Too practical?
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a guy ending a conversation with Yeah is not being blown off
and you didnt try and contact him again either
and you havent exactly wooed him
or pursued him
so he probably gave up cause he was the last one to text.
it goes both ways.
^^ I have to agree with this... it's a two way street!
And like I said... "Exactly" It is a two-way street. I initiated, I tried talking, he never followed up.
Not saying this is the case, but I've delt with some pretty bad texters and I beilieve I ended those with something along the lines of "yeah."
If you're interested in him, step up and text him, if not let it go... it really is that simple!0 -
If you're over it then just let it be. But if you have any interest in seeing him again it won't hurt anything by asking him to get a drink. Maybe just your ego.I did text him first...? The conversation was pretty plain, I asked a few questions and got one worded until I lost interest and stopped trying.
Like I said, I was just interested in people thoughts on pursuing since I was so shocked that a few people suggested I was the reason it didn't go anywhere.0 -
a guy ending a conversation with Yeah is not being blown off
and you didnt try and contact him again either
and you havent exactly wooed him
or pursued him
so he probably gave up cause he was the last one to text.
it goes both ways.
Ding.
You quit, this might be why you're single. You're too quick to write someone off.
Good point. What your excuse?
My excuse as to why I'm single?
First week I've been single since November. I'll date now, but nothing serious or long term until I move to Colorado. It's not fair to start dating someone here in a serious relationship knowing I want to move. I'm not staying here for anyone else.
I don't actually care, I was more pointing out that you were being rude. I don't have to explain my single status to anyone
Eh, rude? I was telling the truth. Sometimes it's not what you want to hear, but I'm not going to sugarcoat it and tell you that you're right even if you're wrong.
You were making a judgement call based on little to no information - which is especially rich given that you obviously didn't bother to read the situation properly (The part where you mentioned it should be okay for me to text first? When I did? That gave you away).
I think you two should hook up!!!! Seriously! I feel passion and chemistry :bigsmile:
Oh Anna, you are just too cute haha!0 -
So you have never and will never be interested in any man that hasn't actively pursued you?
Nope. not any more.
I might make an initial contact (smile, initiate conversation, but that's it). And I am quick to respond to any call, text, email, etc for a guy I'm interested in. But my experience has been that if he doesn't pursue, then he's not interested. The last two guys who told me I needed to initiate texting/calling more sure didn't have a problem pursuing the "woman of their dreams" when she finally came along.0 -
^^^ This! Sometimes I have a short attention span and if you snap your fingers I will pay attention to you again. If you don't I might just disappear.
This caught my attention .. I think if you are interested enough in the person you think about them alot .. you shouldn't need to remind someone you are there. Maybe this is where the girl mind and the boy mind differ??0 -
I don't know that it is gender related or just an individual thing.^^^ This! Sometimes I have a short attention span and if you snap your fingers I will pay attention to you again. If you don't I might just disappear.
This caught my attention .. I think if you are interested enough in the person you think about them alot .. you shouldn't need to remind someone you are there. Maybe this is where the girl mind and the boy mind differ??
If one is dating in a casual manner then that is one thing but if a person only dates someone they have an infatuation with it is another.0 -
That's just the thing, maybe I'm not that interested, but that doesn't mean I never will be. I don't always get infatuated with people after only a date or two, sometimes it takes a while to get to know them. In the meantime I might put off calling them because I'm busy or pursuing other people, but I'd still probably go out with them if they invited me.^^^ This! Sometimes I have a short attention span and if you snap your fingers I will pay attention to you again. If you don't I might just disappear.
This caught my attention .. I think if you are interested enough in the person you think about them alot .. you shouldn't need to remind someone you are there. Maybe this is where the girl mind and the boy mind differ??0 -
Yeh .. good point. I guess I have never dated that many people to where I would forget about one of them. lol. Very interesting.0
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That's just the thing, maybe I'm not that interested, but that doesn't mean I never will be. I don't always get infatuated with people after only a date or two, sometimes it takes a while to get to know them. In the meantime I might put off calling them because I'm busy or pursuing other people, but I'd still probably go out with them if they invited me.^^^ This! Sometimes I have a short attention span and if you snap your fingers I will pay attention to you again. If you don't I might just disappear.
This caught my attention .. I think if you are interested enough in the person you think about them alot .. you shouldn't need to remind someone you are there. Maybe this is where the girl mind and the boy mind differ??
I understand that, and I respect it. I think in the end we just have to go with what works for us. So while Roomie may be of the opinion that the woman aught to do more pursuing that's just not what I do. I have an overall apathy toward the idea of being in a relationship so I'm not going to put a ton of effort unless there are promising signs early on. Some people are more willing to keep up and keep trying and push on.
Basically there is no right answer, but I'm glad I got so much feedback. The process is fascinating - and humans are weird, yo.0 -
It's not about seeing other people, usually it's just about being busy and not liking them or knowing them well enough to make an effort, but if I like someone I won't pursue other people. And that's probably half the problem, if I'm not really feeling someone I'll move on mentally. But sometimes people surprise me, and I respect them more for it.Yeh .. good point. I guess I have never dated that many people to where I would forget about one of them. lol. Very interesting.
I never expect any girl to pursue me, but I kind of assume if they really liked me they would make some sort of an effort. And when they don't, I assume they didn't like me much either, so it just wasn't meant to be.
It's kind of sad to hear that women aren't willing to pursue a guy at all. I was always taught that if you want something you need to go after it, and you work your *kitten* off for it.0 -
if I'm not really feeling someone I'll move on mentally.
EXACTLY0 -
It's not about seeing other people, usually it's just about being busy and not liking them or knowing them well enough to make an effort, but if I like someone I won't pursue other people. And that's probably half the problem, if I'm not really feeling someone I'll move on mentally. But sometimes people surprise me, and I respect them more for it.Yeh .. good point. I guess I have never dated that many people to where I would forget about one of them. lol. Very interesting.
I never expect any girl to pursue me, but I kind of assume if they really liked me they would make some sort of an effort. And when they don't, I assume they didn't like me much either, so it just wasn't meant to be.
It's kind of sad to hear that women aren't willing to pursue a guy at all. I was always taught that if you want something you need to go after it, and you work your *kitten* off for it.
Well, what do you mean by "pursue" from a woman's standpoint? I guess I'm confused on this because Carl hinted earlier that if a woman gives a man a sign that she wants him to come over and talk to her, that's pursuing, but I don't think of it that way. I don't even think me going over and talking to a guy myself is pursuing. I'm cool with all of that. That's just standard social behavior.
But if a guy asks for my number and I give it to him and he doesn't call me, I am not going to go after him. Short of a family emergency or losing his job, I can't really think of a scenario in which a guy who is genuinely interested in me would ask for my number and then not call. I'm not going to chase him like a desperado, hoping that if he sees a missed call or a text message from me every time he picks up his phone that he might remember who I am and decide to contact me.
I noticed you said on another thread that your last long-term girlfriend was someone you pursued for 10 years. This is what I was alluding to earlier. You spent a decade of your life going after this woman because that's how much you cared about her. If I have to keep calling and texting you just to get you to remember who I am, shouldn't I take that as a hint that I'm not going to be the girl you pursue for 10 years?
I promise I am not trying to bust your chops on this, although I was being pissy about it yesterday. I really do like and agree with most of what you say on this board. I think I just don't understand what you mean about a woman pursuing a man.0 -
That's cool, you can bust my chops as much as you want. I understand that we have two entirely different views on some things and that's fine, I'm not going to try to get anyone to change their views, I'm just explaining my own. Plus I like hearing about other perspectives, I learn more that way.
Okay, let's say for all intents and purposes that we've met, and maybe gone out on one or two dates. If I choose to pursue someone I will make an effort to keep things going by calling, texting, and/or trying to schedule another date. That's my definition of pursuing.
But depending on what kind of vibe I'm getting from the girl I might just take things a little more slowly, I won't be as excited to call her, etc and I won't pursue her as much.
You see, you want to be pursued, but if I barely know you I'm not yet sure what my feelings are for you and I'm not going to pursue you very much. But if you just sit back and let me do all the work I will probably just assume that you are not very interested anyway, so I'll probably just stop trying all together. Yeah it goes both ways. I just know how much work relationships are and if I start off being the one that does all the work, I just assume that's always how it's gonna be.
The thing about my ex was she started off pursuing me. I didn't want a relationship at that point in my life so I got put in the friend zone. I later grew up, fell for her, she eventually came around but obviously things still didn't work out. But I only pursued her because I knew her so well and she worked at staying in touch with me. It makes for a good story but you can't really expect that from someone you've just met. And I don't really want to pursue someone for 10 more years only to have it not work out again.0 -
Okay, so you're trying to feel it out a little, and if she's not showing interest (i.e. making you initiate every call, text, etc.), you're not going to keep trying. I get that, and I think it's reasonable.
I'm pretty open about my thoughts/feelings, though. Not in an inappropriate way, but when I go on a date with a guy, he is going to know by the end of the night whether or not I want to go out again. If I really like him and things went well, I will have said enough that he understands I am interested, even if I have to stop him as he's walking away and say "Look, I really like you, and I don't want you to go home tonight wondering how I felt because I didn't tell you." And he can act or not act on that, according to how he feels. I don't believe in leaving things like that to interpretation because you never know if you're going to get another chance.
So yeah, after I say something like that, if he doesn't call me, I figure that pretty much speaks for itself.0 -
That's awesome, I think more people should do that. If someone said that to me I could almost guarantee them another date. Blunt honesty goes a long way with me.0
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