The famous FL...
Replies
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Well he usually calls back and still hasn't so there.
But he's been blowing up my FB here and there. Whatev.0 -
I thought I liked FL........now he's starting to piss me off
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Well he usually calls back and still hasn't so there.
But he's been blowing up my FB here and there. Whatev.
Where did he move in MN, St. Paul?0 -
Well he usually calls back and still hasn't so there.
But he's been blowing up my FB here and there. Whatev.
Where did he move in MN, St. Paul?
Nope..and I would never tell!
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Well he usually calls back and still hasn't so there.
But he's been blowing up my FB here and there. Whatev.
Where did he move in MN, St. Paul?
Nope..and I would never tell!
Well he moved up here at an awesome time, the party starts in MN come June.0 -
Well he usually calls back and still hasn't so there.
But he's been blowing up my FB here and there. Whatev.
You're still over thinking.0 -
still want confirmation of what FL means. Short for fail?
Friend-Lover guy
what the heck is that? haha
Hahaha.
FFWBTFZFTGFTJF
formerfriendwithbenefitsturnedfriendzonefriendturnedgoodfriendturnedjealousfriend0 -
still want confirmation of what FL means. Short for fail?
Friend-Lover guy
what the heck is that? haha
Hahaha.
FFWBTFZFTGFTJF
formerfriendwithbenefitsturnedfriendzonefriendturnedgoodfriendturnedjealousfriend
:laugh:0 -
Your words and actions do not correlate to me. I really think you'll have to pick one or risk losing both.
I agree with this^^^ Words mean very little if not reinforced by your actions and your actions arent necessarily consistently backing up your words.0 -
Well he usually calls back and still hasn't so there.
But he's been blowing up my FB here and there. Whatev.
Where did he move in MN, St. Paul?
Nope..and I would never tell!
Well he moved up here at an awesome time, the party starts in MN come June.
that's what he said.. guess i won't be joining the party any time soon though.0 -
still want confirmation of what FL means. Short for fail?
Friend-Lover guy
what the heck is that? haha
Hahaha.
FFWBTFZFTGFTJF
formerfriendwithbenefitsturnedfriendzonefriendturnedgoodfriendturnedjealousfriend
okay we didn't start off as friends.. haha
we met on a dating site. he reached out.. pursued. one phone convo lasted 8 hours before he moved here officially. went out once.. great time.. went out again.. hot hot hot.. went out 3rd time, did the damn deed. 3 days later had THE talk decided i didn't want relationship, he wanted to be just friends.
then 4 months of this weird grey friendship followed but i had feelings.. major feelings. never told him although i'd come onto him when i was drunk (like once or twice) which he would decline but he'd touch my boob here and there haha.
then i got a bf and forgot all about feelings for FL.
FL seems weird.
FL confesses.
I thought about it. i mean, i thought this guy was my soulmate at one point by how much fun we'd have so i admit, i weighed my pros and cons.
i figured out, i wasn't into him anymore.. i like my bf a lot.
FL moved away.. says he's coming back once summer is over.
the end.0 -
Your words and actions do not correlate to me. I really think you'll have to pick one or risk losing both.
I agree with this^^^ Words mean very little if not reinforced by your actions and your actions arent necessarily consistently backing up your words.
i'm working on the actions... i promise, but can ya'll be more specific? what actions exactly??0 -
Your words and actions do not correlate to me. I really think you'll have to pick one or risk losing both.
I agree with this^^^ Words mean very little if not reinforced by your actions and your actions arent necessarily consistently backing up your words.
i'm working on the actions... i promise, but can ya'll be more specific? what actions exactly??
Lose FL's phone number. Don't talk or text him again. Show your BF you're his.0 -
Lose FL's phone number. Don't talk or text him again. Show your BF you're his.
I love how manly this sounds!!! :smokin:0 -
Your words and actions do not correlate to me. I really think you'll have to pick one or risk losing both.
I agree with this^^^ Words mean very little if not reinforced by your actions and your actions arent necessarily consistently backing up your words.
i'm working on the actions... i promise, but can ya'll be more specific? what actions exactly??
Lose FL's phone number. Don't talk or text him again. Show your BF you're his.
If bf acted like it bothered him.. I would but besides that night.. he's been fine with the friendship. For my b-day weekend, my friends bailed out on me besides bf and FL. Bf invited FL to his house so I thought it was very nice of him. FL came and it was a bit weird at first but hell I drank margaritas and didn't pay attention.
I plan to ask bf more about it because in other conversations, he has stated that he's the type to not talk about feelings. He rather bottle them up. I'm not sure if he's bottling this up. He knew I was going to hang out with FL Sunday night. I came home from Houston, bf called, he didn't even mention it. I got ready, headed out.. it was late too. I went to FLs place.. talked then to the movies. Bf didn't even ask about it so I figured, "wow, I have a cool and secure bf".
But then he tells me if I go visit FL, he's coming with me. So he keeps giving me mixed signals about how he really feels which is why I want to ask him what he's okay with. If he's not okay with me even talking to him, that's kind of harsh but I agree that bf comes first.
I do plan to lay off FL. I won't be calling him or texting him as often.. especially now that he's gone.
Oh and I removed the song as his ringtone. Whoever pointed that out, I didn't realize how I had him and bf on the same level on something small like that.0 -
He is trying to be the cool bf. He has a problem with it. More than likely he will tell you he doesn't have a problem with it .. but I'll bet he does. I would. :frown:0
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You're telling us you don't have feelings for FL, but you obviously do. Cool BF is going to figure that out and become exBF.0
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I have no feelings for FL. I promise!!
But what I have a problem with is my bf isn't being honest with me. He told me in the beginning, he's not a jealous guy unless there's a reason for him.
Like I said, besides that one night where he sort of blew up, (we were already discussing other issues that came up but it was late, he was tired and we decided to give it a rest and talk about it later... I was then giving him a massage and phone went off.. so he was already kind of up there before FL called) he's been cool and collected about it.
I realize that I made a mistake that one night. I recognize that and I apologized. He was bothered by the phone call.. not our friendship, from what I can tell. If he's bothered by the whole friendship, shouldn't he be honest with me about it? Isn't that what a mature person would do? If it were me, I'd tell him...
This isn't about FL. It's about bf being honest enough with me to be able to tell me that it bothers him.0 -
He just needs to man up and tell you what he wants you to know.0
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Why would you have a problem with it?He is trying to be the cool bf. He has a problem with it. More than likely he will tell you he doesn't have a problem with it .. but I'll bet he does. I would. :frown:
- If she is cheating on him with FL, then bf should move on and it's her loss, coz he gave her his trust.
- If she isn't cheating on him with FL, then there is no problem to start with.
Why are people creating problems when there is no problem?
If you can't trust the person you're in a relationship with, then you're obviously not ready for a relationship. Plus it is actually repulsive (people who are insecure are).
I mean, REALISTICALLY, will you be able to prevent your partner from meeting anyone in their entire life they are potentially attracted to? (Hint: the answer is no!)
So get over it, and just learn to accept the fact that you can't control them and that there will be "risky" situations for both of you (to put it simply: someone will chit chat them, and they could potentially end up in someone else's bed) but that's when you need to trust the partner and hope that they still can resist that. If they can't, better know it (to know it, let them expose themselves to the risky situation when one occurs): what's the point of being in a relationship with them anyway and calling it a relationship if they just dream about f-cking off? (there would only be a point for a FWB thing, yes, but an exclusive relationship, no).0 -
Tssssk...But what I have a problem with is my bf isn't being honest with me. He told me in the beginning, he's not a jealous guy unless there's a reason for him.
[...]
This isn't about FL. It's about bf being honest enough with me to be able to tell me that it bothers him.
Well, so you're saying you'll actually let him tell you what to do?
Does it matter whether it bothers him or not?
- If it bothers him and not you: conflict => slap your bf in the face and tell him to get real. Or let him wear the trousers and decide who you should see and who you should not see.
- If it bothers him and you: agreement => be a grown up and stop seeing FL then.
Note, he might *perceive* that there is a reason for him to be jealous. You need to work on that though (e.g. avoiding your suspicious behaviour).0 -
Tssssk...But what I have a problem with is my bf isn't being honest with me. He told me in the beginning, he's not a jealous guy unless there's a reason for him.
[...]
This isn't about FL. It's about bf being honest enough with me to be able to tell me that it bothers him.
Well, so you're saying you'll actually let him tell you what to do?
Does it matter whether it bothers him or not?
- If it bothers him and not you: conflict => slap your bf in the face and tell him to get real. Or let him wear the trousers and decide who you should see and who you should not see.
- If it bothers him and you: agreement => be a grown up and stop seeing FL then.
Note, he might *perceive* that there is a reason for him to be jealous. You need to work on that though (e.g. avoiding your suspicious behaviour).
You're getting into my head...
No I wouldn't "obey" him but I would listen to his concerns. We've made an agreement to never try to control the other person. The only thing we can do is to talk about concerns and then let the other decide what to do (if there's anything done) and then back to complainer- decide what to do based on that info.
So I might not let him tell me what to do per say, but I do want to keep peace. If he's picking up on something that I'm completely obliviuos to (he did tell me from the beginning that FL had feelings, wanted to get in my pants etc), then I want to know.
Throughout this whole FL ordeal, I didn't see what everybody else here saw. And most of ya'll were right about him. He's not a bad guy but he strung me along... he could have had me. We might have been great together but nope. It wasn't until I pretty much had to say no thanks to him (because I like my bf), that he spoke up.
Somebody said he's a committment phobe. He is. He acknowledged that also. So I'm open to listen to others.. especially someone I care about.
I'm a girl. I tend to be more nurturing and sweet because I don't want to offend. Maybe that's why bf kept saying how I don't understand how guys work because I'm not one.0 -
<from LA>
If bf acted like it bothered him.. I would but besides that night.. he's been fine with the friendship.
Actually, from the first time you mentioned him as knowing about FL, he's seemed to me to have a concern with this friendship, but trying (out of respect for you) to withhold judgement until he got to know you better. The more and more you fight on FL, the more and more it appears (to many of us and surely him) that you are too emotionally attached to another man.
Case in point: he said if you go see FL he’s coming. That shows me he’s “been fine with the friendship” but no longer sees it as just a friendship.<from flamfloz>
Why are people creating problems when there is no problem?
…
I mean, REALISTICALLY, will you be able to prevent your partner from meeting anyone in their entire life they are potentially attracted to? (Hint: the answer is no!)
No, of course not. But this is what boundaries are for. I can’t stop my partner from meeting (or even working with) someone hot with a great personality. But I can choose a partner who I can trust to invoke appropriate boundaries. Going out of town for the weekend to visit a guy I was obviously attracted and emotionally attached to would be inappropriate. This is why I don’t do things like dinner alone with someone else’s husband. Nothing’s going on, and my boundaries make sure it never will. Thus, any man I am with can be confident I will not cheat on him.
Remember how a lot of folks from this forum jumped on the guy who wanted to date locally but had a fling planed for New York a few months from now….?
It's interesting for me to see this from the other side. Usually, I get guys who insist on hanging on to their former female friends- even if those women were past lovers - only to have them cut off most other females (including me) when they meet "the one."
If you think Smiley is great, cut off FL for a month or so and see if things stabilize. And if they do, consider keeping FL cut off. But I seriously would NOT go visit him if you really like Smiley and think that you all will still be together during the timeframe of this visit.0 -
But what I have a problem with is my bf isn't being honest with me. He told me in the beginning, he's not a jealous guy unless there's a reason for him.
This isn't about FL. It's about bf being honest enough with me to be able to tell me that it bothers him.
Okay, here's my take for what it's worth: Smiley is not okay with FL calling like he did so late at night. That indicates a level of intimacy that should only be shared with BF. If he had an ex that cheated on him, it could be that this is the kind of behavior that was exhibited. And if he bottles things up, he may not be able to tell you how he's feeling. It's not that he doesn't want to, but he just might not feel like he can. Does that make any sense?0 -
I hear ya'll..
This is simple and I'm making it complicated. Again, FL moving away is a huge sign this is how it should be. Plus, I am crazy about my Smiley (too crazy! haha).
I'm done making drama when it's so damn easy to just be.
I'll stay away from FL. I'll let it cool down. My focus is on my yummy bf from now on.
FL case is CLOSED.
And although I know I was human before Smiley came into the picture, just the fact that I slept with FL and Smiley has NO clue makes me feel guilty about it. I can't help what I did.. but it's just an odd situation all around. If Smiley found out that I slept with FL and that I'm still carrying this type of relationship with him (wanting to visit him, taking midnight calls), it could hurt him. Just saying that makes it sound even more scandalous like I'm lying to my bf.0 -
You're telling us you don't have feelings for FL, but you obviously do. Cool BF is going to figure that out and become exBF.
Cool secure bf is great, but your friendship with FL, is already causing problems and will continue to cause problems. Okay so keep in mind Smiley does not know, nor does he need to know about you and FL's past, but now you keep this former flame around and possibly go visit him?! At some point cool Smiley is going to become questioning Smiley...such as am I her priority or not? We (men) understand your girlfriends provide you things we cannot. What does FL provide that Smiley does not? That is how he will see it? Why does my girlfriend need to go see this guy? What is it he gives her that I don't (not even meaning sex) but what is it and why doesn't she ask me her boyfriend to do those things she is doing with FL?
When you accept the mantle of a committed relationship, it means Smiley is the priority just as you are his priority. Just like you don't have as many girls nights out anymore you don't have as much FL time. I agree with Allan, lose FL or lose Smiley.0 -
This isn't about FL. It's about bf being honest enough with me to be able to tell me that it bothers him.
I think, in "manspeak" Smiley *IS* telling you (rather directly) that it now bothers him.0 -
. If Smiley found out that I slept with FL and that I'm still carrying this type of relationship with him (wanting to visit him, taking midnight calls), it could hurt him. Just saying that makes it sound even more scandalous like I'm lying to my bf.
Boom there it is! I thought he knew that you had slept with him. Wow.
Your talking about how smiley should be honest with you, yet your sitting there having not told him the entire truth about FL.
He most certainly would have a problem with it, I know, Ive been in the exact same situation as smiley is in. It's not cool. To still be talking and hanging out at his house, going to movies, with someone you slept with whilst you have a boyfriend is just crazy talk since you haven't told smiley you have slept with him.
Not cool.0 -
. If Smiley found out that I slept with FL and that I'm still carrying this type of relationship with him (wanting to visit him, taking midnight calls), it could hurt him. Just saying that makes it sound even more scandalous like I'm lying to my bf.
Boom there it is! I thought he knew that you had slept with him. Wow.
Your talking about how smiley should be honest with you, yet your sitting there having not told him the entire truth about FL.
He most certainly would have a problem with it, I know, Ive been in the exact same situation as smiley is in. It's not cool. To still be talking and hanging out at his house, going to movies, with someone you slept with whilst you have a boyfriend is just crazy talk since you haven't told smiley you have slept with him.
Not cool.
Am I supposed to tell him everything about my past? No. I don't want to know who all he's slept with.
I understand this point though. If this was the case, i would have had to tell my bf.. hey by the way, I slept with my guy friend.
How is that productive?
Or as soon as bf and I went exclusive, I had to drop my friend because I slept with him 1 time several months ago?
The best option I see now is to just quit FL. Simple. And if Smiley asks me if I've ever slept with him, I'd be honest. I wouldn't lie.
I have told bf that I had sex with a friend earlier in the year because we had talked about how long it had been etc.. I was open with him about how sex was something emotional for me, blah blah. I wonder if he's figured it out.
Regardless this is getting to complicated for me to keep up with so I'm just backing off the friend lover. Simple.
I want my bf. He's my priority. Friend is now just a friend, that's all. No more special connection with him.0 -
Nah that is good that he is your priortiy etc and Im glad you get that point. Ive just been in that situation, where the information came to light at a later date, when she could of told me a million times before and as she always used to talk about being honest with each other it was big blow to hear when I actually found out. Dont want you to go through same thing :noway:0
This discussion has been closed.