The famous FL...

La_Amazona

spilled it.

Sort of.

So I've told ya'll, he's been acting weird. I figured he was just getting used to me having a bf and him not being my #1. He's called and texted at times about getting together and I have rejected him because I had plans with Smiley or was out with Smiley.

Smiley met him over the weekend I moved. He wasn't too impressed. I mean, he says he's a cool guy but he kept telling me FL has feelings for me, FL wants to get in my pants and how FL was just too much of a wuss to do anything about it. Granted, FL had some not very friendly things to say about my Smiley to which I defended him! Nobody will talk about my Smiley!
Basically they have nothing in common except for, well me.

After my move FL called me one day during the work day. He wanted to get together for lunch so I accepted. The guy was about to move so I figured we were just hanging out for one of the last times. Well turns out lunch turned into him wanting to talk to me about "stuff". He starts asking about me and Smiley... am I happy. I told him yes, that I was happy but very scared and I that I thought I wasn't a very good girlfriend because I freak out a lot. He then tells me maybe it's Smiley, not me to which I disagreed and told him I think I'm just crazy and I overthink way too much.
So he starts talking about US. How we met.. how our relationship went, how he had a lot of fun with me, how I'm one of the coolest girls he's ever met.. and then he said it. He said "sometimes I have felt there was more here but never knew what. At times I figured you were the sister I never had because we are so alike and at other times I felt that I was falling in love with you or had fallen in love with you without realizing it".

I just said "WHAT?!?!"

Moe4572

spilled it.

Sort of.

So I've told ya'll, he's been acting weird. I figured he was just getting used to me having a bf and him not being my #1. He's called and texted at times about getting together and I have rejected him because I had plans with Smiley or was out with Smiley.

Smiley met him over the weekend I moved. He wasn't too impressed. I mean, he says he's a cool guy but he kept telling me FL has feelings for me, FL wants to get in my pants and how FL was just too much of a wuss to do anything about it. Granted, FL had some not very friendly things to say about my Smiley to which I defended him! Nobody will talk about my Smiley!
Basically they have nothing in common except for, well me.

After my move FL called me one day during the work day. He wanted to get together for lunch so I accepted. The guy was about to move so I figured we were just hanging out for one of the last times. Well turns out lunch turned into him wanting to talk to me about "stuff". He starts asking about me and Smiley... am I happy. I told him yes, that I was happy but very scared and I that I thought I wasn't a very good girlfriend because I freak out a lot. He then tells me maybe it's Smiley, not me to which I disagreed and told him I think I'm just crazy and I overthink way too much.
So he starts talking about US. How we met.. how our relationship went, how he had a lot of fun with me, how I'm one of the coolest girls he's ever met.. and then he said it. He said "sometimes I have felt there was more here but never knew what. At times I figured you were the sister I never had because we are so alike and at other times I felt that I was falling in love with you or had fallen in love with you without realizing it".

I just said "WHAT?!?!"

Wow!!! need the rest of the story..........what did he say after you said WHAT?!?!

oddyogi

*jaw drop*

All I have to say is...

YA SNOOZE YA LOSE!

AnnaPixie

OMFG!! I just knew this FL thing wasn't over!!! :noway:

Why are men so bloomin SLOW off the mark???? :laugh: (sorry, no offence to men in general but I have had this happen to me and know loads of examples)

I don't know what to say Amazona, apart from, how do YOU feel about FL now that Smiley is on the scene??? I think they probably dont like each other because they both want your heart!

:flowerforyou:

AnnaPixie

*jaw drop*

All I have to say is...

YA SNOOZE YA LOSE!

nice *kitten* cupcake!! btw :flowerforyou:

Carl01

Just walk away and even if you didn`t have a guy in your life,this fellow is too confused about himself.
He was naked with you and slept in the same bed and couldn`t figure out what to at least try to do?

La_Amazona

Haha i pushed POST REPLY TO DAMN SOON! lol

Sorry.

Anywho, back to my story.

He explained more stuff that's too long to type for me.

I didn't say anything on here because I didn't want anybody to confuse me. He hit me with a huge bomb. Of course at the end he says "But you said you're happy with Smiley so it all worked out for the best, I guess" or something like that.

Since I wasn't sure how to take it, I didn't say a peep about what I had felt. I am not sure if I did the right thing there. I am completely smitten with Smiley. FL is now nothing but a friend to me. I don't even find myself attracted to him anymore. Strange.

Well I told Smiley about the conversation because I figured I was going to be around FL again (and I was..) AND because FL and I agreed to not let anything change. He said he was coming back.. we'd keep in touch, etc.

So last night Smiley stayed over. FL arrived in MN yesterday. At 11:50pm FL calls me and I know the ring tone ("We are Young by Fun is mine and FL's song). I got up and answered. I have NO idea why. I usually ignore his call if it's late and I'm with Smiley. I think I figured it could be an emergency (but then again what the hell could I have done from Texas if it was?) I talked to FL for a bit and figured out he just wanted to talk so I was trying to get off the phone when I heard Smiley get out of bed. I freaked out, told FL I had to go.. and pretty much hung up on him.

Smiley was pissed. I understand and I apologized many times. He actually said to tell my friends to not call me at midnight ESPECIALLY when my boyfriend is over. Then he tells me how I'd probably would have flipped out on him if he got a call from a chick at midnigtht (he's right).
I realized how bad I looked and I was very upset. I kept telling him I just thought something was wrong and that FL is just a friend to me, and how he's my #1.

I screwed up. Big time.

In the end, Smiley was okay. He told me we are okay. He even told me to text or call FL and let him know all was okay because I had abruptly hung up. He did say something along the lines of how his gf jumped up out of bed to answer some other dudes call and it wasn't a nice thing to see.

I didn't mean it that way. You all know how crazy I am about Smiley. FL, even with his confession, is just a friend now. Everything has changed. He had his chance, many many times.

Maybe it's just him having a temper tantrum that he's not the center of my attention anymore. Or maybe he's for real... FL isn't a man of many deep words. All is fun and games with him so just him talking to me about it was shocking enough.

I just hope Smiley and me are really okay. I feel awful and like the worst girlfriend ever. I told ya'll I'm not good at this.

JanieJack

Oh wow. I have thoughts... but since I've been off kilter lately with my public posts, I'll send them to you privately.

{{{{Diana}}}}

j4nash

fl?

MyTime1985

Yes, we all know I'm still kind of new but can someone please tell me what "FL" is? I'm assuming this was a past flame that blew his chance? Why do you still hang out with him? Obviously, I'm missing the history.

Carl01

*jaw drop*

All I have to say is...

YA SNOOZE YA LOSE!

nice *kitten* cupcake!! btw :flowerforyou:

^^ This. :smokin:

MyTime1985

fl?

Thank you! I was trying to figure that out yesterday too! :blushing:

AnnaPixie

Ahhhhh, ok, so you've answered my question. You dont want FL, so phew! :bigsmile:

As for the call at midnight, well, as this happened to me lately when I called MY best friend and HE was with his g/f and she caused a big argument over it, I guess, as a friend, FL has to take stock and not call that late. That's what I've decided to do anyhow.

The dynamics of a male/female friendship has to change when one or both of you get into a relationship.

I wouldnt blame yourself for answering. You're his friend. Just like my friend thought I was ringing that late cos I was hurt/in danger. Of course you're going to answer the phone!! There's just always going to be the jealous/uneasy spouse to deal with, especially in the beginning. So the friends need to think about it.

:flowerforyou:

UsedToBeHusky

You know... this guy...

He just pisses me off!!! WHY does he want to bring this up NOW??? He is moving! You have a boyfriend!! I know you care about this dude, but he is NOT a good friend. A good friend wouldn't put you in this position in the first place.

will010574

*jaw drop*

All I have to say is...

YA SNOOZE YA LOSE!

nice *kitten* cupcake!! btw :flowerforyou:

I agree with all of the above...to include the nice *kitten*!!!

poncho33

*jaw drop*

All I have to say is...

YA SNOOZE YA LOSE!

nice *kitten* cupcake!! btw :flowerforyou:

I agree with all of the above...to include the nice *kitten*!!!

I'm also going to jump on the nice *kitten* bandwagon!

La_Amazona

Yes, we all know I'm still kind of new but can someone please tell me what "FL" is? I'm assuming this was a past flame that blew his chance? Why do you still hang out with him? Obviously, I'm missing the history.

That was my nickname for him on the board..

It stands for "friend lover". He was a guy I met online. Went out for like a week or 2. We ended up sleeping together WAY too early for my comfort. I lost my head over him and was a hot mess. He friend zoned me 4 days after we did the deed. Then we pretty much became almost best friends for the last 4 months. We've been inseperable but I had feelings for him the whole time. We'd go everywhere together, skinny dipped, slept in the same bed many times, cuddled, got drunk many times, went dancing, concerts, etc etc and everybody here told me to stay away because I'd get hurt in the end.
I dated other guys here and there and would compare them to him because his personality rocks.

Then I met my current bf and and I fell in like right away. My bf is awesome and I'm crazy about him. He doesn't seem to be threatened by my friend at all but he seems to be watching how I react to him.

JanieJack

You know... this guy...

He just pisses me off!!! WHY does he want to bring this up NOW??? He is moving! You have a boyfriend!! I know you care about this dude, but he is NOT a good friend. A good friend wouldn't put you in this position in the first place.

I agree. A good friend would keep his mouth shut.

oddyogi

Lol awww stop you guys..

And to Diana.. it's okay. Yeah, ya messed up but you didn't do it intentionally, and it's just a tiny hiccup. If Smiley is the great guy that we all know he is, he will understand. There are a few guy friends that I have in my life that I would answer a midnight phone call for, even if they've never been more than really good friends.

Make sure FL knows Smiley is your #1 and make sure you keep telling Smiley that for a few days! It will blow over, just don't make a habit out of it, but I know you won't. You're one smark cootie! (<---- omg I typed this and decided to leave it because I thought it was hilarious! Dyslexic typing? Who knew..)

*hugs*

poncho33

I've been in FL shoes a few times... ummm he is jealous that you have a new boyfriend and that is just about all it is. Usually in these situations the guy (me many times) being left only gets feelings at the end because he was left. If I were you I wouldn't think twice about FL, do something nice for smiley as an I'm sorry and continue to be happy with him.

oddyogi

*jaw drop*

All I have to say is...

YA SNOOZE YA LOSE!

nice *kitten* cupcake!! btw :flowerforyou:

I agree with all of the above...to include the nice *kitten*!!!

I'm also going to jump on the nice *kitten* bandwagon!

LOL. In case y'all missed my wall post, that is me working out on Sunday after having a few beers and sunning on the deck in my bikini. My drunk roommate decided to snap a few photos of me, haha. And thanks! Now back to Diana..

MyTime1985

Yes, we all know I'm still kind of new but can someone please tell me what "FL" is? I'm assuming this was a past flame that blew his chance? Why do you still hang out with him? Obviously, I'm missing the history.

That was my nickname for him on the board..

It stands for "friend lover". He was a guy I met online. Went out for like a week or 2. We ended up sleeping together WAY too early for my comfort. I lost my head over him and was a hot mess. He friend zoned me 4 days after we did the deed. Then we pretty much became almost best friends for the last 4 months. We've been inseperable but I had feelings for him the whole time. We'd go everywhere together, skinny dipped, slept in the same bed many times, cuddled, got drunk many times, went dancing, concerts, etc etc and everybody here told me to stay away because I'd get hurt in the end.
I dated other guys here and there and would compare them to him because his personality rocks.

Then I met my current bf and and I fell in like right away. My bf is awesome and I'm crazy about him. He doesn't seem to be threatened by my friend at all but he seems to be watching how I react to him.

Then is sounds like FL is jealous and selfish. He wasn't into it but likes you as a person. You find someone else which threatens his time with you and doesn't make you available whenever he decides he's ready and now he's going to say something? That is selfish and a good friend shouldn't put you in that situation. Even if what he is saying is 100% true, you're cleary happy with your boyfriend. He can realize he was wrong but have enough respect for you to keep it to himself and let you enjoy your happiness. If it doesn't workout THEN he can say something about the error of his ways! I hope it works out but do not let him force you to take a step backwards.

slay0r

Tolllllld you. How long back did we start talking and I told you all his signals were more? See we guys know each other

Still he didn't make his move and I directly told you to move on and find someone that showed interest immediately. You're now happy and he's lost his chance, like you said you just see him as a friend now.

A lot of guys have problems with their women being friends with someone they've had relations with in the past though, be careful of that. Smiley might be very unhappy about it underneath (could point you to literally hundreds of forum posts on this on another set of forums.) Take it easy and concentrate on Smiley, end of the day he's your no1

MyTime1985

Thanks for filling me in by the way. :flowerforyou:

La_Amazona

This is going to sound horrible but he is truly my friend whom I care about.. not in a romantic way... soooo...

I feel bad that I hung up on FL. I mean, I said something about "hey let me call you back, I have to go" and hung up pretty quick. He was talking... Oops.

And Smiley told me to at least text him to let him know all way okay so he wouldn't freak out and start blowing up my phone. To make it clear, Smiley didn't make me get off the phone or anything. I freaked out and that's just what I did.

This is all stupid.

On other news, I impressed Smiley with my mexican cooking skills yesterday! I made him chicken flautas with crema mexicana and queso fresco.. rice and beans. Then I gave him banana split icecream and threw one of my cupcakes in there for extra yumminess. My Smiley can eat! (yet he's in good shape :grumble: )

I made him a huge plate for his lunch today so hopefully he'll think better pleasant thoughts while he's eating my food.

slay0r

He eats as well as I do then. Us men are machines that need feeding. Remember the old saying "The key to a mans heart is through his stomach"

I'm glad he's so understanding though, definitely a keeper

DMZ_1

spilled it.

Sort of.

So I've told ya'll, he's been acting weird. I figured he was just getting used to me having a bf and him not being my #1. He's called and texted at times about getting together and I have rejected him because I had plans with Smiley or was out with Smiley.

Smiley met him over the weekend I moved. He wasn't too impressed. I mean, he says he's a cool guy but he kept telling me FL has feelings for me, FL wants to get in my pants and how FL was just too much of a wuss to do anything about it. Granted, FL had some not very friendly things to say about my Smiley to which I defended him! Nobody will talk about my Smiley!
He said "sometimes I have felt there was more here but never knew what. At times I figured you were the sister I never had because we are so alike and at other times I felt that I was falling in love with you or had fallen in love with you without realizing it".

I just said "WHAT?!?!"

Like I couldn’t see that one coming. :laugh: Smiley was right about FL's intentions. Pretty much any guy can see that one. I have no idea why you and FL didn’t make it happen. Most likely his impending move had something to do with it. Bad timing. But if I were in FL’s shoes (and usually I'm not because I'm good at making my intentions clear), I would have ceased contact and focused on my new life elsewhere.

Men and women are usually not friends. For the most part, my female friends are those I’m not attracted to for some reason or there’s no feasibility for a romantic relationship (physically attractive but older than I am, the ex gf of a good friend, long distance)

Why are men so bloomin SLOW off the mark???? :laugh: (sorry, no offence to men in general but I have had this happen to me and know loads of examples)

Not necessarily. I like to have signals of interest, and then I go for it. FL had the signals. They slept together.

So last night Smiley stayed over. FL arrived in MN yesterday. At 11:50pm FL calls me and I know the ring tone ("We are Young by Fun is mine and FL's song). I got up and answered. I have NO idea why. I usually ignore his call if it's late and I'm with Smiley. I think I figured it could be an emergency (but then again what the hell could I have done from Texas if it was?) I talked to FL for a bit and figured out he just wanted to talk so I was trying to get off the phone when I heard Smiley get out of bed. I freaked out, told FL I had to go.. and pretty much hung up on him.

Smiley was pissed. I understand and I apologized many times. He actually said to tell my friends to not call me at midnight ESPECIALLY when my boyfriend is over. Then he tells me how I'd probably would have flipped out on him if he got a call from a chick at midnigtht (he's right).
I realized how bad I looked and I was very upset. I kept telling him I just thought something was wrong and that FL is just a friend to me, and how he's my #1.

I screwed up. Big time.

I’d be really pissed off too. That’s why phones need to be off in bed/late at night or completely silenced (no vibration). Time as a couple together is important.

Guys know that other male friends are trying to go from a pure platonic friend zone into an FWB zone at a minimum and sometimes into the relationship zone. And given the history with you and FL, I don’t blame Smiley at all. You and FL need a real clean break.

I made him chicken flautas with crema mexicana and queso fresco.. rice and beans. Then I gave him banana split icecream and threw one of my cupcakes in there for extra yumminess. My Smiley can eat! (yet he's in good shape :grumble: )

I made him a huge plate for his lunch today so hopefully he'll think better pleasant thoughts while he's eating my food.

That food sounds delicious. That’s a way to get back in good graces. :bigsmile:

oddyogi

This is going to sound horrible but he is truly my friend whom I care about.. not in a romantic way... soooo...

I feel bad that I hung up on FL. I mean, I said something about "hey let me call you back, I have to go" and hung up pretty quick. He was talking... Oops.

And Smiley told me to at least text him to let him know all way okay so he wouldn't freak out and start blowing up my phone. To make it clear, Smiley didn't make me get off the phone or anything. I freaked out and that's just what I did.

This is all stupid.

On other news, I impressed Smiley with my mexican cooking skills yesterday! I made him chicken flautas with crema mexicana and queso fresco.. rice and beans. Then I gave him banana split icecream and threw one of my cupcakes in there for extra yumminess. My Smiley can eat! (yet he's in good shape :grumble: )

I made him a huge plate for his lunch today so hopefully he'll think better pleasant thoughts while he's eating my food.

omg. so. hungry. Please come cook for me? PLEASE?!

flimflamfloz

I talked to FL for a bit and figured out he just wanted to talk so I was trying to get off the phone when I heard Smiley get out of bed. I freaked out, told FL I had to go.. and pretty much hung up on him.

Smiley was pissed. I understand and I apologized many times. He actually said to tell my friends to not call me at midnight ESPECIALLY when my boyfriend is over. Then he tells me how I'd probably would have flipped out on him if he got a call from a chick at midnigtht (he's right).

I swear if a girl was cheating on someone, she wouldn't be acting any different... :laugh:

You can pull this trick a few times, but you can't just stab people, make them bleed, apologize and think everything will be alright - on the long run, it leaves scars. And remember this: perception is nearer the truth than reality.
So if Smiley has doubts about you in the long run, it doesn't matter whether they are founded or not. It will still be as real as it can get in for him. Then comes the emotional exhaustion (tired of being so worried about losing you, so he lets you go).

The point is basically, you need to understand what you are doing, and why you are doing it, and be assertive about it:
- Don't freak out when you talk to FL (as a friend he is entitled to some of your time),
- Don't be too apologetic with Smiley (just say: "Look, FL is still my friend, I apologize but I got scared for him and thought something has happened to him which is why I had to take this call. Nothing more, nothing less."),
- Clarify things with FL too (which might or might not have been pretty much done), so that he understands you're good with Smiley but you still value his friendship.
- If FL doesn't want to see you as a friend, then it might be a good idea to stop keeping in touch since you might be the only one who can make this decision (he doesn't want to, is too weak to do it)

This on the other hand, I wouldn't accept:
Smiley: "He actually said to tell my friends to not call me at midnight ESPECIALLY when my boyfriend is over."
Is he your dad or something? Although I can understand that he doesn't want to have you on the phone for 5 hours while he is over to your place, it's normal to talk to your friends and take a call from them if needed.
It's also better for everyone if you wrap this up quickly (after 5 mins) with your friends: "Ok, thanks for your call but I'm kinda busy right now. Can I call you back tomorrow? Will you be alright?".

As others said, FL had his chance, didn't take it. Now he sees you're moving on, you're suddenly a lot more desirable (the classic *kitten* anyway).

Smiley sounds like a nice person, he might be a bit scared/worried about you and FL (understandably) so he is pissed off...

JanieJack

I've been in FL shoes a few times... ummm he is jealous that you have a new boyfriend and that is just about all it is. Usually in these situations the guy (me many times) being left only gets feelings at the end because he was left. If I were you I wouldn't think twice about FL, do something nice for smiley as an I'm sorry and continue to be happy with him.

this! I'm so glad our guys here at Single Peeps tell us what they really think!

Moe4572

I think you and Smiley talked about, and discussed it...how could have been handled differently and move on....seems like he has, so I think you are all good

As for FL....I agree with others...he had his chance, and I think he knows he blew it, but wanted to let you know that he knew....because if he was on this board everyone would tell him to let the person know..........the whole you will regret what you haven't done more than what you have. Keep him as a friend..if that type of relationship works for you guys...I like guy friends better than girl friends