The Rules
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Lol. Good luck with that.
So basically you won't approach a guy and when does and it works out, if he waits around long enough, assuming you make him feel wanted without having sex before you actually do the deed, after 2 years your essentially saying that it would be the limit of the relationship unless he proposed?
If I didn't text a girl ever again just because one didn't write back, I would die old and lonely. Who cares, its one person, I've done it way more times and not heard back from people I've genuinely liked. Don't be a defeatist.
No, I won't approach a guy. I'm not brave like that really, but I've tried it before. One time I saw this cute guy and we were all standing together and we started talking...fifteen minutes later, his fiancee walks up. Another time, I did and I felt like as soon as I walked away he was laughing that I even tried. Approaching men first doesn't work out for me.
And if a guy doesn't feel wanted because someone won't have sex with him right away because they're not comfortable, it's his insecurity. You can make people feel wanted without having sex with them.
And yes, I'm not going to date a guy forever! I want to be married, not dating for years. If the topic didn't come up after two years, I would talk to him about it - and if he wasn't going to propose, then I'd leave because I want to be married and I'm not going to waste my time!
Sure, you shouldn't let a few bad experiences get in the way. But they have for me. It's humiliating when you talk to a guy you like and he doesn't say anything back. Sure, if we were dating for a while, I'd text him but I learned not to in the beginning. I response enthusiastically, but I don't start anything.0 -
You ideal is still flawed though, what if it takes e guy you love 3 years to figure it out that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you?0
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You ideal is still flawed though, what if it takes e guy you love 3 years to figure it out that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you?
I think by year 2 you should at least have an idea if you want to marry the person or not. I get to take a year to plan a wedding/get engaged. That makes sense to me.
But if you're dating someone for two years and have no idea if you want to spend your life with that person...maybe you shouldn't be with them in general?0 -
You ideal is still flawed though, what if it takes e guy you love 3 years to figure it out that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you?
I think by year 2 you should at least have an idea if you want to marry the person or not. I get to take a year to plan a wedding/get engaged. That makes sense to me.
But if you're dating someone for two years and have no idea if you want to spend your life with that person...maybe you shouldn't be with them in general?
Nah, I don't agree. 2 years isn't a long time when your talking about spending the rest of your life with someone. I'm a best man in a wedding in August, they've been together 5 years, engaged for 1. They didn't talk about it for ages, I don't think that makes any difference. The thing is you never know until your there, hence why I don't think you can put a time limit on it0 -
Well. Apparently your pride got hurt a bit, but you survived these terrible events... Yeah, I'm basically saying: talk to men.No, I won't approach a guy. I'm not brave like that really, but I've tried it before. One time I saw this cute guy and we were all standing together and we started talking...fifteen minutes later, his fiancee walks up. Another time, I did and I felt like as soon as I walked away he was laughing that I even tried. Approaching men first doesn't work out for me.
Please. This is silly.And yes, I'm not going to date a guy forever! I want to be married, not dating for years. If the topic didn't come up after two years, I would talk to him about it - and if he wasn't going to propose, then I'd leave because I want to be married and I'm not going to waste my time!
Here is what is going to happen: you're going to be in love with the guy (after two years, you'll have feelings - otherwise you wouldn't be around that long would you?) and you're going to *accept* the fact that he doesn't want to get married because you'll fear you would lose him otherwise.
You make it sound easy like: yeah, I'll just discard the guy like an old sock.
Swallow your pride, buckle up. And your threshold for "humiliated" is very low if you feel this way just because someone didn't reply back. It will happen a lot... So better be ready for it.Sure, you shouldn't let a few bad experiences get in the way. But they have for me. It's humiliating when you talk to a guy you like and he doesn't say anything back. Sure, if we were dating for a while, I'd text him but I learned not to in the beginning. I response enthusiastically, but I don't start anything.0 -
You ideal is still flawed though, what if it takes e guy you love 3 years to figure it out that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you?
I think by year 2 you should at least have an idea if you want to marry the person or not. I get to take a year to plan a wedding/get engaged. That makes sense to me.
But if you're dating someone for two years and have no idea if you want to spend your life with that person...maybe you shouldn't be with them in general?
Nah, I don't agree. 2 years isn't a long time when your talking about spending the rest of your life with someone. I'm a best man in a wedding in August, they've been together 5 years, engaged for 1. They didn't talk about it for ages, I don't think that makes any difference. The thing is you never know until your there, hence why I don't think you can put a time limit on it
I guess different strokes for different folks!! I couldn't do that unless circumstances were weird , like if I was dating someone in college, which I didn't. I get that if you're in high school/college this rule shouldn't apply to you. But in my mind, he either wants to get married or not in my mind and it shouldn't take him or me years to figure out. I also probably wouldn't live with a guy before we got married so I think that speeds things up some what on the marriage track.Please. This is silly.
Here is what is going to happen: you're going to be in love with the guy (after two years, you'll have feelings - otherwise you wouldn't be around that long would you?) and you're going to *accept* the fact that he doesn't want to get married because you'll fear you would lose him otherwise.
You make it sound easy like: yeah, I'll just discard the guy like an old sock.
I want to get married. I wouldn't stay with someone who didn't want to get married. I'm not saying it would be easy to leave. But my whole life I have dreamed of getting proposed to, having a wedding and having kids. That is in my plan. I couldn't stick with a guy in a long-term relationship without being married.Swallow your pride, buckle up. And your threshold for "humiliated" is very low if you feel this way just because someone didn't reply back. It will happen a lot... So better be ready for it.
It is low, I realize that. When this guy didn't text me back, I was pretty embarrassed that I even tried, and so after that I said "i'm not saying anything first again." It always ends badly!!0 -
Don't be embarrassed, no one else's knows!0
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Don't be embarrassed, no one else's knows!
No one besides all of my friends who I *****ed about this to...haha. And you guys.0 -
Yeah but that's your friends that doesn't count lol.0
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This reminds me of our situation:
http://whatshouldwecallme.tumblr.com/post/23086237158/when-i-text-my-crush-to-hang-out-but-then-he-never
"When I text my crush to hang out but he never answers"
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2.) Every date and relationship I have been involved with started on the internet.
They said the internet is fine but he should message you first.
And the rule about "be unique." I was paraphrasing. I took "be unique" as a shortening of the first rule. Here is the real rule:
"Being a creature unlike any other is really an attitude, a sense of confidence and radiance that permeates your being from head to toe. It's the way you smile (you light up the room), pause in between sentences (you don't babble on out of nervousness), listen (attentively), look (demurely, never stare), breathe (slowly), stand (straight) and walk (briskly, with your shoulders back). When a relationship doesn't work out, you brush away a tear so that it doesn't smudge your makeup and you move on!"
A lot of them I agree with: I won't approach a guy. I definitely won't kiss a guy on the first date or have sex with him for a while. I agree with the pacing. I also agree with the two years rule. Also, I once texted a guy first and I felt like a loser when he didn't say anything back - since I was burned by that, I probably won't text a guy first again. It was so bad.
I am using your statement to address to many ladies...Welcome to the world you want all of guys to have to live in.
Have said before that women really are not that shy,they just can`t live with rejection nor want to give up the power of it but have no concern that a guy feels just as crappy when turned away.0 -
2.) Every date and relationship I have been involved with started on the internet.
They said the internet is fine but he should message you first.
And the rule about "be unique." I was paraphrasing. I took "be unique" as a shortening of the first rule. Here is the real rule:
"Being a creature unlike any other is really an attitude, a sense of confidence and radiance that permeates your being from head to toe. It's the way you smile (you light up the room), pause in between sentences (you don't babble on out of nervousness), listen (attentively), look (demurely, never stare), breathe (slowly), stand (straight) and walk (briskly, with your shoulders back). When a relationship doesn't work out, you brush away a tear so that it doesn't smudge your makeup and you move on!"
A lot of them I agree with: I won't approach a guy. I definitely won't kiss a guy on the first date or have sex with him for a while. I agree with the pacing. I also agree with the two years rule. Also, I once texted a guy first and I felt like a loser when he didn't say anything back - since I was burned by that, I probably won't text a guy first again. It was so bad.
I am using your statement to address to many ladies...Welcome to the world you want all of guys to have to live in.
Have said before that women really are not that shy,they just can`t live with rejection nor want to give up the power of it but have no concern that a guy feels just as crappy when turned away.
I agree with you Carl. It seems selfish of a woman to shy away from rejection when she is the one rejecting all the time. It's a an old fashioned attitude (just like the whole book) that its up to the man to do the asking.
But be kind :flowerforyou: its how women have been raised for centuries and its only (relatively) recently that some of us have been brave enough to go against 'tradition'. Give it another generation and I think it will be the norm (for women to ask men, as well as vice versa).0 -
This reminds me of our situation:
http://whatshouldwecallme.tumblr.com/post/23086237158/when-i-text-my-crush-to-hang-out-but-then-he-never
"When I text my crush to hang out but he never answers"
:laugh: :laugh: I think that is funny. And I certainly wouldnt lose sleep over some guy not shaking my hand OR not replying to a text. In fact, it's easier for me to KNOW that he's not interested than keep HOPING he might be!
I think pride is a great virtue to have, however, to live life in fear of losing a tiny bit of pride is a bit pointless. You could lose the love of your life because you conjure up all sorts of things in your head that he/someone else is NOT thinking!! Yeah, pride is all about what OTHERS think, and how do you even know what they think if you dont ask?0 -
Well Smiley and I broke the following:
- No more than "casual kissing" on the first date (we kissed like we were 2 crazy teenagers for about an hour)
- You are not auditioning for a date, you are going to relax and have a good time (we were both nervous as can be!!)
- Don't accept spontaneous invites (they say you should have a three days in advance rule) because it shows you have nothing going on (he asked me out during our first date.. for our 2nd date for the following night)
- Pace your relationship. They say men fall in love quick, but fall quickly out. Don't see him more than once a week for the first month. Twice a week for the second month then three times a week for the rest of the relationship. (yikes! we see each other all weekend plus 2-3 times during work week)
- Don't live with a man or leave stuff at his place (we hardly go home if we're visiting each other.. he's stuff here and i've left stuff there)
Eh. I don't believe in rules. I mean, yes I do give Smiley space so I won't smother him.. I also don't call or text him 24/7 but not because I'm following any rules. I guess I just want both of us to have our healthy space.0 -
The moment you start playing the same game with different women, is the day you lose out on a wonderful girl to someone else who isn't playing a "game". By not playing a game, he took the girl you wanted.
If you're interested, make something happen. Or wait and lose.0 -
I think these rules are good as a basic template, especially if you are into traditional gender roles in romantic relationships, but they shouldn't be used as a set of absolutes. Different people like differen things. One poster said "Some men are not go-getters." I'm not attracted to men who are not go-getters, so it would be pointless for me to chase a guy who is too shy to ask me out. But some women don't mind being the pursuers.
I met someone recently, and he is the kind of man who likes to plan elaborate dates and not tell me anything other than what I should wear (i.e. a dress or jeans, heels, and a sexy top). We both enjoy it. I like knowing that I don't have to worry about anything other than being on time, looking nice, and being pleasant company. He likes seeing how excited I get to find out what he has planned and how openly appreciative I am of his efforts. It makes him feel like a man, it makes me feel like a woman, and we think that's how it should be. Clearly not everyone is going to feel the same way, but in our case, him pursuing me works for both of us.0 -
One poster said "Some men are not go-getters." I'm not attracted to men who are not go-getters, so it would be pointless for me to chase a guy who is too shy to ask me out. But some women don't mind being the pursuers.
I want to be with a man who is confident enough to pursue me. I don't want to pursue a guy.But be kind :flowerforyou: its how women have been raised for centuries and its only (relatively) recently that some of us have been brave enough to go against 'tradition'. Give it another generation and I think it will be the norm (for women to ask men, as well as vice versa).
I agree. I think things may change in the future and it might become more normal for women to ask men out...but right now I won't go against tradition lol!
Today at the gym it was so hard not to stare at my gym crush when he was lifting! He is sooooo beautiful...but then I tried and remembered the rules and got really busy not staring!0 -
One poster said "Some men are not go-getters." I'm not attracted to men who are not go-getters, so it would be pointless for me to chase a guy who is too shy to ask me out. But some women don't mind being the pursuers.
I want to be with a man who is confident enough to pursue me. I don't want to pursue a guy.But be kind :flowerforyou: its how women have been raised for centuries and its only (relatively) recently that some of us have been brave enough to go against 'tradition'. Give it another generation and I think it will be the norm (for women to ask men, as well as vice versa).
I agree. I think things may change in the future and it might become more normal for women to ask men out...but right now I won't go against tradition lol!
Today at the gym it was so hard not to stare at my gym crush when he was lifting! He is sooooo beautiful...but then I tried and remembered the rules and got really busy not staring!
And you did nothing about it bc of some "rules". You missed out.0 -
One poster said "Some men are not go-getters." I'm not attracted to men who are not go-getters, so it would be pointless for me to chase a guy who is too shy to ask me out. But some women don't mind being the pursuers.
I want to be with a man who is confident enough to pursue me. I don't want to pursue a guy.But be kind :flowerforyou: its how women have been raised for centuries and its only (relatively) recently that some of us have been brave enough to go against 'tradition'. Give it another generation and I think it will be the norm (for women to ask men, as well as vice versa).
I agree. I think things may change in the future and it might become more normal for women to ask men out...but right now I won't go against tradition lol!
Today at the gym it was so hard not to stare at my gym crush when he was lifting! He is sooooo beautiful...but then I tried and remembered the rules and got really busy not staring!
i wouldnt say it's against tradition. apparently women in my great grandma's generation used to do it all the time. the thing is though, they did it in such a way that made the guy think they were the ones making the first contact.
i think how that translates in modern times is you don't have to go up to him and talk to him, but you can look at him, make eye contact, do a coy smile, look away shyly and then look back again. :laugh: that pretty much signals that it's OK for him to approach. i do it a lot and it works. technically i'm not the one approaching.0 -
And you did nothing about it bc of some "rules". You missed out.
It could never happen since he is way way way out of my league...but I dream!! He is probably one of my favorite parts of going to the gym just to look at him, plus he always seems nice from what I see.i think how that translates in modern times is you don't have to go up to him and talk to him, but you can look at him, make eye contact, do a coy smile, look away shyly and then look back again.
That is actually kind of smart. You're not making a move but you're saying it's okay to. I like that.
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