if she likes him?0 -
That is the thing,she invited him and yes I know we are only talking a buck but now the guy is caught with trying to figure out how independent she is etc.
As we have talked about before,gender roles have become very confusing to everyone.
yeah, but this is a simple one. Take it as red: buy the first drink, the first coffee. The rest of the night is still debateable/confusing, even for me, but that first impression? Make it a lasting one!! Unless there are women that want to step up and differ, I'd say I'm 99% sure most women need this reassurance. It says you like her. The signal is the opposite if you don't. And I have to say, any date I've been on, the guy that buys me the drink is the guy that likes me. The guy that doesnt, I dont hear form again, even if I wanted to. It's a universal unspoken action...........hard to describe, but there it is......
You now have the wisdom to not make that error (if you want to make things count?)..........unlike Florian, who doesnt give a *kitten* about protocol :laugh:
So why should that not work the other way too or what is her "signal" that a guy should expect if she likes him?
you tell me?? The way she smiles, the way she bats her eyelashes, plays with her hair? Touches your arm, knee? Looks into your eyes?? Says thank you. Compliments you. Tells you waht a gent you are........I dont know Carl, what signal does it for you??
DOES it do it for you if a woman offers to pay?? I dont know.........
Time for men to give us women an insight then? :bigsmile:0 -
"you look like your photos, for my personality - I need someone slightly more aggressive. I tend to be domineering"0
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Girls aren't the only ones who do this! I had a great date a while ago - we met for drinks, ended up talking and laughing for hours. He told me how refreshing it was to meet someone who was genuine to their profile, how he wanted to see me again, all signs pointed to we would at least go out again. We set up a second date, and he cancels the day of stating he lost his cell phone so he couldn't make it. Um what? He then proceeds to disappear, never contacting me again. I thought we had a connection, but I guess I truly was the one being genuine.0
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Tall guys are super sexy.. Just sayin
Agree completely! Love tall men.
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"you look like your photos, for my personality - I need someone slightly more aggressive. I tend to be domineering"
Wow! who would have thought? Well done for asking. Just goes to show, you cant second guess anyone....:bigsmile:0 -
So the moral of the story is that coffee is bad and no one should ever pay for anyone elses coffee nor offer to do so at the risk of being coffee douche.
Well done team :laugh:0 -
Earlier (as said by jq), I was only saying that a woman shouldn't complain if she offered to pay for the coffee:
yeah, but this is a simple one. Take it as red: buy the first drink, the first coffee. The rest of the night is still debateable/confusing, even for me, but that first impression? Make it a lasting one!! Unless there are women that want to step up and differ, I'd say I'm 99% sure most women need this reassurance. It says you like her. The signal is the opposite if you don't. And I have to say, any date I've been on, the guy that buys me the drink is the guy that likes me. The guy that doesnt, I dont hear form again, even if I wanted to. It's a universal unspoken action...........hard to describe, but there it is......That is the thing,she invited him and yes I know we are only talking a buck but now the guy is caught with trying to figure out how independent she is etc.
As we have talked about before,gender roles have become very confusing to everyone.
You now have the wisdom to not make that error (if you want to make things count?)..........unlike Florian, who doesnt give a *kitten* about protocol :laugh:
A) If she is offering only because she WANTS the guy to refuse, then she is *kitten* testing me, then she is playing games, then to me she is a pain (ITA). So I'm glad to let her pay in this case (and I hope she is upset about it too), since then she's going to be offended and not contact me again. I want to screen her out ASAP so it's good.
If she is offering because she WANTS to pay, then she is happy to pay. And then she is OK to contact me again/be contacted again. I am happy to keep in touch with this girl so it's good.
Now now now...
Jq and I disagree on the fact that whoever invites pay. I don't do that - I expect the woman and I to pay in turns instead (alternatively).
And now, I agree with you that strategically/statistically/on average it is better for men to pay for the first round of drinks.
I don't think it means that you like the girl though, as most men on this board think they need to pay for the first dates regardless (so expect most men out there to act the same). It just means the man is doing what is expected from him by society (you're reading too much into this IMO).
But yeah, if you pay for the first drink as man, whether you like the girl/want a ONS/don't care about her, you can't go wrong.
However (!), and this is a big one, I've never been more impressed/flattered than by women buying me a drink. Why? Because this is such a massive indicator of interest from her, and also she has to break the mould so much (i.e. going against the expectation from society, showing her intellectual independence, showing she isn't going to be worried about what others think of her, ...) and so for me she wins lots of points here.
So:
- If a guy pays, it may or may not mean anything.
- If a woman pays, it (in my meagre experience, contradicted by OP) means a lot more.
At the end of the day, though, the real problem is not who pays...
It is "how awkward is it when the moment to pay comes?" and who takes the "awkwardness hit" (same as when it's time to get naked/to kiss/etc.).
The real secret here is to make the woman comfortable about paying/you not paying/getting her naked/kissing her/etc.
Basically, you can do everything you want, how you want as long as you never make it awkward for the woman.
Of course, the easiest way for a man to not end up in an awkward situation is to get his wallet out first, but there are other ways (which allow you to be a cheap @ss).0 -
by the way, what I posted in quotes was her answer to my question.0
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Yes, because a 7' man with facial scruff and a shoulder-breadth wider than most doorways does not seem at all aggressive to me..."you look like your photos, for my personality - I need someone slightly more aggressive. I tend to be domineering"0 -
Did you ever see the other thread about the girl wanting to know how to let a guy down, and a lot of people suggested something like "i don't think we would work in the long-term, etc." Hate to say it but here it is in real life.
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Yes, because a 7' man with facial scruff and a shoulder-breadth wider than most doorways does not seem at all aggressive to me..."you look like your photos, for my personality - I need someone slightly more aggressive. I tend to be domineering"
this chick was definitely the heels on the balls type. lol0 -
Is it just me, or is "domineering" not the most flattering way to describe oneself?0
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I sometimes get the women that are enamored by tall guys and then others who just aren't into it. Quite a lack of consistency which is frustrating at times.
No more frustrating than the fact that there are some guys who absolutely LOVE broad shouldered women, and there are some who absolutely LOVE thin framed women. I love tall guys. Of course, I also love short broad guys, lol!0 -
Maybe she was concerned that you were too tall for her to be able to reach said balls with said heels.
Yes, because a 7' man with facial scruff and a shoulder-breadth wider than most doorways does not seem at all aggressive to me..."you look like your photos, for my personality - I need someone slightly more aggressive. I tend to be domineering"
this chick was definitely the heels on the balls type. lol
Either way, move along to the next one. I'm sure you have plenty of prospects.0 -
It would be nice to know, assuming it's not sheer physical attraction, why it wasn't there. She seemed eager to meet and then it fell through.
Really? Because when I posted before about possibly telling a guy I was quite into until we met, and then still having fun with until he said something dumb at the end of our dinner... well... everyone kinda told me to leave him alone, that my "help" wouldn't be welcome. Just tell him I'm not interested if (and only if) he asks.
Ok I finished reading the rest of the thread and see that you asked her... that's cool... not sure exactly what she meant by that, but at least she gave you an answer. The bottom line is that she's just not the one.0 -
I'd love to stand next to someone who would make me feel petite, but actually encountering someone over a foot taller? That might be intimidating in reality.
This is one of the reasons I love tall guys! Especially if they're broad. I feel so feminine next to them. I have two friends who have (what I think) are perfect personalities for each other. But my girl friend doesn't like how tall the guy is. Sigh.0 -
And coffee is a crap first date! Ask DM
:laugh: :laugh:0 -
Girls have a tendency to be fake, like they are all flirty, having a great time, you look for a next time. NOTHING.
Sure, it's only girls who do that. I've never heard of a guy doing that. Ever. :huh:0 -
"you look like your photos, for my personality - I need someone slightly more aggressive. I tend to be domineering"
:noway:
NEXT!0 -
Yes, because a 7' man with facial scruff and a shoulder-breadth wider than most doorways does not seem at all aggressive to me..."you look like your photos, for my personality - I need someone slightly more aggressive. I tend to be domineering"
↑ this.0 -
by the way, what I posted in quotes was her answer to my question.
You see, if you'd have insisted on paying for her coffee, you would have shown your strength!! :bigsmile:
However (!), and this is a big one, I've never been more impressed/flattered than by women buying me a drink. Why? Because this is such a massive indicator of interest from her, and also she has to break the mould so much (i.e. going against the expectation from society, showing her intellectual independence, showing she isn't going to be worried about what others think of her, ...) and so for me she wins lots of points here.
Honestly Florian, you have this wrong. If I've just met you I will always offer you a drink. You know that freak I was telling you about? I bought the drink! And I thought he was a freak as soon as I set eyes on him! :laugh: In fact, if he would have insisted on buying me a drink I would have insisted he didn't. This is a SURE indicator that I dont like you and I can't wait to get the hell out of there ......:laugh:0 -
And coffee is a crap first date! Ask DM
Thanks for remembering Anna.
Yes, I'm not backing off that coffee isn't a good first date. Coffee alone is far from the ideal setting.0 -
Well, that's from my own point of view clearly (since you and OP have had a different experience). But at any rate, if a woman is interested in you, she won't mind buying a coffee either, and if she does it, I find it impressive (because uncommon).
Honestly Florian, you have this wrong. If I've just met you I will always offer you a drink. You know that freak I was telling you about? I bought the drink! And I thought he was a freak as soon as I set eyes on him! :laugh: In fact, if he would have insisted on buying me a drink I would have insisted he didn't. This is a SURE indicator that I dont like you and I can't wait to get the hell out of there ......:laugh:However (!), and this is a big one, I've never been more impressed/flattered than by women buying me a drink. Why? Because this is such a massive indicator of interest from her, and also she has to break the mould so much (i.e. going against the expectation from society, showing her intellectual independence, showing she isn't going to be worried about what others think of her, ...) and so for me she wins lots of points here.
And yeah, I also implied (I guess) that the conversation was flowing properly before and there weren't any major hurdles.0 -
Well, that's from my own point of view clearly (since you and OP have had a different experience). But at any rate, if a woman is interested in you, she won't mind buying a coffee either, and if she does it, I find it impressive (because uncommon).
Honestly Florian, you have this wrong. If I've just met you I will always offer you a drink. You know that freak I was telling you about? I bought the drink! And I thought he was a freak as soon as I set eyes on him! :laugh: In fact, if he would have insisted on buying me a drink I would have insisted he didn't. This is a SURE indicator that I dont like you and I can't wait to get the hell out of there ......:laugh:However (!), and this is a big one, I've never been more impressed/flattered than by women buying me a drink. Why? Because this is such a massive indicator of interest from her, and also she has to break the mould so much (i.e. going against the expectation from society, showing her intellectual independence, showing she isn't going to be worried about what others think of her, ...) and so for me she wins lots of points here.
And yeah, I also implied (I guess) that the conversation was flowing properly before and there weren't any major hurdles.
stop being so argumentative!! See you later for further discussion :laugh: 0 -
I think everyone completely missed the point of OP's post. This wasn't really a WTF happened with this girl post. It was a thinly veiled brag. He not only got a woman from Match to respond to him, he got her to meet her in person. Well done sir! Please tell us how that happened.0
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I once had a lovely date with a girl I met on Match whom I had a ton in common with. We both texted each other after the date to say what a good time we had, but then neither of us made an effort to contact each other and that was that.
My point is, you can go out with someone and have a great time but just not feel a spark. I'm not sure what it was about this girl, maybe her ears were too big or I didn't like here hair, I couldn't really put my finger on it, but she just didn't do it for me for some reason.
There isn't always a why, best just to move on.0
This discussion has been closed.