A few things ladies need to know and accept
Carl01
Posts: 9,307 Member
If we as guys have put our necks on the chopping block of rejection a couple three times it is because we like you,not because our only goal is to get in your pants.
We can find that easily if we want but most of us do not want to do that,we like to have a women return the feeling.
We do not for the most part let fantasy blur with reality,while we can have dreams we are okay with what really happens in life.
Yes,there are times we just want sex with a lady we find desirable,so do a majority of women,get off the the high horse about that.
We do not compartmentalize our thinking to the point where we can believe two opposite things with equal veracity.
We love you more then life and would give ours in a heartbeat for the lady we care about,just don`t push us away when now and then life isn`t what you want it to be.
Once more putting on flame suit...like I give a crap.
We can find that easily if we want but most of us do not want to do that,we like to have a women return the feeling.
We do not for the most part let fantasy blur with reality,while we can have dreams we are okay with what really happens in life.
Yes,there are times we just want sex with a lady we find desirable,so do a majority of women,get off the the high horse about that.
We do not compartmentalize our thinking to the point where we can believe two opposite things with equal veracity.
We love you more then life and would give ours in a heartbeat for the lady we care about,just don`t push us away when now and then life isn`t what you want it to be.
Once more putting on flame suit...like I give a crap.
0
Replies
-
Agreed!!0
-
Honest and smart. You're a great guy, Carl.0
-
I think a major problem with a lot of single women (myself included, at times), is that we treat men like they're the enemy and then get frustrated when they don't respond positively. It's gotten much easier, but I used to have to forcefully remind myself that a man is not the worst individual in the world just because he doesn't happen to like me back or even act the way I expect him to when we are in a relationship or just casually dating.
Love really shouldn't be a battlefield :flowerforyou:0 -
I know this seemed to be a rant and as I said on my news feed it was to some extant but also was an attempt to make people think about where they are.
I have seen posters here say things completely contradictory to things they have posted previously.
Also stating that some of their prerogatives are just what women do and should be accepted with no consideration that us men think differently and also should be accepted as we are.
All parties would go a long ways to understanding and accepting where we are different and honestly have not seen many ladies here willing to do that.
To me a relationship is not 50/50 but 100/100 where both give everything they have to each other.
Maybe that is hopelessly and foolishly idealistic.0 -
Carl,
Wise words as always.
The thing that struck me most is the hypocracy you feel on the forum from the ladies. I can't speak for everyone here, but I'm sorry about that. Would be interested in hearing more examples to understand better.0 -
The problem is, at least with me, is the men in past relationships. Cheaters and liars. All of them. I have yet to have one prove the male species different. Is that every male? I don't know. I have yet to find one that is different. I know alot of the females on here have had the same problem with their last relationship or marriage.0
-
The problem is, at least with me, is the men in past relationships. Cheaters and liars. All of them. I have yet to have one prove the male species different. Is that every male? I don't know. I have yet to find one that is different. I know alot of the females on here have had the same problem with their last relationship or marriage.0
-
I agree Carl. Basically we should read minds. And its always our fault haha.0
-
We all want the same thing out of this, to meet someone that we connect with. It doesn't always happen right away and we are going to date people along the way that we don't connect with. It happens, there is nothing we can do about that and we shouldn't be made to feel guilty because something that may work for one person doesn't work for the other.
Not all men cheat and lie and only want sex, and not all females send mixed signals about what they want. It's about finding the one that fits us :flowerforyou:0 -
Since you've realised that:I know this seemed to be a rant and as I said on my news feed it was to some extant but also was an attempt to make people think about where they are.
I have seen posters here say things completely contradictory to things they have posted previously.
Also stating that some of their prerogatives are just what women do and should be accepted with no consideration that us men think differently and also should be accepted as we are.
All parties would go a long ways to understanding and accepting where we are different and honestly have not seen many ladies here willing to do that.
To me a relationship is not 50/50 but 100/100 where both give everything they have to each other.
Maybe that is hopelessly and foolishly idealistic.
- Women don't really know what they want(my advice: never listen to a woman for dating advice),
- Women will be "submissive" to men (or align with the man's goal),
- Men are expected to be "men" by women with everything it entails,
I think what you are saying is idealistic because it assumes that there is a desire from both sexes to be equals in the relationship...
Why do you think this should be the case/equality is desirable?
Food for thought: you've been cheated/lied to... Why and how did you let this happen to you?The problem is, at least with me, is the men in past relationships. Cheaters and liars. All of them. I have yet to have one prove the male species different. Is that every male? I don't know. I have yet to find one that is different. I know alot of the females on here have had the same problem with their last relationship or marriage.
Yes, every human can potentially become a cheater or a liar... I don't think people would cheat to everyone though (by what I mean, it just happens in a specific relationship under specific circumstances).0 -
- Women don't really know what they want(my advice: never listen to a woman for dating advice),
i really dont get when guys say this.
obviously women dont know what women want because we dont all think alike. it's not like having the same body parts automatically means we have the same personalities, experiences, beliefs, cultural backgrounds etc. i can ask 10 different guys dating advice and i'll get different answers.
listen to a woman for dating advice, just remember that it's probably going to be more beneficial if you ask someone close in personality and temperament to the lady you're looking to woo.
it's like some men can understand that not all guys think alike and are OK with that but don't want to recognize that the same thing happens with women. i swear you guys can be so illogical at time :huh:0 -
I like this 0 -
I was more thinking about the "Be yourself and everything is going to be fine" kind of advice, the fact that when asked they will say they want nice guys and hate players yet be attracted to the player type and reject the nice guy, the fact that so many women say they have "rules" yet keep breaking those rules ("No, but it was *different* this time, you don't understand!"), the "tall, dark, handsome" myth, the belief that relationships should happen "by chance" and "if you have a date with a future lover then everything is going to happen if it was meant to happen", ...
i really dont get when guys say this.- Women don't really know what they want(my advice: never listen to a woman for dating advice),
obviously women dont know what women want because we dont all think alike. it's not like having the same body parts automatically means we have the same personalities, experiences, beliefs, cultural backgrounds etc. i can ask 10 different guys dating advice and i'll get different answers.
listen to a woman for dating advice, just remember that it's probably going to be more beneficial if you ask someone close in personality and temperament to the lady you're looking to woo.
it's like some men can understand that not all guys think alike and are OK with that but don't want to recognize that the same thing happens with women. i swear you guys can be so illogical at time :huh:
The point is fundamentally, woman are emotional and men are rational (even though we can be illogical sometimes
). All of their advice is often "naive" (for lack of a better word) and tainted by their own fantasy, but doesn't really help a man on a practical level.
Most women have a role of followers in relationships, as opposed to men who are leaders, so women's advice being succinctly "be passive" and "be emotional" doesn't help a man (for a variety of reasons: bad for a leader, different wiring so we wouldn't even be able to do it properly, ...).
This obviously doesn't apply to 100% of the women but a lot more than you seem to think would provide this kind of advice. Similarly, you could find things that pretty much all men would agree on.0 -
- Women will be "submissive" to men (or align with the man's goal),
:huh: say what now?0 -
I have seen posters here say things completely contradictory to things they have posted previously.
Great post, Carl (as usual). That's not just the women though, men too!
For example, someone jumped on me about wanting the men to pay. Then in another thread they said when they're really into a woman they WANT to pay. Someone else told another poster they shouldn't worry about looks, then in another thread said that they hate to admit it but a woman's value is based on her looks. Someone said in one thread they aren't about just getting into women's pants, but their other posts talk about how they stay aloof and move on. I'm saying "someone" just to play nice, but I remember exactly who they are.
As was observed in another thread perhaps it just feels that it's just the women bashing guys because more of the women are expressing their frustrations...?
Either way, it was a great post. Wish more men thought that way.0 -
The problem is, at least with me, is the men in past relationships. Cheaters and liars. All of them.
That stinks that all the men you’ve come across are cheaters and liars.
I haven’t found men to all be cheaters and liars, but I’ve found most of them to speak a different language. For example, late night phone calls = he’s looking for a booty call, not a relationship. Silence for days = he’s not really into me (even if he says all kinds of great stuff when we DO finally talk). If a man is up front about not being committed, not wanting to remarry, it really means “not with you.” We shouldn’t engage in relationship style actions if we’re going to be hurt when he moves on (we still are, sniff, but it’s not really cheating). Some guys HAVE been cheaters and liars, though, but I’m getting better at learning to read the situation not waste time falling for them.0 -
The problem is, at least with me, is the men in past relationships. Cheaters and liars. All of them.
That stinks that all the men you’ve come across are cheaters and liars.
I haven’t found men to all be cheaters and liars, but I’ve found most of them to speak a different language. For example, late night phone calls = he’s looking for a booty call, not a relationship. Silence for days = he’s not really into me (even if he says all kinds of great stuff when we DO finally talk). If a man is up front about not being committed, not wanting to remarry, it really means “not with you.” We shouldn’t engage in relationship style actions if we’re going to be hurt when he moves on (we still are, sniff, but it’s not really cheating). Some guys HAVE been cheaters and liars, though, but I’m getting better at learning to read the situation not waste time falling for them.
That one is pretty universal I think,was told that by a very nice lady and took it at face value.
Am good friends with her but within a few weeks she was involved with another guy.
A poster on MFP wrote once that when he/she says that they are not looking for a relationship it almost always means that "I am not looking for a relationship with you,now or ever".
Understanding that spares a person a lot of confusion or possible hurt.0 -
If we as guys have put our necks on the chopping block of rejection a couple three times it is because we like you,not because our only goal is to get in your pants.
We can find that easily if we want but most of us do not want to do that,we like to have a women return the feeling.
We do not for the most part let fantasy blur with reality,while we can have dreams we are okay with what really happens in life.
Yes,there are times we just want sex with a lady we find desirable,so do a majority of women,get off the the high horse about that.
We do not compartmentalize our thinking to the point where we can believe two opposite things with equal veracity.
We love you more then life and would give ours in a heartbeat for the lady we care about,just don`t push us away when now and then life isn`t what you want it to be.
Once more putting on flame suit...like I give a crap.
You should send the last line to my ex, as of this morning. lol.
I agree.0 -
You should send the last line to my ex, as of this morning. lol.
I agree.
Is there an update here? Details please.0 -
You should send the last line to my ex, as of this morning. lol.
I agree.
Is there an update here? Details please.
She broke it off w/ me. No real reason, and I didn't really ask.
So, now I'm against relationships and I'm moving West sometime.0 -
You should send the last line to my ex, as of this morning. lol.
I agree.
Is there an update here? Details please.
She broke it off w/ me. No real reason, and I didn't really ask.
So, now I'm against relationships and I'm moving West sometime.
Sorry to hear that :flowerforyou:0 -
We do not compartmentalize our thinking to the point where we can believe two opposite things with equal veracity.
wait what does this part mean?0 -
So essentially you are saying women are nuts and need therapy?
I see where you are going with this but I have to say that women are raised to believe in the fantasy of a big, strong man on horseback whisking us up and making all of our problems go away. ( I so pictured the Old Spice guy, lol) While we rationally understand that this is a fantasy, this is this teenie tiny part of us that hopes it will be true. That we will be loved for who we are, unconditionally, passionately, and with an extraordinary sense of commitment, communication and honesty. We are products of our gender roles, just as guys are products of theirs.
Now, this is a big generalization and I have to give the reminder that we are also a product of past douche bags, just as ya'll are products of past crazy *****es. Our childhoods and experiences have shaped us into the people we are and there is no telling why some of us react to things the way we do. But many, many, many of us are open, kind, loving, maybe only mildly neurotic, intelligent, and capable. We realize our somewhat crazy tendencies and are able to reign them in, for the most part.
I think we all, men and women, want the same thing, generally speaking. The hard part is finding it and not screwing things up.
I kind of went on a tangent here, so forgive me.0 -
I appreciate the intent of this thread, but I have to say, not all men fit your description
There most definitely are men who will ask a woman out again and again, hoping only to have sex with her, and once they do, they will disappear. I know this does not apply to every man, but I would venture to guess that most of the women on this board can attest to having dated such a man before. So they aren't uncommon, either.
About the fantasy thing, are we talking about porn or general "woman of my dreams" fantasies? I'll agree with you that women tend to cling tighter to the idea of a Prince Charming than men do to a similar idea about the perfect woman. But the porn stuff ... yeah, that gets blurred with reality quite often.
Believing two completely opposite things ... I'm sensing this has to do with the "equality" theory. If I'm wrong about that, I apologize. But if I'm right, I'm calling BS on that one. Equality in the workplace and in society at large has zilch to do with "equality" in male/female romantic relationships. It is entirely possible to believe that women should be able to vote and own property while simultaneously believing that relationships are fundamentally more sound when the man takes the lead. Those are not mutually exclusive concepts, from a standpoint of intellectual integrity. And what I find most interesting about this is that those of us with more masculine roles at work (Janie, Yoovie, myself, for example) have been the first to say "Look, we essentially have to be men all day, so we don't need or want to wear the pants at the end of the day. But when you've had one of those days where your balls have been kicked up around your ears, and you just want to relax in the arms of someone who doesn't need you to be a superhero, well, that's okay, too."
I'm totally on board with your last point. I think women are frequently guilty of taking the men in their lives for granted and completely forgetting about their needs (sex and the general need to feel respected and appreciated being pretty high on that list). I think that often develops into a situation where the man is being blamed for the problems in the relationship, but the reverse is true, as well. You know that helpless feeling you guys get when something seems to be eating your woman up inside, but there's nothing you can do about it? Well, women feel the same way when you guys go all "I can't talk about my feelings because I'm a man, so I'm just going to be moody, and you try not to make it all about you, okay?"0 -
The problem is, at least with me, is the men in past relationships. Cheaters and liars. All of them. I have yet to have one prove the male species different. Is that every male? I don't know. I have yet to find one that is different. I know alot of the females on here have had the same problem with their last relationship or marriage.
Hey, u want to change that. Quit chasing bad boys its that simple. There are many women on here complaining there are too many nice guys and other women on here say all men are bad. Maybe all of u should have a dance like in junor high and switch men. Fact is, there are alot of good guys out there, most women just are into the bad boy thing. You cant change them so change ur type.0 -
Hey, u want to change that. Quit chasing bad boys its that simple. There are many women on here complaining there are too many nice guys and other women on here say all men are bad. Maybe all of u should have a dance like in junor high and switch men. Fact is, there are alot of good guys out there, most women just are into the bad boy thing. You cant change them so change ur type.
Women prefer bad boys to nice guys in the way an alcoholic prefers Budweiser to Cranberry Juice. It's not going to change. It is up to the guys to give them the bad boy appeal they want. It's not being bad itself that is attractive, it is some of the traits. The utmost, unshakable confidence and the non seeking of approval. The person with unshakable confidence doesn't care whether a woman likes him, he knows it is her loss if she passes, and she usually won't pass because the nonchalance is attractive.0 -
Hey, u want to change that. Quit chasing bad boys its that simple. There are many women on here complaining there are too many nice guys and other women on here say all men are bad. Maybe all of u should have a dance like in junor high and switch men. Fact is, there are alot of good guys out there, most women just are into the bad boy thing. You cant change them so change ur type.
Women prefer bad boys to nice guys in the way an alcoholic prefers Budweiser to Cranberry Juice. It's not going to change. It is up to the guys to give them the bad boy appeal they want. It's not being bad itself that is attractive, it is some of the traits. The utmost, unshakable confidence and the non seeking of approval. The person with unshakable confidence doesn't care whether a woman likes him, he knows it is her loss if she passes, and she usually won't pass because the nonchalance is attractive.
We all find ourselves drawn to the hard stuff, the things we suddenly can't have. It is the drive to maximize our position. For example (and no disrespect to my gf), I would chase Selma Hayek around the world, but if she suddenly started coming for me, I'd probably back off.
Here is the rub, when you find that perfect person for you (you both think you're out of your league).0 -
Hey, u want to change that. Quit chasing bad boys its that simple. There are many women on here complaining there are too many nice guys and other women on here say all men are bad. Maybe all of u should have a dance like in junor high and switch men. Fact is, there are alot of good guys out there, most women just are into the bad boy thing. You cant change them so change ur type.
Women prefer bad boys to nice guys in the way an alcoholic prefers Budweiser to Cranberry Juice. It's not going to change. It is up to the guys to give them the bad boy appeal they want. It's not being bad itself that is attractive, it is some of the traits. The utmost, unshakable confidence and the non seeking of approval. The person with unshakable confidence doesn't care whether a woman likes him, he knows it is her loss if she passes, and she usually won't pass because the nonchalance is attractive.
I dont think I've ever gone for 'bad' men at all. And yeah, there might be some women that like the unpredictable, overly confident type, but seriously, it gets a bit annoying after a while when you have to make so much effort and get nothing back!! This guy, to me, is my least desired.
Generally we are attracted to people that compliment us. A good 'fit'. This encompasses a great deal of character traits, like similar social and religious values, education, politics, status, upbringing, humour..........etc And obviously there are physical traits that one finds appealing, or not! Usually this has to do with procreation and what one would consider a good gene to pass on to our children.
I think we're dwelling on this bad guy v nice guy thing too much here!! Attraction is so much more complex than that. And I dont think its anything you can contrive. You are who you are, and that is all that is required. Somebody, somewhere is the ying to your yang!!0 -
It is the bad boy that attracts .. but the nice guy that keeps her.0
-
It is the bad boy that attracts .. but the nice guy that keeps her.
Pfffft. That's all I have to say about that... Lol0
This discussion has been closed.